"..it’s very hard to imagine the media criticizing a married woman who was gunned down by her boyfriend."
Glenn Sacks: Death of Steve McNair—Domestic Violence by Women Is Not Uncommon, Says Public Health Specialist:
Is this just the male version of "he asked for it?"
Former NFL star Steve McNair was shot dead in his sleep last week by a 20-year-old girlfriend, police said Wednesday. While there are over 10,000 media entries on Google News for “Steve McNair,” hardly one of them is paired with the phrase “domestic violence.”...
Holstein, MD adds:
Many commentators are criticizing McNair because his murder revealed that he was apparently having an extramarital affair. This is another double-standard on men & DV–it’s very hard to imagine the media criticizing a married woman who was gunned down by her boyfriend.
Is this just the male version of "he asked for it?"
Labels: domestic violence
posted by Helen at 12:51 PM
33 Comments:
So far I've read one interesting article on the matter about how NFL players have a difficult time adjusting to life after football. I see a guy whose personal life might have had some challenges and then the girlfriend seemed a bit loopy, something about credit problems and an expensive Escalade payment on a waitress salary. Frankly, not much there to consider a whole murder-suicide ending, but that is the way she chose to end things. Her issues could have been easily solved with a bankruptcy and a lifestyle downsizing. Mr. McNair, much like other victims of domestic murder, was involved with a nut.
Violent men don't need to shoot women. They just beat them senseless. For many men, that's what wearing the pants is all about. A few truly innocent men may be harmed by the women in their lives, but as a group, men have no one to blame but themselves.
While I agree with the article generally in that there shouldn't be a double standard when it comes to domestic violence, I'm guessing one reason the words "domestic violence" were not paired up with the McNair story is because "domestic violence" is usually associated with situations involving families/kids, husband/wife, or live-in boyfriend or girlfriend. The woman who shot McNair seemed to be his secret mistress, not part of the 'domestic life' everyone knew about - his wife and kids don't seem to have known anything about her, and she's not the mother of any of his kids either.
And as for criticizing McNair's behavior - it's one thing to criticize him for having an affair, and it's another thing to say that he deserved to be shot because of it. I don't know what the commentators are saying or implying. I also don't think that if it were a woman in the same situation the media commentators would express no criticism at all, especially given how much the media loves affairs, sordid details and painting people as scoundrels/whores (bringing them down from whatever pedestals public image had them standing on).
God of Bacon said - "...as a group, men have no one to blame but themselves."
Interesting argument. Men have no one to blame but themselves when they are victims of DV. Women have no one to blame but men, presumably. Doesn't say much for women, or personal responsibility, either.
But it sure is convenient for some groups, to have a default whipping boy handy.
Ya we saw so many people who said that woman lawyer who was shot by her college professor husband a few months ago "had it coming".
That woman met this guy at the school, used him and his money and contacts to get herself through law school then went off and started cheating on him and yet that was domestic violence and she was a victim.
But McNair makes his own money, rises on his own ability and cheats and he had it coming.
I am so sick of these femi-nazi double standards.
Way to bring the victim focus, GoB.
Women deserve to be hit when they don't stay quiet and cook my meals like they're told. A few of them here and there - the ones who do stay quiet and cook my meals like I tell them to - don't deserve what they get, but by and large most do.
You're a fool God of Bacon.
Just another in an endless series of gender double standards -- see here:
Men have lost the 'battle of the sexes' . . . because the opponent cheats.
You need a password to read J. Bowen's blog.
Tom P. has no blog.
Is this just the male version of "he asked for it?"
I assume you're referring to the tendency of men to say that a rape victim got what was coming to her. Even still, it's not the same because most of the time that charge is leveled against women who do things which put them in easily foreseen situations where harm to them can occur. Affairs happen all the time without blood being spilled.
I'm in agreement with EKatz on both points.
I'm off to cook dinner for my husband so that he doesn't kick the crap out of me. Anyone know of any good chicken recipes?
I know that in Michigan, "domestic violence", according the legal definition of it, involves violence between two or more people who have some kind of relationship together. If you assault a person whom you are or were married to, a person whom you are or were dating, a person with whom you have or had a child with, or a resident or former resident of your household, you are guilty of "domestic violence". This basically covers most types of interpersonal relationships (except for coworker relationships).
If he was having a secret relationship, it was still a relationship, and thus still "domestic violence". Of course, this illustrates the absurdity of "domestic violence" laws. The idea that a person should be treated differently in court because he assaulted someone he or she knew rather than a complete stranger is just ridiculous. These people should [i]all[/i] be treated equally with other violent people. If you assault your husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, secret lover, brother or sister, child or parent, or roommate, you should be tried, convicted, and sentenced under the same laws as those who assault people with whom they don't have a relationship.
Even still, it's not the same because most of the time that charge is leveled against women who do things which put them in easily foreseen situations where harm to them can occur.
How many victims of "domestic violence" are repeat victims? How many men and women stay with abusers or get into one abusive relationship after another? Many of these people almost do deserve what they get. If you stay with a person who berates you, let alone beats you, you have nobody but yourself to blame for what happens to you. If you've been in one abusive relationship after another, it's time that you realize that there is one common factor in all of those relationships: you. It's time that we stop treating people who are constantly claiming to be victims as victims and start treating them as part of the problem.
I am loathe to say anything since we do not know exactly what took place between the man and the girl that drove her to murder him while he slept.Domestic, it certainly wasn't. Killing someone of any gender, no matter who the victim or the shooter, is sad, wrong, evil: why the need to get all involved in gender chit chat. She murdered him. He was fooling around; so too was she. Not unusual though the result a lot more dramatic that the usual ending of such things.
I would like to make a comment about "victims" of domestic murder. Mind you, nobody deserves death at the hands of a spouse or SO, but calling some of these people "victims" or complete innocents sometimes makes me gag.
I'll leave Mr. McNair out of this, his girlfriend bought a gun on Thursday and killed him on Saturday. However, when you are married to a man(I'm going gender here) that owns several firearms, speaks often of revenge, doesn't like any of his exwives (and there is usually an exwife or 2), talks often of suicide, tells you his life will be meaningless if you ever left him, has an anger management problem and then he hunts you down and kills you when you finally wise up and leave, are you really a pure innocent victim?????
When I read the newpaper article detailing the events leading up to one of these domestic murder-suicides I often scratch my head. What was this woman thinking? Did she think this guy was a good catch because he spoke ardently of protecting her, the family and their property with violence if necessary? Did anyone warn her of the dangers of marrying a nutcase? As a society, are we looking the other way when a woman makes a decision to involve herself with a territorial aggressor?
We may see fewer domestic murders if we start pointing a finger or 2 at people who make bad mating decisions. "NO, Mr. Gun Nut is not a good choice and don't call me when he inevitably goes off the deep end on your sorry ass."
What is meant by innocent in these cases is the victim did not provoke the attach.
Innocent victim: Someone getting shot in their sleep.
Non-innocent victim: Someone getting shot as they are breaking into someone's house.
Now, the innocent victim in not to say they are not guilty of anything, it is just to say that the perpetrator had no grounds to kill them. If I pull out my gun and shoot someone for fun, while they are either helpless, unknown, or doing nothing to provoke it, they are an innocent victim--the fact that they may turn out to be a fugitive in no way justifies the killing.
That's common sense.
God of Bacon, the more current research into domestic violence does not use neat and tidy dichotomous distinctions when discussing the problem. Rather, the research focuses on how much time each partner spends in the abusive role.
Now the world is a huge place, and certainly some men and some women who are victims of domestic violence never perpetrate any themselves, the researchers say that this is very rare. Rare enough to be ignored. They focus more on the system dynamics of abusive couples.
In this specific case, I think this was just a murder as there have been no indications or reports of violence prior to Steve being shot as he slept.
And please go look at my old blogs.
Nobody else ever did!
Trey
Trust, perhaps it is uncommon now.
Trey
Greetings:
Many years ago, I came across an article that asserted that incidents of domestic violence were approximately one-third male-on-female; one-third female-on-male; and, one-third mutual combat. Obviously, males have the ability to inflict greater damage in hands-on situations, but as to the actual number of incidents, it's believable to me that there's a pretty even split.
What I found interesting was the media's total disinterest in any Islamic implications in the murder; perhaps a cross-gender "honor" murder.
11B40, I wondered about that myself. The report is that Kazemi and her family are B'hai and fled to America due to religious persecution.
Other salient reports indicate that she had seen McNair out with another young lady, that she had said "I love you" when she called him after being arrested for DUI, Steve, who had left in a cab at the time of the arrest, responded with a "See you later." She had told friends that she was contemplating suicide two days earlier, and had put her furniture up for sale on Craig's list. The price for one room of furniture was $1.
Given all this and the forensic evidence, the police have stated that she shot Steve in the temple, twice in the chest, and again in the temple while he slept sitting on the couch. She then sat next to him and shot herself so that she would land across his lap.
Trey
Here is an article about the mental state of Sahel Kazemi.
From the article:
Later that Thursday, Kazemi purchased a 9 mm semiautomatic pistol for $100 from a man in the parking lot of the mall where she worked. The next day she told an associate her life was awful and "I should just end it."
Here's a hint, when someone says, "I should just end it" take them seriously, very seriously. Make a phone call. Drive them to the loony bin yourself. Tell their family. Whatever you do, don't say to yourself that it is none of your business and you don't want to get involved.
Well, it's like I always say, when you mess with girls you're playing with fire.
Western girls are mean. They always have been, always will be.
It goes back to the Maenads, of classical Greek mythology. They were an all-female frenzied cult of Bacchus, the God of Wine. Every year, at the festival of Bacchus, these girls would drink themselves into a drunken frenzy, then go out looking for a male sacrificial victim. When they found one, they would gang rape him, then rip him apart with their hands and teeth, and eat him raw.
I fail to see the difference between them and the modern American girl.
It's not a question of whether McNair deserved to be shot or not. It's a matter of judgement. What did he think he was doing running around with a girl who was not his wife?
Oh, yeah, that's right, playing with fire. And it got him killed. End of story.
Really?
You all are going to try to derive great meaning from this?
Sounds like a cheap horror movie.
In a "non-cheating" athlete-killed-by-a-woman story this weekend, we now have Canadian boxer Arturo Gatti who was allegedly strangled to death by his wife using her purse while they were on a trip to Mexico.
http://www.cbc.ca/sports/story/2009/07/12/gattideath-wife.html
I'm sure there are lots of other links out there if people want to know more...the purse as murder weapon isn't mentioned in this story; I heard it on a radio broadcast.
I have heard, here and there, that men tend to do DV damage with their hands in confrontation, and women tend to do DV damage with weapons using surprise. From personal experience, I know that some women, at least prefer surprise attack with weapons. I wonder if this is true, as a general thing? (I have no references and am not in a good position to search just now.)
It would seem the attack that started the thread was by surprise. Not much in the news story, but it seems to me that the boxer must have been attacked by surprise, too.
@Tom P said... "I have heard, here and there, that men tend to do DV damage with their hands in confrontation, and women tend to do DV damage with weapons using surprise. From personal experience, I know that some women, at least prefer surprise attack with weapons. I wonder if this is true, as a general thing? (I have no references and am not in a good position to search just now.)"
______________
Not surprising that, since men are bigger and stronger, they are more comfortable attacking head on without weapons, wheras women would tend to use weapons and surprise. I similarly suspect that a man would tend to use surprise and weapons when attacking a much larger/stronger man.
However, in the case of a woman attacking by surprise with weapons, she has the female-only defense of "self defense" even when she surprises him by simply alledging abuse. She can shoot him in the back while he sleeps, watch him bleed to death while he begs her to call 911, and get 7 months in prison and her kids back if she claims abuse.
Cham writes: "When I read the newpaper article detailing the events leading up to one of these domestic murder-suicides I often scratch my head."
I've puzzled over this serial-abuse-victim for years, ever since I was a teenager and I worked with a gal who was one. And I'm beginning to realize that it has to be viewed as a form of addiction, a particularly perverse form in which the addict (if female) receives praise and sympathy for being an addict. Thinking about it this way leads to a couple of other realizations. I'm realizing that, as far as actually solving the problem, it's useless to punish the abuser; it makes no more sense then trying to punish a bottle of alcohol or a crack rock. This is because drugs are fungible, and if one abuser is locked up, the abuse junkie will just go find another one.
It also explains why DV shelters haven't succeeded in reducing the incidence of the problem. The DV shelter is the equivalent of the "rehab" center that does nothing other than confine the addict and keep them distracted, in the vain hope that somehow just keeping the addict away from the drug for 30 days will magically solve the problem. When the 30 days is up, and they turn the addict back out on the street, guess what happens? Curing any form of addiction requires that some very basic psychological changes be made. It's hard to do; that's why the success rate is so low. I'm guessing that most DV shelters are either not equipped or just don't bother with trying to do this kind of work.
According to the feminized media today, "he asked for it" simply by being born with a penis. The affair was just an added bonus for their excuse.
When violent men die by violence, I just have a difficult time getting upset.
Bacon, I have no recollection of Steve being a violent man. I have never heard of him being arrested on assault or domestic violence chrages. Here in Nashville, he got one or two DUIs, but no violent infractions that I am aware of.
Are you referring to his playing a game?
Do you hold our fighting men and women in such esteem?
Trey
Trust - She didn't even complete the 7 months. She did 5 months, then 60 days in a mental health facility. Disgusting.
GoB - I'm not sure why you have issues with men, but thanks for minimizing violence directed at men. You make the feminist establishment proud, cause god knows, he deserved to be shot 4 times while he was sleeping.
TMink - Of course he does. He (assuming that its a guy) doesn't appear to be much concerned with the people who are there protecting his ability to denounce them. He's in lockstep with the left, and doesn't appear to deviate from the script.
All the best,
E. Steven Berkimer
www.falserapesociety.blogspot.com
"However, when you are married to a man(I'm going gender here) that owns several firearms, speaks often of revenge, ... and then he hunts you down and kills you when you finally wise up and leave, are you really a pure innocent victim?????"
You are absolutely right. I do caution that we have to separate discussions about psycho killers from those about victims, however, to not reduce the responsibility that rests on the perpetrator.
"When I read the newpaper article detailing the events leading up to one of these domestic murder-suicides I often scratch my head.
What was this woman thinking?"
"Did anyone warn her of the dangers of marrying a nutcase? As a society, are we looking the other way when a woman makes a decision to involve herself with a territorial aggressor?"
You underestimate the blindness (or possibly low esteem) of people who get themselves in these situations. I've warned two close friends in the past (one of each gender) that the light of their life was the headlight of an approaching train. In neither case did it stop them. It did, however, prevent them from crying on my shoulder and whining to me afterward, though. So the effort was worth it.
They never deserved to be hurt, mind you. But sometimes an ounce of prevention can save a boatload of pain later.
Post a Comment
<< Home