The Dangerous Book for Dogs
Today, I received my copy of The Dangerous Book for Dogs, a parody of The Dangerous Book for Boys written by authors of the Onion. The book description (Hat tip: Instapundit) looked so funny that I had to order it:
The book is "written" by two dogs, Rex and Sparky, who (from the back cover) "wrote this parody without authorization (because they are dogs and they do what they want)." The book is written for other dogs and starts with a Preface entitled, "I Didn't Have This Book When I Was a Puppy." "Today's dog should never forget that there's a whole wide world of adventure out there."
From there, the chapters include such adventures as: "Things You Can Chase," "Begging-A Primer," "Foul Smells Every Dog Should Roll In," "How to Make Your Owner Look Like an Idiot," "Creative Pee Stains," "Training a New Human" and "How to Ruin the Perfect Dinner Party."
In the "How to Make Your Owner Look Like an Idiot" chapter, there is a section on "Aggressive Crotch Sniffing." I have always wondered why the heck dogs do this. Here is why from a dog's point of view:
Okay, so now you have an idea of the humor of The Dangerous Book for Dogs. Is the book worth the ten buck purchase price? Uhh, perhaps if you enjoy this type of humor, are a dog lover or owner or want a cheap Christmas gift for the dog lover in your life. Otherwise, I think The Dangerous Book for Boys or The Daring Book for Girls is a better buy.
The Dangerous Book for Dogs asks a simple question: isn't there more to being a dog than wearing a mini cashmere sweater and riding around in a $400 evening clutch? What about the simple pleasures of life -- feeling the wind in your fur, digging up the grass beneath your paws, smelling another dog's butt? Isn't that part of the great joy of being a dog?
The book is "written" by two dogs, Rex and Sparky, who (from the back cover) "wrote this parody without authorization (because they are dogs and they do what they want)." The book is written for other dogs and starts with a Preface entitled, "I Didn't Have This Book When I Was a Puppy." "Today's dog should never forget that there's a whole wide world of adventure out there."
From there, the chapters include such adventures as: "Things You Can Chase," "Begging-A Primer," "Foul Smells Every Dog Should Roll In," "How to Make Your Owner Look Like an Idiot," "Creative Pee Stains," "Training a New Human" and "How to Ruin the Perfect Dinner Party."
In the "How to Make Your Owner Look Like an Idiot" chapter, there is a section on "Aggressive Crotch Sniffing." I have always wondered why the heck dogs do this. Here is why from a dog's point of view:
A common myth held among humans is that we enjoy sticking our snouts into their crotches. False. Who on earth would think this is a pleasant experience? No, the truth is that we sniff crotches because it makes owners wildly uncomfortable. There's not a lot of technique here. Take your nose; shove it into a crotch.
The real payoff comes when the people your owner is speaking with begin to scroll through a laundry list of questions in their minds: What is wrong with this person's crotch that his dog is so attracted to it? Doesn't he wash himself? Is he keeping a sandwich in his crotch? Why would he do that? I have to stop speaking to this person immediately and report him to the authorities.
Also, consider environments and scenarios in which a sniffed crotch would be particularly embarrassing. Is your owner making out with somebody? He won't be for long if you dive-bomb his trousers....
Okay, so now you have an idea of the humor of The Dangerous Book for Dogs. Is the book worth the ten buck purchase price? Uhh, perhaps if you enjoy this type of humor, are a dog lover or owner or want a cheap Christmas gift for the dog lover in your life. Otherwise, I think The Dangerous Book for Boys or The Daring Book for Girls is a better buy.
Labels: interesting books
posted by Helen at 1:08 PM
10 Comments:
How long before we launch, "The Dangerous Blog for Dogs"?
I nominate Rachel Lucas for the gig.
We have 3 dogs, but one doesn't count because he's too little. The other two, both Brittanies, are hunting dogs and go off to dog college every year for refresher courses because we pamper them too much around the house.
Anyway, when we picked them up last week, I was informed by the trainer that someone wanted to purchase our 4 year old for $25,000.
We were shocked at the price, but of course couldn't possibly sell her. But it did get me thinking about if I would sell at any price. Maybe so, but I couldn't think of one.
From "The Simpsons:"
"Bart, doggie heaven is full of dog bones. You can't turn around without sniffing a dog's butt."
Doggie butts have anal glands. It's a social disaster if your anal gland stops working.
It's anal gland secretions that they're looking for in doggie poop piles.
A clogged anal gland results in the cute scooting, dragging butt across carpet. A vet can show you how to clear it up. Wear gloves.
Dogs sniff crotches because crotches are one of the two areas with the highest proportion of glands that produce an individual human's personal scent, and they can't generally reach our armpits. Humans look at each other's faces- dogs, being more nasally oriented, have a different way of checking on your current status...
Actually, I can think of a couple of books that qualify as the more straight and literal equivalent of the Dangerous Book For Boys, for dogs. Most of them are about forms of dog work considered obsolete by all but a few modern practicioners, like using terriers to hunt vermin on farms.
I'm glad my dog can't read blog posts! But she understands everything I say, so I dare not mention this book, lest she force me to buy it and read it to her!
For those of us,lacking grandchildren, who have filled our empty nests with canine children, this book sounds like just the ticket!
Especially if said owner/parent has a sense of humor.
It sounds fun, thanks for sharing the part about making owners look like idiots. I also like the part about people who give their dogs the luxury treatment.
I guess everyone now needs the dangerous book for somebody; Men, women, girls, boys, dogs and hamsters. Otherwise no one would know how to take risks and have adventure. We'd all be stuck in our basements with our video games busy avoiding the bogey man who lurks outside. Did I just spot Jeffrey Dahlmer?
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