Sunday, May 09, 2010

Broken Family Law

I recently received a book from author Thomas Cherewick entitled, Broken Family Law: In the Best Interests of the Minor Child. Cherewick is a medical physicist and attorney who went through his own divorce and custody battle and wrote the book as a how-to-guide for both men and women, but especially seems to have good advice for dads, being one himself. From the back cover: "..Cherewick reveals the immorality of a system that focused on destroying him, with total disregard for the best interests of his innocent daughter." He discusses such topics as what works and doesn't in the family law system, how to select the best attorney, how to prepare for the courtroom, and how to defeat the Battered Woman Syndrome hoax.

The author really seems to understand the reality of what men go through in a custody case: "If you have no open wounds, still have all of your appendages, and jail is not your current abode, then consider this a positive outcome so far." Lord, how depressing. However, this man does not give up--his case spans 20 years.

If you are going through a custody case or know a man who is, I recommend this book as Cherewick gives you information in detail that may save you or a loved one years of pain and aggravation.

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33 Comments:

Blogger God Of Bacon said...

Our precious Institution of Family is producing sociopaths faster than we can lock them up in prison.

http://rockyhoffschneider.blogspot.com

11:40 AM, May 09, 2010  
Blogger Topher said...

The family court system is symbiotic with a growing social idea that fathers are secondary parents, or rental parents.
This is a bizarre development, since careerist feminism would predict that as women got more serious in the workplace they would choose partners who were more available for the day-to-day time investments of parenting. (Instead, feminist women whine that "we women have to do EVERYTHING!")

I guess Mother's Day is as good a day as any to discuss it. It's understandable that we don't want to kick single mothers while they are down, and they are certainly enough cases of mothers abandoned by fathers. But in the case where a marriage just doesn't work out, it is unfair for the mother to default to the mindset of "I'm the REAL parent and Daddy is just this jerk who comes around every other weekend."

It is also disturbing that men can be kept from seeing their children if they are not up to snuff in paying child support, telling everybody paying attention that in the eyes of the law, a father's true parenting role is money, not time and attention.

On the same topic, who the F gets off telling her girlfriends her husband is "babysitting" the children while she goes out and parties? He's their father - parenting your kids is not babysitting, and it's a horrific emasculation to tell people your husband is "babysitting" the kids when he's simply fulfilling his responsibility so you can have a night out with the girls (probably so that at least one of the "girls" can recruit a boyfriend while the hubby is at home).

12:27 PM, May 09, 2010  
Blogger Couponsforzip said...

Happy Mothers Day

1:44 PM, May 09, 2010  
Blogger kmg said...

If family law was not so unfair, OJ Simpson would never have killed Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman.

The horrendously unfair alimony laws can drive men to the brink, men who had no previous record of violence.

The media, and culture, stupidly made that issue about race. In reality, it was about unjust 'Family Law'.

5:38 PM, May 09, 2010  
Blogger Tether said...

Family court is biased against men in many cases (it's too easy for women to use tears with a chivalrous, older male judge, for instance), but in a lot of cases men simply create their own problems.

Here are some examples:

During a "traditional" marriage in which the man works and the woman stays home, I often hear the man saying how his wife has the harder job of the two. She has the hardest job in the world. They own everything equally.

When the divorce comes, all of a sudden the man is complaining about having to turn over "his" hard-earned money to the lazy bitch.

Make no mistake about it, I think the latter view is the true one; that's why I would never marry a career-housewife. But the problem wasn't the divorce, the problem was already set up long before the divorce and the nit-wit man didn't recognize it.

A second problem is with the manly real man who will never have a wife who works. The old joke is that he will then never have an EX-wife who works either.

But if you think about it, he has created someone with the work capabilities and real-world sense of a child over the decades of him facing real life for her (not just earning money). The woman not only becomes a helpless ninny, she also gets really bossy.

So who's going to pay for her when the marriage ends? Taxpayers? Me? Her parents or other family?

Or the manly real man who bragged about what a great provider he was while he created this adult child?

I vote for the latter, especially over "taxpayers" or "me".

7:52 PM, May 09, 2010  
Blogger JB said...

I am saddened that this man went through such a tough time... but based on what was available on the Amazon site (previews, reviews, synopsis), he didn't really say anything new.
The family court system sucks. We've known that for 20 years.
The family court system is biased against men. We've known that for 20 years.
The family court system is pre-disposed to remove children from fathers, and to only view fathers as walking-wallets. We've known that for 20 years.
I couldn't read what his suggestions were for getting around all this... but I cannot imagine that he's got any new magic bullet beyond the steady and true: collect evidence, deny the false charges, document any incidents of contempt, hire the best (not necessarily the most aggressive) attorney you can afford, and plan to empty your savings, your kids' college fund, your 401k, your home equity, your retirement, and any other assets you have or may acquire in the near future out in service of the cause.
As for who creates these lazy entitled princesses in the first place... well, I'd say that everyone shares in that to some extent: society, parents, paternalistic husbands, gender feminism, "women's studies" in colleges... did I leave anyone out?

10:41 PM, May 09, 2010  
Blogger MB said...

"As for who creates these lazy entitled princesses in the first place..."

____________________

Well, you don't have to marry one, and you certainly don't have to promote her princess tendencies further by working to pay for her new shoes while she watches Oprah to discover new things to bitch about.

I realize the problem confronting the modern American male: If you don't marry a woman who has at least a few tendencies in that direction, you probably won't get married at all.

And that's not so bad. Just have a long-term girlfriend, sometimes that lasts longer than a woman who married you for what she can get out of you. And I have never met a man who thinks that about the woman when he gets married to her - he only sees it much, much later or never at all. Some men love the role of paying for the Princess (something I'll never fathom).

10:51 PM, May 09, 2010  
Blogger Locomotive Breath said...

"... promote her princess tendencies further by working to pay for her new shoes while she watches Oprah to discover new things to bitch about."

You don't understand. Once she has that first child to use against you, you'd better get her those new shoes or she'll take you to court, divorce you, and the judge will order you to get her those new shoes.

7:34 AM, May 10, 2010  
Blogger TMink said...

kmg, I think the Juice had big problems long before he met, married, and was divorced from Nicole.

Trey

10:05 AM, May 10, 2010  
Blogger TMink said...

I need to give repect to good wives. My wife and I were flooded out of our house and she has been a HUGE asset to me and our family. When the water started coming in, she paniced a little, but salmed herself when I asked her to stay calm for the kids.

She has been working the phones with FEMA, packing up stuff, and working like a dog without complainint about anything. Well, we are both sore and take turns complaining about that.

But under pretty horrible stress, she has really been a Godsend. A happy, partnership marriage is possible. It took me two to find one, I bet a lot of you guys can find the right person better. But be picky.

Then thank God when you find her.

Trey

11:57 AM, May 10, 2010  
Blogger Topher said...

Trey,

Thanks for the pep talk, I needed a reminder that there are goods one out there.

I had a disturbing discussion with the girlfriend recently about how she wants to live a comfortable life and expects it a man's job to provide a lifestyle for his wife. Something about because that's what her dad did (he did it by working a soul-crushing job he now regrets). Said she wants a husband to front for her while she pursues her "dreams." She denied she was a princess or a gold-digger but I found that hard to believe.

This was kicked off by a discussion about how her friends disparage me for not springing for the check enough, at which point I pointed out the immense disrespect of her letting other people into our relationship (silly, naive twentysomethings no less) by discussing our financial affairs in public.

12:22 PM, May 10, 2010  
Blogger Aurelian said...

Topher

Why is she still your girlfriend?

12:43 PM, May 10, 2010  
Blogger TMink said...

Topher, I wonder what percentage of men can provide an upscale lifestyle all on their own? 5%?

I think the safer and more realistic goal is building lives and a family together. But then both my wife and I had been married and unhappy before, so I think that helped us in having solid expectations and in working hard to make it good since a bad marriage is so painful.



Trey

1:03 PM, May 10, 2010  
Blogger God Of Bacon said...

Locomotive breath sounds bitter.

1:14 PM, May 10, 2010  
Blogger Tether said...

TMink,

Your wife "panicked a little" but then she calmed down when you - the hero applied your soothing words.

Then she called FEMA and packed up some stuff.

That is not an extraordinary woman, and it is unbelievable that men think it's Super-Duper great when a woman does ANYTHING. You both SHOULD be working on the house after a flood, because it's her house too.

Unbelievable.

This is why men are treated like scum by women. Get a little self-respect. I've had girlfriends who have really ACCOMPLISHED things in life, and I have no desire to brag about it. But she packs some stuff and calls FEMA, and all of a sudden she's the bestest, bestest woman on earth.

1:20 PM, May 10, 2010  
Blogger GawainsGhost said...

Well, the best advice in the current environment is to avoid marriage altogether.

No Fault Divorce: What legal guarantee does a man have that she won't arbitraly change her mind, for any reason or no reason at all, and abandon him? None.

What legal recourse does he have if she does? None.

Presumptive Paternity: What legal guarantee does a man have that she will not betray him and slap him with child support for some other guy's bastard? None.

What legal recourse does he have if she does? None.

Community Property, Community Funds, Sweat Equity: What legal guarantee does a man have that she will not bankrupt him? None.

What legal recourse does he have if she does? None.

No man in his right mind would sign that contract and close that deal. It's a license for anbandonment, betrayal and bankruptcy.

Set up an LLC. Put all of you savings into the corporate account and use it to buy assets and make investments. Do not share property or share money with any woman.

If you decide to live with a woman, split all expenses and chores equally with documentation. But all of your savings go into the corporate account. She's perfectly free to do the same.

Have sex with her, sure. I mean, it's not like she's not offering herself up for nothing. If she gets pregnant, agree to pay child support after a paternity test.

If she is not willing to make that deal, dump her like a bad habit.

Does the above promote social stability? No. Does it promote family values? No. Does it promote the best interests of women and children? No. What it does is promote the best interests of men.

Thank you, feminism.

1:25 PM, May 10, 2010  
Blogger TMink said...

Tether, you are really a one note song. I thank God for my wife, almost every day. 8)

While I am sorry you have not ever had that experience, you are foolish to say that it does not exist and criticize that which you know not.

Trey

2:00 PM, May 10, 2010  
Blogger Cham said...

TMink:

When my house is flooding (BTDT) I don't care who you are, whether you have cured cancer or established world peace, the hero to me is anyone who stops by and helps me move my stuff to higher ground. ;)

7:00 PM, May 10, 2010  
Blogger br549 said...

Dang, Trey. I am sorry you got flooded out. I hope all was not lost. Having worked the greater Nashville area for years and my ex MIL living up in Clarlksville for years, it is not hard to see how such devastation could take place once the water escapes its banks.

I read everyone's take in the comments above. As one who has been there, done that, and got the t-shirt (with not much else left), there are things said above in every comment box I can agree with. Although enjoying a relationship now, marriage is, and shall be forever more, out of the question. I spent just under half my life married. Never again.

7:11 PM, May 10, 2010  
Blogger TMink said...

Thanks for the support pal. We saved everything precious, but it got all our appliances and went two feet up the walls. So we have the floors torn out and no drywall on the bottom four feet of our walls.

Nobody was hurt, and the wife and kids were evacuated by boat. My eldest and I found a way out by car through a fence someone had cut through. It was quite an adventure, but the clean up and moving everything to storage was a huge ordeal. We had at least 20 people from our church who came over and worked their tails off. It was very touching.

Now we are waiting to see what FEMA will offer.

Trey

10:39 PM, May 10, 2010  
Blogger kmg said...

Aurelian wrote :

Topher

Why is she still your girlfriend?


Seconded. I know that you are reading Roissy. That means you could be doing better than you are now.

Take a piece of paper, and over the course of a week, on a scale of 1-10, write down how bad she makes you feel in a negative incident (negative number like -6, -4, etc.), and how good she makes you feel in a positive episode (including sex), as a positive number like +5, +7, etc..

Then total both columns up.

If the number is substantially below zero, I don't think you should be wasting any more money here. Try running Game on her while welding your wallet shut. If she still improves, great. If not, then get something better.

10:55 PM, May 10, 2010  
Blogger Cham said...

Boy, I'm sorry to hear about your house Trey. Bear in mind, it's just a house. On the natural disaster scale, a flood is probably the least traumatizing although it certainly can be a PITA to work through. I guess we are going to hear all about your exciting adventures with FEMA, this should be entertaining if anything. The important outcome is that you are okay and so is your family. This too shall pass.

10:09 AM, May 11, 2010  
Blogger TMink said...

Cham, well said. I appreciate your perspective.

Trey

11:59 AM, May 11, 2010  
Blogger Dave Cornutt said...

Trey, I didn't realize you live in Nashville. I'm down the road from you in Huntsville. What's weird is that that Saturday, when Nashville was getting all that rain, Huntsville didn't get a drop. I watched the cells going across up there on Weather Underground and I was just astounded.

I concur with you on how great it is to have a spouse who bears up under stress. I went through some crummy relationships and one bad marriage with princesses, and I looked for a long time before I found my now-wife. We built a house together, and I really believe the old saying that if building a house doesn't destroy your marriage, nothing will.

2:29 PM, May 11, 2010  
Blogger TMink said...

I had not heard that one about building a house! Congratulations on finding a spouse. It can be done, thought I will never argue with people who are too prudent to marry because of the legal climate.

Legal climate change I could get behind!

Trey

2:58 PM, May 11, 2010  
Blogger JG said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

7:26 PM, May 11, 2010  
Blogger Becky said...

The whole "if it doesn't work out, we can get a divorce thing" doesn't seem to be so good in hindsight either, especially when kids are involved.

In the movie "The Courtship of Andy Hardy", (I think), Judge Hardy reprimands and reminds the fighting couple that the daughter in question is neither parent's but his. He says something like "I order you (father) to pay for my daughter's needs, and I order you (mother) to let this man see my daughter". I love that part, because although old, it still rings true. When a couple decides to divorce, the court becomes the parent. A divorce is like a death only worse for the children, in that the legal guardian in a divorce is always an unrelated stranger.

11:06 AM, May 12, 2010  
Blogger TMink said...

Wow. Well said Becky.

Trey

11:31 AM, May 12, 2010  
Blogger Becky said...

Thanks TMink. I related the movie to a probate judge friend of mine (who is single). I don't even think judges are aware of the fact they become a family member in a divorce.

As a person who worked in a male dominated industry, I am sympathetic to the plight of many men going through a divorce. I have experienced more women than men initiating a divorce and it's a trend which seems to be focused on the woman's happiness as the driving force. I am told that when the woman is happy the kids will be too, and I just cannot buy into the idea that kids are more concerned about one adult's happiness than their own sense of identity and security, not to mention the happiness of the other adult.

I guess it is just because my parents divorced after I grew up, and it was still hard. As I tell my mother when she says something bad about my dad (especially since he's now dead and cannot defend himself), I didn't have a choice in the matter when they married. At 80, she's starting to get it, and seems to refrain from the dad bashing.

12:30 PM, May 12, 2010  
Blogger TMink said...

Yuck, while I am glad that your mom is getting it, I am sorry it took so long for her to. It is kinder for a parent to slap the shit out of a child than to harm their relationship with the other parent.

After a divorce, a prime parenting responsibility lies in protecting the child's relationship with the person you just divorced. It is really a very difficult thing to do, requiring amazing restraint and emotional maturity.

Most of the time, it does not work that way, and the children suffer the rest of their lives.

Trey

12:52 PM, May 12, 2010  
Blogger dr.alistair said...

i married my girlfriend of two years on wednesday last week on our two year anniversary.

we had planned a back yard wedding and laid out the plan accordingly, with the anticipation of 30 or so guests and family.

the practice on tuesday went without a hitch, including the best man`s spoken part that had terrified him for weeks.....


...then the heaven`s opened and sent us all running inside to declare our never-ending love for eachother in our crowded living room, while god(s) raged and tantrumed outside.

my new wife`s family finally got on the plane on tuesday and we are now able to begin our new life together without offending sensitive ears!

my wife? niether a hero or a villain-in-waiting. she and i both have been in bad relationships that ended before the courts and so we rent a house together and raise our children and feed the rabbits and birds in the backyard, go for walks hand-in-hand and watch topgear from england on tv each night at nine.

and we are so grateful that we found eachother after all that we have been through.

1:46 PM, May 14, 2010  
Blogger TMink said...

God bless you both!

Trey

2:25 PM, May 14, 2010  
Blogger dr.alistair said...

thanks trey. we plan on a career of making peole sick in with gratuitous displays of affection for years to come.

7:01 PM, May 14, 2010  

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