I was reading a post over at WebMD
on why men don't want sex. The expert gave a number of reasons for the lack of interest--medications, turn-off to aspects of the sex, hormones etc. that all sounded reasonable but I was struck by some of the anger, frustration and downright despair of the male commenters writing in about their lack of desire:
My personal reasons for not wanting sex is disappointment, the word NO, rejection, lack of desire by wife, total indifference. I have heard every excuse heard by man. When the efforts by my spouse are a basically get it over with, you can hardly expect me to get overly excited. Since she consideres sex a chore - just let her read and book and fall asleep.
Here is another one:
After 30 years of marriage and great sex. Prostate surgery ended our sex life.Viagra was tried and it worked well. We had sex for several months when I was given the ok for sex. Sex became less and less, when I asked what was wrong she said "well we had great sex for all these years, had our children and I no longer feel the need for sex"
And from another frustrated male:
Ladies, please consider that this is not an article about your wants. It is just a statement of fact about what causes men to not want sex.
I'm a 27 year old guy, if it was up to me I'd be having sex 10 times a week. However, one of the things that occasionally makes me less interested in sex is that I have to do all the work to make my girl cum and to make myself cum as well. It's all well and good for her to want it, what about wanting to get me off?
FYI, guys jerk off. Get over it. It's not about you. Amazingly, sometimes I just want to cum. I can do it in two minutes by myself instead of the 45+ minutes with my partner (because I want to make sure she enjoys it). Of course, I'd prefer if she'd offer me a hand as long as I don't then have to return the favour.
Some of you may benefit by taking up some of the workload and offering the occasional handjob/blowjob without expecting anything in return. When my girl does that it sparks up my sexual appetite immensely.
After reading this, I traveled over to the "Why Women Don't Want Sex
" post and saw 463 comments--some from angry women who had not been helped around the house enough to have sex with their husbands:
As a 28 year old woman, with the same man for 13 years and 3 kids, have a little insight on why women lose interest in sex...It gets beyond boring for us thats why. It becomes a repetitive chore, akin to washing dishes. And even though my man works, when he doesnt want to help me clean or care for the kids, why would I want to spend energy I dont have doing something that is going to feel exactly the way it did last time. Theres no passion, no excitement, nothing. Sex feels like being poked and prodded like your some cow. Is boring, repetitive, and dont you men realize, that girls still just wanna have fun?!!! Pay for us to have a makeover, then buy yourself something nice and please, brush your teeth..Then maybe we would want it too.
A number of the men had responses like this:
As a 45 year old male in a 6 year sexless marriage let me tell you, a lot of the reasons given here are just Bull.
Many, not all but many, of us men, help around the house, help with the chores, take our time making love, and still we are denied sex. We are loving attentive men who help in any way possible and do all we are asked, and still, we are denied relations with the women we love, and with women who profess to love us?
So what did I learn from spending the last hour reading comments from women and men about sex? That I need to go to work earlier and stop spending so much time on the intenet? Perhaps--or maybe I learned that instead of seeking solutions to what bothers their mates, many women (and some of the men) spend their time wondering why their own needs are not being met--and that is no way to fix a broken sex life.
Update: A Men's News Daily commenter
to this post writes the following:
"Never forget: the single most revolting image, the nightmare that haunts women, is that of the happy, grinning, sexually satisfied male. They really hate that and the sooner we adjust our social expectation to that fact, the better." Truer words were never spoken--I think that some
women really do feel this way.
Update II: Some interesting thoughts from Kim du Toit
and Mrs. du Toit
on men, women and sex.