CNBC: More Couples Arguing About Money, Sneaking Purchases:
The article makes no mention of how many men hid purchases from wives but I did find another related CNBC article that said women ages 35-44 hide the most small purchases from their spouse (23%). Women ages 18-34 were also more likely to hide cash and at 20 percent, women aged 35-44 are almost twice as likely as any other age or gender group to hide bills. However, men aged 45-54 are the most likely at 9 percent to hide major purchases from a partner.
Have you ever hidden financial information from a partner or had your partner hide finances from you?
Another interesting tidbit is one in five women who are in a relationship admit to hiding purchases from their partner. The number rises even further when you ask people if they have ever hidden purchases from their spouse, with three in five people admitting they bought items on the sly.
The article makes no mention of how many men hid purchases from wives but I did find another related CNBC article that said women ages 35-44 hide the most small purchases from their spouse (23%). Women ages 18-34 were also more likely to hide cash and at 20 percent, women aged 35-44 are almost twice as likely as any other age or gender group to hide bills. However, men aged 45-54 are the most likely at 9 percent to hide major purchases from a partner.
Have you ever hidden financial information from a partner or had your partner hide finances from you?
posted by Helen at 5:31 PM
28 Comments:
I have. I was told to be cheap and put off a stereo purcahse by my first wife. I did so only to find out she had used money to get a lawyer for a divorce. I ran out and bought the headphone amplifier I wanted. Well, actually, I bought I nicer one. I think I also got some headphones when I was angry at her.
Sad and petty really, I am ashamed of both. Not the headphones and amp, I use them 12 years later. But the behavior was uncool.
Trey
trey, you rascal. my wife and i buy things all the time and don`t discuss the purchase. guitar strings, studs for my soccer shoes. i bought two 25 pound weights the other day for $10 at a garage sale and, until this second, i had forgotten all about them. my wife goes to value village and buys someone else`s $250 shoes for $15 and i don`t find out about it until i see them on her feet...and she gets all 6 year old on me...
the bigger purchases, we always have meeting before hand.
the mother of my children hid money, purchases and entertainment bills from me the entire time we were together. her get-togethers with the girls got expensive sometimes.
when my father passed away, my brother and i split $20,000 and she demanded we put my share on the mortgage...which she then took 6 years later.
her concience will hit one day. or not.
I don't mean this to sound critical, because it's actually rather hysterical, Trey, but your post is riotously funny.
Mel Brooks.
Seriously. It should be in a screenplay.
Sorry about the D-vorce.
yeah trey, i didn`t mean to downplay the effect the betrayal had on your life at the time...i went through similar stuff 4 years ago, and some days she brings it all roaring back.
Never! Nor has my wife. She even consults me for small purchases that I don't really care about. One of her friends was hiding purchases from her husband and we both thought it strange. Not only is it a betrayal and dishonest, it's stupid. I'm an accountant and review the credit card bills and the checkbook. How is she going to hide a purchase? Since my wife doesn't review the financial records, I could easily lie to her, but I don't. Why would I betray the woman I love and have been married to for 35 years?
We have a $100 rule. If it costs less than that, its more bother to report and discuss, anything over that and we text/call/put it off.
Except christmas and birthdays. That a temporary secret, and we usually hide those bills from each other as well... ( she doesnt need to know I got it on sale, and i dont want to know how much my toys even cost :) )
My first wife did this all the time. She thought what's mine was ours and what's her's was her's. She started charge accounts in my name without my knowledge. She even cashed savings bonds without telling me. Now, my real (final) wife and I have three pots of money, mine, her's, and ours. We both chip in to the Our's pot according to our proportional income. We pay all of our family bills out of the Our's pot. We each can buy anything we want out of our own pot of money. This has worked fine for the last 26 years.
Couples, squabbling, for any reason? Say it isn't so!
The odd thing is, when jobs and money disappear, couples stay married (longer). I guess squabbling might not be all bad. In my relationships, squabbling led to making up. That alone made it worth to stick around longer hoping for some serious... *squabble*
You guys are great, I honestly feel petty and vindictive about that! What was so funny to you two? It is OK, I want to know. It just feels so juvenile to me.
About the divorce, it was for the best for me, I wish it did not hurt our daughter so much. I am remarried and happy as a clam at high tide.
But really, why was my confession of my depravity so funny!!!!!
Trey - who is smiling as he types this
"I was told to be cheap and put off a stereo purcahse by my first wife. I did so only to find out she had used money to get a lawyer for a divorce. I ran out and bought the headphone amplifier I wanted. Well, actually, I bought I nicer one. I think I also got some headphones when I was angry at her."
Transcend your sense of self and see this through the eyes of an uninvolved observer.
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when YOU fall into an open sewer and die." --Mel Brooks
Seriously. What you wrote could have been in a Zucker Bros film.
HER: Don't buy that stereo!
HIM: Yes, dear.
HER: {Runs off to file for a divorce, using HIS savings to pay the attorney.}
HIM: {Dashes out to buy an even better stereo.} I'm so damned angry at her! {pause} Ha! I'll pick up some headphones, too!
Dude, you have completely convinced me to never get married.
However, men aged 45-54 are the most likely at 9 percent to hide major purchases from a partner.
And here I was gonna say it's a bit difficult to hide that riding lawn mower you always wanted...
That alone made it worth to stick around longer hoping for some serious... *squabble*
Ah, so that's what you kids are calling it these days...
Well, I DID use her money to buy the stuff.
But I got it now. I was feeling to sheepish to see how juvenile and funny it was.
Thanks pal!
But my current marriage of 11 years is great. Really.
Trey
My soon to be ex constantly took cash out of the ATM for these purposes. She would later claim that she wasn't hiding anything. What amazes me is how much her "little" spending added up to over time. So much of it was silly spending too, like how often she ate breakfast out. Why? She didn't even work full time.
My stbx openly loathed me asking her to reduce spending. She was contemptuous in counseling and with friends. Even when I carefully went over how much I needed to save for retirement, she didn't get it. Finally, I used several previous year records and showed exactly how much she was spending (including spending three times what I did eating out, and my expenses included all our times out together!) She finally kindof got it and our expenses dropped a whopping 30% over the next two months. At which point she asked for a divorce (for other reasons.)
The irony; she's now obsesses with saving money. She even asked me to help set up Microsoft Money so she could keep track of expenses. The reality of not having a walking ATM machine taking care of her is hitting home.
"The reality of not having a walking ATM machine taking care of her is hitting home."
To the point there. I hope you are happier now that you are no longer the walking ATM.
Trey
tey, yor confession was funny because of the release of your anger in a structured way...and listening to hi-fi all the while. beautiful!
when i left i took some personal savings and along with on-going legal fees bought both my sons les paul guitars for their next birthday, which they play daily. she listens to the sounds they make on a daily basis....without so much as a flicker of awareness. she tried to take me away from them for her own twisted reasons.
fail.
i`m happiliy married again and had my 1st anniversary on the 5th, and we are very happy and laugh about the little things and pick the big things up and shoulder them together.
and on week-ends the house here is filled with the sounds of many guitars...
TMink, I still am in a way; it's called alimony.
Yeah. The hiding stuff habit is particularly pernicious. Not a very large step away from having affairs.
Mine burned about $1000/month in the 18 months before she filed for divorce, completely hidden and partially-funded by the series of business accounts she had for her Mary Kay business.
This being Washington State, I got half her debt to pay off and she still gets half my net income.
Yeah. The hiding stuff habit is particularly pernicious. Not a very large step away from having affairs.
Mine burned about $1000/month in the 18 months before she filed for divorce, mostly hidden and partially-funded by the series of business accounts she had for her Mary Kay business. Her frequently changing the agreed-upon passwords to the online banking access helped as well.
This being Washington State, I got half her debt to pay off out of the half of my net income that I don't have to pay to her.
Joe, ouch. Sorry dude.
Trey
Hang on, let me scratch off Seattle as a place to live.
Trey, are you from New England somewhere back there? My mom used to say "happy as a clam at high tide" all the time.
Jumpin' Jaysus!
The stories I read here about the Men and the Women they divorced.
Holy Mackerel! Had I read these stories 15 years ago, I'd never have married. NEVER!
My ex-wife "hid" expenses (she thought) by using credit cards for everything. Of course,I was expected to cover the deficit when she couldn't pay the bills. Women will drag a man down, use him up, then find another host when they've exhausted the supply of money and psychological energy. All with a fully developed sense of entitlement and without a pang of conscience. If a man did that (some undoubtedly do) he would be pilloried at a minimum. Women do it and become objects of sympathy.
In my 20's I used to think I wanted a girlfriend. Turned out all I needed was a good dog. Still true today.
Five years ago I kicked out my BPD ex-wife and then bought the Martin guitar I wanted. Never an instant of regret.
Live long enough and it will turn you into a misogynist. Sad but true.
good dog. check.
"All with a fully developed sense of entitlement and without a pang of conscience."
----
That's what I find bizarre. Women expect to sponge off a man. It's just like breathing or any other involuntary function. They don't even notice it.
"The article makes no mention of how many men hid purchases from wives..."
New gun? Why honey, I've had this this thing for years...
My first wife was absolutely adept at living within our income. To the penny. Only knew one better at it in my life. She was also adamantly against savings for any purpose. So when I started an IRA she forbade me to do so. Finally I funded it anyway.
Second wife lost a great deal of money to her first husband's confident and false assertions about his investment acuity. A great deal. So now our respective incomes are ours, and we contribute equally to a common account which I track. I insist on giving her reports about this, somewhat more frequently than she wants them. Major purchases - we just bought a rental, for instance - we may contribute to unequally, but I track the inequality and reflect the different ownership proportions once a year by executing a new quitclaim deed. She is gradually coming to trust me about this kind of thing because I suggested an investment to her that has enabled her to pay off another rental (hers alone) in 4 years.
I'm still married and I love my wife. Last year, I was refinancing the mortgage. Long story short, she'd run up 30K in credit card bills that she lied to me about, didn't tell me about, that she was late about. The only way to refi at a decent rate was to do it alone. She's no longer on the mortgage, but she's got half-ownership of the house. Why would I do something so stupid?
Because a lot of her money went into the house, so she's owed.
Still...I've never been with a woman who isn't a liar and idiot about personal finance. Maybe that's just me, but I think it's American Women.
My wife has been working 3 jobs the last year to pay this off. Good for her, but she's kind of pissy about having to do it. Not good for her.
No man should ever trust any woman about finances. Never agree to let a woman have separate bank or credit accounts if you're married. Never lose sight of the fact that women are idiots when it comes to money.
For all you women out there, the three of you, who aren't idiots, sorry about this post.
Chicks are addicted to spending what they haven't got like men are addicted to porn.
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