Tuesday, January 06, 2009

The Carnival of Homeschooling is up at the Why HomeSchool blog. My post on the double standard at school between boys and girls after sex in the stairwell is there in the section "Why people homeschool."



Blogger Trust said...

The 'sex in the stairwell' double standard reminds me of something I read from Rabbi Shmuley Boteach. Boteach, who I otherwise admire, is very romanticizing of women, so much so to the point that he is adamant about such positions as "when a wife cheats, an unattentive husband is almost always the culprit."

Boteach made an attempt to write an article about balancing political disagreements. One issue he wrote about is abortion, where he said the following: "For instance, we may not all agree on abortion. But both right and left certainly agree that it is wrong for a man to get a woman pregnant and leave her. So let us at work together on ending the culture of irresponsible male womanizing which leads to the issue of abortion coming up in the first place."

Notice how he put the blame for the abortion issue completely on the backs of men? Men, no doubt, have their part, but it does take two.

This man bad woman good stereotype is such a part of our mindset that even a decent man like Rabbi Boteach can never hold females accountable for anything. And I find it insulting to women.

Same with the hallway sex story, which is why homeschooling is becoming more of an issue for parents of boys.

8:32 AM, January 06, 2009  
Blogger Helen said...


I think the Rabbi's attitude might be chivalry and actual sexism towards women--perhaps he thinks women are not automous individuals who make their own decisions. Underlying many men's chivalry is the premise that women are children, too gullible and easily persuaded to give permission for anything or make any adult informed decisions on their own. This view is so insidious that even nice guys like Dave Ramsey (the financial guy) take this position. I often hear him tell men to get a job and support their wives and children while not really doing the same for women. He sees them as more the "hearth and home type," staying home with the kids. Of course, women do little to change this perception if it works to their advantage.

12:28 PM, January 06, 2009  
Blogger Cham said...


I don't know this Rabbi, but if he is a member of an extreme or fundamental religious group that regards women/wives as property, chattel who need oversight, then it would seem reasonable in his mind that a man should become responsible for a woman whom he has impregnated.

Society can't have it both ways, either women are to be regarded as independent people who are responsible for their actions, granted all the rights of being a citizen and member of society, or they are helpless hapless beings that should be provided with food, clothing and shelter and not be responsible for anything.

2:57 PM, January 06, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Of course, women do little to change this perception if it works to their advantage."



And the number of these women (wanting a free ride, apparently with no shame) is overwhelming enough that plenty of men are going to think that women are like this. 'Cuz a lot of them are.

Feminists have made massive changes in areas they want. They could easily bitch slap chivalrous men back into the Stone Age, but the chivalrous men are just too easy to milk.

3:27 PM, January 06, 2009  
Blogger Trust said...


Intersting you say that, since I was thinking of Ramsey also when I typed that, but didn't want to go overboard. Ramsey recently wrote a column titled "Man Up!" when he responded to a couple where the working mother was stressed out and the stay-at-home father wanted the kids with a parent and not a daycare. Of course, when the father is stressed out with a stay at home mom who prefers parents do daycares, the advise is also "Man Up!"

I'm a fan of Boteach and Ramsey both, but I'm a believer that most our man/woman problems require both sides working together, and when one side is let off the hook, it becomes a license to continue the problematic behaviors justified through the blame game. Unfortunately, with the high opinion both these otherwise decent men have of women, they inadvertantly give them excuse (and therefore license) to continue the destructive behaviors that result in many problems to begin with.


I'm sure Rabbi Boteach isn't part of an extreme group that regards women as property. I've read his columns for years and used to watch his TV show. I agree with him that men should not abandon women they impregnate, but unlike the Rabbi, I think women who engage in the risk are not blameless either. It takes two, and both should be responsible. To make one the victim of a mutually consented to act is unfair to one and insulting to the other. It seems like you agree with me.

The problem both these men have is they are so romanticizing of women that they see them as incapable of certain flaws and behaviors. I'm very fond of women, I even married one, and while I'm chivalrous and take care of her, I don't insult her by holding her less accountable than a preschooler for her actions.

6:46 PM, January 06, 2009  

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