Friday, June 29, 2007

"Nearly twice as many women as men said they perpetrated domestic violence in the past year"

Trudy W. Schuett at Dean's World sent me a link to this interesting study on domestic violence:

SEATTLE, June 27 (UPI) -- University of Washington researchers tracing the development of violent behavior have found a link between teenage violence and domestic violence.

Adolescents who engaged in violent behavior at a relatively steady rate through their teenage years and those whose violence began in their mid-teens and increased over the years are significantly more likely to engage in domestic violence in their mid-20s than other young adults, according to lead author Todd Herrenkohl, an associate professor of social work at the University of Washington in Seattle.

The study, published in the journal Violence and Victims, also found no independent link between an individual's use of alcohol or drugs and committing domestic violence. In addition it showed that nearly twice as many women as men said they perpetrated domestic violence in the past year, including kicking, biting or punching a partner, threatening to hit or throw something at a partner, and pushing, grabbing or shoving a partner, said Herrenkohl.


Our culture seems to be encouraging aggressive behavior in girls and women, who tend to display aggression in interpersonal relationships. It is no wonder that many young women feel that it is acceptable to kick, bite or punch a partner. A commenter mentioned the movie, The Holiday, in a previous post. I saw this movie over the weekend and I must say that the part where Cameron Diaz punched her cheating boyfriend squarely in the face not once but twice and left him bleeding made me wince, it was not funny. But our culture thinks women hitting, pushing and shoving men is hilarious. I wonder if more girls and women just feel more comfortable now admitting that they hit men since it is seen as powerful rather than "unladylike." But is hitting, kicking and punching your significant other really the way to solve a problem, for either sex?

147 Comments:

Blogger GeorgeH said...

I'm not so sure this is a new phenomenon.

Most studies I have seen draw from reported domestic violence, and men are far more likely to laugh off a bunch that doesn't leave a mark or a thrown object that misses. Because women generally face no consequences, they escalate in frequency and feel no guilt. Men, even if they don't learn not to be violent, learn to be ashamed of their actions.

This survey is self reported rather than being based on police/hospital statistics and can be expected to have different results.

2:35 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

twice as many women as men said they perpetrated...kicking, biting or punching a partner, threatening to hit or throw something at a partner, and pushing, grabbing or shoving a partner...

Mmmmmm...foreplay.

You wouldn't happen to have their phone numbers, would you?

2:36 PM, June 29, 2007  
Blogger Helen said...

George,

I realize that this is not a new phenomenon. I do wonder if more women are willing to admit to engaging in these behaviors now than in the past as it used to be considered "unladylike" and now is considered "really cool" to hit men. But I take your point that most men would shrug off some of these acts of violence or not really consider it violence in the first place. But I read one study that at least 30% of men who are abused do not report it or go for any type of treatment so hospital reports could tend to be wrong also.

2:47 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've never laughed at these kinds of scenes either. I've wondered if I'm the only one not amused.

The women that I know that do this in general have poor impulse control and low tolerance for frustration. From the yuk-yuk anecdotes that they tell it's simply about retribution, not about "problem-solving".

3:02 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think bugs brought up a good point with his joke.

Some guys pay good money for that kind of attention. Which shows there's a certain level of violence that's ingrained into people.

Resorting to violence for every heated issue is a problem. But so is the opposite.

3:03 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

TO: Dr. Helen
RE: Okay. What About....

....verbal violence?

Is there a study on who perpetrates such in a 'domestic' relationship?

Something other than threats to become physical?

Regards,

Chuck(le)
[It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman. -- Proverbs]

3:06 PM, June 29, 2007  
Blogger TMink said...

Ya know, I do think it is cool when girls and women feel empowered to bust someone in the nose to protect themselves. I think of them protecting themselves from a sexual assault for instance. That is self defense and empowering. It is why I have routinely sent sexual abuse survivors to martial arts training.

But assault is different, way different. Hitting someone because you are angry or disappointed is being a perpetrator. How do we teach folks the difference and the self control to stop assaulting people?

Trey

4:07 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dr., I think you touched on the difference, but there's more to it. In the past, women were rarely charged in these kinds of incidents, true. It was a traditional female perogative to slap or hit men. However, that privilege came with signinficant social constraints. A women would not do that unless there was good reason to. If a man was an offensive boor towards a woman, she'd slap him and he would not do anything because he'd know he deserved it. But if there was no good reason, the man was perfectly within his rights to either laugh it off, or to physically restrain the woman until she calmed down, whatever method he thought would be most effective. Either way, that was generally the end of it. That was the social contract. A woman who went around repeatedly slapping or hitting men for no good reason would soon face social ostracism, by both male and female acquaintances, because everyone understood the consequences of abusing the female privilege. It was there for a particular purpose, and using it outside of that purpose constituted a serious breach of the social contract, and everyone knew it.

Nowdays, modern feminism claims the traditional female privileges as unconditional rights, and encourages women to use and manipulate these privileges to their own advantage. (Originalist feminists rejected these privileges altogether, but that idea is very out of fashion now.) So it's no surprise that young girls learn "go ahead, hit him. He's not allowed to hit you back, you know." The old social contract has been rendered obsolete. A new deal is in place, and it's backed by the force of the state. And it's a rotten deal for men.

4:10 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"But our culture thinks women hitting, pushing and shoving men is hilarious"

Been happening a long time too.

Check out these 3 Minnesota gals in 1942...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mg7ymwFsMI0

Happens 2 minutes into the clip.

No wonder they readily embraced feminism up in the frozen north.

Great Blog Dr!

Andrew

4:14 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

what cousin dave said. it IS a rotten deal for men. which is why most men i know view feminism with the unbridled contempt it so richly deserves.

a philosophical/moral code that demands *all* rights & privileges be granted to its devotees; claims *both* sides of every argument; and laughs off as amusing trifles the same actions they claim to be 'abuse' *when it's done to THEM*.....

is the ethical code of a sociopath. 21st century feminism in action, gang. no longer just for spoiled children masquerading as women....

4:18 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I've never laughed at these kinds of scenes either. I've wondered if I'm the only one not amused."

Yes it's become quite the cliché to have some smartly dressed female character haul off and slug a guy square in the face. It's rather like the old vaudeville schtick of closing a comic encounter with the woman beating a masher over the head with her purse. That's how you ended a scene, everyone knew that. Ha ha.

Aside from the real world implications, the routine is not funny and reveals a real poverty of ideas among the screenwriter crowd.

4:25 PM, June 29, 2007  
Blogger Helen said...

Trey,

"How do we teach folks the difference and the self control to stop assaulting people?"

By teaching girls boundaries the same way we used to teach boys. Boys were taught to sublimate their aggression as they grew up. They were taught how and when to use aggression by their fathers and when to stop. This is not happening as often but now we are encouraging girls to "empower" themselves but at the same time, we are not teaching them restraint. Women who hit men are cheered, encouraged or a reason is found why the man deserved it. If a person hits in self defense, it is one thing, but to hit a boyfriend, or significant other--including other girls or women--is not an appropriate way to express anger. We either pretend it is cute and good for women to hit or we deny that women are aggressive. Neither of these extremes teaches women how to use aggression appropriately.

4:29 PM, June 29, 2007  
Blogger Nick said...

I wonder what the statistics would show as far as women vs. men who threaten to claim domestic abuse even if none occurred?

4:50 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

After a round of some great sex, I'm not mad at ANYBODY.

5:07 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well as this experiment from 5 years ago shows, society accepts and ignores female on male violence. An ABC follow up on seeing who would intervene only this time they had a woman beating on a man. Only one group tried to stop it and one woman even gave a "You go girl".

In the past though, women were more subtle. I remember the Julia Roberts' film "Something to Talk About" where she was given poison by her grandmother and told to make her cheating husband a special dinner. Using just enough so he'd know what she could do if he didn't straighten up. The punch line was when she used to much and had to rush him to the hospital.

The comedian, Christopher Titus has a whole routine about his abusive girlfriend. Including a bit about begging the cops to arrest him and not leave him alone with her. Would a female comic be able to have a routine on national TV about an abusive boyfriend? Would anyone find it funny?

5:09 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm sure hitting, biting and punching are not good problem solving techniques, but since when is "threatening to hit or throw something at a partner" the same thing as actually doing it?

5:13 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Girl punches don't hurt.

5:29 PM, June 29, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

anon 4:14 -- Yes, remove the surrounding context from Three Stooges slapstick and it becomes simple violence. That was Shemp.

5:57 PM, June 29, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

jkb -- Brett Butler.

6:00 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

anonymous 5:13

Men go to jail for threatening women. Domestic abuse and all. If she feels threatened, the law says he's guilty. Even if he just yells at her and never touches her.

Does it work the other way around? Not very often.

6:06 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I see two elements perhaps not mentioned.

First, folk generally feel that a man is likely to be bigger and stronger than the fem and, hence, able to defend himself or escape. The reverse is more commonly not the case. Thus, W on M physical violence is far less likely to be life threatening.

Second, fems are being taught (correctly, in my view) that they should not submit to an aggressor (like meekly go along and hope no serious injury) but to respond with maximum energy and volume. This is a far, far cry from "Just relax and ...."

6:38 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Father of two boys.
Both taught to fight back against anyone who initiates violence.
Walk away from words, strike back against physical contact.
The gender of your attacker not important -- no free rides.
Size/Age of your attacker is only important in terms of how hard you hit back.

Both have already told at least one pyhcially agressive female (on separate occasions) "If you hit me just once, I'll flatten you."

Both times, Dad looked at the bully, smiled evilly, nodded, and said "Yep, he sure will. And he hits hard."

Oddly, neither girl took them up on it. Not sure, but I like to think once they understood there would be immediate consequences, they were deterred.

That's what "I believe in equal rights for women" really means. Equal opportunities, equal consequences.

6:40 PM, June 29, 2007  
Blogger Cham said...

If a girl/lady/woman punches you, call the police. Have her arrested. Send her to prison, make her do community service, pay a fine. Once women realize there is a consequence to their actions they might think twice before doing it again. If there are no consequences and she is made to look like a hero not only will a lady punch again but so will her friends.

7:02 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Cham:

Call the police? No thanks. I still have testosterone

Boys and girls are different and yes, there are double standarsd in society

As they say in 7-card stud: Deal with it

9:22 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hope everybody enjoyed "Chicago", that really funny musical about women murdering men for what? Simply jealousy or irritation with him?

Rember that great song "Jailhouse Tango."

I was really miffed when I saw that film with some women. They all thought the film was great.

I wonder if they did the same film with the genders reversed? I suspect they would ban it.

9:23 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Alison Armstrong says the current American culture idealizes masculine qualities but demeans men.

Weird but true.

9:40 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Helen, as a Forensic Psychologist, you should be aware that well over ninety percent (90%)of domestic violence occurs between couples who are NOT MARRIED.

The fact that girls and women can be violent and strike males more often isn't really "news".. at least to men.

9:44 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is a great blog - are you kidding? It offers that rare view into the soul of men who are, well, itching to punch women around to show them who's exactly in control and just who is the boss. Thanks, Helen, for the service.

9:45 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1charlie2 is absolutely correct. Once someone puts the conflict on a physically violent basis, it is and should be on. The fact that the person doing so was extremely ill-advised is irrelevant.

If a man hit Mike Tyson, he'd expect to get decked. If a woman hits a man, she should expect the same thing. The fact that women are physically feeble militates against their adopting that strategy, not against dealing with it in kind.

Moral of story: don't hit, unless you're prepared to be hit back. If you suck at fighting, you might take that into account before putting a conflict on that basis.

9:56 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmm, maybe women should raise rot weilers who attack batterers? Since might is right and rules the day in this blog.....Say, one smack gets one deck, then one amputated arm?

10:00 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

...one female smack, begets one male beating, who begets female's rot weiler chomping up his arm? Might is right, right?

10:01 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's the moral of the story, right?

10:02 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not news to me. I used to work for a police department, and contrary to the popular view, most domestic violence was unofficially categorized as "mutual combat".

And many guys just either laughed it off or sucked it up when a woman hit them. My little brother allowed his now-wife to punch him all the time in public until I told him I didn't appreciate watching their "foreplay". For all I know she still punches him in private. My brother would rather deal with her immaturity that way than get the guttersnipe arrested or get her counseling (yeah, not a big fan of the in-law....so sue me.)

10:03 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hmmm, maybe women should raise rot weilers who attack batterers? Since might is right and rules the day in this blog

Wholly irrational. As all those passed English reading comprehension 101 will appreciate, the previous entry made clear that decking someone was in response to being hit first. Or did that trivial detail escape your attention?

In that context, the woman is the batterer.

Try to keep up, OK?

10:06 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry, your superior intelligence escaped me the first time. Who is the batterer? The man or the woman? The woman? All, tell that to the judge and jury will you? Oh, by the way, what did you say your name was? Are you part of any of the National Databases?

10:09 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry, your superior intelligence escaped me the first time.

Yes, obviously. I'll try not to use any big words this time.

IF "ALPHA" HITS "BETA", "BETA" HAS A RIGHT TO HIT "ALPHA", REGARDLESS OF ANY OTHER CONSIDERATION.

Sorry for the multisyllabic word at the end. (Have someone explain it to you.)

To put it another way:

WHOEVER HITS, CANNOT COMPLAIN ABOUT BEING HIT.

Sex notwithstanding. Got it?

10:17 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great marketing - a blog by a "forensic" psychologist advertising herself clad in pajamas...hmmm, just the kind of mascot befitting this sort of cult following by a bunch of, well, individuals who likely are registered on govt monitoring databases.

10:17 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bitter about getting nailed with assault and battery, are we?

10:19 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gee, if you thought I can't handle big words, what made you think I can handle Greek? Please. Come again, slowwwwly and only in monosyllables, if you please.

10:22 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What? My superior man keeper pointed out that your prose was in Latin! See, what made you think pea brained female gender can handle foreign lingo? Please. Once again, and in simple kindergarten prose, if you please.

10:23 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The point is symmetry. "A" hits "B"; "B" hits "A." "A" cannot now squawk about violence.

See? Simple, really. If you need to know the respective genders of "A" and "B", then you're fundamentally sexist.

10:23 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now, you've got me completely confused, and I'm getting mad. So you can't fault me for human nature boiling inside wanting to smack you a bit, get the drift? Why are you banting about letters of the alphabet for a pea brained and pea physiqued females like me? Let's have a viable dialog - again, monosyllables, if you please, not Greek or Latin or multiple choice letters of the alphabets - please.

10:27 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello???? Educate me, will you?

10:28 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tell me like it truly is, will you?

10:28 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry, can't do it. Too busy circulating a petition to repeal the 19th Amendment. (g)

10:29 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let me see, alone on a Friday night busy circulating a petition - can't get a date, huh? Poor bloke.

10:33 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You wanna an instadate?

10:33 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just a little secret...you're not gonna get a date or any action wearing an attitude of A and B engaging in assault.....just a little free tip...not gonna help the "getting in on" process, you know what I mean?

10:35 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Circulating petitions is just..well...not hot. Not happenin'. Not going to bite. So, I'd say, maybe try not being to hostile against women and you might be out and about, instead of circulating petitions tonight...

10:37 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

But, hey, you're entitled to your views, just those views won't really get you anywhere. Why do you think Dr. Helen has a mug shot of her in pajamas? With her snarly herself, she probably doesn't get out much either...

10:39 PM, June 29, 2007  
Blogger tomcal said...

I'm still suffering culture shock after my week in Central America. Aren't you supposed to defend yourself (using reasonably appropriate force) when attacked, regardless of your sex?

11:07 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I do wonder if more women are willing to admit to engaging in these behaviors now than in the past as it used to be considered "unladylike" and now is considered "really cool" to hit men.

I don't think so. I believe the problem is that in the past we used to see violence by women against men as funny. Look at the popular comics of as little as 15 years ago.

Maggie waiting by the stairs with a tolling pin to brain Jiggs when he came rolling in from Dinty Moore's late.

Cora Dithers beating up on Mr Dithers almost constantly with an umbrella.

Snuffy Smith's wife Weezy beating on him with a frying pan.

Andy Capp's wife constantly hitting him when he misbehaved.

Or on TV, remember Laugh-in and the recurring joke with Artie Johnson as a dirty old man constantly getting slammed by Joanne Worley.

All of these were routine with violence depicted at least once a week in each of these examples.

I doubt there is any time in our history where a gender reversal in these cases would have been acceptable. Had Mr Dithers hit Cora back, there would have been a loud outcry.

In our criminal justice system we treat seem to women who beat or even kill their husbands much more leniently than the reverse. "He had it coming" is the spoken or unspoken sentiment.

I have long thought there was a double standard in our views towards violence between genders.

I do not profess any great expertise in this area but I have seen various studies that show wife on husband domestic violence occurs about as frequently as husband on wife violence.

In gay and lesbian households domestic violence between partners seems to occur abut as frequently as in hetero households.

The problem is not wife beating, per se (though that is certainly a problem when it occurs) The problem is violence between domestic partners regardless of gender or orientation.

John Henry

11:07 PM, June 29, 2007  
Blogger DADvocate said...

Watching my daughter and her friends interact with boys, I see a much greater rate of girls striking boys than boys striking girls. My daughter is now 11 years old and I've been observing this behavior for 3-4 years now.

One setting where it is easy to see this is at the local high school football games. A group of kids usually congregates at one end of the field. They play much more than watch the game. The scenario usually goes: the boy says something, probably a smart alec remark, and a girl hits or kicks him or tries to.

When confronted about their behavior, the girls respond that it's OK for girls to hit boys but now boys to hit girls or that "it doesn't hurt." I know several female adults that have this attitude. I avoid them.

I see girls doing much more hitting with adults than boys do also. I'm certain that if a qualified, objective behavioral scientist analyzed interactions between boys and girls, girls and adult males, they would verify these observations.

BTW - Here's a new case where a woman shot her husband in the head while he slept. They were the "perfect couple" living in a community, Ft. Thomas, KY near Cincinnati, that hadn't experienced a homicide in over 10 years. There is no evidence of abuse but guess what she's claiming. Murder seems pretty abusive to me but when it's a woman killing her spouse many find it acceptable. It's open season on husbands.

11:39 PM, June 29, 2007  
Blogger pst314 said...

"In gay and lesbian households domestic violence between partners seems to occur abut as frequently as in hetero households."

Yes. This can be found in the Department of Justice's uniform crime statistics reports. But don't point this out to any feminists you know, or they'll call you a sexist and a fascist...and maybe, if they are like one "progressive" I know, they'll punch you out.

11:58 PM, June 29, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ROFL! Anonymous, having a conversation with yourself works better in your head than on paper.

Amy K.

12:11 AM, June 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

See http://www.dvmen.org/dv.htm#DVtitlepage

A good compilation of LOTS of well done studies, bibliography, etc.

1:31 AM, June 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My question is WHY are women deciding to hit men? Girls to hit boys?

It seems stupid and counterproductive, also high-risk. It bets that much larger, stronger, physically dangerous men will control themselves and not hit them back for ... what exactly? What benefit do they derive?

I understand the why of male domestic violence. About using superior physical strength and size to control their wife/girlfriend. I don't get it with women. It seems incredibly risky given the payoff (control I suppose).

Increased rivalry with their partner for status perhaps? Women feeling the need to be the dominant partner? To me that indicates a society-wide problem.

1:32 AM, June 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm old enough, and old-fashioned enough, that I've pretty much got the same attitude on this matter as others of my generation, namely that hitting women is bad, period. If a woman tried to hit me, I'd just try to defend myself with blocking parries, and prosecute with formal charges only if I thought it necessary to do so to protect myself from malicious false charges by a woman who was in the habit of abusing the legal system in that manner.

I suppose in theory I'd be justified in striking back in the case of blows intended to seriously hurt, but I've learned in subtle ways that if an opponent isn't truly the enemy, then I *will* feel bad later about hurting him or her. It's just not worth it. I'd have no problem whatsoever with killing a mugger or robber, but that's not the question here, is it now?

Having said all that, I agree that it sucks that the FemiNazis have destroyed the old social contract between men and women generally over initiation of force within relationships. It's a raw deal that pretty much only men will be arrested at will on mere allegations of abuse from women who later smirk about it with their friends over cocktails. I'd prefer greatly to not associate at all with women who think that situation is cool or right.

2:47 AM, June 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Women expect to be able to hit men and get away with it. And rightly so, since they always have. Men learn that they will never get away with hitting a woman (assuming public exposure) no matter what the provocation, and they never do. I have never hit a woman. I have been assaulted by many. I've had women who, in their frustration, have tried to make me hit them. It's all very wierd and has nothing whatever to do with "A hits B regardless of gender-in some perfect utopia usually comprised of a women's studies class at community college.". Um, your not a guy, are you? As in, someone who ever had to explain some shit to the cops, or go to JAIL. Right now. 'Cause at that point 'she hit me first' ain't makin' it, Jack.
Here's the thing you learn in grade school about fighting girls: If you win, so what? You beat up a girl. If you lose, you got your ass kicked by a girl, which is pretty bad.
This is many a young man's first exposure to what he later learns is the 'catch 22' paradox. The no win situation best to be avoided. There will be many others, and all of them suck.
I've found the best thing to do when confronted with violent women is to take it like a man. They get tired pretty fast, and I've been in enough real fights to know when I'm not in one.
Oh, yeah, and don't get drunk. All the time. With women. Who get drunk. All the time.
Is it fair? Nope. But hey, the sweet nectar of the patriarchy isn't free.

3:47 AM, June 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"But our culture thinks women hitting, pushing and shoving men is hilarious."

No, it's not funny, but neither is it very serious most of the time. In general, I am much more concerned about violence by men against women simply because of the physical power disparity normally involved. Let's face it, most men could annihilate their significant other in about 15 seconds. Barring some device, like a gun, women are generally no such threat to men.

4:12 AM, June 30, 2007  
Blogger Laika's Last Woof said...

The "hit back" advice offered here is terrible. Unless she is much bigger than you or has a weapon, if you hit back you're going to jail. If you don't have a black eye and broken nose, you're the abuser and she's the victim, guaranteed.

The good news is that if a woman hits you she wants to have sex with you. An indifferent woman would ignore you, and if she thought you were scary / creepy / threatening she would avoid you, not hit you.
A woman who hits you is demanding you pay attention to her. This means she wants your attention. This means she wants YOU.

But you can't be a weakling or she'll feel nothing but contempt for you and you'll ruin the moment, so you can't wince or cower. Look her in the eye after she hits you like you're going to beat her mercilessly and try to grab her wrists if she tries to hit you again.
No, you're not actually going to hit back, but she needs to see that look so she can get that feeling of being overpowered.
Once you nab her wrist you have a judgment call to make: if you pull her wrist down it will pull her close to you, at which point she'll either give you a look of submission and have wild sex with you or she'll knee you in the groin.

4:21 AM, June 30, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

georgeh does have a point, men & boys do laugh off violence which causes no or little harm. Last year's "Family Violence in Canada" stated that men do not seek help until they also need medical help. This seems to be the truth. Thus, women do not get a early hint that their behavior is unacceptable.

When that is added into the government and press refusal to include male victims of family violence, women get another huge hint that violence against their menfolk is acceptable. Adding in feminist hatred of men adds one more hint to women that violence against their menfolk is quite acceptable.

For those without the moral courage to do the right thing, regardless of hints, this does seem to result in a strong belief that violence against men is indeed acceptable behavior.



Trey asks: "How do we teach folks the difference and the self control to stop assaulting people?"

I think the first thing we need do is remove all the hints telling women that violence against men is acceptable. We need to tell men to tell women --loudly and clearly-- that their behavior is unacceptable, we need, most importantly, to STOMP on the hatred of men.

Doing those two things creates the atmosphere in which real work on ending violence can occur.



Dr. Helen, about the above and your comment: I cannot see your method working without FIRST doing the two things I speak of above. Once those two things are done, then Yes, I agree with your assessment.

4:54 AM, June 30, 2007  
Blogger blake said...

Somebody was always hitting some other body in those old '30s and '40s movies. Most of the time, the hittee (male or female) needed it, it was never done with the intent to cause any damage, and once it was over, it was over. (The beauty of the pre-arranged narrative and/or a society with more stringent expectations about behavior.) In the romantic comedies of the day it was just one possible expression of conflict.

I honestly can't imagine it personally (giving or receiving) but it's clear the movie rules have changed: A woman can hit a man for any slight; a man can only hit a woman to knock her unconscious so that he can go Do The Dangerous Thing (there's a goofy trope for ya).

As a side note, I've never known a man who struck his woman; but I've known women who have attacked their men, and men who have endured considerable injury rather than defend themselves.

And it should be stressed here that we do not all have an equal (de facto) right to defend ourselves. Prosecutors, juries and judges are all going to evaluate by relative sizes. If it's really a problem, you can cure someone of a desire to hit you by making it hurt to do so....

5:32 AM, June 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The study, published in the journal Violence and Victims, also found no independent link between an individual's use of alcohol or drugs and committing domestic violence. In addition it showed that nearly twice as many women as men said they perpetrated domestic violence in the past year

That sounds on the low side to me. Male domestic violence can be more serious because men are stronger than women, but Ive seen and heard of waaay more women that resort to physical violence than men.

If you want to add spiteful, deliberately malicious actions and language, I'm sorry to have to assert that the fairer sex, all too often, are in a completely different league.

Nick - South Africa

5:51 AM, June 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i used to work in a university about 10 years ago, for 4 years i worked there, and there was this one girl, who made my life hell, putting up posters about me, following me calling me every name under the sun, for 3 long years, i took it, every single day, slamming a door in my face, everything she could do she did. dont know why, but she hated me

so after 3 long years and telling everyone about it, and nothing was done.. i admit i lost my temper, she was following me and making very bad comments about my family, me and everything i did, so i turned round and grabbed her jacket, and lifted her 6 inches off the floor and growled. "leave me alone", and then i put her down. and she did, she knew she had pushed me too far. but today i would have been arrested.

tomcal, what you mean men defend themselves.. if a man if killed or beaten up that just proves he denigrated women x number of years ago.. (sarcasm)

7:25 AM, June 30, 2007  
Blogger Mercurior said...

Statistically, females usually account for about 15% of all violent crime and 28% of all property crime. However, there has been about a 140% increase in the number of crimes committed by women since 1970, and the upward trend is steady

http://faculty.ncwc.edu/toconnor/428/428lect11.htm

For homicide, one of the most frequently-cited facts is a Justice Department study in 1991 which found females who were incarcerated for murder were twice as likely as men incarcerated for murder to have killed an intimate (husband, boyfriend, or child

7:39 AM, June 30, 2007  
Blogger RebeccaH said...

Normally I'm not one to blame television or movies for the violence in society (but rather, think it's the other way around), but is it possible today's girls are buying into the fantasy where stick-figured young women can beat the crap out of big, burly men on screen?

Not that I think domestic violence is in any way well thought out. Mostly it's just lashing out in anger without thinking of the consequences until after the deed is done. That goes for either gender.

10:02 AM, June 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

anon for a reason 7:25 AM June 30, 2007

Yeah, she posts here now on a regular basis. She realized somebody can't reach through a computer screen and yank her up by her jacket.

10:51 AM, June 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the insight laika's last woof.

I'm off to all the local shopping malls today, within a 50 mile radius. Every woman I see that I find attractive, I intend to walk up to her and holler "hit me!"

Hopefully, Joe and Mary's baby boy is gonna get lucky today!

11:00 AM, June 30, 2007  
Blogger 1charlie2 said...

jw,

That sort of socialization of what is or is not acceptable is exactly why I've taught my boys those rules of violence.

They will not be socialized to be girls' victims. Nor will their intended attackers be socialized that they can "Get away with it" because "they're girrrrrls." As I've said, I believe hugely in equality, even when it gets complicated.

Perhaps one day one of my boys will be victimized by the courts for fighting back. I've been there myself (although ultimately exonerated). But they will never be victimized by bullies without badges.

Any yes, it really does make a difference in one's mind. You can and likely will put up with more crap (for example, name-calling) from a cop than you will from any other stranger.

Having a cop call a teen a "punk" (assuming its unwarranted) is, in my opinion, easier to shrug off than being the patsy for an entire gender. It's aggravating, but not as ego-destructive as having your sister, cousin, neighbor, or classmate victimizing you.

And let's not exaggerate the situation: I don't counsel my boys (or anyone) to beat the living daylights out of girls (or boys) who try violence. I do understand the term "commensurate violence" (and "measured reprisal" as well). And I understand "disparity of force" under the law.

They are not allowed to bash someone's skull in with a rock, or any other straw-man argument the intellectually-bankrupt might put forth. That's not necessary -- instantly returning a forearm slap with a forearm slap is usually sufficient to stop a bully cold. (See gaming theory, "tit for tat" strategy). Or yelling "Stop hitting me" while knocking someone right on their keister will get the lesson across with nothing more than a sore butt.

But I know of nothing in NY Penal law requires you to accept being hit without response.

12:11 PM, June 30, 2007  
Blogger xlbrl said...

The law is an ass. Our conflicted culture has seen to it becoming more of an ass.
The ridiculous demand for equality in all things and all people presents plenty of jacks to go with the asses.
I've been attacked by women--once with a poker iron. But we are much more concerned with the mouth than with a chair broken over the head. I can tell you that for a fact.
I was not upset with this part of things, as a woman would be, because I knew I had the upper hand anytime I wanted to use it. That's a very large distinction.
That said, women are every bit as lethal as men. We only see more clearly what men are capable of. Women work in other ways.
I'll take the chair anytime.
There is an exception even to this. That is the woman who seeks to provoke a beating as the source of her power over a man. The first time I saw this, I didn't believe my eyes, literally. After a few weeks, it sank in, and I then saw more of it then previously I'd been able to understand. Such women know very well how to milk the law. The law sometimes is the cause of the abuse.

1:34 PM, June 30, 2007  
Blogger Quadraginta said...

I recall a university study years ago that found that women were more likely than men to initiate violence in a relationship, but men were more likely to finish it.

That is, women were more likely to throw light punches, slap, shove, et cetera, but that men were more likely to throw heavy, injuring punches, strangle, et cetera. I think they tentatively concluded that women were more likely to use violence to influence or control their partner -- like using the reins on a horse -- while men were more likely to use violence to simply hurt their partner, with no particular thought of control.

There's an interesting parallel to suicidal (self-injuring) behaviour. Note that women are more likely to hurt themselves in ways short of mortal (cutting, anorexia, ineffectual suicide attempts) while men are more likely to hurt themselves decisively (bullet through the temple). Again, one thought is that women are more likely to use self-aggression as a means of control of others, while men are more likely to just want to end their lives.

3:03 PM, June 30, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

quadraginta -- You're right on the study, men finish more fights. That doesn't mean they overreact. I think it's more that a violent woman gets her bell rung than she's been throwing light punches.

3:42 PM, June 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Woofster? Yeah, it's br549 here, with a report from the field.

I went to the mall, like I said. You know, started meeting women and doing the "hit me!" thing, hoping to get lucky. Strangely, most of the gals at the mall must have been reading this thread before heading to the mall themselves. I never got closer than an extended leg's length to any female I hollered "hit me!" to. Anyway, on my fifth attempt, the gal I approached was evidently an ex-soccer champion or something. The fact I was walking kinda funny by this time probably made her feel kind of antsy. She kicked me so hard a berry flew out each ear in opposite directions. One flew into a beauty parlor and pinged around a bit, knocking stuff off counters and such. Really cleared that place out, pronto!

The other one flew over the railing and down into the food court. Seems it landed in someone's spaghetti meal after a couple bounces. A helpful on site individual ran down and informed the diner that the funny shaped meatball was not actually part of the meal. Everything has now been surgically replaced, however. Only minimal damage was done. However, we have no idea where my glasses blasted off to. The whole mall was looking for them.

The doctor at the emergency room the policemen took me to says my eyes should stop bulging in three weeks, tops. He also said that if I do 100 jumping jacks, 3 times a day, the boys will eventually work themselves back into position. Also the swelling should subside, and I shouldn't need the pillows and wheelbarrow anymore.

So by the time I get out of jail, I should be able to wear my glasses again (hope somebody finds them!)and be down to simply stuffing ice packs down the front of my pants for just a couple more months.

I can't figure for the life of me though........... I'm gonna have to read your post again, and figure where I went wrong.

4:06 PM, June 30, 2007  
Blogger Melody said...

Poor BR549. You should have practiced safe Darwin-sex and worn protection ... of the hard plastic athletic type.

4:18 PM, June 30, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

Helen,

Subj: Conditioning & the sublimation of violence

IMHO: Conditioning people to violence is not that hard particularly if they're young & saturated with media imagery featuring violence without consequences.

One of the reasons I liked "Blackhawk Down" as much as I did is that it neither downplayed the humanity or the bloody consequences of the '94 fiasco in Somalia.

This is what it's like.

But to some degree most guys learn REAL FAST at a real young age that for every action there is an equal and opposite kick in the balls.

We KNOW there are bigger fish. One is quite possibly in the process of practicing 3rd grade dentistry on us because we cheesed him off. We play aggressive games from an early age. We get hurt.

It's educational.

But with the violence-saturated media aimed at girls (and women) these days combined with the general disinclination for males to initiate aggression with women save under extreme situations* I'm not sure that women always pick up the lesson.

Until it's too late, one way or the other.

For what it's worth, and I apologize as I have not made a precise count, it seems to me that far more women in this thread take female violence seriously.

I mean no offense, but this is part of the problem from the XY side, a see-no-evil attitude that endangers men & women.

Failure to respond to evil or violent behavior before it metastisizes is a form of complicity with violent intent.

-G

*****

*Cohabitation, money, the transfer thereof & various intoxicants seem to be involved in these confrontations a lot.

1:26 AM, July 01, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

To: oligonicella, quadriginta, xlbrl
Re: your observations

Piquant, as Molly Ivins used to say. I think younger women are more likely to resort to overt violence then older women, who seem to prefer more covert means.

1:53 AM, July 01, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

quoth rebecca:

"..but is it possible today's girls are buying into the fantasy that stick-figured girls can beat up big, burly men on screen."

A qualified yes. I call it "Buffycide."

Someone once noted in Buffy forum not so long ago that every female character in the show over 25 ended up 1) dead, 2) bipolar & dead & that except for Spike (also dead, but got a reprieve in the spin-off) was a simpering pretty boy...the kind of guy who works out a lot and rubs Nair on his chest.

I paraphrase slightly. And the Nair bit was mine.

Men's locker rooms are scary places, Rebecca. Took me long enough to get used to a hippie college where half the women didn't shave their legs.

Now I work out at suburban gyms where men shave their chests & women spend two hours on Stairmasters because they ate too many sprouts yesterday & are in danger of weighing more then Paris Hilton.

Whose selling us this nonsense and why are people buying it?

Any wonder I'm nocturnal? It's weird out there.

2:18 AM, July 01, 2007  
Blogger Frodownthrift said...

An old friend asked me "one do you say to a woman with two black eyes? I said I don't know. He replied "Nothing, co'z you already told her twice" with a thunderous laugh at the end. wow I said to my self that joke was from a Man who was beaten by his own live-in GF.
I think when you encourage violence it become a monster. if you live with a monster get rid of him/her, act on it before its too late i.e. Chris Benoit and family (RIP)

4:48 AM, July 01, 2007  
Blogger Glenn Reynolds said...

GR8inferno,


That is a pretty sick joke. Domestic violence is not funny --whether committed by a man or woman. I feel sad for your friend. Perhaps the joke made him feel better about being harmed himself.

8:27 AM, July 01, 2007  
Blogger Melody said...

There is an element of our culture -- movies, romance novels, etc. -- that fighting enhances passion. It's a common formula: if they hate each other at the beginning of the story, they'll suddenly end up kissing in the middle of a fight.

There's that fantasy out there that being mean to each other is arousing some way.

11:02 AM, July 01, 2007  
Blogger Helen said...

Oops,

The comment above was from me, not Glenn, I was using his computer and didn't notice that I hadn't signed in.

11:33 AM, July 01, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

By the way, none of that really happened (duh). That was a home made joke of a different sort.

Evidently, one that met with no resistance or counter statements.

So maybe it is acceptable for women to beat up men, just not the other way round.

11:42 AM, July 01, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Either that, or nobody likes me.

Rats.

11:44 AM, July 01, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's ok br - I still like you.

12:18 PM, July 01, 2007  
Blogger TMink said...

Heck, I would buy a used car from you Junior!

Trey

4:23 PM, July 01, 2007  
Blogger Manos said...

I didn't read through all of the comments to see if this was said by someone else but could this be a reporting error?

Women might be more willing to share? We've seen this with presidential elections.

Evan

9:50 AM, July 02, 2007  
Blogger Peregrine John said...

"Why is it funny when we do it to them?"

- Dr. Laura, re: violence, humiliation, and similar

2:36 PM, July 02, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

The next time you see a scene like that in a movie, stand up and shout "domestic abuse is no laughing matter" and simply walk out. It'll kill the mood and ruin that part of the movie giving it the context it deserves.

3:54 PM, July 02, 2007  
Blogger Lee said...

I understand that domestic violence is wrong, etc. etc., but I don't know any woman strong enough to dish out the kind of punishment a man can. When men abuse women, the women are truly being abused and they're not "putting up with it" because they're afraid someone will think they're a wimp. There's regular violence, domestic violence, and then there's domestic abuse, and there's a very big difference. Most of the time, in the (heterosexual) abuse cases, it's men beating women.

4:50 PM, July 02, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

I was told at a very young age by my mother if you hit a female your hand will grow out of your grave. I doubt that would work today.

Interesting study. I guess it takes the term "tomboy" to the next level.

4:50 PM, July 02, 2007  
Blogger Syed K.Haque, M.D. said...

"Why is it funny when we do it to them?"
health video articles

5:04 PM, July 02, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

bobsutan --

So you feel that if something in a movie offends your sensibilities you have the right to jack the movie for the rest who may not share your views? Watch out for the cokes on the way out.

5:12 PM, July 02, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

The issue here is not whether violence is acceptable. In all instances violance should be a last resort. What irritates me in the fight for gender equality is what I see as a see-saw effect. In an attempt to reduce the control of men over women, legislation was enacted. This has helped tremendously in changing the dynamics between genders. It is no longer acceptable for a man to hit a women. But this legislation and a changing social climate has allowed for women to act out in anger much like men previously had been, without consequence.

Many of these minor acts of violence come from impatience and frustration. The woman feels that the man antagonized her into the violent act and she couldn't restrain herself anymore. But why is this acceptable. Should a man be held to a higher standard of restraint?

Now I am in no way suggesting a man should be able to hit a woman, I am just trying to illustrate the hypocrisy which needs to be addressed as our society moves into a century of equality.

5:35 PM, July 02, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

lee, your last statement must be clarified, what statistics are you refering to? many domestic abuse cases involving females abusing males go unreported. We should not be so quick to revert to old stereotypes when dealing with this issue.

5:38 PM, July 02, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

this article reminds me of an arguement i had with an ex-girlfriend years ago.

we were both drinking and got into an arguement over something stupid. she was bipolar and would have an "episode" once in a while.

she threw a knife at my head.

thank God she missed.

this, of course, pissed me off.

now i've never hit a woman, but i did grab her by her robe and pick her up off the floor.

that was the last time she got physically violent w/ me...

7:28 PM, July 02, 2007  
Blogger Rich Rostrom said...

Four Weddings and a Funeral: after Charles' brother breaks up the fourth wedding by pointing out that Charles really loves someone else, Henrietta (the humiliated bride) punches Charles and knocks him down.

9:14 PM, July 02, 2007  
Blogger Laika's Last Woof said...

@br549: ROFL, awesome story!

"I'm gonna have to read your post again, and figure where I went wrong."
It ain't what you do, pal, it's how you do it.

In all seriousness, I've been hit by a girl twice and have twice made the best of it. If she hits you she's passionate about you. That's an excellent starting position for you to be in.
Now you just need to dominate her but show your gentle side by restraining her without hitting her. When that look of anger in her eyes turns to submission ... you're in.

Women are fickle by nature -- even my current (thankfully nonviolent) gf -- so you just have to adapt. Make those mood swings work in your favor. Find a way to redirect that crazy female passion towards something a little more constructive. You won't do that by hitting back.

I did give a caveat or two in giving my advice. Let me clarify: in both cases I wasn't in any real danger -- I could've annihilated either girl in 2 punches -- and in both cases she didn't have a weapon. One guy on here got threatened with a fire poker. Totally different situation.
Yes, even with a fire poker most girls wouldn't stand a chance against us guys, but once weapons are involved it just isn't worth it. What if next time her weapon of choice is boiling oil? Or if she attacks you in your sleep or from behind? There are plenty of other girls out there below the threshold of weapons-grade psycho.

In general, though, girls have to get pretty extreme to become a threat. Just grab 'em when they start hitting you; problem solved, with benefits.

12:40 AM, July 03, 2007  
Blogger Luckynkl said...

Oh, what complete and utter nonsense. Men are responsible for 97% of the world's violence while women are responsible for 3%, but somehow, in the patriarchy's warped mind (and sorry excuse for a brain), women are not only equal, but contribute to double the violence? ROFL. Do math much?

It's of course a complete lie and utter propaganda. But since when did men ever tell the truth about anything? I mean, I'm sitting here laughing at men's big fish tales on this thread. How big was that fish again, guys?

The fact is, battered men are about as common as unicorns. Which is why there are no battered men shelters. Battered men are so rare that it's a non-issue.

That's not to say women can't be violent. But the difference is, when women hit men (which is usually done in self defense), men say, "ouch," while when men hit women (which is usually done to control and dominate her), she goes to the hospital needing 367 stitches. But somehow in men's warped brains, this is one and the same thing?

As for men being so brave, macho, heroic and tough that they don't seek help, spare me. Men are the biggest whiners, complainers and cry babies on the planet. Children are much braver and more heroic than men and cry a helluva lot less.

Now spare me your wild fantasies, boys. It is not the girls beating up on the boys. It's the opposite way around. A woman is battered every 9 seconds in this country, raped every minute, and murdered every 15 minutes by a man who supposedly loved her. At what point do we call it a holocaust?

But men would have us believe it's the opposite way around? If you believe that, I've got some swampland to sell you.

It is not women marching en masse in armies. It is not women raining bombs down upon this planet. It is not women enslaving, torturing and murdering entire groups of people and marching them off to gas chambers. That honor belongs to only one species on this planet. Men.

In short, men are cowardly bullies and pathological liars. Always have been. Always will be. Take the opposite of what men say and you'll be closer to the truth. They couldn't tell the truth to save their lives.

In the meanwhile, how big was that fish again, boys?

4:18 AM, July 03, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

lucky amply demonstrates the problem we face here. His/her belief that hatred of men is acceptable behavior shows why we have an abuse problem to begin with.

More importantly, this belief that hatred of males is acceptable behavior shows why men do not speak up until they need an emergency room. Even then, the victim-man says the absolute least he can say.

We will go on having serious abuse problems until the general populace becomes willing to take a strong stance against misandry.

4:44 AM, July 03, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

"Men are responsible for 97% of the world's violence while women are responsible for 3%..."

Pulled that out of your butt. The rest of your post depends from it like a dingle-berry.

7:47 AM, July 03, 2007  
Blogger Davezilla said...

I am saddened to read a comment like Lucky's. She may be one of those women who only attracts jerks, but I don't know her, so that's speculation on my part.

I guess I am one of the "rare as unicorns" battered males. I was raised to never raise a hand to a woman. Period. I never have. Out of the 40 or so women I have dated, three were abusive to me, one severely. The cause of their attacks? I wouldn't react emotionally if they were having a tantrum. I prefer to listen to them until they run out of breath and then talk things through logically. For that, one woman hit me in the head with a vase; another dug her nails under my jaw and tried to tear out my tongue.

Now I yell back. I still won't hit, but I have no problem raising my voice.

7:59 AM, July 03, 2007  
Blogger SGT Ted said...

Lucky said...

Lucky, the Poster Chick for Mens Rights Groups.

What a feminazi bigot.

2:40 PM, July 03, 2007  
Blogger Serket said...

Someone from Ireland found my blog by searching the terms last 100 best movie scenes of male flogging. That is really disturbing that someone would have an interest in that. I wonder if the person was a woman.

8:41 PM, July 03, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

10:32 AM, July 04, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And rightly so.

3:06 PM, July 04, 2007  
Blogger TMink said...

Lucky, that was bigoted bullshit you posted. Disagree or argue, but take that trash somewhere else. Go and see a therapist, your heart is full of hate. Make it a male therapist and work hard at purging your soul of the sickness in there. And please, please, please, do not have children till you do.

Trey

5:56 PM, July 04, 2007  
Blogger Laika's Last Woof said...

"Now I yell back. I still won't hit, but I have no problem raising my voice."
Good call. When women act like spoiled children it's because they want you to discipline them.

"It's of course a complete lie and utter propaganda ..."
Except it's from personal experience. I've been hit twice, but have never hit back -- like I said before, I restrained them -- so I'm 0-for-2. So, not lying and not propaganda and you've obviously never dated women or you'd know.

"... 100 best movie scenes of male flogging ..."
There's only one: "Passion of the Christ" by Mel Gibson, hands down. Nothing else even comes close.
Graphic attention to detail and little touches of verisimilitude like the Romans counting the strokes in Latin really immerse you in the scene.
Balanced against that gritty realism are scenes almost supernaturally surreal: bloodly little chunks of flesh flying across the camera while the camera is turned away lends the flogging that Hitchcock-like "leaving it to the imagination" element.
Plus the fact that Jesus had divine god-powers and could withstand supernatural levels of flogging that would kill a normal human, because he's fated by divine mandate to die later, so you know that no matter how badly he gets flogged he'll never stay down. At some point you find yourself wishing he would just die, but then you're like, "Oh, wait, God's keeping him on life support 'til C-Day," and then your attention returns to the screen as the flogger's arm gets tired and some new Roman steps up and you're like, "Whoa, that's some serious flogging."
That's some calendar-starting sh*t right there, the "B.C." and "A.D." of flogging scenes. There's no way any movie will ever top that one.

6:43 PM, July 04, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

On second thought, I should have left the post up.

6:24 PM, July 05, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The only thing about women that really rubs me the wrong way is they never put the toilet seat back up when they're done.

6:31 PM, July 05, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know this thread is a little old but I work a lot with DV victims. For many of the women I work with, they do say they are the perpetrator until you dig deeper. Domestic violence is about power and control. Many of these men who claim to be victims are really controlling. They may not actually hit the woman but they have played so many mind games with her that she does become physical to fight back. I'm not condoning that behavior... just trying to explain how it happens. I'm sure there are many controlling women too but as a society, men still have more power than women overall. Not to mention that most men are physically stronger and so forth. Take a look at a power and control wheel and see if many men (and probably some women!) don't do this stuff. They verbally and non-verbally threaten, they put her down over and over, they threaten to kill themselves, they threaten to take the children (she can leave but not with the children), they isolate her from friends and family by telling her where she can go and not go, they accuse her of cheating and have her followed, they stalk.... i could go on and on but you get the picture. I'm not surprised by the study becuase women tend to take responsibility for the relationship... so if something is wrong, they will see what they are doing to make it wrong and they will not see that their own violence is fighting back against a stronger power.
I don't have the answer but wanted to post some of what I see in my office.

7:42 AM, July 28, 2007  
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3:53 AM, February 19, 2009  
Blogger  said...

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3:54 AM, February 19, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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9:07 PM, February 19, 2009  
Blogger 商標註冊/專利申請達人 said...

當舖也提供借錢融資。若有商標專利存證信函問題,亦歡迎討論。
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2:46 AM, February 20, 2009  
Blogger Unknown said...

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7:46 AM, February 21, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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4:36 AM, February 23, 2009  
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10:02 AM, February 23, 2009  
Blogger 商標註冊/專利申請達人 said...

商標專利存證信函歡迎討論。當舖也提供借錢融資
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3:48 AM, February 24, 2009  
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12:36 AM, February 25, 2009  
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7:35 PM, February 25, 2009  
Blogger 商標註冊/專利申請達人 said...

商標專利存證信函當舖問題都歡迎討論。
關鍵字:專利專利借錢商標商標融資

8:08 PM, February 25, 2009  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

期貨交易不像|
徵信社那樣的黑暗 雖然|
seo很難 但這是我們立達專長專業|||
徵信是我們每個人所必須的||
徵信社||
究竟是否應該存在 立達徵信社|| 我無法回答 你 就像
women's clothing 永遠都少一件依樣 但是為什麼??沒人知道|||
網頁設計||| 這門工作 和
普洱茶批發都依樣|||
普洱茶 有生熟茶之分 色澤 透明度都是辨別的重點||
徵信社亦然 生手熟手效果不同甚至要小心遇到詐騙|
外遇 也是 一回生 二回熟||
外遇案例|| 屢見不鮮 為何?這是無法防治的
徵信 是重點|
高雄搬家公司 也是 還有 記得跟大家一起要去||
公證才有法律效力||
幼稚園更是要慎選||
通水管是我的專長 噗噗xd||
家教難找 上次才發生怪怪的家教事件 = = 真的要慎選 ||
GPS是很好用的xd||
婦嬰用品專賣店||
當舖沒錢就依訂得去 彈藥小心黑心當舖||
花蓮民宿好好玩 所以更要好好選擇^q^^q^||

9:10 AM, February 26, 2009  
Blogger 商標註冊/專利申請達人 said...

專利專利專利申請申請專利專利申請專利申請存證信函存證信函當舖存證信函借錢存證信函融資存證信函商標商標商標註冊商標申請申請商標商標註冊自創品牌pttptt名人誌

10:48 AM, February 26, 2009  
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11:51 AM, March 01, 2009  
Blogger 商標註冊/專利申請達人 said...

當舖專利商標存證信函都歡迎討論。專利商標存證信函都很重要。
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4:46 AM, March 02, 2009  
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5:55 AM, March 21, 2009  
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8:50 PM, March 26, 2009  
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7:18 AM, March 29, 2009  
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2:50 AM, June 08, 2009  

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