Bumper Stickers--Personality Warning Signals?
Do you ever wonder at the bumper stickers people have on their cars and feel thankful that you have been warned about their thinking processes in advance? Yesterday, at the bank, the car in front of me had the tired old 60's bumper sticker slogan, "It will be a great day when our schools get all the money they need and the Air Force has to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber." This bumper sticker owner looked exactly like you would expect a guy like that should look, long hair, young (of course, older boomers love these slogans also) and idealistic.
I wondered if he had ever thought through the gist of the bumper sticker or had ever read Jay Greene's book, Education Myths: What Special-Interest Groups Want You to Believe About Our Schools and Why it Isn't So.
Greene points out that "despite nonstop whining to the contrary, the truth is that public schools receive a fairly large amount of money for each child. And that amount has been rising steadily for the last few decades, easily exceeding the dollars spent on defense." But idealistic guy probably doesn't give a damn about this fact and drives around feeling superior that he is an educated twit whose freedom is preserved by the very Air Force he belittles on his bumper sticker.
My favorite bumper sticker as of late is one that states, "Bumper Stickers Are Not the Answer."
I bought a bunch of them just because I thought it was funny. However, sometimes bumper stickers are the answer, they can tell you oodles about the person in front of you and warn you to avoid the person or just make you laugh. A good laugh is nothing to sneeze at and frankly, neither is an early warning system that tells you that the driver in front of you lacks critical thought, is emotionally fragile,
or just has a wicked sense of humor when you see a bumper sticker that says something like this: "Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?"
So, love them or hate them, bumper stickers tell us a lot about the driver's personality and thoughts, unless, of course, you have borrowed your hippie dad's car and are reluctantly shouting to the world at the bank that you despise the U.S. Air Force.
I wondered if he had ever thought through the gist of the bumper sticker or had ever read Jay Greene's book, Education Myths: What Special-Interest Groups Want You to Believe About Our Schools and Why it Isn't So.
Greene points out that "despite nonstop whining to the contrary, the truth is that public schools receive a fairly large amount of money for each child. And that amount has been rising steadily for the last few decades, easily exceeding the dollars spent on defense." But idealistic guy probably doesn't give a damn about this fact and drives around feeling superior that he is an educated twit whose freedom is preserved by the very Air Force he belittles on his bumper sticker. My favorite bumper sticker as of late is one that states, "Bumper Stickers Are Not the Answer."
I bought a bunch of them just because I thought it was funny. However, sometimes bumper stickers are the answer, they can tell you oodles about the person in front of you and warn you to avoid the person or just make you laugh. A good laugh is nothing to sneeze at and frankly, neither is an early warning system that tells you that the driver in front of you lacks critical thought, is emotionally fragile, or just has a wicked sense of humor when you see a bumper sticker that says something like this: "Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?" So, love them or hate them, bumper stickers tell us a lot about the driver's personality and thoughts, unless, of course, you have borrowed your hippie dad's car and are reluctantly shouting to the world at the bank that you despise the U.S. Air Force.
posted by Helen at 9:35 AM
325 Comments:
What's really worrying are the people who plaster the entire backside of their car with bumperstickers. I decided long ago that the worst place to carry on a political conversation is in traffic. You just don't want to give the jerk behind you any more reason to get ticked off at you, beside the fact that he thinks you're going too slow.
My favorite bumper sticker read "Jesus is coming - look busy".
Kevin Baker has a wonderful bumper sticker that says:
This Bumper Isn't BIG ENOUGH
For What I've Got to Say!.
linky:
http://smallestminority.blogspot.com/2003/10/i-have-only-one-theres-been-running.html
-SayUncle
It isn't necessarily the bumper sticker message but where the sticker is placed. Rarely does a sticker go on the bumper anymore. More often than not it goes on the window so it can be removed easily from the glass in case the message goes out of vogue. My favorite were the popular magnetic "support the troops" ribbons, where many mysteriously disappeared the month it was determined there was no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.
I recently saw a bumper sticker that I actually liked. "Good happens!"
That was a nice, positive twist, I thought.
The cleverest new one I've seen recently said in large letters, "PRO CHOICE". Beneath it, in smaller letters, "about everything. Libertarian Party."
When my son was a teenager, he used to get pulled over a lot for no evident reason. Never ticketed. A police officer friend suggested that it was the model of car he drove: a ten year old Sunbird with tinted glass. We bought it from my grandmother, for pete's sake! Anyway, at his suggestion, we added a silver Christian fish symbol and a C.O.P.S. (Citizens on Patrol, a neighborhood watch organization) bumper sticker. Sure enough, they quit pulling him over randomly.
My favorite is: "If you want to take my gun, why would I trust you?" To me, it raises philophical questions regarding coercion and the people who advocate it that go far beyond Second Amendment issues.
Since we're sharing stickers that we like, I found a particularly amusing one on Amazon while perusing their inventory: "So you're a feminist...that's so cute!"
:-)
NRA sticker on one side of the window, National Field Archery Association sticker on the other, parking permit for my local University in the middle. I flatter myself it confuses people.
There's also the Hornady Ammo sticker on the left bumper with the motto "Accurate. Deadly. Dependable." I flatter myself it scares the same people...
My favorites:
VISUALIZE USING YOUR TURN SIGNAL
and
WARNING: I SPEED UP TO RUN OVER SMALL ANIMALS
(The second one is a bit dated.)
During the Cold War I considered placing a custom order for:
FIGHT COMMUNISM WITH NUCLEAR WEAPONS
Subtle, no?
;)
One self-aggrandizing sticker I've seen recently say "I'm already against the next war." Well, isn't that special; no information needed, just blind devotion to hippie-dom.
Mine says "Got Triplets?"
My eldest daughter and I have a fun time critiquing the bumper stickers at her liberal school. Some are amazing, like the no blood for oil sticker on a cadillac escalade with one parent and a single child in it.
One that burns me up is a sticker that says something like "coexist" where the letters are formed by religious symbols, including the star of david, a cross, and a muslim symbol. The moral equivelence suggested by the sticker is a "shallow mind incapable of critical though" warning.
I want to get bumper stickers made to put on other people's cars. "Moonbat alert" or "Racist cracker on board" or "Caution: self-absorbed narcissist on board" and other such.
Any ideas? And for the literal minded, this is a FANTASY and I am not planning to violate other people's property rights. But any other ideas?
Trey
Heh, I always liked the turn signal one...
I tend to like silly ones. Recently I saw one that said "What if doing the Hokey-Pokey is what it's all about?"
How could anyone not mention the classic
"Visualize Whirled Peas"
regarding the 'Bake Sale for Bombs' - I pointed out to a hippie friend of mine that cost of each bomb includes the salaries of the people who did the research and development, mined the metal, fabricated the circuits, and built the bombs.
My hunch is that over the past 30 years the salaries paid by US Defense Industry accounted for more college educations because their employees could afford to send their kids to college than any three government non-military programs combined.
I like the "Jesus Is Coming: Everyone Look Busy" sticker mentioned earlier, and also the turn signal and Hokey-Pokey ones. I'll add "Peace Through Superior Firepower."
I allowed myself to be persuaded to put a political bumper sticker on my car once. Ended up being followed by a car full of young thugs shouting obscenities. Kind of turned me off the idea.
Not exactly a bumper sticker, but I once bought the bullet hole decals you see in humor shops and splattered them over my father-in-law's Mercedes. It was tremendous fun.
GRETZKY SHOOTS
JESUS SAVES
Jesus is coming - Hide your bong
I FOUND JESUS
He was behind the sofa the whole time
I've always wanted to make a bumper sticker that says, "I'll share the road with a runner, if you'll share the sidewalk with my van."
I don't know how it is anywhere else, but here in the northeast, people running for their "health" while simultaneously causing traffic safety problems (and risking getting themselves run over by a truck) has got to be one of the most aggravating things ever.
Of course, I've probably just warned all of you as to what type of personality I am....
My personal favorite is "Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and good with ketchup"
http://www.orderofmerlin.com/Images/Dragon_Bumper_Sticker_Crunchy_Smallest2andhalf.JPG
I only have one bumper sticker on my car and it's the Semper Fi one you see on most USMC vehicles. Beside the point - though I was in the Air Force I got out early when I was pregnant with my first child. My husband's the Marine.
It's my second USMC sticker because the first time I put one on someone had peeled it off my bumper. And this happened in Texas of all places! I'd have expected something similar in California but not here.
Thank god I didn't catch them because at the time I was pregnant and hormonal and would have slammed their head against my bumper.
And I'm pregnant again so looney bumper sticker activists had better beware if they don't like my sticker.
There's a neighbor of ours whose daughter is in university somewhere and she comes back on breaks with a new and even more stupid bumper sticker on her car every time. The whole back is plastered with them. Wonder what she's learning in school.
And also, my favorite bumper sticker of all time reads: Happiness is a beltfed weapon.
Really I'm not a violent person. I just like the looks on people's faces when they see it.
The bumper sticker that's made me laugh the most (at the time, and upon relfection) was
Jesus loves you
Everyone else thinks you drive like a jerk
I can't really say it's my "favorite", though, because I would probably be distressed if there were a lot of them around.
My favorite, probably for sentimental reasons, was the popular Californian one from the 1980s that tried to sum up all of the trendy bumper stickers of that time:
Nuke a gay whale for Jesus
But today people wouldn't get it unless they remember bumper stickers of that particular time and place. I've yet to see an equivalent one for this decade.
I'm used to the silly political bumper stickers, but the weirdest thing I've seen recently is the occasional car plastered with pro-breastfeeding bumperstickers.
Now, I'm willing to concede that breastfeeding children is better than not doing so, but...that's just weird.
My wife, who is a mathematician, has a bumper sticker that reads:
CALCULUS AND ALCOHOL DON'T MIX: NEVER DRINK AND DERIVE!
When I was in graduate school, a very conservative friend of mine was irritated by the then-common "Split Wood--Not Atoms" bumper stickers.
Whenever he saw one on a parked car, he would open his glove compartment, pull out his own bumper sticker, and place it over the hippie dippie bumper sticker.
His bumper sticker? "More Nukes, Less Kooks."
This comment has been removed by the author.
Re: Gretzky shoots, Jesus Saves
I prefer the original, from the early 70's: "Jesus Saves, Esposito Scores on the Rebound."
Would it be wrong to say that all the people who had "I support the Right to Arm Bears" should be (figuratively) lined up against a wall and shot?
Bears come pre-armed, really.
I saw one back when I was in college: If You're Not Outraged, You're Not Paying Attention.
I was outraged enough to consider kicking in his taillight, but a) that would be wrong, and b) I was wearing a really cute pair of shoes. Priorities!
Also I like this one: http://www.stickergiant.com/page/sg/PROD/bgun/xrg077
Personal fave:
"STOP GLOBAL WHINING"
"Jesus Saves."
"Moses Invests."
"Mongols Horde."
I saw the Air Force / bake sale silly bumper sticker in a very disturbing place: on the back of a car with a base sticker on the front. Judging from other stickers (goddess-worship etc) I figured this was a retired female military officer. Why in the world was she against military service when she served a career in the military? Leftist lack of thought is simply amazing.
"Hang up and Drive!"
Seen in Philadelphia in the seventies: "Only the Lord saves more than Bernie Parent."
Rusty
Lost Classics:
I haven't seen a "Think Globally, Act Locally" sticker in a while. It's ok, cause I had no idea what that meant anyway.
Whatever happened to "Mean People Suck?" Another one I always figured meant something special to "in" people but was nonsense to me.
"Question Authority."
"Practice Random Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty."
"My Child is an Honor Student, etc."
"Free Tibet" - Haven't seen that one around lately. Short attention spans?
On the other hand, this is kind of nifty: http://crave.cnet.com/8301-1_105-9661617-1.html
Happiness is a beltfed weapon.
That's a great one. There's a list of similar ones on the Internet somewhere, including:
DRIVER CARRIES LESS THAN $20 WORTH OF AMMUNITION
And speaking of kids:
MY KID BEAT UP YOUR HONOR STUDENT
More Nukes, Less Kooks.
Yes!
"Mean People Suck" used to be the bumper sticker on a car owned the meanest nastiest woman I've ever known. I always thought that was ironic.
"Free the Bound Periodicals!"
At UC Berkeley, no less. Very subtle snark I appreciated greatly. Always wondered how I snuck in under the radar there ...
My favorite is:
DONT MAKE ME COME DOWN THERE...
LOVE,GOD
also, ever notice that the cars that have LOTS of bumper stickers are the ones that look like they are being held together by the stickers.
Debbie
Nerd one, printed in red:
"If this is blue, you're driving too fast."
The worst idiot of all is the person who plasters ANY bumper sticker onto the virgin paint of a shiny new car. THAT should be a felony.
Actually, asking prospective jurors about their bumper stickers [especially in college towns, for some reason!] is a valuable jury selection tool. It can provide an insight into predisposition that you don't normally get.
"Would it be wrong to say that all the people who had "I support the Right to Arm Bears" should be (figuratively) lined up against a wall and shot?".....no ,but, it would be much better to offer them to the bears as snacks !
My least favorite is "911 was an inside job" Every time I see it I have the urge to drive my Suburban with 3/8 inch steel bumpers up the tail pipe of the car sporting it. I'm sure I wouldn't get in trouble if I claimed that the accident was an inside job.
I saw a sticker that said:
WOMEN ARE NATURAL LEADERS
YOU'RE BEHIND ONE NOW
My answer to that:
DON'T CONFUSE LEADERSHIP WITH
DRIVING SLOW IN THE LEFT LANE
I like "Unless You're a Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass", but I think the funniest by far was this one, placed upside down on the back of a Jeep: "If You Can Read This, Turn Me Over".
"I've got the perfect body. It's in the trunk and starting to smell...."
"Who cares about Apathy"
and
"F=(g*M1*m2)/(r^2) It's not just a good idea, it the Law"
I a not a fan of bumper sticker sloganeering on cars, and I keep my car bare... but I wonder what it says about me that I tend to put my bumper stickers on my gun safe where no one but me and a few friends can see them, but will gladly bleat to any stranger who happens to care to read via blogging.
I'm generally pro-Bush, but I admit this one made me laugh out loud:
Will someone please give Bush a blowjob so we can impeach him?
Cynical, yes -- but as Helen says, a good laugh is nothing to sneeze at ...
I find it revealing to examine how MANY bumper stickers there are on a car, rather than the message.
This way you can usually tell the message before you get close enough to read.
Take the time to look, and you'll see that virtually all those still extant Kerry stickers are surrounded by a cloud of other (often incoherent) messages, whereas George Bush (in appropriate tribute) rides alone....
United States Marine Corps: When it absolutelty, positively has to be destroyed overnight.
"MY KID BEAT UP YOUR HONOR STUDENT"
This one irritates me more than any sticker I've seen. Makes me want to slap the driver AND his punk-ass kid. Might want to keep this one in mind.
MY HONOR STUDENT WILL BE YOUR KIDS DEFENSE ATTORNEY.
"Warning - in case of rapture, this car will be unmanned."
I had one that said: "Horn broken. Watch for finger"
I almost ran off the road when I saw this one: "Keep honking. I'm re-loading"
One I wish I got, but never did: "I still miss my Ex, but my aim is improving"
A child put me on the spot recently because she asked me why some people put bumper stickers on their cars and others don't.
The best theory I could come up with was that some of us can afford a car which says something about us, which gives us or proclaims for us the status that we want (I always remember being told that 'in California your car is your most expensive piece of clothing').
On the other hand, I said, a lot of people can't afford a distinctive car. Most of them don't care that much about how that makes them look, but that there are some people who can't afford the expensive or quirky car they want but at the same time care very, very much about how they appear. That's the crowd which 'personalizes' their cars with bumper stickers. And that's why so many of them seem designed or phrased so as to scream for attention.
This is consistent of course with the observation that the crappier the car, the more bumper stickers it is likely to carry.
It also fits the increased incidence of bumper stickers in and around academic ghettos like Berkeley.
This also explains by the way the whole Prius thing. The Prius' design screams its difference, and consequently they are sold out in California months in advance. Honda's equally 'virtuous' alternative looks just like the gas-engined version, and they can't give them away.
TO: Dr. Helen
RE: Personality and Politics and Bumper Stickers....OH MY!
I recall something that was passed to me in the 90s. It was a list of indicators that one was a 'liberal'. This particular item read....
You know you're a liberal if your car is showing more bumper stickers than chrome.
Regards,
Chuck(le)
P.S. Of late, I'm more interested in window decals. You know. U of this or that. I'm particularly attracted to the idea of driving down the street in my car with a window decal that reads...
Ferengie School of Dentistry
....while wearing some obscenely evil looking dental work....faux, of course.
Then there's the bumper sticker that would read....
My son is an honor student at the Klingon School for Boys
...you have to think about that one....
Err .. on previous post "Almost ran off road *LAUGHING*"
*preview is my friend*
I saw one that said:
IF IT AINT BAROQUE, DON'T FIX IT
I can't figure out if the guy likes or dislikes Bach.
The geekiest bumper sticker I've ever seen... first, some background. There is a programming language called LISP. It has a couple of primitive functions for list processing which in some ways are the core of the language: CAR, which returns the first element of a list; and CDR which returns everything after the first element.
The bumpersticker read, simply: "My other CAR is a CDR."
Here's one I saw recently: "If ignorance is bliss, why are most people so unhappy?"
This represents a fairly common genre of bumper stickers around here: ones designed to express the driver's feeling of contempt for the majority of his fellow citizens.
The most annoying sticker I saw was something along the lines of "I Resent that My President Makes Me Believe in Conspiracy Theories". I spent days wondering what poor little dear would put that on their car.
Some stickers I would like to see are "Question Rebellion" and "Pave Mono Lake".
EARTH FIRST!
will drill the other planets later.
Fish (of any sort, including Darwinfish) are an advertisement:
they say "I am a bad driver."
It's just amazing how accurate that tends to be...
The "Free Tibet" ones are still all over the place in Boulder, Colorado. (Not surprising.) Also spotted on a somewhat regular basis is "Forget Tibet - Free Boulder".
I got dibs on "Visualize world domination."
I have a few bumper stickers on my car. but I was smart enough to buy a sheet of magnetic material and make my regular bumper stickers removable. Alas, they don't always last that long, but it's far more convinient.
The three I have on there right now as, as I recall "I (Heart) Capitalism" "I'd rather have a German division in front of me than a French division behind me - George Patton" and "Peace Through Superior Firepower" With a peace sign made with the silloughette of a B-52. And of course a "Support the Troops" ribbon. And I need to slap my RKBA sticker on there too...
Translation: I'm not a socialist, I hate France, and I think we should bomb the hell out of anybody that causes us trouble. Oh, and I'm probably armed, so back off.
Maybe I should swap one of them out for "Go ahead and Honk. If I can hear you, you're in range." :)
I learn a lot about people from the combinations of bumper stickers they choose. Some are intellectuals who can't hold a thought that is longer than a bumpersticker. The statements make no sense under even the most casual analysis.
Some I just don't know what to think. Like the car with a Kerry/Edwards sticker on one side and Che on the other. Made sense to him, I suppose.
I've always been fond of PEACE THROUGH SUPERIOR FIREPOWER.
I trend annoyed at "I'd rather being doing __________." Then go home and do it already; I'd rather you weren't in my way!
Tibet...Mark Steyn wrote a column where he pointed that that if anyone did make an effort to Free Tibet, the next day all of those stickers would be replaced by "U.S. out of Tibet!"
I kind of like "Free Tibet, with qualifying purchase of Nepal. Offer good while supplies last."
"In Case of Rapture, Can I Have Your Car?" is a good one.
When I worked in a law office someone sent us a bumper sticker that said 'My attorney can beat up your attorney'. This was back in the days of Bart Simpson underachiever.
More subtle than bumper stickers are vanity plates, especially around the Northern Virginia and DC areas. These can be even more revealing about what people think of themselves, and they pay alot more money to tell you about it.
My vote so far is for 'Keep honking, I'm reloading'.
Retread
I periodically take pictures of bumper sticker zealots and post them. I used to delete the license plates, and then I thought that these people are proud of their opinions and want us to know who they are.
My new favorite, which I have just ordered and eagerly await: "Peace had a chance."
Best
ESCHEW OBFUSCATION
2nd
667 The Neighbor of the Beast
My favourite bumper sticker:
"Support Mental Health ... or I will kill you!"
I like to pull up next to someone with a Question Authority bumper sticker, ask them directions, then argue with their answer.
I'd also like to make a bumper sticker that says, "Eff the ineffable".
Reunite Gonwanda
Found on a Geologists car
TO: All
RE: Too Long....
....but still noteworthy....
I want to die in my sleep, like my Grandfather.
Not screaming and yelling like his passengers.
....as it IS appropo for driving.
Regards,
Chuck(le)
Don't pay much attention to bumper stickers (BS ?) but I used to visit a friend who worked for a fellow who owned a ranch way out in West Texas (they measure their land in hectares, not mere acres) and he had a posted sign that I found hilarious. It said-- KEEP OUT NO TRESPASSING. ANYONE CAUGHT STEALING OR VANDALIZING ANYTHING WILL BE 1-SHOT 2-GROUND UP 3-FED TO THE HOGS. NOW, YA'LL HAVE A NICE DAY. XXXX. It was placed at the road end of his driveway, which was almost a mile long.
My favorite "Kill your Television"
"Republicans for Voldemort"
http://www.goats.com/store/stickers.html
I think it was Lileks who said, "I don't put bumperstickers on my car for the same reason I don't sell advertising space on my pants."
The one on my (very) small car says:
"Actual Size"
I saw a red bumper sticker that said, "If this looks blue, you're going way too fast."
Best imo...
Heisenberg May Have Been Here.
As for "Free Tibet" a good one was:
"Maybe if Tibet is really good, in its next life it will come back as a country."
My all-time favorites, both from Highway 101 in Marin County, CA, circa 1968:
On a huge gold Cadillac convertible with a pair of cattle horns (as in longhorn) as a hood ornament: KEEP THE OLD WEST ALIVE -- BALL A COWBOY.
On a classic VW microbus, in full psychedelic paint regalia: GAS, GRASS OR ASS -- NOBODY RIDES FOR FREE. (Perhaps a hippie economist?)
Not politically correct, but one I had that provoked a lot of smiles was "Honk If I'm Polish."
Never much for bumper stickers... I was given a few but never bothered to put them on. But buttons? I've got tons of buttons! Most from the Calligraphic Button Catalog, and then at SF conventions in the '80s and '90s. Veritable buttonmail, suitable for clanking down the hallway and sweating to death... those little button backs are miniature parabolic reflectors!
Thus the litany of buttons begins...
"Cthulhu Saves! In case he's hungry later"
"If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate"
"If you don't like the way I drive, stay off the street... the sidewalk... the lawn..." - Appropriately this one adorned one of my vehicles as a bumper sticker
"I haven't sold my soul to Satan, but we have worked out a rent to own deal"
"There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased that line."
"Hubris is stealing the fire of the gods. Chutzpah is offering to sell it back."
"Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do!"
"This is no ordinary fool you're dealing with."
"If you can read this, you're in range." (usually in small type)
"Practice safe government--use kingdoms."
"Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry loose is not nailed down." - Say 'hello' to Mr. Crowbar!
"If this is tourist season, what's the bag limit?"
"A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five."
"Carpe per diem"
"Question Authority--ask me anything"
"I wasn't born Republican, Democrat, or yesterday"
"Yesterday was the LAST day for complaints!"
Yes, I will stop before the addiction returns in full... one can *never* have too many buttons.
I have to admit I get a chuckle out of, " 'YeeHaw' is NOT a foreign policy" complete with a Bush characture riding a bomb a la Slim Pickins from Dr. Strangelove
Best I can remember was a two part sticker, first read RUN JESSE RUN for the front bumber and FASTER JESSE FASTER for the back bumber. Ah the joys of Jesse Jackson running for office. MPW
Best one I've seen:
HOLD IT IN! Al Gore says farting causes Global Warming!
I once saw "I'll forgive Jane Fonda when the Jews forgive Hitler".
I used to have one of those oval signs that they use in Europe to indicate the car's country of registration. They put things like airport codes on them here.
Mine just had a question mark. I never really figured out what it meant.
I always liked the creative modification of bumperstickers. So "Practice Random Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty." became "Practice Random Senseless Acts" by chopping off the right side of the sticker. At least until it ticked people off and they changed the wording to "Practice Senseless Acts of Beauty and Random Kindness" (yes, I've actually seen that one).
When I was in high school, it was considered cool get two "In & Out Burger" bumperstickers and hack 'em into "In & Out urge".
Spotted once, years ago:
Left side of bumper- "Meat Is Murder!"
Right side of bumper- "I Vote Pro-Choice!"
Not a bumper sticker, but I love the guy whose blue Horizon had a vanity license plate that simply said "Beyond".
I like this one:
Wag more
Bark less
To All,
Please keep them coming, I haven't laughed this hard in a while!
My personal favorite is "No More Slogans."
My sister says that anyone who has more than two at a time is a nut--no matter what they say.
Free Beer
Not for nothin, but I am in the military and we do hold bake sales (among other fundraisers, like car washes) - not for bombs or bombers, but for a bunch of other functions (just like schools don't typically hold bake sales to pay teacher's salaries).
It's just a pet peeve of mine, since I know how many bake sales, pot lucks, car washes, candy sales, and other fundraising events we've had just in my unit over just the last three years. More than I remember doing in High School, that's for sure.
My favorite one that I've seen recently
"Its God's job to judge the terrorists
Its our job to arrage the meeting.
United States Marine Corps"
And this one:
"Except for ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism, and Communism WAR has never solved anything."
http://usmcshop.grunt.com/Grunt/productr.asp?pf%5Fid=BS227&gift=False&0=dept%2Easp%2Cdept%5Fid%3D73%26menu%5Fid%3D%26Tree%3D%2CAuto&1=dept%2Easp%2Cdept%5Fid%3D74%26menu%5Fid%3D%26Tree%3D0%2CBumper%20Stickers&2=dept%2Easp%2Cdept%5Fid%3D78%26menu%5Fid%3D%26Tree%3D1%2CSlogan%2FSaying%20Bumper%20Stickers&HSLB=False&mscssid=01AC0AAE4260F49C8BB50C970E8DBA7C
I always wanted to make up some stickers that would look good on bumpers of people who have those self-worshipping lefty stickers. Ones that would guarantee a lot of speeding tickets, or even a visit from the SWAT Team, like:
I SPEED WITHOUT NEED
I CRUISE WITH LOTS OF BOOZE
DEAD COPS: FREEDOM'S PRICE
ALLAH AKBAR!
JIHAD: NOT JUST A GOOD IDEA
IT'S THE LAW
MY SON DECAPITATED YOUR
INFIDEL HONORS STUDENT
MCVEIGH: MARTYR AND SAINT
There is a car in Madison I always enjoyed. The License plate read PLAN AHE and there were stick on letters to the right... AD.
Thomas Sowell reminded me of another one: STOP CONTINENTAL DRIFT.
Then there's:
I CAN'T GO TO WORK TODAY. THE VOICES TOLD ME TO STAY HOME AND CLEAN THE GUNS.
And a homemade one I saw once:
MY CHILD IS ON THE HONOR FARM AT THE ARIZONA STATE PENITENTIARY
And my own invention:
CAVEAT UTILIS WIKI
This is a classic that was popular in Sweden in the early 80s, when Olof Palme was Prime Minister. (And yes, it was in english, to make it work)
"In the US, they have Ronald Reagan, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash. In Sweden, we have Olof Palme, no hope, and no cash..."
Ah, the joy of the welfare state...
My favorite
"One by one, the penguins are stealing my sanity."
Cant think of any stickers that havent been mentioned but the best vanity plate I've seen says 'Helium', its on a Honda Element.
I saw one car recently with a number of (liberal) stickers. One stuck out to me, it said something like:
"Why do those who talk the most have the least to say?"
I thought it was amusingly self-descriptive, considering she had so much to say that she had to plaster crap all over the back of her car.
In Minnesota, during the Ventura administration, I saw a number of stickers saying "My governer can beat up your governor".
What would Scooby Do?
I think the original Heisenberg line (which I first saw in 1970) was:
"HEISENBERG WAS NEAR HERE."
which was written over a classic Kilroy figure.
"Give a man a relativistic rock and he will smash a planet today. Teach him how to do the math himself and he will smash planets for the rest of his life."
(Actually on a t-shirt, but too good to not mention.)
"My Politics Are Too Nuanced To Fit On This Sticker"
Help! The Parnoids Are After Me!
or
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not after you.
SUPPORT GLOBAL WARMIMG
WARMING
But then, I live in CHITONW...
from Spaceballs
WE BRAKE FOR NO ONE
on my 1972 Buick GS 455 clone
(absurd musclecar, huge engine, no catalytic converter)
ASK ME ABOUT MY CONTEMPT
FOR THE ENVIRONMENT
tempting fate with that one, really
"So many pedestrians, so little time."
and
"My karma ran over my dogma."
A few I've used in the past...
I'm driving this way just to piss you off
(in small print)
Hey, Officer, if I put up a bumper sticker that says
(in large print)
Support the Police
(in small print)
will you let me off with a warning?
One of my favorites is:
Support the Arts, Date a Drummer
Hmmm.
1. My favorite:
"Don't make me come down there!" - God
2. *shrug* I think it goes without saying that people wouldn't put a bumper sticker on a car without agreeing with the message.
And the crazier the message the crazier the person.
My favorite is: "All Else Failed."
"My horse bucked off your honor student."
I want to put on a bumber sticker that says "CAUTION: I DRIVE LIKE YOU".
And I want to remind the good Doctor, that although a good laugh is nothing to sneeze at, a good sneeze can be something to laugh at!
My personal favorites are "Jesus saves: By using double coupons and shopping wisely", "The more people I meet, the more I love my dog" and "My handgun has killed fewer people than Ted Kennedy's car"
Not a bumper sticker, but a GREAT tee shirt for geeks: There are 10 types of people in the world; those who understand binary, and those who don't.
I used to see ads in National Lampoon back in the '80s for round stickers with a picture of a screw on them, in various sizes.
Great for putting on those "I (heart) my dog" stickers or in front of Mondale/Ferraro stickers.
I used to have a "Proud member of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy" sticker on the back of my car, but I'm not sure where it went. Now I need to make one that says "Global Warming is a faith-based initiative" and put that on my car.
Best one I ever had said:
Honor Student -- Concealed Carry School
Had a little picture of a .380 on it.
NOBODY tailgated me.
Beware the lollipop of mediocrity, too many licks and you suck for life.
and
Extremists should be shot.
But they can be *so* entertaining. Such as the time taht while i lunch in an open air cafe I watched a very family wagon car with a 'I Vote Pro-Life" bumper sticker slow down and pick-up the hooker working the avenue.
You can't buy that sort of humor.
Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
Sorry I wasn't in church Sunday.. I was home practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.
A day without fusion is a day without sunshine.
Best ever.
I wish Hillary would have married OJ!
My favorite is
Zeus is God
Read the Iliad
My daughter is a fan of bumper stickers. She has the "...crunchy and good with catsup" one. Her best is one that says:
"Knowledge is Power
Power Corrupts
Study Hard
Be Evil"
Another reads "Weird Load", and one that reads "Dragons Rescued/Virgins Slain".
A friend sells ones that say:
"If they take away our guns can we still carry swords?"
As an astronomy major, I had one that said:
"186,000 miles per second
Not just a good idea, but the law!"
There are some funny latin bumperstickers. One reads "When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults."
I'd like this sticker better if it was cut vertically just after the "m" and the right side was thrown away.
This one I love, and it addresses many of those righteous bumper sticker types:
"All of you nonconformists are all alike"
thanks for all the laughs today :)
On an achaeologist's car:
My Life Is In Ruins!
Archaeologists will date any old thing!
My current favorite:
"Earth First! We'll log the other planets later." Since I live in Seattle, that one is posted at my desk because I don't want my car to get keyed or my tires slashed.
WORK... ITS THE WHITE THING TO DO
I used to drive around with a bumper sticker that said:
I'm insane
and I vote!
Two that made me laugh.
"PRACTICE RANDOM VIOLENCE AND SENSELESS ACTS OF CRUELTY"
and (especially when coupled with a Grateful Dead sticker):
"I BRAKE FOR HALLUCINATIONS!"
Two that didn't (and don't)
A traditional Marxist one that always makes me see red:
"POVERTY IS VIOLENCE"
And a recent one I've been seeing that makes me want to kill:
"49% of America Agrees with 99% of the Rest of the World"
I sport a yellow Endless War mobius strip!
It would be so kewl if I could get Dr and Mrs. Instapundit to autograph it.
Šhard:
No matter where you go, there you are.
I saw a soon-to-be-classic sticker just this evening: DOG IS MY CO-PILOT
Now I'm a father driving kids around with a NORML bumper sticker on.
My never seen favorite:
I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU DO, JUST DON'T ASK ME TO PAY FOR IT.
I don't put bumper stickers on my truck anymore, just a fish.
However, I once got out of jury duty by telling the defense consultant that I had an NRA Life Member window sticker. The screening question was, "Do you have any bumper stickers on your vehicle?" My answer was, "No bumper stickers, just an NRA Life Member window decal." I was immediately excused.
It was a murder by firearm case. ;^)
Hey, don't blame me for all these bumper stickers.
I voted for Kodos.
My favorite bumpersticker yet to be made is, "I'm not fat, I'm carbon sequestering."
Other stickers that need to be made:
Save Gas: Avoid Brakes!
Accelerate Faster.
Ha Ha! You got out of jury duty! That's great!
Stop Global Warning!
Saw this in the comments:
WOMEN ARE NATURAL LEADERS
YOU'RE BEHIND ONE NOW
I saw one that said:
WOMEN ARE NATURAL LEADERS
YOUR BEHIND ONE NOW
Spring says:
I only have one bumper sticker on my car and it's the Semper Fi one you see on most USMC vehicles. Beside the point - though I was in the Air Force I got out early when I was pregnant with my first child. My husband's the Marine.
It's my second USMC sticker because the first time I put one on someone had peeled it off my bumper. And this happened in Texas of all places! I'd have expected something similar in California but not here.
Thank god I didn't catch them because at the time I was pregnant and hormonal and would have slammed their head against my bumper.
nd I'm pregnant again so looney bumper sticker activists had better beware if they don't like my sticker.
Oooh-raaaah Devil Dog!
For you fellow nerds, I once saw this one:
Jesus saves...and only takes half damage.
I poke badgers with spoons.
Veni, Vidi, VD. I came, I saw, I cankered.
My mother was a moonshiner, and I love her still.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
If there is no God, who always pops up that next Kleenex?
Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.
Gravity: It's not just a good idea. It's the law.
Heart Attacks...God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
My all-time favorite, quite appropriate for Indiana, anyway: "I'll bet Jesus would have used his turn signal."
The one I actually have says, "My son is serving in the U.S. Army." A judge once told me he figured it would allow me an extra 10 miles an hour. (Not why I have it--my kid really is a soldier.)
At my engineering/minerals college we almost all had stickers saying
Ban Mining!
Let the Bastards Freeze in the Dark
How's My Driving? Call 1-800-EATSHIT
This car insured by Smith & Wesson
Bumper Sticker
Whatever
Stupidest was a "Satan/Cheney" election sticker. Who'd put that on their car? "Frodo failed, Bush has the ring" on the other hand was way funny. Both people saying Bush is evil, but the sticker choices say very *very* different things about the people who put them up.
Saw one that said, "My Child Eats Bugs" but I lost them and couldn't see if there was small print. I wondered if it was a military SF sticker.
And yeah, it is truely not a thing to cheer that jury selection processes deliberately disqualify anyone who might not have the proper anti-gun mindset. No one should be happy about that.
Dyslexics of the world - Untie!
My bumper sticker says:
Planned Parenthood:
Destroying a Generation
One Baby At a Time.
What does that say about me?
You know what I say; Every woman who has had an abortion should stand trial at the Hague for crimes against humanity. Am I tolerant enough for you?
Here's one of my favorites, which I haven't seen mentioned yet:
Your car is my crumple zone.
(On a honkin' huge SUV, naturally.)
Mean People Suck has a companion bumper sticker: Nice People Swallow.
There's only one bumper sticker on my car. It says: "We survived Camp Davy Crockett." CDC is a Boy Scout camp operated by the Sequoyah Council. I'm not sure what the sticker says about me anywhere outside the Scouting community.
In 2000, I saw a Ralph Nader sticker on a Corvair -- in Berkeley.
A lady up the street has an "Aggie Mom" bumpersticker on her car ... upside down. Its been there for years, and I still chuckle when I see it.
(Texans will get it.)
public schools receive a fairly large amount of money for each child. And that amount has been rising steadily for the last few decades, easily exceeding the dollars spent on defense.
Uh, I think not. $419.3 Billion for defense, not counting Afghanistan and Iraq, which makes it more like $721 billion vs. $56 billion for education.
That has to be the most insane thing I've ever read on this blog, which is saying something.
Anyway, I have a "Moron/Psycho '04" bumper sticker on my car, which I've had since before the election but couldn't be bothered to remove since. I've gotten a number of compliments, believe it or not, and zero rocks through my back window to date! It makes me laugh, and I'm actually quite happy that it makes people like y'all think I'm an unhinged moonbat or whatever.
However, my favorite bumper sticker of all time, and this is very geeky is, "Linux: Free If Your Time Is"
One that made me chuckle the first time I saw it is
I still miss my ex
But my aim is getting better
Here is a link of many cars that contradict the message of their bumper stickers, Concourse of Hypocrisy. Pretty hilarious.
Rorschach, public schools are mostly funded by states and localities you retard. Why would you look at federal funding in making that comparison?
You might as well argue that the US spends 100 times as much on edumacation than security by looking at what your local township spends on schools versus the local police force...
"That has to be the most insane thing I've ever read on this blog"
Which says more about you than about this blog. So that was a very appropriate screen name you chose.
I keep my bumper sticker succinct:
I HATE WHAT YOU HATE
AND I HATE YOU
Lincoln LIED, People DIED!
Seen here in Silicon Valley last year:
MY JUVENILE DELINQUENT IS SCREWING YOUR HONOR STUDENT
And when my new xB gets out of the shop next week or so, I'll be attaching a magnetic backing to this oversized message of my own, and slapping that puppy right on:
RIGHT NOW AS YOU READ THIS I'M NONSURGICALLY REGROWING MY FORESKIN
I saw an interesting combination recently in a very redneck (hey nothing wrong with that...) town in Northern Arizona. It was on a VW microbus with the usual assortment of hippy bumper stickers but this one was a bit odd. It said "REAL COWBOYS AIN'T GAY" Just covering his ass I guess.
As an aside; I have it on good authority from one of the locals that many real cowboys are in fact gay.
I once saw a car with a vanity license plate that said CDR.
A VERY small audience for this one.
What does that say about me that I got that one?
One of my favorites: "Don't believe everything you think"
Hope it's not too late to pile on ...
Weirdest collection -- a bunch on back of a granola wagon which had "Save the Baby Seals" (Or some variation on that theme)on one side and "Keep abortion safe and legal" on the other.
But my favorite one which that I had made special and would love to see comercially produced (hint hint) -- has the Army logo on one side and says:
"My son goes to work every day so you can put your bumper stickers on your car."
(Because he does. And we all still can.)
The idea came from an Air Force major in the family who I teased one day as we walked by a car plastered with anti-war, anti-Bush, feminist type stickers. I chided him not to spit in that direction, and the Major said ... "I go to work every day so they can put those on their cars."
Our military is truly unique ... that's class.
rorschach:
Uh, I think not. $419.3 Billion for defense, not counting Afghanistan and Iraq, which makes it more like $721 billion vs. $56 billion for education.
You have mistakenly assumed that Federal expenditures on education are the sole source of funding. In fact, the Federal government contributes only about 10% of the money spent on education. For 2004-2005 (the last year available), total US expenditures on education for elementary and secondary schools was $536 billion dollars. The vast majority is state and local funding. You'd also have to add in $13 billion in Pell grants for college plus, perhaps, Federal loan programs, if you want to cover all education.
Thanks for playing, though!
Disillusionist
Twenty-five years ago in California: "Why is it when you do good nobody remembers and when you f#%k up nobody forgets?"
I believe that the sentiment behind the "bakesale for an Air Force bomber" sticker is that it will be wonderful when we no longer *NEED* to have bombers(ie: when peace among all is achieved), and thus we can concentrate on other things, such as the education of our children. There is nothing emotionally fragile or traitorous about wishing for the best for future generations.
I once saw a bumpersticker in Phoenix that read "I'm one of those mean people who suck".
Where can I get a "PACHELBEL SUCKS!" bumpersticker?
Dear Doc Helen,
Is this your longest comment thread ever? It's hysterical. I linked over here from instahubby and haven't had so much fun in many days.
To elicit something practical out of the whole thing, can anyone tell me how I can use my printer (or get a different printer) to generate my own adhesive bumper stickers??
Marty
All time favorites:
My son is Inmate of the Month at Folsom State Correctional Facility.
and
Would You Drive Any Better If That Cell Phone Was Up Your Butt?
It's not just hope for a future where we don't need bombers (and the problem with that is that we can't see the future and if we need bombers we don't have we're SOL) but it's a very real and very pervasive *belief* that if we got rid of all of our weapons we wouldn't have war. It's a very real and pervasive belief that if we *have* weapons or if we train for war we'll want to have one.
It's the "when you have a hammer, every problem looks like a nail" bit of wisdom that really never ever considers that sometimes the problem *is* a nail.
I always want to point out that "when there are no hammers there will be no nails" isn't exactly the height of reason.
That would make a good bumper sticker. :-)
Great thread, Helen.
My favorite:
GOD IS DEAD - NIETZCHE
NIETZCHE IS DEAD - GOD
Great stuff. I once saw a vehicle that was plastered with every possible, lefty/Socialist/Environmental/Peacenik sticker on every available square inch. The fun was that is was an oil burning, half rusted out 3/4 ton Econoline van.
"I have the body of a GOD...
Unfortunately it's Budah!"
Geez, too many comments to read.
I will just say to the Lady who had her "Semper Fi" USMC sticker peeled off her bumper in Texas, it was because they wanted it for their own truck (yes truck, not car, only non-Texans drive cars).
obligatory suck up post:
what is the psychological make up of someone who sports the following bumper sticker?
" I am superior to your because I read Dr. Helen and Instapundit!"
On my Paw Paw's truck:
EAT MORE POSSUM!
Re: the education vs bomber bumper sticker: The sad thing is that too few people realize that better education would reduce the number of unnecessary wars. For instance, had the American people been better educated, a lot more of them would have been able to realize that Bush was pulling the wool over their eyes with regard to Saddam Hussein and Iraq, and more people would have pushed back against Bush before the invasion.
As it is, we are left with an unholy mess which has killed more Americans than bin Laden did on 9/11, not to mention tens of thousands of other innocents dead - all of this in large part due to American ignorance.
So it really will be a great day when schools have all the funding they need. It won't rid the world of war or the need for defense, but it will make the world a more peaceful place nonetheless.
"Practice Random Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty."
I don't think so. Kindness should be deliberate, and beauty should be sensible.
I don't display my viewpoint, for much the same reason that I blog nicknonymously. My neighbors proudly display most of the Lefty stickers cited above.
The only sticker I ever did display read "Proud parents of an honor student at home".
Where can I get a "PACHELBEL SUCKS!" bumpersticker?
Assuming you actually don't know...
Just do a google search for custom bumper stickers. Tons of sites will print whatever you want.
Peace be upon Cathy Seipp.
Two of my favorites were the sole sticker on an 18 wheeler. In the 70s: "Where there's a pill there's a way"
and earlier this year: "My blinker is a warning not a request."
"It's the "when you have a hammer, every problem looks like a nail" bit of wisdom that really never ever considers that sometimes the problem *is* a nail."
And sometimes the problem is *NOT* a nail, which is why one shouldn't assume that every problem is exactly the same, as one will then end up applying the wrong solution. That is the point of the 'When You Have a Hammer' saying.
" "Practice Random Kindness and Senseless Acts of Beauty."
I don't think so. Kindness should be deliberate, and beauty should be sensible."
Why? Because you say?
So many great ones, but I haven't seen my favorite: "Honk if you have never seen an Uzi fired from a car window"
My favorite..."When It Positively, Absolutely Needs To Be Destroyed Overnight Call 1-800-USMC"
My favorite:
Dyslexics of the world untie.
Dave
"Bumper stickers are not the answer" is now my favorite.
I don't have one now, but for years I've thought I might get either "Reunite Gondwana" or "This bumper sticker is false" (the last custom-made, of course).
I'm willing to concede that breastfeeding children is better than not doing so
But feeding from a bottle is better than letting a baby go hungry. Especially an underweight baby.
Do you think that never happens? You would be wrong. And the blame rests entirely on feminists who guilt trip women into avoiding bottles.
I don't think you want to put those sentiments on a bumper sticker, though--people might assume things about you.
I'm planning to get a custom bumper sticker:
"Guns Don't Cause Crime, the Irish Do."
I figure it's funny just enough to not offend anyone.
Post a Comment
<< Home