Women Abusers on the Rise in Australia
A reader emails an article from Australia about the rise of female domestic violence there:
Ms. Price, in the article, also points out that more and more women are engaging in violence--even murder-- because they can get away with it without consequences. This is an important point. The more we overlook female on male domestic violence, the more prevalent it becomes. The trouble is, no one cares and those of us who do are treated like pariahs or ignored. This must change--we must fight back against the stereotype of man perpetrator, woman victim--it is a matter of persistence and education.
Recently, a reader emailed to tell me he was upset that doctors and staff were asking his pregnant wife in front of him if she was "in a safe relationship." He asked me for help in finding research to give to these "do-gooders" to educate them about violence against men and children committed by women. If someone asked me at a doc's office if I was in a "safe relationship," I would have a few choice words for them. Or perhaps I would just hand them this article or this book
and save myself the aggravation.
New South Wales Bureau of Crime Statistics figures show that over the past eight years, the number of women charged with domestic abuse has rocketed by 159 per cent.
In 2007, 2,336 women fronted court on domestic violence charges, compared to around 800 in 1999.
Preconceived ideas of gender roles have led a lot of people to believe it would be virtually impossible for a women to physically abuse a man.
But co-director of Men's Rights Agency Sue Price says it is exactly this stereotype that leads to battered men hiding in shame, fearful of being ridiculed, or even prosecuted.
"I've had SAS soldiers in tears because the wife is a black belt karate expert and yet they know that if they even try to restrain her he might be charged with assault and domestic violence," she said.....
"We have so many reports of people having hot liquids poured over them in bed, glasses broken, men hit over the head from the back, attacked while they're asleep, cut, burnt," she said.
Ms. Price, in the article, also points out that more and more women are engaging in violence--even murder-- because they can get away with it without consequences. This is an important point. The more we overlook female on male domestic violence, the more prevalent it becomes. The trouble is, no one cares and those of us who do are treated like pariahs or ignored. This must change--we must fight back against the stereotype of man perpetrator, woman victim--it is a matter of persistence and education.
Recently, a reader emailed to tell me he was upset that doctors and staff were asking his pregnant wife in front of him if she was "in a safe relationship." He asked me for help in finding research to give to these "do-gooders" to educate them about violence against men and children committed by women. If someone asked me at a doc's office if I was in a "safe relationship," I would have a few choice words for them. Or perhaps I would just hand them this article or this book
and save myself the aggravation.Labels: domestic violence
posted by Helen at 6:25 AM
29 Comments:
My wife was asked, right in front of me, if she was in a 'safe relationship' in a hospital visit.
I didn't take offense because the nurse seemed to be embarassed in asking it, and was just going down a checklist.
I imagine when nurses are actually concerned about domestic violence, they don't ask in front of the 'potential abuser.'
As for the topic at hand, the decent man has few options for dealing with a violent woman. The best option I've heard (and this works for both genders) is to give a crystal clear warning on the first event, and leave on the second.
Unfortunately, by the natural order of things, the folks who lack the self-respect and confidence to draw a line and stick to it are most likely to be paired with potential abusers.
Michael,
"The best option I've heard (and this works for both genders) is to give a crystal clear warning on the first event, and leave on the second."
Great advice, unfortunately, as you point out, those who have a need for masochism or an inner need to "help someone" often stick around for more abuse.
My last doctor visit the doc asked me if I was being abused by my wife. She was his friend before we got married. It meant a lot to me that he would do that. It meant more that I could smile and say "No."
Trey
I'm kinda surprised that so many Australian men who are seriously abused by their spouses like that haven't hogtied them and dumped them 500 miles away from the nearest settlement in the Outback on a hot day.
"...more and more women are engaging in violence--even murder-- because they can get away with it without consequences."
Mary Winkler.
John Barrymore (Drew's grandpap) said that the way to fight a woman was with your hat. Grab it and run.
I knew a guy who was getting smacked by his ex wife. One time while he tried to restrain her she picked up a book and intentionally hit herself in the face so that it would look like she was getting beat up.
He told me that he didn't know quite what to do. He could have easily defended himself, but was afraid that he would be the one who was arrested.
One fly in the ointment of the "Walk away" theory.
That works really well if you are a woman. You have places to go, and no shortage of programs, agencies, or other champions ready to go to bat for you. Even if you are dead wrong. One ex-parte restraining order later, and you have the huse back, the kids, the vehicle, the bank account...
Walk away as a man? You abandoned your family. No! No excuses! What? Beat you up? She's five foot five an a hundred and twenty pounds! Either your a liar or a pussy....
Or, the infamous "Well, what did you do to make her do that?"
Oh - and then you have lost your kids, your home, etc.
No - it's not the black belt woman eating up her husband, it's the one who knows the man is surrounded by Chuckle Pelto types who won't hit her back, even though he could snap her in two with one hand, because he's been shamed into letting the girl win all his life by their ridiculous, chivalrist, woman-firster philosophy.
Yup, it's chivalry again. It's a no-win situation for men. If men complain about being hit by the women in their lives, they are considered to be whining wimps, and, as Pete says, the question is invariably asked as to what was done to provoke the hitting, because we all know that women are superior beings and would never ever hit a man unless the man "deserved" it.
Chivalry is destroying men in a multitude of ways. It needs to go.
Although I think more police officers are getting enlightened that it's not just evil men and wide-eyed, innocent women, you can't pick and choose the cops that come out on a call, so DON'T call the police yourself and stay away from an encounter with a violent woman to the extent possible.
She could injure HERSELF while attacking you - she could slip and fall, bump something etc. and if she has a mark on her YOU are going to jail.
I fully understand the point of a man losing everything when he just walks away. Given the choice, I'd rather lose some money than go to jail and have a criminal record. I think the solution to that is NOT to let a woman get any kind of control over your assets (some would say until you fully trust her, others - like me - would say why do it ever). Don't take women too seriously otherwise.
I think this is part of a larger problem of a certain PC, left-leaning mindset, because I can tell you that while feminists generally will cry out against man-on-woman violence, they - on the whole - do so less when there's a certain "PC-protected" minority involved (for example, Muslim men). Out of not wishing to seem culturally insensitive, many journalists, politicians, academics, and feminists don't like to make too much of a fuss out of so-called honor killings and culturally sanctioned domestic abuse prevalent in traditional Muslim households, even when it takes place in Europe and America. Law enforcement, and this is especially true in various European cities, will often stop policing Muslim neighborhoods and do a shoddy job handling and preventing these murders and domestic crimes. So it's not surprising that these crimes are on the rise in Europe (and have taken place in the US too).
One feminist who's been a rather vocal exception to this kind of "look the other way" mentality is Phyllis Chesler (who I believe is also coming out with a book on how women perpetuate violence against other women - another topic that also fights the stereotype of women being the inherently "gentler sex"). She's often been ostracized by feminist circles for her many un-PC articles on these honor killings, domestic violence, and also underaged marriages and female genital mutilation (which is often facilitated by the girl's female relatives, not only male ones).
In any case, I think this overlooking of domestic violence against men is part of a larger cultural mindset where there are certain groups who are automatically perpetrators (with white men being the greatest offenders) while other groups - including men of a certain minority - are in a kind of perpetual victim status, so that it's somehow ok to keep quiet about their crimes or just give them a slap on the wrist.
And even though our law enforcement should have its basis in individual rights and not membership in a particular ethnic/religious/gender group, this too often isn't the case... and so we have double standards instead.
Given the choice, I'd rather lose some money
Kids. Your family. Your home. Everything you have worked for.
Interpersonal terrorism, aided and abetted by society and the government.
This isn't just "Some money."
Last time I was in the ER I was asked if I felt safe at home. Happily, the cats haven't figured out how to use a pistol yet...
Naturally, if you make divorce profitable for women, you're going to see more of it.
Same with violence. The less accountable women are held for it, the more of it there will be.
The only question is, what kind of idiot male would play in this loser game?
What surprises me is that there is next to nothing whatsoever said here that explains what is taking place and has been noted any number of time some time ago--this is hardly something new.
Men are raised not to strike women. Men are physically much stronger, generally, and so they stand down, physically, in arguments.
Women know men will not be likely to strike them so some do lash out physically, taking advantage of what they believe a man will not do: strike back.
Police and others have known this for some time now. Somehow, some incidents taking place in Australia shine a light on what has been fairly commonplace in our own country for years.
I agree with a poster above, by the way, that the problem is not the woman with the black-belt in Karate.
I'm friggin' over 40 and I would seriously take her on.
The problem is not her black belt in Karate, it's the fact that she has an entire SWAT team ready to go on remote control (her "remote control" is her cell phone with 911). They are going to save the Damsel in Distress, and it's to the point where I probably wouldn't dare hold her arms if she was hitting me in the face. I'm serious.
ALL that men can do (at least men who don't want to risk going to jail) is take it in the moment, or exercise a very minimal level of self-defense if your life is really at risk, and otherwise get the hell away from her.
And DON'T give her any way of accessing your assets. If you live in California, check the laws regarding forming a bond with a single mother. If you live in England, check out the laws regarding living with a woman for more than two years. If you live in Colorado ... oh, hell, just don't live with her.
This comment has been removed by the author.
And sorry, but I think it's getting to be a sick, one-sided society when a man has to consult a lawyer to find out how much the woman can take away from him (financially) after she beats him up.
But that's really the de facto situation.
It's bizarre, and I can't believe that it can last.
The social engineering directive for the 1990's firmly established the concept, in the subconscious and in law, that for women: "What's mine is mine and what's yours is mine."
This decade has seen: "Money for nothing and the chicks go free"
Further:
An excellent commentary by David Warren on Fathers' Day wherein he again references two current volumes of research regarding the pernicious advance of misandry in the Western world.
http://www.davidwarrenonline.com/
I don't think this is really a new phenomenon. My mother worked as a matron in the Allegheny County jail for many years. She told me that at almost any given time, there would be more women in jail for killing their husbands, than for men for killing their wives.
'Course, her attitude was: "They all deserved it." How did she know? Well, "The girls told me so."
So, I think maybe now we are just beginning to realize the truth about female-on-male violence.
Also, I grew up in a fairly rough neighborhood, and the only abuse that I was aware of was one Amazon who regularly beat up her husband. Still, they had 7 kids, so they must have gotten along all right at times...
Pete wrote: "Walk away as a man? You abandoned your family."
I was accused of abandonment as well as domestic violence in my divorce. Thankfully, I had a good judge. When I was accused of abandoning the family, she (the judge, God bless her) asked who owned the house my wife and kid were staying at and who was paying the note. Since I did and was, she guffawed at the abandonment accusation.
About the abuse, she asked my size and weight and my wife's size and weight and asked to see the hospital records as I was much larger than the former Ms.
The weird thing is that she was a judge whose reputation was a man hater with a particular disdain for psychologists.
God is good.
Trey
"Interpersonal terrorism"
Wow, great phrase. I wish it were not so true.
Trey
I think Gawain's right. It's good to be single these days...
I am curious whether wife on husband abuse is really on a significant rise or whether it's just the acceptance of the obvious; that anyone can be horrifically abusive toward another person.
Joe, I was wondering the same thing. Is it rising, or just being reported more? There is a simila discrepency in the sexual victimization data by gender: The data estimates that 1 in 3 women will be sexually assaulted or abused while 1 in 5 men will be.
I wonder about reporting bias and attribution as at least part of the discrepency. I also wonder if prison rape is included or accurately recorded if it is.
Trey
Doubt we'll really know if it's on the rise or simply being reported more often.
But I do note that the legal and cultural shifts in the last decade would certainly seem to promote female aggression toward males. My own state, NY, washed away the gender-blind laws compelling arrests where evidence of domestic abuse was evident, i.e. "since you're both bleeding, you're both going to jail," in favor of the blatantly biased "predominant abuser" doctrine that results in the male being taken into custody.
Ultimately, it makes no difference to me. My wife would leave me in an instant if I struck her in anger. And she knows that if she ever struck me, I'd treat her just like I would a man in the same circumstance.
We've told our kids that, in fact. Both our boys know "If you don't know her, treat her just like a boy. And when you're old enough for a girlfriend, the first time she gets physically aggressive, walk away from the relationship and NEVER, EVER look back."
Reminds me of my mother.
She gave me a stick when I was a teenager and said if your father ever attacks me, defend me!
Then, as she was trying to get divorced from him. When he came back from another 8 hour day of work - she snatched the newspaper right out from under him...when he followed her asking for it back... she threw it on the floor saying
"you want it, there it is, two inch dick". Fight ensued...and putting me into an impossible situation ensued.
At least 75% of women are that bad or worse, the other, well just less bad. Or it could just be my God given chivalry instincts popping up...
This comment has been removed by the author.
I read that DavidWarren stuff...
VERY mainstream in its conclusions...for all the articles I read.
I mean, to take a quote
"Indeed, I would argue that men suffer most under Islamist regimes, that women suffer most under feminized ones. Outwardly, the "superior sex" obtains a tyrannical power, but inwardly, their souls are stripped of the moderation, and imaginative empathy, that can come only from respectful interaction between the sexes."
HAHAHAHHHAHAHA!
Let me see, calculating wifey forces hubby to pay half of his income 'for the children!' for the rest of his life. But the poor dear is having her soul corrupted. Sad. Sad.
Bottom Line - mainstream publications and reality CANNOT meet. Stop looking for a bridge.
Post a Comment
<< Home