Questions Needed for Blog Talk Radio on Men's Issues
I will be a guest on Amy Alkon's radio show on Sunday, January 1st at 4:30 Eastern and our topic will be men's issues with a focus on paternity rights and relationships. For example, why do men have so few paternity rights? Should you get a DNA test? Why is fatherhood so unpopular that young guys don't want to be dads? Why do women have so many reproductive rights but men have few or none?
Do you have any questions or comments that you would like us to discuss regarding men, relationships, culture or sex? If so, drop them below and we will pick out some to discuss on air. Thanks!
Do you have any questions or comments that you would like us to discuss regarding men, relationships, culture or sex? If so, drop them below and we will pick out some to discuss on air. Thanks!
Labels: media stuff, men's issues
posted by Helen Smith at 6:28 AM
73 Comments:
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ZorroPrimo,
That sounds like a good question, thanks!
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Ask her about: Title IX and its effects on men's sports, the female sentencing discount in criminal and civil courts, the double standards in sexual harassment law and in its implementation in companies.
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ZorroPrimo,
That's been my experience with Amy. She can get extremely abrasive extremely quickly - even if she misunderstands what you are saying.
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Question: Marriage: What's in it for men or are we just put here on earth to service the needs of women?
This is a serious question. Having been in relationships and having seen the torture that men go through during and after marriage while at the same time getting absolutely no support from anyone ever I can't see that marriage has anything to offer men. Sex may drive the young bucks but it just isn't enough for us older guys. I have seen even the kindest and gentlest of women married to loving men and devoted fathers turn into violent predators when they figure out that they hold all of the keys (and the kids and the car and the savings account) in the marriage. That they can take a man for all he's got (or may ever get) and come up smelling like a rose but with all of society offering help and support during her "terrible trials" as she does so.
I'd rather have a dog.
Thanks for all the questions so far.
Helen
I'd like to hear a discussion talking about why women think it's perfectly OK to abuse men (physically and emotionally) while it's not OK for men to defend themselves in any capacity. How much of this is related to what I like to call "princess syndrome" (where young girls who are constantly told they are daddy's little princess and that boys should respect them but never learn to respect the boys back grow up to be women that assume men exist to be at their beck and call) and how much is related to the neutering of male America (hopping perfectly normal boys up on Ritalin to keep them under control and teaching them that kowtowing to everything a female says is respect for the female gender)? Are these two things directly related to each other or is one a direct product of the other?
Those are the big questions for me. I have other's that are only tangentially connected to men's issues, so I'll just stick with those.
Why, in the age of Title IX style enforced equality in other areas of public life, especially in public Universities, are women exempted from the Military draft registration requirements to receive Federal college benefits that men are subject to?
I don't know if this counts. But I have always wondered why women, knowing men are avoiding them for serious relationships, continue doing what fails?
From becoming involved with careers that one way or another exclude being a wife in the traditional sense to partaking in behaviors (such as affairs) which make them less attractive as wives. To their voting habits which makes it so men are inhibited by laws from marriage and other institutions which make child-bearing outside of marriage somewhat doable.
Is it just the continuation of a destructive cycle?
Ask her if she supports equal rights. When she says 'yes', ask her if she supports a man's right to end an unwanted pregnancy. Wait for sound of head exploding before moving on to next topic.
I would ask what woman is worth 50%? What woman is deserving of presumptive paternity--that's 20% of every paycheck for 18 years for some bastard that isn't even his.
I would ask why women don't want to change the terms and conditions of the marriage contract. Oh, that's right, because it gives her POWER.
She's worth a tequila shot and a lie to the face, one quick fuck and dump. And now she doesn't like it.
I really don't care. I didn't make her into a worthless bar slut. She did that all by herself.
Tell her to look in the mirror.
"I would ask what woman is worth 50%?"
--
LOL
I'm sure Amy would provide a calm, reasoned answer as to the why's and wherefor's of her worth and why you have to give her the money.
On a side note,
It kind of dawned on me that all these questions are being saved up, almost like a being on a higher plane is coming in to give the "true" answers to everything. Why is Amy Alkon so smart again? It sure doesn't look like that to me when I read her blog.
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ZorroPrimo,
Thanks for the suggestions. I read the alpha game plan blog post from Vox the other day and it is a good source. I have Baskerville's book on my shelf and wrote about it here:
http://pjmedia.com/blog/ask_dr_helen_6/
Helen
What can men do to ensure that they are not ripped off? Currently, men are ripped off even with pre nups. I am willing to take any answer other than look at a girls characteristics and etc etc and see if she is good etc. What I am looking for is a bulletproof post marriage/relationship solution for men the way women have a bulletproof solution currently and the way women don't have to give a damn about the guys characteristics etc etc and still have nothing to lose.
redrajesh, my wife saw an antique burka for sale while she was shopping for antiques online the other night, and i thought that it was a gruesome thing....but then i realized that an entire culture had come to the same realization that we are coming to here; that when you give women so-called equal rights, they want total domination, and scramble for it each and every waking moment.
so the answer is for a man to be boss...and most modern women don't like that, at least socially and certainly politically..
the alpha male position (for want of a better term) is to be boss in attitude, action and language, and those who don't wish to accept that naturally sort themselves out.
Don't forget to ask your wife's permission before you play the big boss, Dr.Alistair.
I'm really getting sick of "alpha males".
(He's the man!)
(He's the man!)
I don't take no crap from anybody
[else but you]
I wear the pants around here
[when I finish with your laundry]
Coz I'm a guy you don't wanna fight
[When I say "Jump", you say "Yeah right!"]
I'm the man of this house
[until you get home]
:)
The ONLY leverage that modern, North American man has over a woman is to stay away from her. If you're married, you're screwed. She holds the real power.
If she is simply your girlfriend, you can simply avoid talking to her until she can discuss things in a fair way. If not, continue to avoid her.
There's really no other leverage that men have. She has plenty, though, starting with haranguing and nagging you until you can't take it anymore.
I was looking up some info on women's suffrage the other day and came across this:
Throughout the 1850’s, national women’s rights conventions were held annually, as were numerous local and regional meetings. At these conventions, women promoted a diverse reform program including: establishing the right of married women to control their own property and earnings; guaranteeing custody of children in the event of divorce; ensuring women’s rights to sue or testify in court; and above all else, winning the vote for women.
A good question would be "Why do women think they should be guaranteed custody of children in the event of a divorce?" It's interesting that this belief, and its corollary that men have no right to custody, goes back over 150 years in this country.
SGT Ted - Here it is on youtube:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NP4O6l5zbN4
I think a distinction should be made between women in general and American women.
Having lived and worked outside of the US for decades I can tell you that the battle of the sexes continues overseas, but with respect and boundaries. It is simply not as vile and poisonous as American women have made things here.
Perhaps, you can discuss with the reflexively misanderist, thinly educated Alkon when she and most American women became so stridently greedy and blindly self-centered that in order to 'have it all' (which only fools and feminists preach) they've decided to destroy it all.
The book "Animal Farm" shows how a revolution is hijacked. Women's Suffrage was hijacked. The father is removed from the family to be replaced by the state. It is all about control. Do you think public education is educating people? People are to be managed as cattle on a farm. You are a speaking animal. Moo.
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joe hits the nail on the head. women are as manipulated as men are by the state.
and media...which is state controlled.
and mark....you seem to think that i am in a winner/loser relationship with my wife. we have our disagreements, but mostly we play to our individual strengths to run a household and raise four children under the same roof.
and i assure you that , if i didn't play boss (not big boss mind you, whatever that is) she would get irritated and confused, as women do, when the man they rely on plays pussy.
media is teaching men to be pussies and confusing and irritating women as a result. this observation has been discussed here at length as part of a feminist plot, but i think it's more likely to be a state-run message to make people unhappy.
and why are you sick of alpha males? the women around you sure aren't.
again, the images of men pushed into the public eye are of pudgy little boys with beards or ryan gosling....or leonardo dicaprio.
i saw a movie poster the other day of the left half of george cloony's face and the right half of ryan gosling's face put together as if to say "see, they are the same".
ask any woman which face better illustrates a male face, yet we are being told otherwise.
it's no wonder women get a little funny sometimes.
and finally mark, i'm puzzled about all this talk of power that women supposedly have.
they only have power that we give them.
you will find that a normal woman wants, and i will actually go as far as to say, desperately needs her man to be powerful and assertive in her life so that she can go about her day psychologically secure.
i work as therapist for a number of women who take on the careerist male role, and quite quickly break down over family and partnership issues, as they either have no understanding of such things due to their own upbringing, or deny the necessity for their mothering role as it interferes with their career objectives.
these women are so neurotic about relationships of any sort that it's a constant source of amazement to me that that they can function daily in such an emotionally confused state....but if it was different i wouldn't have a job i guess.
Dr.Alistair,
I'm guessing from the way you talk that you've been divorced in the past.
How did you handle the little woman as an alpha male when she was giving you shit before the divorce?
I'd love to hear your explanation.
Patiently waiting,
Mark
Another question that could be addressed is "What psychological damage to feminists do to their sons?"
There's a case in Knoxville I'm sure you're aware of where a feminist is (rightfully) upset that the police don't seem to be adequately investigating the drug overdose death of her son. I was perusing old posts on my blog and happened upon a link this feminist mother had written named "Teenage boys are stupid."
It made me wonder what attitudes she exposed her kids to that may have contributed to her son's drug addiction. Having a mother that regularly denigrates males wouldn't be helpful to the healthy psychological development of a boy, to say the least.
*crickets chirping*
mark, you are correct to assume my divorce, and to answer, i ignored her escalating insults to the point where i finally left.
my error was in believing that i should stay for the children, and may have selfishly not wanted to leave as i would have missed them.
once i left i realized that i should have left years before....and actually, by my own metrics, never had anything to do with her in the first place, though i would never have seen my children, who i treasure beyond words.
as men we struggle at the hands of female tyrants of all stripes, but once we learn to stand up to these types, we can have more flexibility in our choices...and quite possibly be able to discern the few women who are not screaming harpies that may be able to provide the type of companionship we crave.
i ignored my ex as a strategy, simply because to do otherwise would have in all likelihood resulted in physical violence which would have damaged my children and most likely resulted in me being charged criminally and removed from the home.
my view is that we can work on our own internal structures sufficiently to be able to not constantly be finding tyrants in our face and make room for decent people to have relationships with.
"... but once we learn to stand up to these types ..."
--
How do you stand up against them?
As an alpha male or just as a regular guy.
Please give concrete examples of how you stood up against your ex-wife as an alpha male.
I'm sick of hearing bullshit.
I'm sick of hearing bullshit.
Then don't listen.
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I'm still waiting for Dr.Alistair to clarify how he alpha-manned his ex-wife.
I'm REALLY curious.
mark, as a remarkably agressive person you undoubtably expect me to tell you tales of winning physical and emotional battles with the mother of my children.
the only way you can win against tyrants is to not be there, not respond, and learn better ways of recognizing similar types in the future.
sorry to disappoint you.
the true alpha is intelligent enough to not fight battles he cannot hope to win, and to walk away.
my hope is that you get precisely what i'm on about here.
mark.
don't read it, dipshit.
Hahaha. If you want to spend time giving people grief and demanding answers from people who owe you no explanation whatsoever, help yourself. I'm just stopping by during commercials. Just trying to help alleviate your personal agony.
Are you the male version of Mary? Just one letter difference in your names.
At least you comments are short and easy to read. I tend to skip over the lengthy comments.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, grandma's beating off the Indians.
"my hope is that you get precisely what i'm on about here."
---
I know precisely what you are all about. My problem is that other readers don't know what you are all about.
"Doctor" Alistair.
So you didn't really do any alpha male thing with your ex-wife. You want to present yourself as an "alpha male", but your strategy appears to be to take a bunch of shit and walk away. That doesn't sound like a powerhouse alpha male to me. Can't you even blow up everything with a machine gun or something? What IS an alpha male then if you just take shit and leave?
Do you just want to say stuff that sounds good with no basis? Can you beat everyone in the world up as an alpha male?
Seriously - what a dope.
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so, there's this guy....we'll call him mark, and he's walking home one night drunk from the pub.....and he decides to take a short cut through the grave yard.
a few minutes into his journey past the headstones he hears a voice behind him.
mark, mark, mark, he hears, and the hairs stand up on the back of his neck.
mark walks a little faster and the feeling passes...and then he hears the voice again, a little louder and nearer this time.
mark! mark! mark!
hearing this mark breaks into a run and seeing the gate ahead runs faster still and hears the voice right behind him as he reaches the fence yelling his name
MARK! MARK! MARK!
mark turns around in absolute terror...... only to see a dog with a hairlip.
Priceless Dr.A
Does Mark have any friends on this board? People who look forward to his comments and chuckle at his wit?
Just wondering.
Trey
TMink,
You really think getting together with other people to giggle about a poster you can't answer makes you right?
Example:
I say that the only leverage men really have is to ignore the woman.
Dr.Alistair explains, as to a child, that being an alpha male will bring her into line.
I think ask how he concretely alpha-maled his ex-wife.
He explains that he had to ignore her - otherwise she would have gotten violent.
LOL
I thought there was an echo. Read it yourself after you boil down his major coating of fluffy-word bullshit.
But instead of discussing that issue - which is important to a lot of men - TMink wants to round people up to giggle at another poster.
I would probably get the same traction with my arguments if I debated the 2nd grade at Snooty Girls Academy.
I am just dumbfounded at what I see with a lot of men.
They work their butts off towards a heart attack paying for some sit-at-home, they pretty much do whatever is commanded of them, and despite paying for her and catering to her otherwise, they are treated like shit.
I've occasionally gone home with male colleagues and meet their wives and see the relationships.
I just can't believe with what men put up with.
But TMink wants to giggle.
People like Dr.Alistair DON'T want to help men. He wants to make himself look good by pretending that he is an "alpha male".
If he is, then he can concretely tell us how he handled his ex-wife differently. How he alpha-maled her.
He hasn't done that up to now. He has only said he avoided her because she may have gotten violent.
That's the type of guy whose actions - whether he knows it or not - work against men. He should be realizing that he is also a man down on this planet earth with the rest of us, and we should start helping each other and jointly standing up against women. Not doing the exact opposite by claiming that he is better than other men.
Mark,
You're coming off as a crackpot.
You could be right, SGT Ted, I'm kind of pissed off today.
I guess I'll check out for now.
"Are you the male version of Mary? Just one letter difference in your names."
Dadvocate:
Now now... stop obsessing on me and go watch a football game or something.
(and here, you tried to pretend you don't care... Heck, you're ... stuck on me, it seems!)
"Meanwhile, back at the ranch, grandma's beating off the Indians."
I've heard old guys like you refer to themselves by many names, but "grandma" beating off the ... "Indians". Heh heh -- you make me laugh!
Sometimes I think Glenn is just a bit bored playing in the basement without helen, has "invented" a crew of like-minded middle-aged mucks, and "plays" them on the Internets... If so...
Hi Glenn, hun! Get out and take a walk -- better for your heart!! ;-)
"You really think getting together with other people to giggle about a poster you can't answer makes you right?"
No, I was just wondering if you get any atta boys here. I do not think I have read any, and it was a legit question.
I was curious as to why you post here when your posts generate so much antagonism. So I will ask. Why do you post here when you get so slammed?
And the truth is, I love to giggle, and I giggle a lot.
Every day.
Mostly, not at you.
Trey
Maybe he is honestly saying what he thinks and there is some merit to it?
Maybe he doesn't feel the need to use sock puppets?
Maybe the group consensus is not always indicative of the "right" answer over the long term?
Maybe he has zero respect for you or dr.alistair anyway?
Dunno.
If you click on Mark or Will it takes you to a "Profile not available" page. Sock puppets galore?
At least Mary has a blog, which I obsess over constantly. If I didn't "constantly" obsess, I wouldn't be obsessing, would I? Or, is it Mary I'm obsessing about? I can't decide.
My life is full of Mary's. My mother's first name is Mary. My middle sister's middle name is Marie, French for Mary. My youngest sister's first name is Mary. My second wife's first name is Mary. (Curiously, none of these go by Mary except my mother.)
I went to a Catholic grade school full of nuns for 7 years. All the nuns were Sister Mary something, except Sister Mary Mary. I have friends names Mary Dawn, Mary Jo, Mary Ann, Mary Beth, Mary Sue and on and an and on.
No wonder I'm obsessed.
But, I love Peggy Sue.
DADvocate:
Stop your insanity. I'm not a liar. And I'm not posting under other names here.
I'm not a nun. I'm not your mother. And we're not related...
Glad to hear you read my blog though.
TMINK:
I could tell you were a ... giggler. It seems like you have a hidden female side. Perhaps that's why you ended up raising somebody else's kids, instead of creating your own? Not that there's anything wrong with that, just ... most men I know wouldn't do that. *giggle* But good for you, if that's your thing.
You seem to be very girly in other ways too ... like your obsession with "atta boys" or how popular you are. That's not in my nature, and quite frankly, your insults make you look smaller, even for such an oversized man as yourself.
(I've seen the pics, remember?)
Stop your insanity. I'm not a liar. And I'm not posting under other names here.
I'm not saying that. I'm saying Mark and Will may be the same person.
I can't stop the insanity though, the voices in my head won't let me.
My female side is not hidden, I am a therapist for goodness sake. I listen to people talk about their feelings 40 hours per. Nothing hidden there.
Actually Mary, I created my own AND raised someone elses. I am prolific and fecund that way. And I really do not compare myself to other men, demi gods seems most appropriate in my case.
And you being a man is not an insult, it is an observation. A true one, no? Why would you be insulted to be called what you are? Plumbing problems?
And I am not oversized, I am large enough to encompass me. And that is quite large indeed. 8)
So why do you pretend to be a woman? Do you drag in public? Frilly things to wear when nobody is looking?
Trey
I'm so tired. I've been up all night obsessing and listening to music.
My favorite songs:
Along Comes Mary
Cherry Hill Park
Mary Hill used to hang out there.
Last Chance for Mary Jane
(Is this about a girl or pot?)
The Green Green Grass of Home
"And there runs Mary, hair of gold and lips like cherries..."
Maybe I can get some sleep tongight.
Dad, I have a daughter and a grandmother Mary.
Oh and a hemorrhoid too.
Trey
I was telling the truth in the previous post about the Marys in my life. I left out that Mary Sue was my first girlfriend.
Another great song:
Hello, Mary-Lou
you have a hemorroid called mary?
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Apparently Dr.Alistair, apparently.
Trey
And then there is "Mary, Mary" by the Monkees. Not one of their best, but a perfectly acceptable song.
"The Wind Cries Mary" is a great Hendrix tune!
Trey
Oh, man....
I'll be up late again tonight. Listening to the Monkees, Hendrix and searching youtube for more Mary songs.
Are you Mary Queen of Scots?
Trey
No Mary all day. Sniff.
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