posted by Helen at 9:08 AM
Thursday, May 12, 2011
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25 Comments:
I will have to read this book. Then I will have to think it through before I say anything here, because I am sure I will have much to say. This may end up as one of your marathon threads, Doc. Leave room for it.
From the reviews at Amazon, I don't need to read the book. But it ought to be required reading for any woman who files for a marriage license, with testing after reading. Actually, any woman who has a boyfriend and actually believes she would like it to last or go beyond a decade long dead end relationship out to read it.
The money quote:
"...there are many men whose fear of getting married is based on many things — one of which is that they see that their dad was married when he was younger, but now he lives in an apartment while their mom lives in a home. The mom got to raise the children, which they interpreted when they were younger as “Dad was just not interested,” but then as they got to be age 18 to 25, their dad eventually let them know that he was extremely interested and showed them court documents about how he fought in court to be involved with them, but how the mom resisted that involvement. So the man starts saying, “Wow, if I get married to the wrong woman, I could end up like my dad. My dad thought he was in love with my mom at the time and my mom was in love with my dad. Then my dad ended up not getting the home, not getting the children, having us feel that he hated us or was at least neglectful of us, his being depressed and disappointed and paying child support for children he couldn’t see in a home he couldn’t live in….” That gets pretty depressing for some boys that feel they could fall into the same pattern. The reason it isn’t even more depressing for many men is that when a man falls in love, he believes his woman will be different and oftentimes she is."
For both men and women, marriage is Russian roulette...except for men, there are more bullets.
"For both men and women, marriage is Russian roulette...except for men, there are more bullets."
----
Marriage is not a commitment for women in customary situations.
If she marries up (and that's what most strive to do - whether they accomplish it or not), she is likely going to wind up better off, whether the marriage lasts or not.
If she leaves, it's a question of how much she gets from him. If he leaves, it's a question of how much he has to give to her.
I mean ... who thought that deal up?
I'll have to thankfully decline.
Glad to see the site's back up.
Why men are the way we are? Really?
What am I getting at? Well, if I wrote a book about why rocks are the way they are, would anyone but a person with way too much wealth and time on their hands (in this case a geologist) even bother? There is nothing to know, beyond clinical study and that is going to turn up saying... exactly what I am writing. Our ways are simple, our needs are humble, we don't generally care unless our needs go unmet or if there is a danger (such as "family law").
Why rocks are the way they are, indeed. Bah! Your humble curmudgeon.
I'm waiting for "Why Women are the Way They Are".
If the number of men who don't think women are magical reaches critical mass, there's going to be incredible social upheaval. Our entire society, and perhaps, the future of the human race, is based on men making economic decisions that don't help them in favor of women.
I'm as sick of how women behave as anyone else, but I'm worried that species extinction might be the result if we ever answer the question, "What do women want?"
@Comment Monster:
Q: What do women want?
A: Name it.
@ZorroPrimo
So righteous! Very well then. What do men want? Since you can speak for my sex you can surely speak for your own.
@Golddigger
Q: What do men want?
A: Raquel Welch
Anything else is a matter of settling.
PS: Thanks ever so much for paying me the simple courtesy of getting my name right. This time. Not like I expect this kind of civility in the future, so I'm going to roll around in it like a dog in high grass for as long as it lasts.
Raquel Welch? Good God! You must be my dad's age.
Ask your dad if he remembers going to school riding on a log skid behind his pet triceratops.
If he says yes, then, yup, I'm your dad's age.
Well, triceratops sledding is an exceedingly manly thing for any child to have done. I bet Raquel Welch would be proud to be on the arm of the man who was once such a boy. No matter his age.
I would urge you, though, not to reveal your name. A woman likes a bit of mystery.
No probs. My name shall remain TOP ULTRA CLASSIFIED until the Secretary deems it otherwise.
after all that distraction we still don`t know what women want.
hint; they don`t know.
Women want men to stop asking that question when what they really wonder is how a women can be hustled into bed and kept there with a minimum of fuss.
Ah-ha, Golddigger, so men only want one thing, right?
You realize: That point of view says more about you than it does about men.
The question could be turned around, "What the hell else do you have to offer?"
Love isn't a transaction, JG. That's were you make the first of your no doubt innumerable mistakes.
Now it's about love? What a bizarre transition from men only wanting one thing.
OK, I'll play. Apparently a brand-new topic.
Men commit suicide at 2-3 times the rate of women, with a high point after a brutal divorce. Women initiate 2/3 or 3/4 of all divorces. Women are usually just fine after a divorce - as long as they get all the money they want out of the man.
Despite media depictions, men are the ones who allow themselves to be used by women for romantic notions. Women tend to keep a clear head about what they are going to get out of the transaction, er, I mean the romantic entanglement. Or marriage.
In fact, women tend to evaluate men based on what they (the women) are going to get out of them. Not just money and status, but they are included. Men tend to just fall in love and give away the store.
So back to my original point:
What the hell else do you have to offer?
And some women DO have something else to offer.
But usually not the ones spouting: "Men are only after one thing". Those speak from experience - men ARE only after one thing *from them*.
Oh ... and ... irrelevant shaming language noted, Golddigger. I'm personally immune to it, but I'm sure it will work with other men.
"...what they really wonder is how a women can be hustled into bed and kept there with a minimum of fuss."
I so loathe to split hairs here, but I think a MAXIMUM of fuss is what's really on men's minds.
In this context.
No to be the grammar Nazi.
But seriously.
Okay. I'm just going to go back to my episode of Archer and leave it to you kids to squabble over.
Lana Kane just found the bomb on the blimp and Archer shot the German guy, so before we get into who's going to defuse the bomb, I'm just going to depart from your little argument and get back to Cheryl shagging the silly shit-snacks out of Cyril Figgis before Lana finds out he's cheating on her.
This whole gender crap is soooooo tiring.
@JG
I'm very sorry that there are men who have been so badly hurt. I mean that very sincerely.
But if someone I cared about were in that situation, my brother say, I'd tell him that baggagey divorcees are toxic. They repel other people and make themselves miserable. I'd tell him that he could either wallow in his pain and self-righteous bitterness forever or dump his baggage and move on.
What I mean by moving on is this: not seeing the ghost of his ex in every woman he meets; not instantly jumping to a thousand negative conclusions about a woman on the barest evidence, just because she's a woman; and not having all sorts of triggers hidden everywhere that when innocently touched cause a nuclear explosion. What I mean is being able to trust enough, and be vulnerability enough, to experience emotional intimacy--without which bonding is impossible. Yes he may be hurt again, but he's hurting now, isn't he.
What I would suggest for him this time around, though, is that he choose more carefully. He should stop looking for Raquel Welch. He needs a woman who looks at him and in her heart believes he outshines the stars. Raquel is a star.
@ZorroPrimo
Noted!!
Are you badmouthing Raquel? Because if you are, my hand and your backside are going to have a business meeting, little Miss Missy!
@ZorroPrimo
Oh dear!
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