If you save a few lives and ruin thousands of others, is it worth it?

Christina Hoff Sommers, author of Who Stole Feminism?: How Women Have Betrayed Women, has a good article in USA Today on false domestic violence stats and why they are so harmful:

But when the BBC journalists presented the deputy chief constable, Carmel Napier, from the town of Gwent with evidence that the World Cup abuse campaign was based on twisted statistics, she replied: "If it has saved lives, then it is worth it."

It is not worth it. Misinformation leads to misdirected policies that fail to target the true causes of violence. Worse, those who promulgate false statistics about domestic violence, however well-meaning, promote prejudice. Most of the exaggerated claims implicate the average male in a social atrocity. Why do that? Anti-male misandry, like anti-female misogyny, is unjust and dangerous. Recall what happened at Duke University a few years ago when many seemingly fair-minded students and faculty stood by and said nothing while three innocent young men on the Duke Lacrosse team were subjected to the horrors of a modern-day witch hunt.

The Duke accusers used the same tired stereotyped collective guilt to make false claims. I am so sick of people saying "if it saves one life, it's worth it." That is no justification for lying about domestic violence statistics, and then using this lie to treat men without due process and take away their rights as citizens of the US. How can you save lives by lying about the problem? Careers, maybe, but not lives.

Another male victim of domestic violence

Apparently a male victim was stabbed to death by a female suspect in Knoxville last night. But domestic violence is all about male on female violence...even according to the Tennessee Department of Health EMS manual. How many men have to be hurt or killed before Tennessee and other states see a problem?

Teen mom charged with domestic violence

Reader Cham and other readers have pointed out this tidbit on Teen Mom Amber Portwood:

Anna Chan writes:Police in Anderson, Ind., have officially charged "Teen Mom" star Amber Portwood with two felonies and one misdemeanor for domestic battery.

During a September episode of season two of the MTV hit show, Portwood was seen repeatedly slapping, punching and kicking her then-fiance, Gary Shirley. Police said that Portwood is facing felony charges because Portwood and Shirley's young daughter, Leah, was present when the alleged violence occurred.

Portwood faces fines of up to $10,000 and three years in jail if she's convicted.

I wrote about this case in a previous post and how shocked I was that MTV aired the episode showing female on male violence. It looks like at last there might be some consequences for a woman who beats up a man, mostly, it seems because their 1-year-old child was present, but it's a good start. It does seem that a man needs physical evidence to get charges brought against a woman for domestic violence. A woman just needs her word against his.

I wonder if security cameras like this one might be a good purchase for men who are being abused by their spouses or girlfriends? Would the physical evidence be admissible in court? Does anyone out there know specific state laws that would allow or not allow this?

MTV, Teen Mom and domestic violence against men

I realize that few of the readers of this blog would be watching "Teen Mom" on MTV; however, if you caught the September 28th episode when Amber beat the crap out of her ex-fiance Gary, you would realize why this episode is so important in at least making an attempt to expose the blatant domestic violence against men.

Reluctantly, I admit that I watch and was sucked into this show on a fairly regular basis. I was shocked when I saw Amber attacking Gary a number of times and then finally, in the Sept. 28th episode, she hit him in the head and tried to kick him down a flight of stairs while he carrying down a TV to put in his car. Yahoo.com has this information on that episode:

Teen Mom star Amber Portwood tells the new Us Weekly that she's facing her serious anger issues head on.

Fans of the MTV show were shocked by the Sept. 28 episode, in which an enraged Portwood, 20, punched, kicked and screamed at Gary Shirley, her on-and-off fiance and father to daughter Leah, 23 months.

"A lot has changed," Portwood, now in couple counseling with Shirley, tells Us Weekly. "I haven't hit him since that fight." (Local authorities in Anderson, Ind. reportedly launched an investigation after the incident aired, and MTV broadcast a domestic violence PSA during commercial breaks.)

I must say I was surprised that MTV broadcast the domestic violence PSA for an abused man after the show. It was subtle but well-done. Kudos to MTV for exposing this taboo topic. They could have played it down and ignored it but they caught Amber's abuse on tape for all of the world to see. Yes, I know if the roles were reversed, the man would be in jail with no questions or apologies but at least it's a start.

"I was told that by two people who run domestic crisis shelters,...."

Don't you love all the scientific evidence that politicians use when trying to ram through pet bills that they want passed? In this case, Harry Reid says that unemployment is causing men to engage in domestic violence. Rather than apologize when asked to by men's groups, he responds like someone with an agenda, rather than any facts (thanks to the reader who emailed the article):

Reid's office responded by e-mailing articles that show domestic violence is increasing with unemployment, including one published by the Atlantic Monthly. And Reid repeated the assertion Tuesday, saying that two people who run domestic crisis shelters in Las Vegas told him that the high unemployment has "created lots of additional work for them they would rather not have."

"There is no question that people being out of work causes more people to be involved in domestic violence. I mean, I didn't make that up. I was told that by two people who run domestic crisis shelters," he said.

Wow, two whole people and an article published in The Atlantic Monthly-well, that just proves it then. Thanks to RADAR for standing up to this misandrist:

Respecting Accuracy in Domestic Abuse Reporting (RADAR) took Reid to task for his comments, arguing that the $787 billion stimulus package that he supported last year funneled close to half of the spending to programs that women while 80 percent of those who lost jobs in the recession were men.

"Grant for the moment that, in spite of all the scientific research to the contrary, maybe Sen. Reid is naïve enough to believe that only men, and not women, turn violence to their partners when unemployed," the group said in a press release. "What kind of misogynist promotes a bill as unjust as last year's massive stimulus package while sincerely believing that doing so will cause more women to be beaten?"

It's hard to say if Reid is a misogynist or a misandrist but I guess it depends on what bill he needs passed.

Men don't tell

Trudy W. Schuett: The silent victims: Battered husbands:

If there’s anything I’ve learned in 10 years of advocacy for unserved victims of partner abuse, it’s that men don’t tell.

Yes, the U.S. Dept. of Justice says there about 840,00 male victims of domestic violence each year. But those are just the ones who've reported it.

Not that the numbers really matter: What matters is that it's happening, and it’s no joke.

Trudy gives good advice to men in this column, like the following:

Do not phone police unless you are in immediate danger, and your life is at risk. Law enforcement professionals nationwide have been trained to presume the man is always the perpetrator. There have been many cases where a man has been arrested, even while his wife is in the process of assaulting him and/or a police officer. Don’t add this extra risk unless you absolutely cannot avoid it;

This is sad, but probably true. What we need is more education of law enforcement, but how will that happen if no one believes that men are at risk?

I was recently talking to a woman I know who said she used to work at a Home Depot. "There was a co-worker there, a guy in his late fifties who always came in all beat up. We all thought he was just a drunk. It turned out that his wife was beating him. One day, he ended up in the hospital but we heard he went home and his wife was 'taking care of him.' We kind of wondered what happened to him."

Like many silent victims, probably no one will ever know.

"On one occasion she told me if I went to sleep I would be stabbed."

It seems that men being abused is at least being acknowledged as a remote possibility in Scotland (thanks to the reader who sent me this story):

A male domestic abuse victim has told MSPs how his former wife threatened to stab him while he slept and threw a deep fat fryer at him.

He and another male victim spoke anonymously as campaigners took their case to Holyood's petitions committee.

Alison Waugh and Jackie Walls called on the Scottish government to ensure domestic abuse campaigns addressed the needs of male victims.

The committee agreed to raise the issue with ministers.

The victims, identified as Mr A and Mr B, gave evidence with their faces hidden from public view.

Recounting his story, Mr A said abused men needed more support.

I agree but the first support men need is to stop having to hide their head in shame and remain hidden from view. I don't blame them, of course, but if only a few men come forward and look ashamed, how many others will speak up? Not many, I'm sure. The government will then conclude that no evidence exists that men are abused. Of course, ironically, if all the abused men came forward, the government would probably conclude the same thing. Sexist stereotypes are hard to overcome, especially when a whole PC industry is build around them.

PJTV: Young men and violence

Today, I interview Lawrence Kane who (along with Kris Wilder) wrote The Little Black Book of Violence: What Every Young Man Needs to Know About Fighting. Even if you are not so young, watch the show to hear about how to handle yourself in a violent encounter, keep from getting involved in a domestic dispute, or how to deal with a violent woman. Also, Kane answers a question by one of our commenters. Kane has some great advice and a warning: "guys, the system is stacked against you."

You can watch the show here.

A question for Jessica Ashley, a proponent of violence against men

It seems that Shine staff columnist Jessica Ashley feels sorry for Elin, the wife of Tiger Woods (via Instapundit):

I am not going to opine about whether Elin should or should not stick with her husband (although early reports are saying she's planning to stand by him, after a revision of the prenup). Instead, I say that she should do whatever it is she has to do. If that is taking the tool of her husband's trade to smash the window of his Cadillac Escalade, so be it (my emphasis).If that is combing through his phone and dialing up any suspicious numbers, go to it. If that is trying to work through it (hopefully, with help of a professional), then help yourself. If that is to handle it behind closed doors, then do that.

Although none of us is in the relationship with Tiger and Elin, many of us certainly have been in that situation. If this statistic is right, that 1 in 4.6 married or cohabitating men have been unfaithful, then big crowds of us can understand any of the choices Elin might make (my emphais).

While there will certainly be an audience waiting with bated breath to criticize whether Elin stays with Tiger or walks away, I think we should stand by Elin instead. And if she needs a friend to go at the rest of the windows, pass the golf clubs, Elin. I've got your back.

Gee, Jessica, have you ever read Newsweek? It seems that American women lead secret lives that are not so secret to many people, if they would just open their eyes:

Just how many married women have had sex with people who are not their husbands? It's hard to say for sure, because people lie to pollsters when they talk about sex, and studies vary wildly. (Men, not surprisingly, amplify their sexual experience, while women diminish it.) Couples therapists estimate that among their clientele, the number is close to 30 to 40 percent, compared with 50 percent of men, and the gap is almost certainly closing. In 1991, the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago asked married women if they'd ever had sex outside their marriage, and 10 percent said yes. When the same pollsters asked the same question in 2002, the "yes" responses rose to 15 percent, while the number of men stayed flat at about 22 percent. The best interpretation of the data: the cheating rate for women is approaching that of men, says Tom Smith, author of the NORC's reports on sexual behavior. When Michele Weiner-Davis, a marriage counselor and founder of the Divorce Busting Center in Woodstock, Ill., started practicing 20 years ago, just 10 percent of the infidelity she knew of was committed by women. Now, she believes, it's closer to 50 percent. "Women have suddenly begun to give themselves the same permission to step over the boundary the way that men have."

So my question to this proponent of violence against men is this: Given that women's marital infidelity is approaching that of men (who are catting around just like Tiger), should their husbands feel free to take the tool of his wife's trade and smash in her car and perhaps her face? Because that is what you are advocating. Cheaters get beaten and their property trashed. I don't agree.

Or maybe what you are really saying is that you are for female privilege. If so, just say it out loud so everyone can know where you and your fellow sadistic "crowd" stands, not for equality between the sexes, but as a proponent of violence against men.

I wonder if Tiger Woods will get the same treatment Rihanna got when it came to domestic violence? Somehow, I doubt Diane Sawyer will be interviewing him on Good Morning America about his injuries--at least, not with any sympathy.

Amy Alkon: on Mira Sorvino's Stinky T-Shirt:

On a superficial note, I am not a "gal pal," nor do I have "gal pals," and if I did, I'd be too busy throwing up to have much contact with them. Got this icky-toned e-mail last month, and I was a bit behind due to book-related stuff, so I'm only posting it now:

Subject: Re: Mira Sorvino Wants You To Tell a Gal P.A.L.

In a message dated 9/30/09 3:40:25 PM, Jamie.Dammrich@zenogroup.com writes:

Hi Amy,

As gal pals, we talk about everything. Yet there's one subject that often goes unsaid - domestic violence. Did you know that one in four women reports being abused by a husband or partner in her lifetime?....

Amy lets the writer of the email in on a little secret (sure, one that everyone should know, but pretend not to)--her stats are false. See Amy's response here.

Some good news...

Trudy Schuett: Shreveport Times recognizes domestic violence is not a gender issue.

"I think I know a lot of men who deserve to be beaten,"

Trudy Schuett reports at Examiner.com on Praxis International, an organization that she says "encourages domestic violence, when properly applied." Trudy says:

I wouldn't have known anything about this org but for an e-mail I got from Marc Angelucci, of NCFM. The e-mail was about the outrage felt by participants at the recent Washington State Domestic Violence Coalition (WSDVC) annual conference, where Amanda McCormick, an employee of Praxis said with a grin, "I think I know a lot of men who deserve to be beaten," during her keynote address.

Naturally, when asked for clarification about this comment, Janice Wick, Associate Director of Praxis, said:

"Amanda McCormick is an employee of Praxis International but was not representing Praxis at the Washington conference. As I was not present, I can not speak to your concerns. I would not want to make a judgment based on a sentence that may or may not have been taken out of context. I will forward your email to Amanda and she will respond to you directly."

Notice how there is always an excuse when PC comments are made in most organizations, one that would not be tolerated had the sexes been reversed. I am glad to see that people who were attending were outraged and that Ms. Schuett is on the case.

"..it’s very hard to imagine the media criticizing a married woman who was gunned down by her boyfriend."

Glenn Sacks: Death of Steve McNair—Domestic Violence by Women Is Not Uncommon, Says Public Health Specialist:

Former NFL star Steve McNair was shot dead in his sleep last week by a 20-year-old girlfriend, police said Wednesday. While there are over 10,000 media entries on Google News for “Steve McNair,” hardly one of them is paired with the phrase “domestic violence.”...

Holstein, MD adds:

Many commentators are criticizing McNair because his murder revealed that he was apparently having an extramarital affair. This is another double-standard on men & DV–it’s very hard to imagine the media criticizing a married woman who was gunned down by her boyfriend.

Is this just the male version of "he asked for it?"

Trudy Schuett in the DC Examiner: Farrah Fawcett's Burning Bed Legacy.

Women Abusers on the Rise in Australia

A reader emails an article from Australia about the rise of female domestic violence there:

New South Wales Bureau of Crime Statistics figures show that over the past eight years, the number of women charged with domestic abuse has rocketed by 159 per cent.

In 2007, 2,336 women fronted court on domestic violence charges, compared to around 800 in 1999.

Preconceived ideas of gender roles have led a lot of people to believe it would be virtually impossible for a women to physically abuse a man.

But co-director of Men's Rights Agency Sue Price says it is exactly this stereotype that leads to battered men hiding in shame, fearful of being ridiculed, or even prosecuted.

"I've had SAS soldiers in tears because the wife is a black belt karate expert and yet they know that if they even try to restrain her he might be charged with assault and domestic violence," she said.....

"We have so many reports of people having hot liquids poured over them in bed, glasses broken, men hit over the head from the back, attacked while they're asleep, cut, burnt," she said.

Ms. Price, in the article, also points out that more and more women are engaging in violence--even murder-- because they can get away with it without consequences. This is an important point. The more we overlook female on male domestic violence, the more prevalent it becomes. The trouble is, no one cares and those of us who do are treated like pariahs or ignored. This must change--we must fight back against the stereotype of man perpetrator, woman victim--it is a matter of persistence and education.

Recently, a reader emailed to tell me he was upset that doctors and staff were asking his pregnant wife in front of him if she was "in a safe relationship." He asked me for help in finding research to give to these "do-gooders" to educate them about violence against men and children committed by women. If someone asked me at a doc's office if I was in a "safe relationship," I would have a few choice words for them. Or perhaps I would just hand them this article or this book and save myself the aggravation.

Amazingly, Britain will cut off funds to domestic violence shelters that don’t help male victims. An article in the Telegraph states:

Many charities have been told that they must extend their counselling and outreach services to men because of new equality laws which require local authorities to ensure that services do not discriminate on grounds of sex.

Fiona Mactaggart, the former Home Office minister, said an "unintended consequence" of the law has meant some domestic violence services have lost grants or contracts for refusing to do so.

Good, maybe once the money dries up to these places, they will re-think their sexism towards men.

Research is Good, Public Policy Change is Better

I have been doing a bit of summer reading and wanted to share a book with you that I thought was a rather fair-minded view of domestic violence. The book Violent Partners: A Breakthrough Plan for Ending the Cycle of Abuse was written by lawyer and social worker, Linda Mills, who holds the controversial view that women can often be as violent as men. In an interview, Mills states:

Over 200 studies of violent relationships have confirmed a pattern: Of relationships that are violent, one quarter of the violent incidents are initiated by women and one-quarter are initiated by men. What may be most surprising, however, is that 50 percent of the cases involve men and women who are inititating violence against each other--there is a back and forth.

The book has a good chapter on the anatomy of intimate abuse with sections such as "Are Women as Violent as Men? and "The Feminist Backlash Against Those Who Speak Up." Mills states that women are more likely to report abuse than men and that men are expected to tolerate hurt feelings, abuse, and even injury, since it supposedly tests their manhood, and they are often taught that they should hide their suffering. Apparently, only 14% of men who have experienced significant incidents of intimate violence even bother to report it vs. women who report such incidents at twice the rate.

Mills points out that homicide statistics report that women are far more frequently killed by intimate partners than men are but another trend suggests that a different pattern is emerging:

The Department of Justice reports that between 1991 and 2000, the number of girls under eighteen convicted of aggravated assault crimes increased 44%, whereas for their male contemporaries, the percentage decreased by 16%. Similarily, crimes involving weapons increased 18% for girls while decreasing 29% for boys. These patterns have also been detected in reports of dating violence.

A study by Murray Straus published in 2008 reveals that approximately 30 percent of college students who are dating in the United States experience a physically violent episode in their relationships. Overall, Straus found that approximately 21% of thse violent incidents were initiated by women, 10 percent by men. As these young women move into adulthood, we may very well detect an increase in intimate violence among married couples.

While it is all well and good to report the research and I am glad that Mill's book sheds some light on the real gender stats, this research needs to translate into policy changes in domestic violence laws such as VAWA and predominant aggressor laws that unfairly target men. For in the coming years, if there is an increase in domestic violence due to women's increased participation, guess which gender will pay a legal price for that domestic violence and guess which will just get away with it more often?

Do stats really reveal how many husbands are killed by wives?

Do you ever wonder if more women kill their husbands than the stats reflect? If this story is any indication, the answer would be a mind-boggling "yes" (thanks Graham):

Police may have ignored a warning years ago that a woman with five dead spouses was trying to hire a hit man to kill one of the men, investigators in North Carolina said Monday.

Authorities charged 76-year-old Betty Neumar last month with one count of solicitation of murder in the July 1986 death of Harold Gentry. Gentry's brother had begged investigators for two decades to take another look at the case.

Stanly County sheriff's investigators believe Neumar tried to hire several people to kill Gentry. Lead detective Scott Williams said Monday his office is looking into the possibility that one of those would-be hit men went to authorities before Gentry's death, but no one took him seriously....

Neumar has been married five times since the 1950s, but each union ended with the death of her husband. Investigators want authorities elsewhere to look into the deaths. Williams said investigators have uncovered a common link among the victims: They all had military experience.

I wonder if this woman was hooking up with these military men to get their VA benefits? And five dead husbands before anyone figures something is going on? And Neumar is only charged with one count of solicitation for murder. If she killed the other four, do the stats reflect this? I doubt it.

"Carnival" of Misandry

I often receive many interesting tips and links from readers on male bashing and abuse but I can't post on all of them since I would be here 24/7 to do so and would need a huge staff! I have been reading Kathleen Parker's Save the Males: Why Men Matter Why Women Should Care for an upcoming podcast and thought this carnival seemed fitting in light of her research. Here are a few highlights that readers have found that I wanted to share with you:

Reader Jay emails in this news story from Denver on a woman who has been accused of stabbing people over the course of 21 years:

A woman suspected of stabbing a man to death this week has a 21-year history of threatening people with knives and was twice charged with attempted murder for stabbing her husband.

Audrey Eve Cahow, 51, was arrested Thursday for investigation of the first-degree in the death of Anthony Martinez, 62, Denver police spokesman John White said.

Investigators believe Cahow and Martinez were arguing when Cahow stabbed him. Martinez died of a single stab wound to the chest and heart.

In 1987, Cahow was charged with attempted murder for stabbing her husband, Paul Vaughn, who was then 62. She pleaded guilty to second-degree assault and sentenced to two years' probation.

Three years later, police said she admitted stabbing Vaughn five times after he pointed his finger in her face. She again pleaded guilty to assault and was sentenced to six years of intensive probation.

Yep, pointing that finger in her face justified her husband getting stabbed and of course, a two year probation and then six whole years of probation really taught her a lesson, so much so that she went on to kill a subsequent husband. Kudos to our legal system and their "egalitarian" approach to domestic violence.

Another reader sends in this story from The Wall Street Journal. It seems that men's computer coding is inferior to women's coding and must be replaced:

We all know men hate to ask for directions. Apparently they loathe putting directions in computer code, too.

Emma McGrattan, the senior vice-president of engineering for computer-database company Ingres–and one of Silicon Valley’s highest-ranking female programmers–insists that men and women write code differently. Women are more touchy-feely and considerate of those who will use the code later, she says. They’ll intersperse their code–those strings of instructions that result in nifty applications and programs–with helpful comments and directions, explaining why they wrote the lines the way they did and exactly how they did it.....

There’s a big need to fix testosterone-fueled code at Ingres because only about 20% of the engineers are women, McGrattan says. (Most of them are in jobs involving quality assurance or adapting the product to a new locale, she says, and not the “heavy lifting” of writing code.) She’s on a mission to get more women interested in computer-programming careers. But “it’s proving very challenging,” she says.

Women good, men bad...even their coding is proof of that!

Reader Eric writes in to point out that Glamour magazine patronizes men in their posts about Mother's Day and Father's Day. "These posts," Eric states "have become opportunities to fix what's wrong with men." The writer, Rebecca Roberts, states in a post entitled "Father's Day Wishes":

On Mothers' Day, I wrote that I believe the responsibility of raising boys to respect women is as important as raising girls to respect themselves. This Fathers' Day, I've been thinking about fathers and daughters, and the responsibility fathers have to raise unapologetically ambitious, fearless girls.

In addition to being patronizing, it seems to me that the Glamour writer has no clue that on Father's Day, men actually have sons as well as daughters but everything is about what is "best" for girls and women-- boys and men are simply objects whose sole purpose is to help girls become the President of the US or learn to respect themselves.

And finally, guys, beware, you might be punished severely for being thoughtless enough not to call your date back (Hat tip: Chris):

A college student who branded a date's body with a scalding piece of metal as payback for never calling her after they had sex was sentenced to five years in prison Friday.

Kristina Caban, 23, had no comment as state Supreme Court Justice Michael Obus sentenced her for what he called a crime that was "not remotely justifiable."

Assistant District Attorney Nicole Blumberg told Obus that Caban was the "mastermind behind the plan" to sear the torso of Samir "Sammy" Sara, then 23, for having sex with her once in 2004 and never calling her again.

At least the Supreme Court Justice had some sense and gave her jail time.

When women and the media go on about how sexist and abusive men are, I wonder if they overlooked these stories? Of course, they will say that these "tales" are an aberration but if my inbox is any indication, this could not be further from the truth.