Tuesday, January 26, 2010

"On one occasion she told me if I went to sleep I would be stabbed."

It seems that men being abused is at least being acknowledged as a remote possibility in Scotland (thanks to the reader who sent me this story):

A male domestic abuse victim has told MSPs how his former wife threatened to stab him while he slept and threw a deep fat fryer at him.

He and another male victim spoke anonymously as campaigners took their case to Holyood's petitions committee.

Alison Waugh and Jackie Walls called on the Scottish government to ensure domestic abuse campaigns addressed the needs of male victims.

The committee agreed to raise the issue with ministers.

The victims, identified as Mr A and Mr B, gave evidence with their faces hidden from public view.

Recounting his story, Mr A said abused men needed more support.


I agree but the first support men need is to stop having to hide their head in shame and remain hidden from view. I don't blame them, of course, but if only a few men come forward and look ashamed, how many others will speak up? Not many, I'm sure. The government will then conclude that no evidence exists that men are abused. Of course, ironically, if all the abused men came forward, the government would probably conclude the same thing. Sexist stereotypes are hard to overcome, especially when a whole PC industry is build around them.

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20 Comments:

Blogger MikeT said...

Any man who attacks the masculinity of a man who is honestly afraid of his wife after she seriously tells him she will stab him to death when he goes to sleep needs a good right hook to the face. No dialog, no debate. You can no more debate with men like that than you can have a Lincoln-Douglas debate with a chimpanzee on the merits of a vegetarian diet based on jungle food.

2:58 PM, January 26, 2010  
Blogger Larry J said...

I've often wondered about those men who do abuse women. What the hell are they thinking? You have to sleep sometime and you've very vulnerable when you're asleep.

For the life of me, I can't understand why any woman would stay with a man who abuses her. I've read they're beaten down or have low self-esteem issues but I just can't understand it.

As for the male victims of domestic violence, the same applies. It's just as wrong as any man who abuses his wife. Get the hell out, if for no other reasons than your physical safety and mental health. No one should have to put up with that crap.

The stigma against male abuse victims is wrong, just as wrong as blaming a rape victim.

3:06 PM, January 26, 2010  
Blogger DADvocate said...

Larry - I think for the male victims leaving could be harder. Harder because the courts are stacked against them. If they have kids, the abusive wife will have the advantage in child custody despite being abusive.

3:13 PM, January 26, 2010  
Blogger Helen said...

MikeT,

Yes, in some sense, it is harder for men who are abused as they have nowhere to turn, often, no one to talk to, and the law is against them. When the victim in the article I linked to called the authorities, he was taken in. This is criminal. Every time I hear a man or woman laugh when men are beaten and abused by women (which, unfortunately, is often), I am horrified that there are so many cruel and uneducated people out there.

3:27 PM, January 26, 2010  
Blogger JG said...

"When the victim in the article I linked to called the authorities, he was taken in."

------------

I personally find it bizarre, but that's not anything out of the ordinary (or at least it wasn't - I think things are changing).

The columnist Cathy Young wrote in the late 1980s about a woman who would regularly attack her husband in the UP of Michigan. He never fought back, but sometimes he had to go to the hospital to get stitched up.

She recognized that she had a problem, so she sought help at some domestic violence thing. They first tried to convince her that she was the victim - although she said her husband never hit her - and when she wouldn't go along with it, they filed charges themselves against the husband.

If I can find that article again I will post it here.

3:40 PM, January 26, 2010  
Blogger JG said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

3:46 PM, January 26, 2010  
Blogger JG said...

I also want to make this absolutely clear to men who are getting beat on by women - who are not hitting back:

Eventually, she is going to slip and fall or do something else, because beating on you takes a lot of unusual exertion.

When she injures herself in that way, and if a neighbor calls the police, you are going to jail, you are going to get a charge of domestic violence, and the state is going to proceed against you without her testimony if need be.

Remember Mike Nyfong? He's not the only guy who is just worried about a conviction to boost himself up.

So it's not even a matter of getting your face stitched up. You have to get the hell away from her for bigger reasons.

Women just run, and that's it. Men run, but in the process "abandon their families" in the old vernacular, and today it doesn't matter what they do, they are going to be ordered to fork over all the assets to the wife.

Silly that they married, but that's how it works today. So go sleep on the street, just turn everything over to your ex-wife, but listen very carefully to the women on this board and elsewhere, and as soon as you have any money again, try to get a female to marry you again. Cuz that's what women say.

Sickening.

3:48 PM, January 26, 2010  
Blogger Tom P said...

It's kind of difficult for a man who is being abused to leave in a family situation.
If you are being abused and you stay, you get beaten. If you leave, not only "abandon your family", you abandon your kids to the contol of someone you KNOW likes to abuse people. If you take them, it is "parental kidnapping". And no matter what, you keep believing you are the one in the wrong, because that is part of what abusers do.

Women can wind up in similar situations, but at present, have more choices and more support when exiting the situation. Men could use some of that.

4:18 PM, January 26, 2010  
Blogger kmg said...

This article fisks the anti-male bias at The Economist.

The Economist is sickening, really. When ANY group is convinced they are the victims, they can easily rationalize all manner of evil against their perceived oppressors.

4:34 PM, January 26, 2010  
Blogger Jeff Y. said...

I train to fight with knives like this, everyday. Sometimes, I train with women who know how to use blades. A woman with a blade can easily kill a man.

Any man, cop, prosecutor who thinks otherwise is f***ing fool.

5:42 PM, January 26, 2010  
Blogger campy said...

A Real Man, if his wife wanted him dead, would stab himself. Heaven forbid Precious get bloodstains on her pedestal.

5:56 PM, January 26, 2010  
Blogger Jason said...

The man had a deep fat fryer thrown at him. That's awful. And somehow, seems very, very very Scottish.

Did she take the deep fried pizza slices and Mars bars out before she hurled it at him?

11:02 PM, January 26, 2010  
Blogger Doom said...

I had one nutty girlfriend who, I really think, considered stabbing me. Then again, I think she knew what would happen next and chose the wiser solution. And, I have had two girlfriends hit me. I spanked both of them, not at the same time mind you. It worked. Risky, even then, but that's the way it works. One of the girlfriends thanked me, later. The other one just stopped hitting me.

Personally, I think the government should butt out, in almost every instance. And men really need to get a grip.

11:55 PM, January 26, 2010  
Blogger quite googleable said...

Many women abuse men with Love. Some women use Love in a yo-yo fashion of control , the flush of love then the vacuum of no love. Perhaps Love is a ghost that controls the two lovers.
I hope i get a really horny /bilingual Casper type of ghost that wants to settle down for one or two reincarnations.

1:59 AM, January 28, 2010  
Blogger Tom P said...

Some women abuse men with a baseball bat. Waking up with someone beating on your ribs with a baseball bat is ... disconcerting. Having boiling water dumped in your lap during breakfast can be pretty distressing, too. Being threatened with arrest as the abuse every time you go to the ER is pretty damned aggravating, at least after the pain killers kic in.

Leaving your children with the person who thought it was ok to do this to you is horrifying.

Plenty of ways to get abused. If you are a man, what do you do about it?

10:34 AM, January 28, 2010  
Blogger Tether said...

"If you are a man, what do you do about it?"

----

You leave, instantly. You don't go near her anymore.

If you have kids and think they are in danger, work with child protective services and the court. If you have tangible evidence that the woman is violent, they will pull the kids out.

You WILL take your lumps financially. That is your tuition in the school of "Finding Out What a One-Sided Deal Marriage Is".

11:04 AM, January 28, 2010  
Blogger Tom P said...

If you can get your children free of their mother, things have changed radically since 20 years ago. If so, good. Back then, in many jurisdictions, if you complained you got arrested as the abuser. CPS and the courts made sure your children stayed with their mother, where they belonged.

Have things really gotten that much better? If so, I'm very glad to hear that.

1:51 PM, January 28, 2010  
Blogger mariner said...

Baby steps, Doc.

Enough men testifying behind screens can help change laws to protect male victims.

Then maybe men won't need to testify behind screens.

5:42 PM, January 28, 2010  
Blogger The Archivist said...

From the article:

"If evidence shows that there has been a change in the nature and extent of domestic abuse against men then the Scottish government will consider further research or other appropriate action."

http://www.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm

The evidence has been known for a long time. It is only law enforcement, and the DV industry that has refused to admit the problem.

10:49 AM, January 29, 2010  
Blogger bmmg39 said...

Dr. Helen: "Every time I hear a man or woman laugh when men are beaten and abused by women (which, unfortunately, is often), I am horrified that there are so many cruel and uneducated people out there."

It's up to us to correct them. We need to take them on, right then and there, just like you did with that obnoxious woman at the checkout counter.

JG: "Remember Mike Nyfong? He's not the only guy who is just worried about a conviction to boost himself up."

True. There's also Martha Coakley.

10:01 PM, February 04, 2010  

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