Should you throw a tantrum because you have to go to work?
Okay, this article (via Drudge) has to be the silliest things I've read this year (the year has just begun, I wonder what other nonsense is awaiting us). Anyway, the article says that if you feel stressed today about going back to work after the holidays, just throw a tantrum:
I love the causes of work stress that a poll in the article found:
So, in response to these petty annoyances, one is to get angry and shout (luckily, the article does report doing so in a quiet place)? I hardly think this is sound psychological advice. Some of the commenters appear much more psychologically astute than the so-called expert Big Brother psychologist who (I think) incorrectly advocates a tantrum:
What is called for if one is upset at work might be assertiveness, not necessarily aggression. How about talking to the loud person on the phone and asking them to be a little less loud. Taking calm, deep breaths is relaxing and helpful--so is counting to ten. Taking a walk or clearing your mind is also good.
I don't understand encouraging people to engage in tantrums, it sounds like a recipe for increasing one's anger and frustration. It teaches nothing about self-control or problem solving and does not seem at all helpful. Or try reading a self-help book like Albert Ellis's How To Control Your Anger Before It Controls You
before going into work, it just might have some better suggestions than the Big Brother psychologist noted in the article.
What do you do if stressed at work?
The end of the holidays, cold weather and economic gloom will make today one of the most stressful days of the year for returning to work.
But experts have come up with an unlikely remedy - throwing a tantrum.
'Releasing tension through shouting and screaming is a really beneficial way to expel the negative energies caused by stress,' said body language expert Judi James, the Big Brother psychologist.
I love the causes of work stress that a poll in the article found:
The advice comes as a survey reveals that people are most likely to be irritated by colleagues eating noisily (28 per cent), sniffing (26 per cent), talking too loudly on the phone (21 per cent) and even singing (5 per cent).
So, in response to these petty annoyances, one is to get angry and shout (luckily, the article does report doing so in a quiet place)? I hardly think this is sound psychological advice. Some of the commenters appear much more psychologically astute than the so-called expert Big Brother psychologist who (I think) incorrectly advocates a tantrum:
Oh how misunderstood this is. If anyone knew about human behaviour they would know that trying to vent stress or anger through shouting, screaming, throwing a tantrum or even using a punch bag will only result in you becoming more stressed and angry. If this was the case, Buddhists would be constantly shouting and punching walls. No, they relax and take deep breaths.
These so called experts need to get a grip on reality. Throwing tantrums & behaving badly is so 2008, get out & get some control over your life.
Screaming & shouting & behaving badly might de-stress you but it would not help those around you.
As for a tantrum they are for toddlers, which most of the adult population seem to behave like sometimes.
What is called for if one is upset at work might be assertiveness, not necessarily aggression. How about talking to the loud person on the phone and asking them to be a little less loud. Taking calm, deep breaths is relaxing and helpful--so is counting to ten. Taking a walk or clearing your mind is also good.
I don't understand encouraging people to engage in tantrums, it sounds like a recipe for increasing one's anger and frustration. It teaches nothing about self-control or problem solving and does not seem at all helpful. Or try reading a self-help book like Albert Ellis's How To Control Your Anger Before It Controls You
before going into work, it just might have some better suggestions than the Big Brother psychologist noted in the article. What do you do if stressed at work?
posted by Helen at 1:24 PM
47 Comments:
What I do: I remember that my life is so much more than my workplace. I think of how good it is to greet my wife and kids at the end of the workday. And my dogs... the cheeriest comedy troupe on 8 legs. Within 5 minutes of going through the front door, I'm laughing heartily at some antic or comment.
Why get amped up at work? That just adds to it. I'd rather be the guy to defuse and resolve the issue.
The shooting range works wonders.
A good book, a glass of wine, and good music playing in the background.
Oh, and running down pedestrians with the SUV on the way home.
Just kidding....I don't drink.
No
Let me see if I understand:
You're upset with noisy coworkers so you are supposed to throw a tantrum? What are they supposed to do, throw a tantrum because your tantrum is too loud? Where will it end?
A tantrum is a loss of control over one's emotions. Little children (like my grandchildren) don't have control over their emotions so crying and throwing a tantrum is how they express their frustration. Most children grow out of the tantrum stage pretty soon. Perhaps this advice is aimed at people who've never grown up.
I really never got stressed at work, at least not at the real career I had. The previous jobs were just a way to feed myself unti I could do what I wanted.
I worked in what is considered a high stress job, but I loved the stress and chaos...it kept the ennui away.
Tom
What kind of an easy job has "eating noisily" and "sniffing" as the main sources of stress??? How about co-worker sabotage, cheating suppliers, falling sales, and safety issues? Do these people have no RESPONSIBILITIES that they can legitimately be stressed about?
'Undertow' beat me to it! I guess tantrums are a persons only resort when they rule out going to the range. It certainly explains what goes on over at DailyKos. :)
Actually, the 'expert' recommends throwing a tantrum, OR ALTERNATIVELY seeking a quiet place for some deep breaths.
Apparently, the shouting should be done where everyone can witness your idiocy.
Great advice. Sheesh.
Where I work, that kind of acting out would get the individual dragged to the front door and tossed out on their ear.
And if I wasn't one of the individuals doing the dragging, I'd damned sure be the one holding the door open to toss the individual out of. I have never heard such childish nonsense in my life.
No, I take that back. Look at what Pelosi pulled today, and what NBC pulled on Coulter. Do I need to mention Franken and Minnesota?
And Obama hasn't even taken office yet.
Didn't a psychologist say this?
Then I agree with it. I believe everything that psychologists say because they're a lot smarter than other people.
"body language expert Judi James, the Big Brother psychologist"
Oh, now THERE is an expert we should all trust...
I must admit though, just the thought of taking out some pent-up anger on annoying co-workers is itself a little soothing. As the quote goes, I'm only smiling because I'm imagining myself torturing you...
There is a great hot dog spot about a ten minute drive from where I work. It is my ace in the hole stress reducer. It is cheap, and they make a great Chicago dog. I do not know what all they put on it, but it is weird to my southern tastes, yet outstanding.
So if things get too weird, I go there for lunch. It helps, I almost always brown bag lunch, so it feels like pampering myself a little.
Trey
I got intrigued about Judi James and dug around. She does not call herself a Psychologist on her scant web page, and is not widely referred to as one aside from one mention of her as an industrial psychologist and one of her as the Big Brother psychologist.
My money says the former runway model and modeling school owner perhaps has a B.A. in psychology.
Can anyone find out for sure?
Trey
I am reminded of the following joke:
Amy was complaining one Sunday that she didn't want to go to school the next day. "The kids make fun of me, the teachers hate me, and I always have too much work to do."
To which her mother replied: "But Amy dear, you're the Principal."
Trey,
I searched around the web and came up with no mention of her credentials as of yet. I did find someone else asking the same question you did:
http://poyt.net/?p=724
They call her a psychologist in the article but then, have you noticed everyone is a psychologist--whether they have a PhD or not. Also, the article is in the Daily Mail, in the UK where psychologists, I believe, do not necessarily have PhDs.
Are you really that impressed with a Ph.D. in psychology? Sorry, I'm not.
You're putting a lot of work into finding out whether she has a Ph.D. - it doesn't really matter in the final analysis, because there are plenty of stupid psychologists WITH a Ph.D.
MB,
It is not a matter of being impressed. It is a matter of being called a psychologist when one is not one. I realize there are plenty of "stupid psychologists" out there as there are many other professionals. However, would you want your MD calling herself or himself a Doctor if he held an MA or BA in another field? That's all.
Actually, in some European countries, you can be a physician with the equivalent of a bachelor's / master's (i.e. "Diplom" in Germany for one place).
If someone has a degree in art history and is calling himself a psychologist, I agree that is silly. I don't think that's the point at issue here. The distinction between a bachelor's and a Ph.D. is more relevant, I guess, but it is still silly given the subject matter and the people who tend to major in that subject matter.
Last note: You sure take yourself seriously. Perhaps much more than is warranted given your true abilities. I don't think you will ever recognize that, though.
This comment has been removed by the author.
I agree with the comment above about how if these are your worst annoyances, you have a cushy job. If this is the worst you face at work, then consider yourself lucky. Several hundred thousand people have lost their jobs, and more are risking losing their jobs, and people complain about noisy eating habits and sniffing.
Sounds to me like some people need to go into the office and hear something equivalent to what I heard yesterday, "we're floating your resume internally because the contract you're on is about to lose funding."
That's one of the "benefits" of my job (I'm a homemaker, my husband is an executive at a Fortune 500 company):
If I get "fired", I simply cash out big-time, and I'm still young enough and cute enough to get another one. I would be a lot richer if I got "fired" (... or "quit", tee-hee).
But I really, really respect you big, strong men working hard for your peanuts and worrying about losing even that job.
I really do.
The DNC called. They want their assholes back.
Trey
I agree with the comment above about how if these are your worst annoyances, you have a cushy job. If this is the worst you face at work, then consider yourself lucky.
Your comment reminded me of this poster at Despair.com.
"It teaches nothing about self-control or problem solving"
That seems to be the new approach to things, cry, blubber, insult, demean, do anything but use some self control and problem solving.
Trey
MD --
Perhaps much more than is warranted given your true abilities.
Written by a moniker in an effectively anonymous blog commentary. Deep.
Trey - Is this really a new approach? I've been hearing that it's healthy to 'express your emotions' in this for most of my life (40 plus years), with only a few dissident voices suggesting that it might be better to control your reaction to emotional situations.
Der Hahn, you raise a good point. I have to concur that healthy and solution oriented emotional communication is a good thing. In the past, there was an emphasis on sharing the affect appropriately and in a measured manner. After all, the purpose was to solve a problem.
More currently, my industry (Dr. Helen can share her POV) has become inundated and perhaps dominated by people who are not very practical and seem very agenda driven. I see a big difference between being advised to talk out our feelings and advice to ACT out our feelings.The first is sharing our feelings, the second is inflicting them!
This is in contrast to the approaches in the 70s and 80s, where a more cognitive approach was the order of the day. Albert Ellis and Donald Michenbaum were just two of the people who published and popularized very sound scientific work based on how self control could greatly reduce emotional distress. Their approach was sort of the opposite of the "everyone is a victim" approach that is so popular today.
But the pendelum may have swung. Certainly, the lady from England seems to be suggesting that people act out their feelings in order to feel better, and that strikes me as the opposite of what would really be helpful. Self soothing is what is called for, not acting out.
Well, that is my take on it!
Trey
Well, Primal Scream Therapy was big in the 1970s - and Janov was a hallowed Ph.D., which seems to be the important indicator here.
My personal favorite form of therapy - and the form of therapy that has increased my respect for psychology to an even greater level - is sock puppet therapy (patient acts out inner emotions through sock puppets on his hand).
The point of view espoused by Helen - and TMink - seems to be that Ph.D. psychologists are helpful and worthwhile on the whole, with responsibility and healing powers analogous to those of physicians.
Watching relatives go through problems has made me really doubt that. A relative had anxiety attacks and went through an entire range of quack psychologists until she found out ON HER OWN (from books) what worked - cognitive/behavioral approaches, meditation/breathing, realization of what was happening, antidepressants / anti-anxiety medication if necessary.
The crap she went through ("Do you believe in God", "Let's talk through your childhood" and on and on with different useless approaches) is unconscionable.
Several couples I know have also gone to marital therapy because their marriage was rocky. EVERY SINGLE ONE of the couples I know later divorced. In one case, the psychologist almost made things catastrophic for the man when he told him to put everything in joint name like his wife asked (to show his trust in her). She was simply manipulating to get things lined up for a divorce - and the dopey psychologist (Ph.D. no less) never caught on or even considered that angle.
And the arrogance among these people seems to increase exponentially as the inverse of their true abilities.
The general public consists of a high percentage of nitwits. That's why financial fraud will always work, that's why Dr. Phil is beloved, that's why marketing can be so effective. And that's why psychologists stay in business.
Most psychologists DON'T CARE if something works or not. They can simply tell the patient that he's not trying hard enough or fall back on some other ego-shielding reason.
That's why therapies and diagnostic techniques that have never shown themselves to produce anything better than chance in objective evaluations - for instance Rorschach tests - have survived for decades. And objective evaluations themselves are quite rare in psychology.
/Rant Over (finally)
JG, I appreciate your rant, although your points were made with excellent clarity and emotional control, so I am not sure that there is anything rant like about it. I would like to address a few of your points.
Janov was such a celebrity because he was neither an analyst nor a behaviorist, and those were the dominant approaches in the 70s. Also, his "approach" was very dramatic and tv friendly. So he got much more exposure than he deserved.
I remember something about sock puppetry, and share your derision. The flavor of the bullshit seems to change over the years, but there is always a heaping helping in my field.
I think you misread what Helen and I are saying. It is not that everyone with a Ph.D. is great. We know that is not the case because we went to school for several years with Ph.D. psychologists and have to go to trainings with rooms full of them three or four times a year. We already know that MANY psychologists are wacky.
For the non-wacky, more training = greater competence, for the wacky, the training weeds a percentage of them out. Not enough, but some. You have to be coherent enough to do decent school work to get a degree, so that can help.
But neither the good Dr. nor I think our field is a bastion of good mental health. Not even close. We know too many psychologists. 8)
Damn, the story about your relative with the panic attacks sucks. I wish that experience was more rare. Anxiety disorders are one of the most treatable of the the presenting problems we see. It makes complete sense why you see many of us as quacks. Many of us are. 8)
"And the arrogance among these people seems to increase exponentially as the inverse of their true abilities." True. Probably true of everyone, not just shrinks.
These are excellent points you made, and I concur.
I still am not sure what I did to piss you off though. I have noticed it for several months, and I asked what was the source of it at least once, but you may not have read it or just didn't want to respond. If you let me know the cause of your anger, I will think about it and respond. I appreciate those posts you just made, and would be happy to consider you a friend. I need the information about what I did that was offensive to start though.
Trey
At one of my previous jobs, we had idiots for managers. I know that's a common cliche, but in this case, it was perfectly true. Our managers were idiots, by any reasonable measure.
Anyway, one co-worker and I decided that we would use our lunch hours for "scream breaks." We would drive to a nearby forest preserve and walk along the isolated paths. There, we were free to scream, complain, wish poxes on both our bosses, sputter incoherently, etc.
But in reality, the screaming seemed a little crazy, and we just had to laugh about it. Our angry frustration turned into exaggerated, John-Cleese-type rants that ended up being much better release valves than actual temper tantrums. And over time, the "scream breaks" just turned into walks in the woods, where we'd talk about personal lives, movies, etc. And as soon as we both could, we found better jobs.
So, in my case, humor, a like-minded pal, and getting out of the office for a break did me good.
In my profession, though, boredom is a bigger problem than stress or frustration. Which I guess explains why I'm on a blog in the middle of the morning....
I had an annoying coworker once too, at a job I loved. This woman made my life miserable. I spoke to the boss, who did nothing. I spoke to the annoying coworker in a calm adult-like manner requesting politely that she change her behavior. She was nice about it, but didn't change. My drive to work was about 20 minutes. I took a small handheld tape recorder along for the ride and proceeded to scream, yell and explain precisely why I hated this woman with every bone in my body. After about 6 months of doing this and filling up 7 90 minute tapes, I decided to find another job. Problem solved.
Cham, do you think that the yelling helped you stand the coworker, or motivated you for finding another job, or made the situation worse, or did it have no discernable effect?
Thanks!
Trey
The yelling had no discernible effect. I was buying the tapes in packs of 3. When I went into the store to buy the 3rd pack I started to think about the intelligence of my screaming project. I listened to listen to the tapes and realized the 1st tape sounded pretty much like the 7th tape, nothing was changing other than my waistline.
Interesting. The tapes did provide feedback that helped you figure out that you were stuck, and that information helped you leave the situation.
Trey
Insanity = Repetition expecting different results ;)
Wow, I always thought I was insane because of the little green men on the ceiling!
Trey
JG --
"The point of view espoused by Helen - and TMink - seems to be that Ph.D. psychologists are helpful and worthwhile on the whole, with responsibility and healing powers analogous to those of physicians."
I live in a town of physicians. They don't support your high esteem of them. They fail, they screw up, they try to cover their mistakes... just like other people. They also do not heal or have healing powers. They are bio-mechanics. The bio part does the healing, or dies. Even when it shouldn't.
Oligonicella:
I don't really have a high opinion of physicians, but I do think that they provide useful services in many instances. They can stitch up a wound better than someone with no experience, they can take out an appendix without killing you (at least most of the time) and they can pass along information from pharmaceutical companies (LOL). But I certainly don't worship doctors or attribute God-like powers to them (although many physicians like to attribute God-like powers to themselves).
The confusion arises because I think psychologists deliver even less than physicians, in fact nothing in many cases.
So the comparison above was relative.
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"What is called for if one is upset at work might be assertiveness, not necessarily aggression. How about talking to the loud person on the phone and asking them to be a little less loud. Taking calm, deep breaths is relaxing and helpful--so is counting to ten. Taking a walk or clearing your mind is also good."
________
This type of advice only works with a reasonable person and more often then not the person engaging in this type of behavior is anything but reasonable while confronting this person will only cause the problem to escalate unless it is dwelt with by the supervisor...
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