Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Is Your Job Killing You?

I think mine was. Yesterday, I saw my electrophysiologist for my bi-annual interrogation of my ICD and he noticed that my irregular heartbeats had lessened. He asked me about my job and I told him that I had cut the stress of the job over the past few years by reducing the number of patients I see substantially and in addition, not taking on any more cases of those who are violent or potentially violent at the current time. He nodded and said, "it shows, because those heart palpitations have lessened--decreased stress could be the reason."

Now, as a psychologist, you would think that I would know that there is some link between stress and heart problems and I do intellectually, but emotionally, it finally sank in that perhaps my job and the subsequent stress of dealing over a number of years with patients with severe mental illness and anger issues might have contributed to my heart attack, or at least to the subsequent ventricular tachycardia that followed as a result of my messed-up heart.

I should have known something was wrong when I once did a research project during grad school in 1990 on the effect of my behavior on subsequent patient behavior and vice versa. I found that when doing evaluations with highly agitated patients, I felt highly angry and stressed (but did not show it, I hope). "Oh, what an interesting chart," I thought when I turned it into the professor (with all clients coded with numbers and data changed for confidentiality purposes, of course). I should have seen that chart as a red flag and warning sign that I was perhaps not good at dealing with stress, but at the time, I was just glad to turn in the project and go onto something else.

I didn't realize how much I internalized the stress of my job until I had enough perspective and real physical data in the decreased irregular heartbeats to see what was going on internally by taking on such serious cases. I wish that I was heartier and more immune to stress, but I have to accept that in certain areas, I am not. My life's work has been compromised, but I suppose that is what being a realist is about--understanding that although one can have a love and a propensity towards a certain kind of work, that one's body can often dictate what one is able to do. I only wish I had realized it earlier but I guess late is better than never.

Anyone else out there think their job may be contributing to a shorter life span and if so, what do you plan to do about it?

50 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

it's a tangent, but perhaps this also speaks volumes about figuring out what you are good at, and doing that thing... instead of figuring out what produces the most wealth, and then spending all your spare time figuring out how to cope with that. Naturally once you get down the road a bit, you find that your life has a minimum resposibility load, and you have to work to keep all the responsibilities paid. THAT certainly effects your choice of job.

12:44 PM, May 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've been working at a large, high-end law firm for six years.

I can feel the stress washing over me sometimes -- over things that I know shouldn't amtter but really the entire office is saturated with it.

I'm quitting on Friday and will be entering a PhD program.

12:48 PM, May 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You know, this world is a better placed with you in it, Dr. Helen. So I am glad you have discovered a few things about your current capabilities, and have volubtarily lightened your load. Perhaps now you are an F-150, no longer a diesel powered F-350 at this stage.

Please take care. You don't want half the regulars on your blog to have to come down there.

12:50 PM, May 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry about volubtarily. I have a cold.

12:51 PM, May 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dr. Helen, this is a post everyone should read. I see clients all time that are so stressed out because of their jobs. I know so many who are on antidepressants and anxiety medication.

In your case, I can only imagine having been around so much anger and negative energy in your profession, that it would eventually manifest in some form in your life. I am so glad you are doing so much better now.

12:56 PM, May 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In some ways, isn't what you (Helen) do highly unnatural? Emotions are contagious, but you are supposed resist "catching" other people's feelings and just evaluate them based on whatever criteria you have. That's bound to produce stress.

12:56 PM, May 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's not the stress of my job as much as believe it or not my hobbies that get to me sometimes.

I do community theater and I can feel my BP rising when I'm trying to get a show together. It's caused me to step back and not do as much of the hobby as I used to.

Everything in moderation I guess.

1:05 PM, May 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can only think of one class of people more difficult to deal with than the mentally ill - and that's Actors. Guess you have to love the theater more than you're frustrated by it.

1:35 PM, May 30, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

Interesting. When I was performing, I felt more at ease. But then, I was running a stunt show and it was very physical and trust was paramount.

Job wise, I have worked IT for decades. Whenever stress occurred, it was due to bad planning and unreal expectations. I always walked away from those jobs. The money was great, but not worth my health.

3:03 PM, May 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your post is timely for me...I tend to take on big projects, even as a busy stay at home mother of four kids under 7 yrs. That job, in and of itself is very stressful at times. I would also add my mother is semi-seriously mentally ill. Last year, with a newborn, I was also caring for my Dad before he died in our home. Hefty amounts of stress here...

Because I like "adult" time and interactions in my life, I spend lots of time volunteering through a local non-for-profit and church.

A nasty case of pneumonia last fall was a wake up call for me. Though I had plenty of other "signs & symptoms" along the way that I should slow down, including a case of Shingles (stress induced) when I was 7 months pregnant with my fourth child.

Last fall I decided to resign from the NAMI Board of directors I was on and step down from coordinating our annual walkathon, all of which was taking on a life of its own. It was very rewarding...I was even recognized as Volunteer of the Year which just goes to show you how much of myself I was pouring into it, while at the same time depleting any shred of reserves I had. I have noticed palpations and my heart pounding out of my chest at more stressful times which has made me wonder what the long term effects are of taking on too much.

You ask, what do I plan to do about this mother-load of stress and its affect on my life? I feel I am on the right track but have a long way to go. I used to be the type of mom that wanted to encourage the children to participate in various activities through the park district, etc...However, just as I have tried to cut back on my own commitments, I have also consciously decided to simplify their schedules as well. There is no reason to be contantly "busy" for "busyness" sake. It's something I have to fight in myself...that natural instinct to work/help where it's needed to my own detriment...

3:11 PM, May 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I switched projects. Having to figure out how the bad guys think (who they talk to, where they might be next, etc) was getting to me.

There was a lot of guilt (and still some lingers) that I was letting down my teammates; but they'll manage without my small contribution for awhile. My health and family needed to take priority.

Slowing down isn't as easy as it sounds; e.g. see Col Gerald Schumacher's book on warzone contractors.

3:21 PM, May 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the trick is to make time for yourself, give yourself time to relax, hot baths, away from everyone and everything, long walks, i find when i am stressed i play computer games, where i ease my frustrations by destroying aliens.

i was well on the way to an early grave, but when i took time away, gave myself 30 mins a day it helped me i found things i enjoyed and did it, and forgot my work. i have never been fitter

3:46 PM, May 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sure, my job is stressful. But I don't have the option of having a husband support me. So, it's off to work I go.

4:25 PM, May 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"I'm quitting on Friday and will be entering a PhD program."

Ah, escape to academia. Unfortunatey one can do that only so many times.

5:37 PM, May 30, 2007  
Blogger SFN said...

It was clear that job stress was killing me. Dad died at 46 of a stroke while at work (I was nine) so I thought of it fairly literally. I made some changes - started contracting instead of being an employee and that helped for some years. But when the software bubble burst I hid out in a big biotech company for four years which in retrospect was a mistake - I absolutely hated every moment of it.

Two years ago they tried to give me more responsibility, a lot more work, and no more authority or compensation. I said no. They said "You don't have any choice in the matter." Mistake. I quit on the spot and never looked back.

These days I run a small but profitable photography business and am a much happier person.

6:37 PM, May 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would agree very much with your post; I found my last position to be a bit more stressful than I needed, and combined with a volunteer board office that I had, it was making my blood pressure too high--something like 160/100.

I took early retirement and got out of that board position, and lo and behold, months later my BP is something like 125/85! But I too have escaped to academia and am taking courses--and hope to find a better (for me) volunteer position as well. One needs purpose in life, no matter what age one may be.

Will

6:48 PM, May 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I liked my job, but really did not care for the boss. I finally retired a couple years early. I think it helped.

7:21 PM, May 30, 2007  
Blogger a psychiatrist who learned from veterans said...

Glad you're better. It's one of the nice things about our economy that there are all kinds of ways to fit in. To return to the dynamic in your professional life, it reminds me of a supervisor's comment about 'parallel process,' how one might take on the role or persona of the patient like a 'method actor' would get into a role.

9:09 PM, May 30, 2007  
Blogger irvingprime said...

In addition to a full time job, I am a part time student, trying to catch up on the education I walked away from when I was young. My job as a system administrator can be high stress by itself. The combination of job and school ...

Midway through every semester I get sick. My head pounds and I feel tired all the time. Sometimes I develop a nasty cough. I can be a bit grouchy, too.

What do I do about it? When a semester ends, my wife and I go away for a few days to relax together and celebrate.

And I pray that I survive the last couple semesters until graduation!

9:11 PM, May 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think mine is. I've been dabbling around in looking for another job, been on an interview or two, but nothing really serious. I find my motivation to find another job a lot lower these days than it was when I first got out of college.

At this point I feel pretty disillusioned with the corporate world. There are too many people out there that are more interested in satiating their own egos rather than accomplishing anything.

My long term goal is to save up enough money to get out of the corporate world or start a brewery or something.

9:23 PM, May 30, 2007  
Blogger Cham said...

If I had a job I would tell you whether it was stressful or not. With my new career as a hobo, I feel completely relaxed and happy.

11:05 PM, May 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

For me, it was the other way around. I started working from home when our first child was 1. My husband's job transfer to another state had the effect of moving me too far from my clients, and so I stayed home for a year. THAT was the stressful time. Now I have full time job outside the home - but that enables me to flex my hours as needed to get to the kids' athletic events, etc.
For me boredom was more stressful.

11:07 PM, May 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My part-time "fun" job was killing me . The panic attacks, the skipped heart beats, the blood pressure... this was fun?

It would have been great if I could have given it less than what I did, detached from their pain more, felt more confident in my decisions and my ability to defend them, but I didn't.

I quit and I am so happy I am not there, it's sinful. I tried to go hide in academia, but blew the admission interview and for all the right/wrong reasons.

Maybe later. Maybe another cycle of reflection and growth. Maybe I'll come back at it as a stronger and more effective person.

11:33 PM, May 30, 2007  
Blogger tomcal said...

My job as a real estate developer was killing me until I reached the point that I have my kid's college paid for and I have quite a bit of financial cushion.

It used to be that hostile public hearings, re-negociating bank loans, lawsuits that inevitably arise in my business gave me sleepless nights. I saw each of these events as life and death struggles.

Now, things have worked out OK for me so many times that I rarely worry. But I really don't know if would be possible to reach the point I'm at now without going through the hellish learning process of my past.

12:18 AM, May 31, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In the final days of my occupation as a male runway model, it became very stressful. The cat calls from the audience such as, "Hey, thunder thighs!. Lift you belly up so we can see what you are modeling!", became too much to bear. I certainly did not need the stress, as it was affecting me to the point I was losing lots of weight, among other things.

I have recently decided to return to school myself, in order to finally pursue my teenage dream of becoming a much in demand Hollywood Gynecologist.

What?

7:59 AM, May 31, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stress on the job contributes to my trigeminal heartbeat. I changed jobs.

10:07 AM, May 31, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think there are a number of solutions to job stress.

Changing how you work is one.

Changing jobs is another.

Changing your expectations of your job is often overlooked. If you can regard it as a way to feed your kids and your mortgage(s), and not invest too much of your ego in it, that helps.

I love hot baths with a good book, which do much to relieve my (almost certainly stress-induced) chronic prostatitis.

I've heard that regular sex with someone you really love and trust is a good stress-reliever. As with other stress reducers, not everyone has that option.

12:11 PM, May 31, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

br549...

Junior, is that you? Come home, boy. Them pre-owned ve-hicles ain't gonna sell themselves!

1:50 PM, May 31, 2007  
Blogger Helen said...

Anonymous 4:25:

"But I don't have the option of having a husband support me. So, it's off to work I go."

I have no doubt that my husband would support me should I need it--just as I would do for him should he need it. Fortunately, however, I learned to save and play the stock market in my teens and have enough to supplement my income and work part time indefinitely. But thanks for your concern and hope you are "lucky" enough one day to do the same. Have fun at work.

6:54 AM, June 01, 2007  
Blogger Kim du Toit said...

Dear Helen,

The problem isn't your heart, it's your humanity. You seem unable to distance yourself from the troubled people whom you have to treat -- which does you enormous credit, by the way -- but as you've discovered, it exacts a price on your health.

I don't know whether you can do this, but my advice to you is: quit. Take up another, completely different calling -- eg. write novels (and not about psycho killers either).

A little while ago, we were all "treated" to watching Rob Smith (aka Acidman) drive himself slowly along the tracks to inevitable and heart-breaking self-destruction.

It would give me personally, and I suspect a number of others too, absolutely no pleasure to watch you do the same to yourself, albeit in a less outrageous and more altruistic manner.

9:31 AM, June 01, 2007  
Blogger Helen said...

Kim,

Thanks very much for your advice. I am not self-destructive by any means but part of me hurts to realize that I am not strong enough any longer to do work with the people who sometimes need it the most and that I trained for years to be able to treat. This blog helps me to sublimate some of those feelings of helplessness and I appreciate all of the kind readers here and even the trolls who add to the conversation about issues that are very important to me. That said, I do many things I enjoy in life and am doing just fine.

I miss Acidman and his writings but have heard that his daughter has continuted to update his work periodically putting up old posts etc. For those of you who want to visit Rob Smith's site, go here:

http://gutrumbles.com/index.php

10:02 AM, June 01, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kim,

I think your kind and thoughtfulness is very touching here. I'm glad, Dr. Helen that you are fine.

10:35 AM, June 01, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think my personality contributes to my stress level. I get stressed about things most people probably wouldn't even notice. If I told you what I do for a living, you'd probably fall over laughing that I have any stress at all. But I do. I've tried to break those bad mental habits but it's not easy.

Within the past couple of years, I've started freelancing on the side, and I've realized how much I enjoy working at home, on my own. The stress of meeting freelancing deadlines is a good stress, as opposed to all the obnoxious stress of office life. It makes me feel better just knowing that I could pick up freelancing work if I ever really get fed up.

11:54 AM, June 01, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Paw? Zat yu? I'm down here, in the tall grass.

Got any paper?

5:18 PM, June 01, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If what I am doing includes unpleasant confrontation with another individual, it raises my blood pressure, and so I guess my stress level. Sometimes I wonder if I am addicted to forms of stress, because if it weren't for the last minute I wouldn't get anything done. Especially if a task seen as drudgery to me. Vacuuming, for instance. On the other hand, I'm a bit like Monk (love that show!)with some things. The car has to be clean, inside and out. The house needs to look neat, cared for, on the ummmm....outside, anyway.

I have left a couple jobs in my life because it wasn't a fit, so I did not enjoy it. I didn't fit, to be honest.

My level is always elevated a bit now with my recent health findings. But I try not to let it get to me too much. Humor saves me. Probably drives others nuts because I am often trying to be funny at inappropriate times. Bathroom humor doesn't go over well in traffic court, for instance.

6:36 PM, June 01, 2007  
Blogger Oregon Country Gardener said...

A few years ago, I took a postition in my field( nursing) that was the most stressful job I have ever had, primarily due to the working conditions and manager. (I also had 3 teenagers at home, but a helpful husband). But while the job did stretch me and enable me to move on to better things after 4 years, I didn't realize I needed to quit until I developed an irregular heartbeat and palpitations. What's interesting is that when I discovered my palpitations and went for workup to my internist, everyone from the MD to the tech helping me with the Holter monitor played down my concern as no big deal. When I mentioned to my doctor that I also thought I had episodes of angina, she completely disregarded my statement.
I learned that I had to listen to my body and find a job which was a better fit for me.

7:18 PM, June 01, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am in awe of nurses.

7:16 AM, June 02, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know job-related stress used to have a strong, adverse effect on my health. I went back to school at 40, finished my B.A., got my M.A., took teacher ed' courses, did my student teaching (there's a killer, for you!), and taught part-time at a community college for six years. I quit, when my anger and frustration over the supreme apathy of the majority of students reached fever pitch. It took less than six years, actually, but that gave Bruce time to get his business off the ground.

But in addition to the apathy, the whining and excuse-making, there was also the occasional student who frightened me--and could have made pulp of me. I understand your not taking on violent cases, anymore.

Now, I run the financial part of our mom-n-pop corporation and experience job-related stress only when clients are too slow to pay (3+ months) and cash flow is iffy.

In 2004, I helped in a primary election campaign, for the first time in my life. In two months, I was so stressed from all the dirty politics that I knew I had to get out. I still pay enough attention to know how I want to vote, but I don't wallow in the garbage. I just can't take it.

9:22 PM, June 02, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

vicki

You should comment here more often. Most of us just bitch about screwed up schools and corrupt politicians, but you've experienced them first hand!

Hope the current gig is treating you better.

7:12 PM, June 03, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Our bodies will talk to us, and we do well to listen. After divorcing my first wife my blood pressure returned to normal! Now despite the triplets and all the other interesting, wonderful, and stressful developments in life, my blood pressure remains normal.

Of course I did not listen to my body then either, but I hope it is lesson learned.

Trey

8:58 AM, June 05, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

I spent 9 years working at a well-known Internet company, riding the wave from start-up through the bubble and beyond. What had been an atmosphere of creative teamwork became politically-charged and abusive (top execs screaming obscenities at underlings in meetings on a regular basis, for example). My blood pressure had always been low. By 2004, I was on three medications to try to keep it down to 120/80.

I quit. A month later, I visited my doctor and she removed one of my medications. Three months after leaving that job, my blood pressure was completely normal without medication and with no change in my activity level, diet, or weight.

After a long break, I took another full-time job in the same industry. I'm earning 30% less, but living in an area with much lower housing costs. There isn't much room for advancement at my little company, but I've come to grips with the idea that climbing the career ladder is a waste of time if I'm dead by the time I'm halfway to the top.

9:27 AM, June 05, 2007  
Blogger Helen said...

Kristen,

Amen to that, it's not worth it. I have seen a number of my psychology colleagues--some only in their thirties, die early and I often wonder if the reason is the stress of the job. I'm glad you are doing well and your blood pressure is back to normal.

11:16 AM, June 05, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Helen, if I may, what part of the job is stressing you?

Trey

10:18 PM, June 05, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yep, I'm pretty sure my job is steadily killing me. Occasional chest pains, weird electrical-seeming shocks all over my body (too random to be nerve damage, according to the 3 ER docs I've talked to), I'm carrying antacids around with me, my resting heart rate was 122 last trip to the dr's, and I'm constantly sick, stressed, and exhausted. My boss notices very little of what I do unless it doesn't get done, my team lead dumps all his work on me, and it won't go over well if they find out I'm looking for a new job. Yet I'm unwilling to let the work not get done, and if no one else is doing it....

So, I'm searching quietly, have had two offers fall through already, and can't wait for the day my fiance gets out of the military so we can leave the area. But hey, there's hope. Dr Helen did it!

9:09 PM, June 08, 2007  
Blogger Helen said...

Pickles,

Sounds like the stress comes from a lack of control and that you strive to do your best at everything--kind of a type-A person. I used to feel that way and some people really thrive on stress like this but for some of us, it manifests itself in physical ways and we may be more sensitive to it. I hope you find the work you are looking for without the stress.

Trey,

What part of the job isn't stressing me? I think I have just been listening to people's problems for too long.

9:34 AM, June 09, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Helen, bummer. It happens. It is silly, but a part of me wants to offer help and advice. My sense is that you are good at what you do, and our field needs lots more people like you.

My more reasonable side knows that this is your situation to deal with, and trusts that you will do that well. But I can certainly keep you in my prayers and let you know I am rooting for you. I certainly appreciate your blog and the way you think.

God bless you, lots of us believe in you and are pulling for you.

Trey

10:46 AM, June 09, 2007  
Blogger Helen said...

Trey,

Thanks for the kind words.

7:09 AM, June 10, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Helen--

I can offer one bit of practical advice. I'm not ashamed to say that you know almost as much about me by now as we know about your heart attack.

One trick I find that sometimes works is this:

I walk over to the gym--walking, btw, is a great habit to get into. You see the world more clearly at 4 mph then at 60 mph (85 mph in the slow lane on I-75 in Florida).

Anyway, one good trick is to find a gym with a recumbent bike--the ones with the seat decline where you sort of set your legs on auto & don't worry about the rest.

Set it for a medium tempo & throw a towel over the display. Pick up a book or a magazine or watch tv or read or listen to music. Whatever works for you. Keep the tempo at a level sufficient to maintain a sweat and circulation but not enough to charge you up too much. I'd say 20-45 minutes is about right depending on what your tolerance is for staionary machines.

The biological mechanism is pretty simple. Severe stress, whether real or triggered by associative events, causes your amygdala to flood itself with noradrenaline & other combat chemicals. If you can't fight or flee it just hangs around in your body, particularly in cardiovascular & the peripheral nervous system. Other places, too. Dammit, Helen, I'm an out-of-work reporter, not a doctor!

(geek alert)

Anyway, It's adrenalin shock, basically, the driving force behind PTSD, and if the stress event is repeated--and if you're helpless to do anything about it, you become like Pavlove's dog. That is to say that if you are actually helpless or the repeated trauma causes your body to maladapt itself to the point where it becomes embedded in your neuro-muscular architecture your body just gets in the habit of repeating the maladaptive stress reaction.

Helplessness, the inability to respond to real or perceived stress, or repeated stress at high level, or both seems to be the key.

Anyway, if you get on that stationary bike at medium-level intensity--remember what I'm saying here--MEDIUM LEVEL. The idea is to find a level & RPM (about 80-85 or so) & let your body bleed out the combat chemicals it can sometimes help relieve stress systems quite literally by flushing them back into whatever pen the mid-brain keeps its adrenal hormones & neurotransmitters in.

It doesn't always work, but it sometimes does. It's also good for ciruclation in general. I find that shooting hoops sometimes works, too. It's an automatic activity for me. No competition, no fancy dribbling. No Air Graham--my knees tend to object to that these days, anyway.

Just 12-15 foot jump shots.

Ilearned this trick from Sports Illustrated. Some little story about some hockey team's mandatory post-game 45 minute stationary bike ride.

Nothing about the rest in there, but I already knew something about hockey (which is pretty stressful, at least by the looks of it) & about PTSD, which I've been dealing with for about 8 years.

Just sort of clicked in my head why this coach mandated it & how it worked.

Anyone else want to try it, I'd be curious to see how it works for you.

Note that I hate these machines, generally speaking. But it does seem to help some.

And Helen. and the rest of you who either are stuck in stress-heavy jobs, have PTSD symptoms, or have left stressful jobs, I can really, really empathize.

I spent about three years working insane schedules & 100-120 hour weeks with bylines flying all over the place ina field where one or two mistakes can not only get you fired but blackballed for life.

And unless you make a really spectacular mistake (lysing as a reporter for, say, the NYT), there ain't gonna be no book deal.

I practically had a heart attack every timeI found a typo (I'm good at those), a transposition, or worse, made a factual error or misattributed a quote.

I was pretty punctilious about avoiding that kind of error. But I panic without a good editor, anyway.

It took a helluva toll on my health. Public screw-ups are not tolerated in journalism. You can mess up people's lives quite accidentally.

Messing them up intentionally is safer. If it bleeds, it leads...

ANYWAY, HELEN...

I have no trouble imagining what it might be like knowing that your sessions or diagnosis might do to your heart, especially if you've got a good one...and a conscience.

Sucks, don't it?

Anyway, try the bike trick--some of you have other rituals, I'm sure. But I find that generally speaking 20-45 minutes of medium-intensity, no-brainer cardio work IS a helpful way to reduce heart stress and adrenalin shock. Not always, but sometimes.

Hope it helps, y'all.

4:56 AM, June 12, 2007  
Blogger Joe Cooke said...

I'm an author, struggling to pay the bills selling Office Supplies for a local company. The tension between what I feel called to do and what I am doing (a good job, but I HATE it) is draining my energy. I'm not doing well at my writing OR my "day job, and now I have a multitude of physical ailments mainfesting in my life - an ache in my shoulder, horrible headaches, even my marriage is suffering because I can't seem to separate my angst from working a job I hate from my personal life - it all feels out of whack. I've tried praying, I've tried adjusting my attitude - nothing seems to work and I'm literally at the end of my rope.

I'm just venting here - not really looking for advice, except that I wonder how many other people feel this way? Can't we do what we love and have financial security?

2:54 PM, January 14, 2008  
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