"I believe feminism is an experiment...."
A number of readers have sent me this link to Mail Online where Rebecca Walker opens up about her mother, feminist Alice Walker, author of The Color Purple
and the problems of feminism:
Read the whole thing here.
and the problems of feminism:I know many women are shocked by my views. They expect the daughter of Alice Walker to deliver a very different message. Yes, feminism has undoubtedly given women opportunities. It's helped open the doors for us at schools, universities and in the workplace. But what about the problems it's caused for my contemporaries?...
But far from taking responsibility for any of this, the leaders of the women's movement close ranks against anyone who dares to question them - as I have learned to my cost. I don't want to hurt my mother, but I cannot stay silent. I believe feminism is an experiment, and all experiments need to be assessed on their results. Then, when you see huge mistakes have been paid, you need to make alterations.
I hope that my mother and I will be reconciled one day. Tenzin deserves to have a grandmother. But I am just so relieved that my viewpoint is no longer so utterly coloured by my mother's.
I am my own woman and I have discovered what really matters - a happy family.
Read the whole thing here.
posted by Helen at 5:29 AM
47 Comments:
I was quite surprised by the article, but it all rang very true to me.
As a Catholic and a cultural conservative (although, politically, anarcho-capitalist), I also was happy that she spoke out against the politically-motivated fiction that abortion is a trivial matter - her comment that "it haunted her for decades because of what she had done to the child she had destroyed." was pretty brutal and direct, and should be considered long and hard.
She is
out of the Will.
rdkraus,
Some things are more important than money.
She must make a hardline feminist like her mother really angry. Alice Walker probably thinks her dauhgter is a traitor to the cause.
That's one problem with radicalization of any idea. If you're only willing to sip at the Flavor Aid rather than guzzle it down, then you're the enemy. Feminism, liberalism, evangelicalism, or pick-an-ism - they all do it at the extremes.
They fight for freedom--to be exactly as they demand you to be.
Maybe this will open some eyes, though I am not optimistic.
Imagine going through life with your own mother telling you that you are a burden to her. Motherhood as enslavement, what have we come to?
@Marble: "Maybe this will open some eyes, though I am not optimistic."
Me either. When people have power, they don't give it up easy. Feminist dogma, along with accusations of sexism or betrayal to anyone who does not bow to their demands, is not only power, it is power perceived as oppression. It will not be easily given up, no more than a husband who batters his wife easily lets her go, and no easier than a slave owner would say "i'm oppressing my slaves, so I'll set them free."
It's a very sad story. And while there is a possibility that there's some other side to that story, it does sound believable as is. But I don't know if the problem really has to be laid at the feet of feminism.
Maybe Alice Walker is just, you know, a bad person. It sounds like it to me. I had a distant and unloving relationship with my mother, and eventually I came to terms with the fact that this is just how it was, she wasn't going to show the pride or affection my friends got from their mothers.
My mother wasn't an extremist feminist, or an extreme anything. She just didn't give a crap. Sadly, Alice Walker appears to be the same.
Anyway, my point is that maybe Rebecca is looking for an outside explanation for why her mom doesn't love her, when the painful reality might be that no "ism" made her stop loving her -- she just never did.
I don't think any "ism" could really stop someone from loving their child if it was in their nature to do so, no matter how fanatical a follower she might be.
I followed the link and found a very sad, disheartening article. Hopefully this woman will be able to go on and find peace, but I'm grateful to know that she'll be a loving and appreciative mother to her own son.
The problem with getting ultra-feminsts to quit destroying society it would require them to take responsibility for investing their whole life in something that is false, even when faced with hurting their children. That is not easy for any one of any ideology to do.
I found REbecca Walker to be a gifted writer in this piece. Such succinct sentences that portrayed the pain and the joy.
I hope this article is sent around and makes someone's eyes, open, but I doubt it.
I myself realized I had no female friends to send it to--they either already agreed with it, or they would recoil at it. My mother and mother in law would not respond well to it--they'd wonder if I was indicting them.
I sent it to some men I know instead--I wonder if their wives will read it?
As Jennifer said, this was more about two people's relationship. One of them happens to be a champion of her cause.
But here's where the problem with Feminism lies, not unlike the problem with Religion. It's not that Religion or Feminism is bad, it's that bad people use it to get their ways. Both of these things require a no-questions asked belief in the ideology. If you question it, you will be ostracized (or killed even today in some places).
Alice is a Feminist, but what killed her relationship is not Feminism, it's Alice and her way of thinking, HER ideology.
Let me try and explain. My mother is not too different from Alice. A Feminist, one who wore the pants in our house and one who made our father a slave of physical and mental ways of life. She didn't care about us (2 kids) and she has more than one occasion stated that she is sorry she had us (we had no problems with crime, drugs, or anything that would make a NORMAL woman think that).
Alice used Feminism as my Mom and millions of other moms. They used it as an excuse for something they never wanted or asked for but had to do it because... they were woman and maybe at the time it felt it was a right thing to do.
Not unlike how (too) many use religion and other ideologies.
I agree with Jennifer and Leon that Alice Walker was just a rotten mother and that no -ism can really stop a good-hearted woman from being a good mother to her children.
OTOH, feminism is still evil. ;-)
Very powerful article.
To a lesser degree I feel it reflects my relationship with my very liberal parents. I still remember my mother telling me it was OK that her three sons would be discriminated against, via affirmative action, in order to make up for past wrongs somebody else committed.
My father was revered for his "public work and service". I remember the numerous people who spoke at his visitation of the "great" things he had done. I kept my promise to myself I had made when I was 16 to not cry at his funeral because he had hit and kicked me as a kid. (BTW - he had a Phd. in child psychology.)
Jennifer, et al, unfairly over simplify, minimize and deny the real experiences of Rebecca Walker. The "isms" attract egocentric, selfish people who can't adequately love in an interpersonal relationship. Instead they choose to "care" for others in ways that feed their egos with public praise and such which is why so many isms are fatally flawed.
I admire Rebecca Walker's courage, honesty and hard gotten insight.
...no -ism can really stop a good-hearted woman from being a good mother to her children.
Maybe good-hearted women don't become radical gender feminists.
Certainly there were always lousy mothers. But feminism seems to have made it OK to be a lousy mother even as motherhood became a volunteer position. Why have a child only to despise him or her?
Good point, Marbel.
Alice used Feminism as my Mom and millions of other moms. They used it as an excuse for something they never wanted or asked for but had to do it because... they were woman and maybe at the time it felt it was a right thing to do.
While some mothers might adopt feminism as an excuse for their bad behavior, don't deny that the ideology they're adopting is itself bad. Bad ideologies attract bad people, but the ideology should be condemned in addition to the bad people, because the adoption of the bad ideology further poisons the mind and provides additional excuses to further bad behavior. It would be hard for a bad person, upon adopting an ideology that promotes peace and understanding, to use it as a tool for their own bad behavior.
This isn't exclusive to feminist parents; I was raised by conservative parents very active in their religion. There were seven of us. One thing my older brother and I still have bitterness about is that my parents cared more about their church and their "principals" than us as individuals.
Actually, Marbel, now that I think about it, I think that's wrong. Maybe no good-hearted woman will be a rabid feminazi, but good people are taken in by bad ideas all the time. They just don't usually get radical about it.
Jay C,
good people are taken in by bad ideas all the time.
Yes, you are right. I suppose I might have called myself a feminist at one time, when it was all (supposedly) about freedom and choices and equality (whatever that meant). Then I grew up and realized it was about superiority and no choices.
Oh, I just implied that I am a good person. Well, trust me, I am.
I should have said that many women got caught up in feminism at the beginning, then woke up when we saw what it was really about. Too bad so many got carried away with it.
What's wrong with "humanism" anyway?
Who isn't a good person?
Cham,
"Who isn't a good person?"
Lots of people.
Lot's of people might not be good people to you. But even on death row, the mass murderers wake up every morning and tell themselves they are good people. Everyone is a good person to themselves.
But even on death row, the mass murderers wake up every morning and tell themselves they are good people.
That telling themselves that makes them so? Just feeling good about ourselves makes us good?
Since I am a Christian I believe that no one - myself included - is good; we are all capable of evil. Some people manifest it in their lives more than others; some are repentant and some are not.
In the conventional sense of the word, and related to the article, I would have a hard time calling a woman who abandons her child "good."
Perhaps (as usual) I am confused. Maybe my understanding of what feminism is, is way too simple, way too uninformed. Maybe it's not feminism at all. Maybe it's just my personal version of equal rights.
OK, then. Will someone explain to me, truly, THE definition of feminism? Honestly. For if it is what I understand it to be, it was long ago hi-jacked.
I have two daughters. They are beautiful, wonderful, hard working. My oldest is working. And she is indeed getting paid less than a male counterpart in what she is doing. I'm pissed off about it, right along side of her.
But I would not want to share a fox hole with a woman, for I would surely die taking a bullet meant for her, as I would be paying more attention to making sure she did not get hurt than on defeating an enemy. I simply cannot help that. Perhaps the next generation of warriors will be capable of that. It would be a sad reason to lose a war, though. Until I am no longer breathing, it will (for me) remain women and children first.
I figured feminism was about equal pay for equal work, where there is equal ability. And the same at home between spouses. The playing field should be level, regardless of gender. And that level playing field should extend to all things human. That doesn't seem to difficult to work out. Am I that stupid?
Cham --
Lot's of people might not be good people to you. But even on death row, the mass murderers wake up every morning and tell themselves they are good people.
Self-delusion doth not make a good person. Acts do.
br549,
"Am I that stupid?"
No, the definition of feminism has just changed, rather than being about equality, it is now about (fake) female superiority whether it's true or not.
To br549:
And The Feminist Dilemma: When Success Is Not Enough by Diana Furchtgott-Roth and Christine Stolba goes into detail about what Helen said.
k
For a swell definition and history of feminism, I went to Wikipedia. I left that site more confused than before I entered. Then I thought, perhaps that is what it was all about. Feminism appears to be in the "heart" of the individual feminist, or the feminist group an individual hooks up with. And wow, I had no idea there were so many flavors. Good idea. That way, feminists will never be satisfied. Men will forever be bad.
All my daughters want is equal pay for equal work, and equal opportunity for a shot at a position they feel they are as good at as anyone else. Hell, so do I! But I said something about that in another one of my long winded posts. If one takes a good look at common sense and fairness, to me, anyway, most feminists are beating up the choir.
I guess just like democrats need the poor to stay in power, feminists need women to feel they are beat down by men.
And just like the democrats have never done anything for the poor (like teach them to fish, rather than give them a fish) except to take from someone else to give to them, the feminist movement seems to be working from the same guide book.
I went to see my younger brother in the hospital yesterday. Nothing too serious and a short stay. He is ten years younger than me. One of his friends came by to visit. She is 43, two daughters, divorced. Although dating two (divorced) guys at once, she is not happy with men she is dating. The one who makes more money than the other, she sees more, and uhhhh.... does more for him in the without clothes favor department. The one who makes less money, however, is better in bed. Her words. She is looking for a rich guy, said it straight up, straight out. But becoming, or being, the type of person someone like that would want to be married to, never enters her mind. It's men, you see.
I submit that eventually feminists will wake up and smell the coffee (from their own point of view) and start the woman's union. Hell, the vagina has been going on strike for a very long time already, has it not?
bobh, thanks for the info on the book. I know you mention it as a read to help me understand whare the modern morphed version of feminism comes from. But I don't care about feminism anymore. I do, however, care about equal rights, equal pay, equal opportunity. But it is the responsibility of the individual to have the skill set necessary to create that equal outcome. My daughters have done their homework. So I will fight at their side. That friend of my brother's? She can go pound salt.
Having read the article (and boy, what a downer it is) I'm inclined to agree with Jennifer and Leon. Alice Walker is a mean, selfish, uncaring witch, and ``feminism'' is just the just the label she slaps on it to make it more socially acceptable.
Where's Rebecca's *father* in this, by the way? I notice he had shared custody of her, and Rebecca even speaks fondly of her stepmother, who treated her better than Alice ever did. A pity he didn't go for full custody - but perhaps the adverse publicity that would have been generated by going against the ``strong-minded, independent black woman'' was too much for him.
anne b. - I would suggest that a major part of the problem of feminism is that it has few, if any, defenses against the "mean, selfish, uncaring witch" using the idea as an excuse to validate their evil ways. Another major part of feminism's problems is that the movement's institutional keepers don't seem to care much about being used that way.
@Marbel: "Imagine going through life with your own mother telling you that you are a burden to her."
People don't?
I'd like to hear what Alice Walker has to say.
cham: About feminism, or about being in the running for world's worst mother?
Br549: There are always three sides to every story.
Humor!
Cham,
Sometimes there are many sides to a story. However, this doesn't mean that all sides are accurate or right. Some are more accurate and correct than others. Many times people rewrite history---it doesn't make it the truth.
Ah I can see our resident feminist troll Cham has chimed in with more non-sequitors. Just confirms my suspicions that she's a borderline troll, always posting something anti-whatever is the gist of the post.
I've seen "The Color Purple" movie and actually liked it. Although I didn't like the forced lesbian kiss.
I read the article and I enjoyed it. I think radical feminism plays a significant part in why Alice is a bad mother.
serket, are you practicing running for office?
I admire with is article
--------------------
paul oscar
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