Thursday, July 05, 2007

Ask Dr. Helen

My second column is up at Pajama's Media:

Coping with therapists who are unsympathetic to men, and creating intimacy in ways other than sex are among the issues on the minds of those who wrote in to Dr. Helen following her debut column.

You can go there to comment, comment here, or email me at askdrhelen at



Blogger tomcal said...

I never quite know how to respond when you talk about men as victims. I agree with everything you say about it, but I don't think the situation is going to change anytime soon.

Therefore, men just need to know which situations to avoid and how to prepare adequate defenses prior to entering any relationship of any kind with a woman.

Men have been adept at fighting off threats for millennia. They just have to keep doing it.

11:38 PM, July 05, 2007  
Blogger TMink said...

Where did hypno-nacissismo's post go? I was going to have my wife read it, I thought it was so Axis II and funny, but I could not find it over at PM.

Was it deleted (appropriate) or am I just getting better at defending myself from narcissistic garbage?


8:41 AM, July 06, 2007  
Blogger tomcal said...

Axis II? Please educate me.

By the way, now that I left the country, my Nicaraguan Dr. friend is back to his old tricks, holding up the final $5,000 for the street kids' computer lab. Should I nuke him again, or would that make him a victim of my sadistic desire to see him squirm?

10:49 AM, July 06, 2007  
Blogger TMink said...

Axis II was in reference to personality disorders, a pervasive and chronic condition of interpersonal patterns that causes people, and the people around them, problems.

Tomcal, I do not know how you deal with people ripping off your donations to the poorest of the poor. God bless you.


12:55 PM, July 06, 2007  
Blogger TMink said...

AH, there is ths post. I was just in delicious denial when I could not find it! Never mind!


12:57 PM, July 06, 2007  
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8:00 AM, July 07, 2007  
Blogger tomcal said...


It's actually not hard for me, except the question of the approprate use of force. I'm dealing in a culture where such things are the norm, so I want to apply enough force to get the job done, but without burning all of my bridges.

I guess I have a problem with people claiming to be victims in this country, because by comparison, whatever the "victims" here are suffering - men who can't find a therepist who really understands them, for instance - are suffering nothing at all compared to the children of the school, who don't have their computer lab because of the agenda of a group of the power-elite in their country. That agenda is to keep the poor from learning enough to untimately gain the power to affect the societal status quo. They don't want the poor kids to starve, but neither do they want them to learn enough to eventually go into competition with their own kids.

In my mind, some of those poor kids are going to learn enough to affect societal change anyway. But if the power-elite don't really help them and participate in the learning process, then that change will be through a violent revolution. If I am correct, the power-elite are hurting themselves in the long run by doing things like trying to hold up this computer lab. But maybe I should just butt out. It's not my country, what do I care?

So with the above in mind, maybe I am like an adolescent in this country who asks "Why vote? The parties are all the same anyway."

My experience in dealing with huge contrasts and dramatic victimization has dimmed my ability to see nuance. But I'll work on it.


2:03 PM, July 07, 2007  
Blogger TMink said...

"My experience in dealing with huge contrasts and dramatic victimization has dimmed my ability to see nuance. But I'll work on it."

Understood! Sometimes when parents are really bummed about something that falls within the realm of just a little frustrating, I ask them if some neighbor has been sticking a broomstick up their child, or chaining and starving them, or making them take drugs.

They look horrified and say no. And I say, good, so there are many worse things that happen to other children that are not happening to yours. Let's be happy about that while we work out this problem.

6:31 PM, July 07, 2007  
Blogger Mortimer Brezny said...

I don't actually need the sex itself. But one way for my girlfriend to create intimacy is to stop rejecting my requests for sex.

10:42 PM, July 08, 2007  
Blogger tomcal said...


Since she's only your girlfriend and you are not married or anything, just tell her that if she keeps rejecting your requests, you will go elsewhere. It's not that you don't love her, it's just that you have certain biological needs that must be satistied. With that, walk out the door and go straight to the closest dive bar where you are guaranteed to get laid tonight.

If that doesn't work, just dump her. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

11:43 PM, July 08, 2007  
Blogger tomcal said...

Mortimer cont:

Do it right now, it's easier to find 'em ugly early and drink 'em pretty.

11:49 PM, July 08, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I wish all the therapists were sympathetic to men like Dr. Helen. And as pretty as she is, too!

1:36 AM, July 11, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn, and I just got back from the grocery store.........

7:04 AM, July 11, 2007  
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