Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Non-PC Holiday Conversation

The holidays are coming up and with them, of course, are the various Christmas and holiday parties that one is exposed to this time of year. Some of the parties are a lot of fun if you are with friends and neighbors etc. where you can be yourself (or at least know when not to be), but some are much more tense when you don't know the people and have to introduce yourself and make conversation that won't leave you feeling like a pariah. So, I was thrilled to see that Allure magazine had some tips for party-goers on how to make conversation as well as an entrance to a party that will get you noticed.

Okay, I doubt most of my blog readers really put getting noticed at a party as their highest priority; if you do, I refer you to the December issue of Allure. However, the tips in Allure for how to be a good conversationalist were impressive. I read them, thinking I would hear about how not to hurt other people's feelings, pretend one knows the current events of the day, and how to be socially acceptable but I was wrong. The advice for starting a party conversation was good and on target, especially for those of us who tend towards the politically incorrect and the socially awkward.

Allure rounds up some of their most engaging partygoers and asks them for their talking points--I will share a few of the most salient with you:

Get Personal. "Feel free to be wildly interrogative and ask profound questions, Doonan suggests (Doonan is the author of Nasty: My Family and Other Glamorous Varmints). For example, 'Where do you want to be buried?'; How's your relationship with your mother these days?' Fellow guests will think you are insane, but the answers are never boring." Another party expert says that people respond more to the strange and unusual than to the same old things. "The most memorable conversations are honest, when people do not mince words. I talk to the ballbusters, the Ethel Mermans."

Push Some Buttons. "It's a myth that you should avoid talking about sex and politics--especially in big cities like New York and Los Angeles," Doonan says, "If you think George Bush or the Pope is hot, say so." Ingrid Sischy, editor in chief of Interview, feels the same way: "I wouldn't advise bringing Hitler up very much," she says, "But when you're having a great conversastion with someone, you hit on everything, including taboo subjects."

Don't Be Afraid to Admit Ignorance. "If someone brings up Hezbollah, and you're fairly clueless about it, just admit the truth. 'Rather than bluffing to impress, be blunt about what you don't know,' Doonan says. 'Even stars heed this advice: Someone once asked Jennifer Lopez if America should invade Afghanistan, and her answer was perfect: 'I have no idea about politics...'"

Now, if only Barbara Streisand and company would follow Lopez's lead.

Finally, the last bit of advice is probably the best:

Use the Booze. "There is a reason people drink at dinners and cocktail parties--it all becomes much more interesting."

Anyone have any other advice to add to the list for how you survive holiday conversations without tears or boredom?

32 Comments:

Blogger Oligonicella said...

Anyone have any other advice to add to the list for how you survive holiday conversations without tears or boredom?

Sure.

Don't sweat the little stuff. Remember, it's all little stuff.
Realize your little stuff, too (see above).
Chuckle and laugh a lot. Like when some moron states there's no such thing as changing climate or another states that humans are the cause of it (see above).
Stop with the booze before you reach your inhibition dropping level.
Don't be a dick to people, floating over anonymously and dropping caustic statements (see above).
Don't be afraid to turn around and walk away from stilted and boring people.

8:17 AM, December 05, 2006  
Blogger Kent said...

Anyone have any other advice to add to the list for how you survive holiday conversations without tears or boredom?

I just avoid them. But not everyone can be as tactfully antisocial as I can.

9:57 AM, December 05, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I cannot do the small talk. When I start hearing that aimless chatter designed to pass the time I feel my windpipe closing and I need to escape the room....or the vicinity of the "conversation".

11:01 AM, December 05, 2006  
Blogger Barry said...

There are two types of people in the world: the type that generally like other people, and the type that generally don't like other people.

The people that don't like other people are typically the ones that get uptight going to a mall, going to a movie theatre, or visiting a sports arena where there's a possible threat of actual human interaction.

If you are one of these people and find yourself at a party - find others like you and hang out in a quiet corner to discuss what idiots other people are. Let the folks that generally like other people talk to each other and enjoy themselves :)

That way nobody feels uncomfortable talking to someone who'd rather not be talking...

11:24 AM, December 05, 2006  
Anonymous bugs said...

Um...sit in the corner and play Doom 3 on your laptop?

12:47 PM, December 05, 2006  
Blogger TMink said...

DON'T tell them you are a psychologist. I was at a party with my then new wife and her friends asked me what I did for work. "I am a psychologist so when I go to parties I like to analyze people and make them feel uncomfortable" I answered. It always works with my group of friends to make them laugh and loosen up. They realize that I am being sarcastic.

My wife's friends took things verbatim and NOBODY talked to us the entire evening. I could clear a room just by entering it.

So rule one, do not tell them you are a psychologist.

Rule two: Do not be a smart ass until people get to know you.

Trey

1:06 PM, December 05, 2006  
Blogger Peregrine John said...

Alright. Combined with the stunningly awful Gift-Getting article mentioned in the other post, I begin to think that Allure is The Onion of women's magazines.

1:14 PM, December 05, 2006  
Blogger Helen said...

Trey,

Never tell people you are a psychologist, it is a sure recipe for trouble. At best, everyone will avoid you or feel uncomfortable, at worse, people will ask you to solve a problem for them. I tell people at parties that I am working on my GED degree and brag that sometime in the next few months, I am hoping to pass the math portion.This shuts them up fast and gets rid of anyone who is potentially pretentious and/or obnoxious.

2:02 PM, December 05, 2006  
Blogger TMink said...

OK, that is funny! And I am a litle glad that I am not the only person with that particular experience.

I guess it goes with the whole secular priest gig.

I THOUGHT that overblowing their fears would help them laugh the fears off. No such luck.

But the GED story sounds like a winner.

Trey

2:21 PM, December 05, 2006  
Anonymous cadmus said...

luckily i dont get invited to many parties, because i am antisocial.

you dont talk politics, you argue, as has been shown on here, it brings out the worst in people, then comes the insults. i generally stay in the kitchen near food and drink, or sit on the stairs.. but then i really dont like people

3:37 PM, December 05, 2006  
Anonymous Anon824 said...

Just repeat the last few words the other person just spoke to you. They will think you are a great conversationalist and brilliant to boot.

5:46 PM, December 05, 2006  
Blogger Brummbar said...

Tips for good party chat:

(1) Mention "Cthulhu" at some point. Whoever turns around and gives you a knowing look is the most interesting person there. Spend the rest of the evening talking with them about HP Lovecraft.

(2) Hand puppets. I mean it. Hand puppets. I actually did this in college.

(3) If you find yourself surrounded by tiresome Leftards, mention woefully that your grandfather was targeted by Joe McCarthy back in the early 50s. Wait for the sympathetic nods to start and then interject, "Oh no, he WAS a Communist subversive. Thank God they caught him in time." Then sit back and watch the show.

7:32 PM, December 05, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"There is a reason people drink at dinners and cocktail parties--it all becomes much more interesting."

Something like that, yeah. But the same people that normally don't drink are the most dangerous behind the wheel, and probably the main reason for the excessive increase of accidents around the holidays.

12:13 AM, December 06, 2006  
Blogger DRJ said...

Magazines tell us how to make small talk but the truth is most people are able to find something to talk about. What's really in short supply are good listeners. Be a good listener and you will not only have fun, you will also be remembered as someone special.

Of course, being a good listener means more than listening. You have to ask interesting questions at appropriate times. To do that, you have to listen carefully to what is said rather than concentrating so much on what you are going to say that you don't hear the other person's comments.

Finally, to be a good guest or a good listener, you have to be informed about a wide range of topics. So read newspapers, magazines, the internet, books and try to learn something new everyday.

1:50 AM, December 06, 2006  
Blogger TMink said...

3 topics of conversation.

Me.

You.

Something that happened.

You is almost always a welcome topic of conversation.

Trey

11:09 AM, December 06, 2006  
Blogger Michele said...

I love Christmas parties, because I love studying human behavior, and because I am interested in human behavior, I think discussing other party-goers with a psychologist at a Christmas party would be delightful.

My husband would be in the corner with the non-verbals playing Doom. They are a very interesting species as well.

5:25 PM, December 06, 2006  
Blogger Rowena Hullfire said...

I'm fine at parties, although sometimes [drinking or not] I can say the WRONG thing, like PLOP and the room goes silent...and all I'm doing is trying to be funny and entertain and my highly ironic brain has just gone too far. Which is why I dig that John Mayer song about shutting my mouth...starting now. I have a good ability to shrug it off and laugh at myself. "Oops, was that out loud?" gets you off the hook a lot.

But I can't keep my mouth shut! I'm a jokester. People tell me I should do stand-up, but really, I don't have a schtick, I just see the humor in about everything and respond to it.

I rarely ever talk about myself unless someone asks, then I keep it short.

Good conversation is about forgetting about yourself and showing interest in others. I have a good way of talking to people that makes them blossom and their best comes out. My undivided attention makes them feel like rock stars. My interest isn't fake, either.

Everyone, and I mean everyone, has something fascinating or funny or deep about them, just give it a little time and it comes out.

Of course, I am a counselor and no matter where I go, it's tattooed on my forehead and so people seek me out to pull me aside and talk about what's on their minds. I'm a safe person to talk to; my memory is so poor, confidentiality is guaranteed. I detest gossip, too. Usually folks come up with their own solutions or relief as they think out loud. Listening skills go a long way.

I can scandalize; with the sibs, I am giving lessons in street smarts to their kids as they are getting into their middle/upper teens and college age. How to handle your drinks (ladies) so as to avoid getting dosed (roofies) and raped. How to tell when a bar or party scene is about to go bad and hightail it out of there. Nitty gritty street stuff. Parents cannot even think about this stuff--their kids are angels donchaknow, but I'm making their kids safer. (Or are parents afraid of compromising their pure image with their kids and become human?) Ah well. Leave it to auntie!

I seek out the shy person in the corner and the socially uncomfortable. They are more task oriented, so we help the host or break out a game. They are perfectly comfortable and witty when they have a task, something going on to avoid their self consciousness in the social gathering. Often really intelligent introverts are the most brilliant and entertaining people once they are on a roll with a task/game engaging them. I like the "land of misfit toys." Given a choice, I'd rather be with them than the socially suave.

I have equal strength intraversion as extraversion, so I'm equally happy, or happier, at home. So, it's nice to have social skills but not the compulsion to HAVE to go out!!!

11:44 PM, December 06, 2006  
Blogger Rowena Hullfire said...

Oh and my holiday themed scandalizing for this year is "Keep Satan in Christmas!"

Intrigued?

Speculate freely. Then remind me to explain.

12:46 AM, December 07, 2006  
Blogger Wacky Hermit said...

I don't know how your Satan got into Christmas, Rowena, but I know that due to a typo, one year Satan came to our local mall at Christmas time.

I'm no good at parties so I only have one tip: NEVER mention that you have a degree, let alone a graduate degree, in math. You'd be surprised how the mere mention of that fact has the power to make people so thirsty that they have to immediately run for the punch bowl. Talk about shopping or something. Laugh quietly and smile and nod your head like you can understand what the other person is saying. But for the love of God, don't mention your math degree.

4:19 PM, December 12, 2006  
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12:04 AM, June 08, 2009  

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