Reciprocal Violence can Lead to More Injury
When it comes to domestic violence, we're frequently told that men getting hit doesn't matter because even if men get hit, they are rarely hurt. A new study shows this may not be the case, especially if the violence is reciprocal (thanks to Steve for pointing out the article):
If reciprocal violence results in more injuries, it would seem important for domestic violence prevention to focus on both women and men in these cases. By focusing only on men, women never get the help they need to reduce violence. The false notion that men perpetrate the majority of domestic violence and women are on the receiving end just doesn't seem to be holding up in study after study.
Update: Trudy W. Schuett over at Dean's World has some thoughts on domestic violence.
Update II: Take a look at these "feminists" who brag about beating up their boyfriends and other men (Hat Tip: Dean's World). This seems to undercut claims that women are nicer or fundamentally more innocent than men. You can read more on that subject, here.
Regarding perpetration of violence, more women than men (25 percent versus 11 percent) were responsible. In fact, 71 percent of the instigators in nonreciprocal partner violence were women. This finding surprised Whitaker and his colleagues, they admitted in their study report.
As for physical injury due to intimate partner violence, it was more likely to occur when the violence was reciprocal than nonreciprocal. And while injury was more likely when violence was perpetrated by men, in relationships with reciprocal violence it was the men who were injured more often (25 percent of the time) than were women (20 percent of the time). "This is important as violence perpetrated by women is often seen as not serious," Whitaker and his group stressed....
Of the study's numerous findings, Whitaker said, "I think the most important is that a great deal of interpersonal violence is reciprocally perpetrated and that when it is reciprocally perpetrated, it is much more likely to result in injury than when perpetrated by only one partner."
If reciprocal violence results in more injuries, it would seem important for domestic violence prevention to focus on both women and men in these cases. By focusing only on men, women never get the help they need to reduce violence. The false notion that men perpetrate the majority of domestic violence and women are on the receiving end just doesn't seem to be holding up in study after study.
Update: Trudy W. Schuett over at Dean's World has some thoughts on domestic violence.
Update II: Take a look at these "feminists" who brag about beating up their boyfriends and other men (Hat Tip: Dean's World). This seems to undercut claims that women are nicer or fundamentally more innocent than men. You can read more on that subject, here.
Labels: domestic violence
72 Comments:
. . . And the study was conducted by a source one would think can't be plausibly impeached, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Yet, why am I so certain that it will be denigrated by gender feminists as unworthy of belief? The fact is, anyone seeking to advance an agenda without regard to objectivity can find "evidence" to support most any conclusion they want to reach. The evidence that clearly goes against the agenda is either ignored or disparaged. It is all a tiresome game and we should not dignify it with serious discussion. Not even the left-leaning mainstream media pays much mind to most of the garbage the gender feminists try to peddle.
You sound as if you've tried a few in your time.
Considering the left wing media gives it (feminist outbursts) little time, I would be pleased as punch if the male side was given as little attention also. For once, the term "better than nothing" would truly have meaning.
I think Lorena Bobbitt taught all of us guys that while women, on average, may not be able to hit harder, they can find other means to retaliate which are far more frightening...
I would never say that the left, the hard-right or the media ignore feminist ramblings or fail to support contempt for men. Where would you get such an idea?
In looking at violence within the family I am first concerned with reducing abuse of children to the last number possible. To do that WE NEED inclusion of husband victims.
Not including the men ensures that known to be abusive mothers gain custody. Half of those known to be abusive mothers will abuse the kids. Even for those kids not abused, a person who abuses other adults will, I would think, be a sub-standard parent.
Sadly, we live in a culture which prefers abused babies to treating men fairly.
but you know the MOMENT, these feminists read this study, they will claim ah but its the patriarchy, making the figures up., and it doesnt count this or that or.. or.. or.. so the study may be underreported, by the nasty male police.
(slight sarcasm)
It's never a good thing to replace "scientific inquiry" with "scientific ideology." When you base your claims on your ideology, you've pretty much sunk your credibility. Because, often, what you want to be true doesn't mesh with people's lived experience.
Those who already agree with you will continue to do so. But you rarely win new adherents.
Let us not neglect that women aren't truly dainty little weaklings for the most part. They clock well when they wish and can be extremely physical when they wish.
I went to visit a friend only to see him burst out of the house as I approached the porch. A moment later a chest of drawers came down the stairs, not bouncy-bouncy, but missing all stairs to crash into kindling at the bottom. To be clear, this thing was three-drawer tall and maybe 2.5' wide.
Thrown by his wife.
Oh, yes. It was fully loaded with clothing.
Seems to me she could of just stated she wanted a new wardrobe. The extremes some go to, what can you say?
This is a good study from credible sources and credible information... Will it come out and be recognized by the profession ? Some YES some NO... because it goes against everything we have been told for so many years.
Here is an interesting point too. In Canada they did not track male victims at all until 1999. In 99, the Federal Government finally got Statistics Canada to start tracking male victims and to include those numbers in the DV Stats and others.
Another point of interest... The Majority of the Statistics that are used by Shelter's and other's in the 'DV Industry' pre-date the inclusion of the Male Victim Stats. Many in fact use statistics generated in the 'Dark Years' of 1970-1990. Just look at the 'Sources & References' used by the Shelter & DV industries and look at the dates of that info...
One of the common studies which I forget the name of at this moment, actually uses stats form women IN shelters... 80% of which state that they have been physically abused. It's no different than asking a stadium full of Police Officer's on the Beat if they have ever had to use force to subdue criminals!
Sorry... but I do not know the US timing as to when & how the tracking started but I know that DOJ and other's are tracking now and below you'll find reference to the USA number's & stats.
HERE is some Federal Government info & Stats from Canada.
------------------------------
Measuring Violence Against Women Statistical Trends 2006
http://www.statcan.ca/english/research/85-570-XIE/85-570-XIE2006001.pdf
Statistics From this report:
Percentage of spousal homicides with a history of domestic violence between victim and offender, by offender relationship to victim, 1991 to 2004
Offender: Male Victims:
Legal wife ....................58
Common-law wife ........74
Separated wife ..............75
Divorced wife ..............100
(Ex) Same-sex spouse ...100
Total male victims .........70
Offender: Female Victims:
Legal husband ...............45
Common-law husband ...63
Separated husband .........72
Divorced husband ..........77
(Ex) Same-sex spouse ....50
Total female victims .......59
Notes: Includes spousal homicides involving one accused and one victim, representing 91% of all spousal homicides between 1991 and 2004. Excludes 44 spousal homicides in which the existence of a history of domestic violence was unknown.
Source: Statistics Canada, Canadian Centre for Justice Statistics, Homicide Survey.
Overall, women were two-and-a-half times as likely as men to report the most serious forms of violence, such as being beaten, choked, threatened with a gun or knife, and sexually assaulted (Fig. 5). The estimated number of women and men who experienced these types of assaults over the five-year period was 254,000 and 89,000 respectively. Extrapolated Calculation: (89,000 X 2.5) = 222,500
ALSO NOTE: (Gannon and Brzozowski 2004). Male victims are also less likely to report spousal violence to police unless the assault involves injury or a weapon. Male victims were much less likely to report to the police (17% in 2004), and the percentage was not much higher than in 1999.
Canada's Shelters for Abused Women, 2005/2006
Canadian Centre for Justice Statistics, Statistics Canada
http://www.statcan.ca/english/freepub/85-002-XIE/85-002-XIE2007004.htm
http://www.statcan.ca/english/freepub/85-002-XIE/85-002-XIE2007004.pdf
· The 2004 GSS indicated that some 653,000 women and 546,000 men in Canada were the victims of spousal violence in the five years preceding the survey. (Corrected now in the HTML version of the document)
· Female spousal violence victims are more likely than male victims to turn to informal sources of support 83% versus 60%) and are more likely than male victims to seek assistance from a social service (47% and 20%, respectively) (Mihorean, 2005).
· In 2006 there were 553 shelters providing residential services to women and children fleeing abusive situations in Canada, according to the 2005/2006 Transition Home Survey (THS) ** 1 for Men
Admissions of women and children to these shelters reached just over 105,700 in the 12-month period beginning April 1, 2005 and the cost of operating these facilities totalled approximately $317 million. And while not all residents of these shelters were fleeing domestic abuse, a majority were.
According to the GSS, the rates of spousal violence for men (6%) and women (7%) are similar, highlighting that men too are victims of this type of abuse.
· The THS asks shelters to indicate whether or not they permit adult males to be admitted to their facility. (1) About 9 out of 10 shelters prohibit the admission of men, while approximately 8% have policies that permit men to be admitted. Of those facilities allowing adult male residents, emergency shelters constituted the largest number (31%), followed by second stage facilities (24%). Just 10% of facilities that permitted men to be admitted were transition homes and another tenth were women’s emergency centres.
· Findings from the THS show that in 2006 (2), about 2,300 men were admitted to facilities that also provide residential services to abused women. However, a small fraction of these annual admissions were related to spousal violence. About 6% (137 men) of the adult males admitted to shelters surveyed on the THS were also admitted for reasons of abuse and 3% (64 men) were seeking refuge due specifically to spousal abuse.
* (1). Facilities that exclusively serve male victims of spousal violence fall outside the scope of the THS. At the time of this survey, only one such facility was known to be in operation.
* (2). Because few men are admitted to the shelters surveyed through the THS, only information on annual admissions is collected. There are no snapshot data for adult males.
Family Violence in Canada: A Statistical Profile 2006
Canadian Centre for Justice Statistics
http://www.statcan.ca/english/freepub/85-224-XIE/85-224-XIE2006000.pdf
Some Statistics from Department of Justice, USA.
Bureau of Justice Statistics Intimate Partner Violence in the U.S.:
Injury and Treatment
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/intimate/injury.htm
Bureau of Justice Statistics Intimate Partner Violence in the U.S.:
Reporting to police
http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/intimate/report.htm
REFERENCES EXAMINING ASSAULTS BY WOMEN ON THEIR SPOUSES OR MALE PARTNERS: AN ANNOTATED BIBLIOGRAPHY
Martin S. Fiebert, Department of Psychology California State University, Long Beach
SUMMARY: This bibliography examines 196 scholarly investigations: 153 empirical studies and 43 reviews and/or analyses, which demonstrate that women are as physically aggressive, or more aggressive, than men in their relationships with their spouses or male partners. The aggregate sample size in the reviewed studies exceeds 177,100.
http://www.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm
canucksis --
Thorough and I'm sure took a chunk of your time. Many thanks.
br549 --
I found your comment amusing. I wonder what percentage of women would if the genders were reversed?
"In fact, 71 percent of the instigators in nonreciprocal partner violence were women. This finding surprised Whitaker and his colleagues, they admitted in their study report."
Um... Did these folks skip junior high? Or were they just not paying attention?
Men are assumed to be able to take injury, and women are not.
That's what being a man about it is.
The idea may even be correct. In any case, it lives also in the feminist position.
It's not a double standard if you notice that men and women are different after all.
An old New Yorker cartoon showed a man and woman arguing, and the woman saying, ``Now, don't try to reason with me.'' Exactly.
I'm not sure I understand the concept of reciprocal violence. Does that just mean both partners are violent? For instance, it says men are more likely to be injured in reciprocal violence, and that women are instigating a lot of non reciprocal violence. Is it possible to infer that men tend not to retaliate if they are unharmed, but if they are physically harmed they tend to retaliate?
I'll agree w/rhhardin, but offer the following observation --
When my foreign-born wife came to live in the U.S., she was appalled at the number of times, on television and in movies, women struck or became violent with men in response to things like accidental or real insults and embarrassments, or other perceived wrongs the assaulted men had supposedly committed.
Before she pointed it out, I'd always been vaguely aware of the double-standard, but hadn't realized how much I'd come to regard such behavior as normal or acceptable.
But then, she comes from a place where the cultural/entertainment apparatus isn't engaged in packaging superficial, fashion-pose empowerment and righteousness as a form of 'liberation' -- and she's as tough as nails as a result.
Matthew,
Yes, the idea of reciprocal vs. nonreciprocal violence can be confusing. According to the study, reciprocal violence is when both partners are engaged in the violence. Non-reciprocal is when one partner is the perpetrator of violence but the other partner does not respond with violence.
From the study, it would seem that men are somewhat more likely to be injured than women if both partners get into a fight. However, if the man alone is violent, the woman is more often the one hurt.
In reciprocal situations, could it be that women feel more threatened and therefore escalate their level of violence more quickly than men? At the same time, could it be that, although the violence is reciprocal, men tend to "hold back" when fighting a woman?
Does this mean that abused women would fare better if they fought back as hard as they could? Should there be a difference between defending yourself from an anonymous thug and defending yourself from an abusive boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse?
"However, if the man alone is violent, the woman is more often the one hurt."
That seems kind of obvious. If no one's hitting you, how are you going to get hurt?
Gene
Bugs,
Good questions. I do wonder if women who are willing to fight back tend to be willing to fight hard and injure while men do not feel that they can go all out. It makes sense that a man who hits a woman who does not fight back would injure her as he has shown himself willing to hit. In the reciprocal situation, with both fighting, it could be that the man holds back and the woman does not.
In the situation you described with the abused woman, I would say that the woman who does not fight back has a different psychological make-up than the one who does. That is, it is perhaps not in her nature to fight back against the man, just as it is not in some men's nature to hit back against someone who is hurting them. I think an interpersonal relationship is different than defending oneself against a thug. Hitting back is not the answer in an interpersonal relationship unless one is about to get killed by the spouse at that moment. Of course, sometimes, some restraint is necessary but hitting seems out of place with a supposed loved one. Once someone has started hitting, it's probably time to go. Trying to duke it out seems counterproductive and not something that should be aspired to in any interpersonal relationship.
On a related topic just recently the state of Maine put through a new law changing our primary aggressor laws regarding domestic violence to predominant aggressor laws. BEWARE! My understanding is that Maine is around the 19th state to change to predominant aggressor laws so they could be coming to your state also if they haven't already been put in place.
The reason for the change from primary to predominant? IMHO it's because more women are being arrested due to mandatory arrest laws and mainstream feminists would have us believe that woman arrested = victim twice victimized in ALL cases. Primary means first, Predominant means Man.
I went to a seminar on how they will be training law enforcement to determine the predominant aggressor in a dv call out. The instructor said, "If he slaps her in the face and she goes and gets a frying pan and hits him with it, who is the predominant aggressor?"
Of course the man is. So I raised my hand and said, "What if she slaps him and he goes and gets a frying pan and hits her?" His reply,(looking at me with contempt in his eyes) "Well if HE is afraid..." So no matter what she does she's the victim and no matter what he doesn't do she's the victim. Scary stuff these new laws. By the way if you have a chance please take a look at our new video PSA that is linked to the home page on our website and tell us what you think and if you like it pass it on! www.dahmw.org Thanks, Jan Brown Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women
The study actually makes perfect sense: if a girl hits you but does no damage you laugh it off, but if she hits you hard enough to injure you your survival instincts are more likely to kick in.
As I've mentioned on this site previously, counterattacking strictly with restraint has worked for me. I don't know if trapping a violent girl's arms counts as "reciprocal violence" or not, and I would certainly not advise blind adherence to any doctrine to deal with complex situations, but it has worked for me.
When my wife and I got together, I told her I would never hit her, and that if she ever hit me our relationship would be over. In over twenty years of living together we've never hit each other. Setting the rules at the beginning is a good idea, and I think if men and women did that--and stuck to their word--it would greatly decrease domestic violence. If you leave after the first time you are hit, your chances of being murdered (for leaving) are a lot lower than if you leave after the twentieth time. By the twentieth time you are a possession of the abuser, and have no right to a separate life.
Hi Jan,
These laws sound unfair and should be challenged. I will come by and check out the video and I suggest others do the same. Thanks!
Many good responses and excellent questions.
Yes .. it did take me a little while to assemble that data and I have piles more compiled but it's not for here & now.
There is one point that is not addressed in the study that is discussed here and also missing from the stats I put up earlier. Women are more likely to use a weapon during a physical assault, for two reasons... 1) It is a compensation for size and strength (which I am sure everyone can understand) and 2) The obtain a control level in the violence.
Men do quite often hold back and that even translates down to the reporting factor, where men are 2.5 times less likely to report incidents... There are other reasons in there as well but Men, very often do not want to report because of the stigma attached to Male Victims.
JAN: You are so right on the Primary Aggressor Laws... they are quite literally painting a bulls-eye on males in very general terms. Will this really help anyone ? Absolutely not except for further fuelling the DV Industry as it stands.
On a Clinic / Medical Stand point... Many facilities and resources that do screening for Abuse use a common screening tool called: "Routine Universal Comprehensive Screening (RUCS) Protocol for Woman Abuse". This is a VERY Gender specific screening process and eliminates the fact that Men are also victims. Just about EVERY Hospital or Medical & Social Service facility in North America uses this as a tool. There are variations but they are all pretty much based on this particular screening tool.
Google Search "Routine Universal Comprehensive Screening" and check it out.
woofster, I got in lots of trouble listening to you last time. I'll be reading your posts with the eye of the Oracle from now on.
This is one uber goober who doesn't need to go through some instances twice!
trollsmyth,
They obviously didn't have any girl friends in junior high or high school. Breaking up with your girlfriend in those days was best done in a huge parking lot. You'd never find your ring again if you broke up on a grassy area. Unless it was shoved up your nose instead.
Overall, I still believe men who get abused (meaning beat up here) by women do so because they will not or (moral reasons) cannot hit back. And / or, they leave before it comes to that. Rarely is it because a man couldn't even punch his way out of a beauty parlor, although that happens, too. Some women don't seem to realize that when they fly off the handle. And call me old school - no man should hit a woman except under obvious circumstances where no other course is possible.
I hate to break it to you folks, but the 'domestic violence industry' is aware of these facts. They don't care.
I've worked in social services and in roles that interact with domestic violence shelters and other services. The DV gang are like a cult, they're true believers.
Here's how it works. If a woman beats her kids, it because her husband or boyfriend has driven her to it, so he's got to go. If she beats her elderly mother or father, same thing. If she beats on the man, it's self defense. If he doesn't beat her, then he must have been psychologically abusive. Whichever way you cut it, she's not at fault. I've seen these people try to blame 10 year old boys for making their mother abusive.
So you can cite all of the studies you want, it's not going to change domestic violence policy. Anyone who has any familiarity with DV cases knows that the stereotypes aren't even half of the story. But that's the story that DV advocates want to believe and that's what they sell to the public. If they acknowledged the reality of the situation, they'd lose power. The sad thing is that kids are hurt, innocent men are hurt, and even women are hurt because they don't want to deal with the BS programs that these providers try to make them go through.
canucksis: Any idea why the 2007 "Family Violence in Canada" is two months late?
-------------
The entire field of family violence is so twisted I'm not sure if we can have decency or human rights. I'm no longer sure at all. There's simply too much contempt for all males.
Think of the thing: We all live in a culture which openly prefers abused children to helping mere-men. A wife is violent, she gets the kids and about half the time abuses them. The victim father gets hatred and the full knowledge that he is forbidden by force of law to protect his children. THAT is who the people in our culture are.
I'm not at all sure why reciprocal violence is more likely to hurt men. Given the misandry of the current research system I rather doubt we CAN know the why.
Jan's comments aptly point out the goal of the dv industry. About 10 years ago I was waiting in a state social service office in Kentucky and idly picked up a brochure on domestic violence. It stated all spousal abuse was committed by men.
I mentioned to the social worker that I didn't believe that. She said she had been taught that in a seminar which seemed to satisfy her limited intellectual curiosity. Later, on the Internet, I found the official Kentucky domestic violence training manual. It state that all spousal abuse was committed by men. Unfortunately (because they're hiding the evidence), this manual is no longer available on the Web. Fortunately, maybe they now realize dv goes both ways.
There was ample evidence then that these claims weren't true but as Jan and Alaysia point out, they don't care. It's more about a feminist agenda than equal protection under the law.
I've got rather a lengthy post on the issue over at Dean's World:
http://www.deanesmay.com/posts/1188373265.shtml
Thanks to influential people like Dr. Helen, we may someday be able fix this mess!
Bless you for bringing it up!
Trudy,
Thanks for letting me know about your post. I'll add it here with an update.
" jw said...
canucksis: Any idea why the 2007 "Family Violence in Canada" is two months late?"
2 Months late ? That could go a couple of ways :)
Alaysia,
You are so right.. it is a whole lot more to it and people in that industry don't care because they know where they are getting paid from. It's pretty sad, when the Public Good is usurped so easily by those that crave power for the sake of having power...
The FACT that the DV industry doesn't care and has it's own agenda is disturbing, to say the least. That is why we need to get the info out there into the public eye. Domestic Abuse happens to everyone, regardless of gender.
Good People like Dr. Helen and other's in the profession are starting to acknowledge it. "Some Media" is starting to report it and article it. The General Public is still blinded by the years of "propaganda" but that is also slowly (very slowly) starting to change.
Women are abused, Men are abused, Children are abused... It IS a Societal Problem that affects everyone.
The DV Industry is also missing a major point too... If they actually started to provide services for Male Victims the number of shelter's would go up, the legal system would also get more the entire "industry" would mushroom. Counselling Services would also get an increase in people because Men would be seeking help too...
Public Education & Knowledge has to be forefront to get this balanced. With the "Information Age" we now have the ability to track, capture and disseminate the information. The "Ministry of Truth" no longer controls everything fully and word is out and growing. Sadly, the "radical factions" are also waging war on each other and the fallout is affecting a lot of people.
What no one has mentioned is this very disturbing fact: The more women get away with domestic violence and child abuse, as laws pushed by Feminists keep slithering around common sense and sanity, this sends a very clear message to all women- that they are free to hurt or kill anyone they want any time they want.
We are creating monsters. It's virtually already legal for a woman to murder her husband as we have seen, and if we stay on this path, the logical outcome will be 10 years from now women will be murdering men at random in public, blowing their heads off with a gun for making a suggestive remark and just walk away, no questions asked because it might make her late for her salon appointment, or mothers throwing their children out of moving cars (because they're in a bad mood) their little skulls smashing against the pavement, killing them instantly, as mom drives off into the sunset, cackling like an old witch, no questions asked. She was a 'victim.' Our society is sick, sick, sick, sick, sick.
It is no womder that American women are now the most despised group of people around the world in history.
reality 2007,
Please tone it down. You are getting really trollish.
"reality 2007,
Please tone it down. You are getting really trollish."
From CNN:
SELMER, Tennessee (CNN) --
As her minister husband lay
dying from a shotgun wound to
the back, Mary Carol Winkler
wiped the blood bubbling on
his lips, his head seperated
from his body because his spine
had been severed from the shotgun
blast, still hanging onto life.
One can only imagine the pain he
must have suffered..."
Hey, you better contact CNN & tell
them to 'tone it down.' They're
getting a little too 'trollish.' What an idiotic word.
Since you run this blog, shouldn't have more class than to sink so low as to personally attack the posters here and call them names?
Listen, my eyes are wide open to the fact that well-organized lobbies are at work on our state legislators to favor women in these situations. Men's lobbies are not rearly so well organized or powerful. The state legislators, mostly men by the way, do need votes and contributions. Courts are not nearly as easily coerced in APPLYING the laws, regardless of the stereotype. Sure there are examples galore of strange judicial decisions, but generally the courts do the just thing -- you don't hear about it because that's not news. We need to acknowledge that there are legitimate reasons for only arresting one party in many disputes where both parties use force; and I read nothing in the laws that REQUIRES police to arrest only the husband, but I'd like to see evidence of statistics (as opposed to purely anecdotal accounts) to know how these laws are being applied. Here's the important point: there are far more instances of women being hurt badly in domestic disputes than men (we're bigger and stronger on average -- fact of life). But just because that is so, ALL MEN SHOULD NOT BE STEREOTYPED AND AUTOMATICALLY ADJUDGED THE "PRIMARY AGGRESSOR." Men shouldn't be stereotyped any more than blacks should be stereotyped merely because the black male population is involved in violent crimes disproportionate to their numbers. THAT'S the issue, as I see it, and we need to pick our spots and stay focused and not be hysterical -- like the gender feminists who want to ban urinals because they symbolize male dominance!
I remember one attorney on a website discussing how reporting an assault on yourself by your spouse (if you are male) is the first time in the history of law that reporting a crime can actually result in being arrested and subsequently convicted for the very crime you reported and THE VICTIM OF.
It's like reporting that you were rob at gunpoint and the police coming and arresting you for robbery.
I have a girlfriend, but she isn't moving into my house- ever. We've been together for two years & she knows the score. It's too dangerous for a man to live with a woman- marriage- all of that.
Forget it, too much liabilty and far too much risk. Being assaulted then going to jail for it, falsely accused of rape or molestation (if there are kids), the incredible risk of losing your house to her in a divorce- I would feel far safer in Iraq than to live with a woman in the U.S. today.
reality..
You really don't have to yell at everyone who wants to discuss things a little deeper, clarify a few things. Development of discourse and open dialog is what this blog is all about.
You seem to consider someone simply disagreeing with you as an attack. I'm wondering if you yell at people at stop lights who don't drive the same brand of car as you. Isn't that disagreeing with you too? It's not really much different than that.
Seems alaysia and jw are really on to something, there. Sad as hell, isn't it?
I have to consider myself very lucky I was able to get my kids. They're loved and they know it. And we have a blast.
reality2007 --
I have a girlfriend,...
Right. Either you are writing here in a manner you actually don't espouse (nice juxt) or have the balls to exhibit in the wild, or you have some gal with a huge self-worth problem.
oligonicalla,
I am not sure why you doubt reality2007's account of his not living with his girlfriend. I know a half-dozen successful, professional males in exactly the same situation. The will not marry, and will not cohabit.
If the female presses, it's "buh-bye, it's been fun." They've all been (according to them and to the several GFs I met) very up front about it. Each has seen (or experienced) what the court situation is really like (one is a judge, in fact), and wants nooooo part of it.
I'm not endorsing the choice -- I've been happily married 19 years next month -- but I certainly see it occurring. And I am grimly amused, because some cliche about "hens, home, roosting" comes to mind.
Honestly, when you spend time in Family Court (or in Divorce Court, though I don't have and personal experience there) it's apparent how horribly stacked the deck is against the male.
In fact, I plan on taking my sons to court to sit and watch and learn before they move out of the house -- it's VERY instructive. they're both very bright, and were brought up with a very strong sense of fair play. I bet I won't have to say a word.
Heck, examine "predominant abuser" laws (New York has them, too). It's disgusting. So intelligent males
Ahh, the law of Unintended Consequences -- gotta' love it.
Thanks, 1charlie2, and that is oustanding how you are educating your sons. It's what all boys need to be taught at an early age; that marriage to women today in the U.S. with the laws and cultural hatred towards men and women's complete unaccountability or responsibility for anything, is a lot like teaching your sons about the dangers of drugs.
The similiarities are eerie- like American women, drugs will make you feel physically good for a few minutes, but then will proceed to destroy your entire life, which is why you need to avoid them and anyone who associates with them as much as possbile.
As for you, Oligonicella, I noticed all you focused on was my girlfriend, and completely ignored the important parts. Sounds like someone is jealous. I told you I am not going to sleep with you no matter what you do.
reality2007,
I can't say I'm completely in your camp. Talking about "American Women" is painting with a fairly broad brush. Although there are a few who certainly can be extraordinarily destructive.
And since I live in New York, I do have to educate my boys about the legal pitfalls they face, and how those pitfalls can and occasionally do enable unscrupulous women solely on the basis of their gender. As I said, I suspect by that time, I won't have to say a word. . .
1charlie2 --
Reread. I don't doubt he could have a girlfriend, I promote she's got a horrible self-image if he does. You think he could keep this:
"like American women, drugs will make you feel physically good for a few minutes, but then will proceed to destroy your entire life"
out of their relationship?
reality2007 --
"I told you I am not going to sleep with you..."
Thank you for what small favors you bestow.
1charlie2,
As you've probably guessed, my girlfriend isn't American. Painting with a 'fairly broad brush' when it comes to American women is a good idea- even if she seems like the sweetest woman in the world & even is- this isn't a character issue- it is a cultural one.
98% of women today feel justified for the horrible things they do, and were raised to play the victim, thus never taking responsibility for anything. It is the essense of their amorality.
Plus, women have been told over and over that men are dogs, stupid, worthless- not even human, so in their minds they are only being sweet to you in the same way as they are to a dog. This is why women you would never dream of in a million years of doing the things they do- do the most awful things to stab you in the back- and as it is happening, you tell yourself, "this cannot be happening," just as thousand of men right now are saying to themselves all over the U.S.
I am 44 years old, have been married, have two grown children, 23 and 24 (son and a daughter) have lived with about nine different women over the last twenty years, have gone through somewhere around 25-30 girlfriends (that's not including high school)-countless sex, countless female co-workers, etc. I know ALOT about women, and that is the reason I am so sick of them-I know the truth.
The funniest thing is that the guys that argue with me the most about how women are and defend them so, don't even realize that by doing so they are only letting me know they have had very little expereince with women and/or are virgins, naive, and buy into the lies and are basically maginas. Why should they care? They're not going to be having sex anyway- women don't want a guy like that.
And then the women on forums like these think that just because I'm saying what I'm saying here and on forums like this, they just mindlessly assume that that's what I do all day- walk around talking about how horrible women are all day to everyone I meet, and thus have a 'horrible' personality and thus wouldn't be able to get laid. It's that narrow 2-dimensional thinking women have. Yea, right. I know how to play the game.
And I also know how to survive.
You think I have a dark and negative attitude? The reality out here is darker than a Stephen King novel. It's easy to attack the messenger because it is the easiest form of denial. People don't want to believe all this is true- too bad. You'd better suck up, and smarten up is what I tell every guy I meet- or else you're going to get run over, screwed over, or even worse. Every man needs to learn to adapt- it's the only way to survive in this shit tornado women have created.
"Reread. I don't doubt he could have a girlfriend, I promote she's got a horrible self-image if he does."
You're an idiot. I can tell YOU have a horrible self image and don't even have a girlfriend- you're either a virgin or gay. I can tell by your attitude, prissy man.
"You think he could keep this:
"like American women, drugs will make you feel physically good for a few minutes, but then will proceed to destroy your entire life"
out of their relationship?"
Who said my girlfriend was American?
The one thing you think you're oh so clever at- cross examination- you even suck at that. Now THAT must be cause for major low self-esteem.
“Shaming tactics.” It conjures up the histrionic behavior of female detractors who refuse to argue their points with logic. Yet women are not the only ones guilty of using shaming tactics against men. Male gynocentrists use them, too.
Shaming tactics are emotional devices meant to play on a man’s insecurities and shut down debate. They are meant to elicit sympathy for women and to demonize men who ask hard questions. Most, if not all, shaming tactics are basically ad homimem attacks. Anyway, it might be helpful to categorize the major shaming tactics that are used against men whenever a discussion arises about feminism, men’s issues, romance, etc.
The following list contains descriptions of shaming tactics, some examples of quotes employing the tactics, and even color-coded aliases for mnemonic purposes. Enjoy.
Charge of Irascibility (Code Red)
Discussion:
The target is accused of having anger management issues. Whatever negative emotions he has are assumed to be unjustifiable.
Examples:
“You’re bitter!"
“You need to get over your anger at women.”
“You are so negative!”
Response: Anger is a legitimate emotion in the face of injustice. It is important to remember that passive acceptance of evil is not a virtue.
Charge of Cowardice (Code Yellow)
Discussion: The target is accused of having an unjustifiable fear of interaction with women.
Examples:
“You need to get over your fear.”
“Step up and take a chance like a man!”
“You’re afraid of a strong woman!”
Response: It is important to remember that there is a difference between bravery and stupidity. The only risks that reasonable people dare to take are calculated risks. One weighs the likely costs and benefits of said risks. As it is, some men are finding out that many women fail a cost-benefit analysis.
Charge of Hypersensitivity (Code Blue) - The Crybaby Charge
Discussion: The target is accused of being hysterical or exaggerating the problems of men (i.e., he is accused of playing “Chicken Little”).
Examples:
“Stop whining!”
“Get over it!”
“Suck it up like a man!”
“You guys don’t have it as nearly as bad as us women!”
“You’re just afraid of losing your male privileges.”
“Your fragile male ego …”
“Wow! You guys need to get a grip!
”Response: One who uses the Code Blue shaming tactic reveals a callous indifference to the humanity of men. It may be constructive to confront such an accuser and ask if a certain problem men face needs to be addressed or not (”yes” or “no”), however small it may be seem to be. If the accuser answers in the negative, it may constructive to ask why any man should care about the accuser’s welfare since the favor will obviously not be returned. If the accuser claims to be unable to do anything about the said problem, one can ask the accuser why an attack is necessary against those who are doing something about it.
Charge of Puerility (Code Green) - The Peter Pan Charge
Discussion: The target is accused of being immature and/or irresponsible in some manner that reflects badly on his status as an adult male.
Examples:
“Grow up!”
“You are so immature!”
“Do you live with your mother?”
“I’m not interested in boys. I’m interested in real men.”
“Men are shirking their God-given responsibility to marry and bear children.”
Response:
It should be remembered that one’s sexual history, marital status, parental status, etc. are not reliable indicators of maturity and accountability. If they were, then we would not hear of white collar crime, divorce, teen sex, unplanned pregnancies, extramarital affairs, etc.
Charge of Endangerment (Code Orange) - The Elevated Threat ChargeDiscussion:
The target is accused of being a menace in some undefined manner. This charge may be coupled with some attempt to censor the target.
Examples:
“You guys are scary.”
“You make me feel afraid.”
Response: It may be constructive to point out that only bigots and tyrants are afraid of having the truth expressed to them. One may also ask why some women think they can handle leadership roles if they are so threatened by a man’s legitimate freedom of expression.
Charge of Rationalization (Code Purple) - The Sour Grapes ChargeDiscussion: The target is accused of explaining away his own failures and/or dissatisfaction by blaming women for his problems.
Example:
“You are just bitter because you can’t get laid.”
Response:
In this case, it must be asked if it really matters how one arrives at the truth. In other words, one may submit to the accuser, “What if the grapes really are sour?” At any rate, the Code Purple shaming tactic is an example of what is called “circumstantial ad hominem.”
Charge of Fanaticism (Code Brown) - The Brown Shirts ChargeDiscussion:
The target is accused of subscribing to an intolerant, extremist ideology or of being devoted to an ignorant viewpoint.
Examples:
“You’re one of those right-wing wackos.”
“You’re an extremist”
“You sound like the KKK.”
“… more anti-feminist zaniness”
Response: One should remember that the truth is not decided by the number of people subscribing to it. Whether or not certain ideas are “out of the mainstream” is besides the point. A correct conclusion is also not necessarily reached by embracing some middle ground between two opposing viewpoints (i.e., the logical fallacy of “False Compromise”).
Charge of Invirility (Code Lavender)
Discussion: The target’s sexual orientation or masculinity is called into question.
Examples:
“Are you gay?”
“I need a real man, not a sissy.”
“You’re such a wimp.”
Response:
Unless one is working for religious conservatives, it is usually of little consequence if a straight man leaves his accusers guessing about his sexual orientation.
Charge of Overgeneralization (Code Gray)
Discussion: The target is accused of making generalizations or supporting unwarranted stereotypes about women.
Examples:
“I’m not like that!”
“Stop generalizing!”
“That’s a sexist stereotype!”
Response:
One may point out that feminists and many other women make generalizations about men. Quotations from feminists, for example, can be easily obtained to prove this point. Also, one should note that pointing to a trend is not the same as overgeneralizing. Although not all women may have a certain characteristic, a significant amount of them might.
Charge of Misogyny (Code Black)
Discussion: The target is accused of displaying some form of unwarranted malice to a particular woman or to women in general.
Examples:
“You misogynist creep!”
“Why do you hate women?”
“Do you love your mother?”
“You are insensitive to the plight of women.”
“You are mean-spirited.”
“You view women as doormats.”
“You want to roll back the rights of women!!”
“You are going to make me cry.”
Response:
One may ask the accuser how does a pro-male agenda become inherently anti-female (especially since feminists often claim that gains for men and women are “not a zero-sum game”). One may also ask the accuser how do they account for women who agree with the target’s viewpoints. The Code Black shaming tactic often integrates the logical fallacies of “argumentum ad misericordiam” (viz., argumentation based on pity for women) and/or “argumentum in terrorem” (viz., arousing fear about what the target wants to do to women).
Charge of Instability (Code White) -
The White Padded Room ChargeDiscussion: The target is accused of being emotionally or mentally unstable.
Examples:
“You’re unstable.”
“You have issues.”
“You need therapy.”
“Weirdo!”
Response:
In response to this attack, one may point to peer-reviewed literature and then ask the accuser if the target’s mental and/or emotional condition can explain the existence of valid research on the matter.
Charge of Selfishness (Code Silver)
Discussion: This attack is self-explanatory. It is a common charge hurled at men who do not want to be bothered with romantic pursuits.
Examples:
“You are so materialistic.”
“You are so greedy.
”Response:
It may be beneficial to turn the accusation back on the one pressing the charge. For instance, one may retort, “So you are saying I shouldn’t spend my money on myself, but should instead spend it on a woman like you —and you accuse me of being selfish?? Just what were you planning to do for me anyway?”
Charge of Superficiality (Code Gold) -
The All-That-Glitters ChargeDiscussion: The charge of superficiality is usually hurled at men with regard to their mating preferences.
Examples:
“If you didn’t go after bimbos, then …”
“How can you be so shallow and turn down a single mother?”
Response:
Average-looking women can be just as problematic in their behavior as beautiful, “high-maintanence” women. Regarding the shallowness of women, popular media furnishes plenty of examples where petty demands are made of men by females (viz., those notorious laundry lists of things a man should/should not do for his girlfriend or wife).
Charge of Unattractiveness (Code Tan) - The Ugly Tan Charge
Discussion: The target is accused of having no romantic potential as far as women are concerned.
Examples:
“I bet you are fat and ugly.”
“You can’t get laid!”
“Creep!”
“Loser!”
“Have you thought about the problem being you?”
Response:
This is another example of “circumstantial ad hominem.” The target’s romantic potential ultimately does not reflect on the merit of his arguments.
Charge of Defeatism (Code Maroon)
Discussion: This shaming tactic is akin to the Charge of Irascibility and the Charge of Cowardice in that the accuser attacks the target’s negative or guarded attitude about a situation. However, the focus is not so much on the target’s anger or fear, but on the target’s supposed attitude of resignation.
Examples:
“Stop being so negative.”
“You are so cynical.”
“If you refuse to have relationships with women, then you are admitting defeat.”
“C’mon! Men are doers, not quitters.”
Response:
The charge of defeatism can be diffused by explaining that one is merely being realistic about a situation. Also, one can point out that asking men to just accept their mistreatment at the hands of women and society is the real attitude that is defeatist. Many men have not lost their resolve; many have lost their patience.
Threat of Withheld Affection (Code Pink) -
The Pink WhipDiscussion: The target is admonished that his viewpoints or behavior will cause women to reject him as a mate.
Examples:
“No woman will marry you with that attitude.”“Creeps like you will never get laid!”Response: This is an example of the logical fallacy “argumentum ad baculum” (the “appeal to force”). The accuser attempts to negate the validity of a position by pointing to some undesirable circumstance that will befall anyone who takes said position. Really, the only way to deal with the “Pink Whip” is to realize that a man’s happiness and worth is not based on his romantic conquests (including marriage).
“Shaming tactics.” It conjures up the histrionic behavior of female detractors who refuse to argue their points with logic. Yet women are not the only ones guilty of using shaming tactics against men. Male gynocentrists use them, too.
Shaming tactics are emotional devices meant to play on a man’s insecurities and shut down debate. They are meant to elicit sympathy for women and to demonize men who ask hard questions. Most, if not all, shaming tactics are basically ad homimem attacks. Anyway, it might be helpful to categorize the major shaming tactics that are used against men whenever a discussion arises about feminism, men’s issues, romance, etc.
The following list contains descriptions of shaming tactics, some examples of quotes employing the tactics, and even color-coded aliases for mnemonic purposes. Enjoy.
Charge of Irascibility (Code Red)
Discussion:
The target is accused of having anger management issues. Whatever negative emotions he has are assumed to be unjustifiable.
Examples:
“You’re bitter!"
“You need to get over your anger at women.”
“You are so negative!”
Response: Anger is a legitimate emotion in the face of injustice. It is important to remember that passive acceptance of evil is not a virtue.
Charge of Cowardice (Code Yellow)
Discussion: The target is accused of having an unjustifiable fear of interaction with women.
Examples:
“You need to get over your fear.”
“Step up and take a chance like a man!”
“You’re afraid of a strong woman!”
Response: It is important to remember that there is a difference between bravery and stupidity. The only risks that reasonable people dare to take are calculated risks. One weighs the likely costs and benefits of said risks. As it is, some men are finding out that many women fail a cost-benefit analysis.
Charge of Hypersensitivity (Code Blue) - The Crybaby Charge
Discussion: The target is accused of being hysterical or exaggerating the problems of men (i.e., he is accused of playing “Chicken Little”).
Examples:
“Stop whining!”
“Get over it!”
“Suck it up like a man!”
“You guys don’t have it as nearly as bad as us women!”
“You’re just afraid of losing your male privileges.”
“Your fragile male ego …”
“Wow! You guys need to get a grip!
”Response: One who uses the Code Blue shaming tactic reveals a callous indifference to the humanity of men. It may be constructive to confront such an accuser and ask if a certain problem men face needs to be addressed or not (”yes” or “no”), however small it may be seem to be. If the accuser answers in the negative, it may constructive to ask why any man should care about the accuser’s welfare since the favor will obviously not be returned. If the accuser claims to be unable to do anything about the said problem, one can ask the accuser why an attack is necessary against those who are doing something about it.
Charge of Puerility (Code Green) - The Peter Pan Charge
Discussion: The target is accused of being immature and/or irresponsible in some manner that reflects badly on his status as an adult male.
Examples:
“Grow up!”
“You are so immature!”
“Do you live with your mother?”
“I’m not interested in boys. I’m interested in real men.”
“Men are shirking their God-given responsibility to marry and bear children.”
Response:
It should be remembered that one’s sexual history, marital status, parental status, etc. are not reliable indicators of maturity and accountability. If they were, then we would not hear of white collar crime, divorce, teen sex, unplanned pregnancies, extramarital affairs, etc.
Charge of Endangerment (Code Orange) - The Elevated Threat ChargeDiscussion:
The target is accused of being a menace in some undefined manner. This charge may be coupled with some attempt to censor the target.
Examples:
“You guys are scary.”
“You make me feel afraid.”
Response: It may be constructive to point out that only bigots and tyrants are afraid of having the truth expressed to them. One may also ask why some women think they can handle leadership roles if they are so threatened by a man’s legitimate freedom of expression.
Charge of Rationalization (Code Purple) - The Sour Grapes ChargeDiscussion: The target is accused of explaining away his own failures and/or dissatisfaction by blaming women for his problems.
Example:
“You are just bitter because you can’t get laid.”
Response:
In this case, it must be asked if it really matters how one arrives at the truth. In other words, one may submit to the accuser, “What if the grapes really are sour?” At any rate, the Code Purple shaming tactic is an example of what is called “circumstantial ad hominem.”
Charge of Fanaticism (Code Brown) - The Brown Shirts ChargeDiscussion:
The target is accused of subscribing to an intolerant, extremist ideology or of being devoted to an ignorant viewpoint.
Examples:
“You’re one of those right-wing wackos.”
“You’re an extremist”
“You sound like the KKK.”
“… more anti-feminist zaniness”
Response: One should remember that the truth is not decided by the number of people subscribing to it. Whether or not certain ideas are “out of the mainstream” is besides the point. A correct conclusion is also not necessarily reached by embracing some middle ground between two opposing viewpoints (i.e., the logical fallacy of “False Compromise”).
Charge of Invirility (Code Lavender)
Discussion: The target’s sexual orientation or masculinity is called into question.
Examples:
“Are you gay?”
“I need a real man, not a sissy.”
“You’re such a wimp.”
Response:
Unless one is working for religious conservatives, it is usually of little consequence if a straight man leaves his accusers guessing about his sexual orientation.
Charge of Overgeneralization (Code Gray)
Discussion: The target is accused of making generalizations or supporting unwarranted stereotypes about women.
Examples:
“I’m not like that!”
“Stop generalizing!”
“That’s a sexist stereotype!”
Response:
One may point out that feminists and many other women make generalizations about men. Quotations from feminists, for example, can be easily obtained to prove this point. Also, one should note that pointing to a trend is not the same as overgeneralizing. Although not all women may have a certain characteristic, a significant amount of them might.
Charge of Misogyny (Code Black)
Discussion: The target is accused of displaying some form of unwarranted malice to a particular woman or to women in general.
Examples:
“You misogynist creep!”
“Why do you hate women?”
“Do you love your mother?”
“You are insensitive to the plight of women.”
“You are mean-spirited.”
“You view women as doormats.”
“You want to roll back the rights of women!!”
“You are going to make me cry.”
Response:
One may ask the accuser how does a pro-male agenda become inherently anti-female (especially since feminists often claim that gains for men and women are “not a zero-sum game”). One may also ask the accuser how do they account for women who agree with the target’s viewpoints. The Code Black shaming tactic often integrates the logical fallacies of “argumentum ad misericordiam” (viz., argumentation based on pity for women) and/or “argumentum in terrorem” (viz., arousing fear about what the target wants to do to women).
Charge of Instability (Code White) -
The White Padded Room ChargeDiscussion: The target is accused of being emotionally or mentally unstable.
Examples:
“You’re unstable.”
“You have issues.”
“You need therapy.”
“Weirdo!”
Response:
In response to this attack, one may point to peer-reviewed literature and then ask the accuser if the target’s mental and/or emotional condition can explain the existence of valid research on the matter.
Charge of Selfishness (Code Silver)
Discussion: This attack is self-explanatory. It is a common charge hurled at men who do not want to be bothered with romantic pursuits.
Examples:
“You are so materialistic.”
“You are so greedy.
”Response:
It may be beneficial to turn the accusation back on the one pressing the charge. For instance, one may retort, “So you are saying I shouldn’t spend my money on myself, but should instead spend it on a woman like you —and you accuse me of being selfish?? Just what were you planning to do for me anyway?”
Charge of Superficiality (Code Gold) -
The All-That-Glitters ChargeDiscussion: The charge of superficiality is usually hurled at men with regard to their mating preferences.
Examples:
“If you didn’t go after bimbos, then …”
“How can you be so shallow and turn down a single mother?”
Response:
Average-looking women can be just as problematic in their behavior as beautiful, “high-maintanence” women. Regarding the shallowness of women, popular media furnishes plenty of examples where petty demands are made of men by females (viz., those notorious laundry lists of things a man should/should not do for his girlfriend or wife).
Charge of Unattractiveness (Code Tan) - The Ugly Tan Charge
Discussion: The target is accused of having no romantic potential as far as women are concerned.
Examples:
“I bet you are fat and ugly.”
“You can’t get laid!”
“Creep!”
“Loser!”
“Have you thought about the problem being you?”
Response:
This is another example of “circumstantial ad hominem.” The target’s romantic potential ultimately does not reflect on the merit of his arguments.
Charge of Defeatism (Code Maroon)
Discussion: This shaming tactic is akin to the Charge of Irascibility and the Charge of Cowardice in that the accuser attacks the target’s negative or guarded attitude about a situation. However, the focus is not so much on the target’s anger or fear, but on the target’s supposed attitude of resignation.
Examples:
“Stop being so negative.”
“You are so cynical.”
“If you refuse to have relationships with women, then you are admitting defeat.”
“C’mon! Men are doers, not quitters.”
Response:
The charge of defeatism can be diffused by explaining that one is merely being realistic about a situation. Also, one can point out that asking men to just accept their mistreatment at the hands of women and society is the real attitude that is defeatist. Many men have not lost their resolve; many have lost their patience.
Threat of Withheld Affection (Code Pink) -
The Pink WhipDiscussion: The target is admonished that his viewpoints or behavior will cause women to reject him as a mate.
Examples:
“No woman will marry you with that attitude.”“Creeps like you will never get laid!”Response: This is an example of the logical fallacy “argumentum ad baculum” (the “appeal to force”). The accuser attempts to negate the validity of a position by pointing to some undesirable circumstance that will befall anyone who takes said position. Really, the only way to deal with the “Pink Whip” is to realize that a man’s happiness and worth is not based on his romantic conquests (including marriage).
reality2007,
You and I really have to part company on this subject.
Painting with a 'fairly broad brush' when it comes to American women is a good idea
Then it must be a good idea for women to paint men as
dogs, stupid, worthless- not even human
Sorry, I can't agree with either viewpoint.
Plus, women have been told over and over that men are so in their minds they are only being sweet to you in the same way as they are to a dog.
Sorry, patronization and over-generalization can cut both ways. I want neither. Feminists want to paint men. You seem to want to paint women. A pox on both your houses.
The funniest thing is that the guys that argue with me the most about how women are and defend them so, don't even realize that by doing so they are only letting me know they have had very little expereince with women and/or are virgins, naive, and buy into the lies and are basically maginas.
Now who is engaging in your "Code Green" behavior ?
Let me refresh you memory
Examples:
“Grow up!”
“You are so immature!”
“Do you live with your mother?”
“I’m not interested in boys. I’m interested in real men.”
You lost me with the argumentum ad hominem.
"Painting with a 'fairly broad brush' when it comes to American women is a good idea
Then it must be a good idea for women to paint men as
dogs, stupid, worthless- not even human
Sorry, I can't agree with either viewpoint"
Let me sort it out for you then, since you are having so much difficulty comprehending the situation. It is very simple.
The actual truth and reality is that men are not stupid dogs.
The actual truth and reality is that American women actually are dangerous especially with the legal system enabling them.
In order to begin to understand the world, you have to pull your head out of the collective anus that so much of the genral public thinks in today, obsessed with 'perception' and 'attitudes'-attacking the speaker, etc. These are all constructs of female thinking and are anything but 'progressive' as you deceived into thinking. These tactics of propaganda are the basic elements of Communism. It's just called 'Political Correctness.'
Stop concerning yourself with me, and start concerning yourself with the real dangers- marriages, DV laws, false allegations. Stop trying to 'cross-examine' me- that's what women do in order to dodge the subject, usually because they are not intelligent to discuss the topic.
"The funniest thing is that the guys that argue with me the most about how women are and defend them so, don't even realize that by doing so they are only letting me know they have had very little expereince with women and/or are virgins, naive, and buy into the lies and are basically maginas.
Now who is engaging in your "Code Green" behavior ?"
Reading that paragraph I don't see anywhere in it:
"Examples:
“Grow up!”
“You are so immature!”
“Do you live with your mother?”
“I’m not interested in boys. I’m interested in real men.”
The paragraph refers to men's inexperience with women which is not one in the same as maturity.
See how the PC police have distorted your thinking to the point of making you an idiot, where can't even think straight?
"Painting with a 'fairly broad brush' when it comes to American women is a good idea
Then it must be a good idea for women to paint men as
dogs, stupid, worthless- not even human
Sorry, I can't agree with either viewpoint"
Let me sort it out for you then, since you are having so much difficulty comprehending the situation. It is very simple.
The actual truth and reality is that men are not stupid dogs.
The actual truth and reality is that American women actually are dangerous especially with the legal system enabling them.
In order to begin to understand the world, you have to pull your head out of the collective anus that so much of the genral public thinks in today, obsessed with 'perception' and 'attitudes'-attacking the speaker, etc. These are all constructs of female thinking and are anything but 'progressive' as you deceived into thinking. These tactics of propaganda are the basic elements of Communism. It's just called 'Political Correctness.'
Stop concerning yourself with me, and start concerning yourself with the real dangers- marriages, DV laws, false allegations. Stop trying to 'cross-examine' me- that's what women do in order to dodge the subject, usually because they are not intelligent to discuss the topic.
"The funniest thing is that the guys that argue with me the most about how women are and defend them so, don't even realize that by doing so they are only letting me know they have had very little expereince with women and/or are virgins, naive, and buy into the lies and are basically maginas.
Now who is engaging in your "Code Green" behavior ?"
Reading that paragraph I don't see anywhere in it:
"Examples:
“Grow up!”
“You are so immature!”
“Do you live with your mother?”
“I’m not interested in boys. I’m interested in real men.”
The paragraph refers to men's inexperience with women which is not one in the same as maturity.
See how the PC police have distorted your thinking to the point of making you an idiot, where can't even think straight?
To me, a sure sign that a marriage has desintegrated beyond repair is violence, be it reciprocal or not.
Fausta,
I agree--once two people are hitting each other or one is hitting the other, it is a bad sign and time to go.
You think I have a dark and negative attitude?
Nah, we just think you're a dumbass, especially since you can't even tell the difference between a man and a woman. It is unfortunate, too, because you probably do have something to say about women and culture buried somewhere deep down inside all that bluster and hyperbole.
But wait a minute, television and movies show us images all day long, day after day of women beating, kicking, slapping, and punching men while an hysterical laugh track (or live audience) plays in the background. And if you tell women nowadays about a man being punched by a woman they laugh out loud.
A woman beating on a man encouraged and even funny now. One would have to assume from all indicators that this is virtually healthy for a relationship as well, from a female perspective. (Certainly not a male's).
Out culture now encourages domestic violence iniated by women, so it is so easy to see that women now proceed to do it guilt-free because they are taught it is normal to hit a man, so little wonder that the man defends himself or retaliates in a moment of rage at being struck and in pain, and then sends the woman to the hospital or kills her, thus the higher DV rate for men.
I haven't met any women in years who thought that beating or hurting a man is wrong.
You can blame pop culture, but seriously, how stupid and pathetic would someone have to be to think hurting someone is funny? Particuliarly your spouse- the one you supposedly 'love.' How much could you actually 'love' someone anyway if you think it's funny to hit them or hurt them physically? How broken would your moral compass have to be? Isn't it obvious who?
Let's just say this:
I've never met a man who thought it was funny to hurt a woman physically or any other way for that matter.
"Nah, we just think you're a dumbass,"
I wasn't talkig to you, so that makes you the 'dumbass,' doesn't it?
"Especially since you can't even tell the difference between a man and a woman"
Do you even know what you are talking about, idiot?
Aren't you one of the many maginas that loiter around this blog?
that one comment about a man thinking he had breast cancer.. and they laughed..
the didnt know a man can get breast cancer.. and it kills then just the same.
http://www.cancer.org/docroot/CRI/content/CRI_2_4_1X_What_is_male_breast_cancer_28.asp?sitearea=CRI
its nice to see how they care about men.
the rest of that article shows the true evil side of those women. and its only increasing.
Aren't you one of the many maginas that loiter around this blog?
Also, just FYI, I am fairly certain that the slang you are trying to use is maNgina unless you are trying to call me a mountain range in southern Spain or something. (Although, you are just about bizarre enough to do such thing.)
That Kentucky declaration that only men are aggressors sounds about right. A friend from there has told me stories of men who got the crap beaten out of them by their spouse/gf, and the latter without a scratch. The cops show up and arrest the guy EVERY TIME. He is guilty of possession of Y chromosomes or something.
Yeow, prick him with a pin and he doth bleed and bleed and bleed. Like a balloon slowly deflating with a tired squeal.
By the way, oh great cross examiner, reread what I said. Didn't say your girlfriend (what number 39, over one per year since 13?) was American. I said she would have to have low esteem to be with someone who views even just American women with such blanket vitriol. And no, someone who has "gone through" that many 'girlfriends' in that time does not know a lot about women, he's just a user.
"I wasn't talki(n)g to you, so that makes you the 'dumbass,' doesn't it?"
You just don't get the open forum thing, do you?
"Stop concerning yourself with me..."
Rich, considering your modus operandi.
fausta / Dr. Helen
I submit there would be almost endless arguments before physical violence started. And that it would be time to leave if non-stop arguing occurred. To do physical harm, or to stay if physical harm is being done to you - no matter if male or female - doesn't make any sense, once you step off that spot so you can truly see it.
Speaking as one who waited too long, I admit. My hands never left my pockets, and I have the marks to prove it. But if I left before getting my kids, I would never have gotten them. I could not and did not leave them behind. She got tired of throwing everything in the kitchen at me, and left herself, with a little outside help. Off to a hospital. And that's when the fun and games really got started.
Judge Peckham said:
I read nothing in the laws that REQUIRES police to arrest only the husband, but I'd like to see evidence of statistics (as opposed to purely anecdotal accounts) to know how these laws are being applied.
Dear Judge,
You are correct, the laws are not necessarily the problem but the way they are being applied are in some jurisdictions. Not all domestic assault arrests are against men but this new law will increase the number of men vs the number of women being arrested. In my opinion the reason many states are adopting predominant aggressor laws ( I read that around 19 states have them now)is due to the increase in women being arrested for dv. Not all women arrested are the aggressors (and not all men) but surely not all of them are victims defending themselves either.
In Maine in the year 2000 16% percent of arrests for domestic assault were women, in 2005 almost 22% were women.
Many times law enforcement officers are trained by the battered women's advocates and others who believe that 95-98% of victims in domestic violence incidences are women. There is a lot of "perceptual accentuation" around this issue.
The training for law enforcement on the new primary aggressor laws (here in Maine) portrays everything the women does as self defense. I attended a training on how police officers will be instructed on how to determine who the predominant aggressor is when called to a domestic dispute once the law takes effect here.
We were asked to determine who the predominant aggressor was in this scenario: Man slaps a woman, the woman goes and gets a frying pan and hits him with it...who is the predominant aggressor? The man. So I asked what if the woman slaps the man and he goes and gets a frying pan and hits her? The instructors response was, Is HE in fear?
We don't have to ask if the woman was afraid I guess because it's assumed that she is.
It appears from this new training that the only way a man will be considered the victim in a domestic dispute is if he states he is in fear of his abuser. Men in our society have a difficult time admitting fear, especially to a police officer.
Men have called our helpline confiding horrendous stories of psychological terror and physical abuse perpetrated against them by their female intimate partners. Still they say, "But I wasn't afraid of her." Men are conditioned to be tough and "take it like a man," and to never admit to being afraid so as not to appear weak. So that's a major stumbling block for male victims.
Recently,a Lt. in a police department here told me that an officer was called to a domestic dispute between an wife and husband. She punched the husband so hard she broke his nose. This happened in a public place in front of witnesses...the husband never laid a finger on her...the officer chose not to arrest the wife. I speculated that she was not arrested (and the Lt. agreed with me) because it's better to let a violent female go than face the wrath of the battered women's advocates for arresting a women.
So the law in and of itself is not bias/slanted but the enforcement of it certainly can be and given the circumstances it would be extremely difficult to get unbias statistical evidence in these matters. Just My Opinion, Jan
While walking in an office building, in a completely unprovoked jealous rage, my ex-wife struck me in the face with a set of keys. She scratched my cornea, and I still have a slight vision problem from it.
An onlooker called the police, who upon arrival promptly threatened to arrest me --- even though I hadn't even hit back. I was held, cuffed, with my eye bleeding. Seeing this, my then wife calmed down and told the police she didn't want to file a report. They released me with a warning not to provoke her again.
If you are a man with a woman, you have no civil rights whatsoever. Your treatment under the law will depend solely on the notoriously fickle emotions of the woman you are with.
In the Bible, the Apostle Paul (or Saint Paul, depending) states, "A man does best alone". It rings with more truth now than it did almost 2,000 years ago.
I suppose one of Freud's most famous questions is yet unanswered.
I really do enjoy talking to women, some women. For a while, as long as the conversation doesn't lead to anything but an eventual "Goodbye, it was nice talking to (or meeting) you."
br549 said...
"... woofster, I got in lots of trouble listening to you last time. I'll be reading your posts with the eye of the Oracle from now on."
You should use that Eye for everything you read. (I loved your response to my earlier comment, btw ... hilarious!)
I think the point to your humor segues into Dr. Reynolds' advice:
"... it is a bad sign and time to go."
As well as things turned out for me in the specific situations, the relationship itself was doomed, and the hitting and wrestling were strong warning signs. The breakup was awful and our friends were caught in the middle.
"... the Apostle Paul (or Saint Paul, depending) states, 'A man does best alone'."
I sympathize, but unfortunately when it comes to sex for us heteros they're the only game in town. We men compete fiercely for the limited pool of single, non-overweight women for a reason: they're worth it.
woofster....
Yeah, women are worth it. And damn I really hate that.
Any accident which results in jury should be treated seriously and the recipient should always be seen by a medical professional as soon as possible. In particular if people suffer injuries to the head or brain they should immediately to a professional and also if someone suffers a spinal injury they should be careful as this can result in serious injuries in the long term. If you or someone you know receives a spinal cord injury they should see a doctor immediately!!
References Examining Assaults by Women on Spouses/Partners
I included that link in a recent condemnation of VAWA on my own blog.
~Mister-M
And (it appears) I managed to screw up the link, but if you Google the above, you'll find it. ;)
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