Fun with Defibrillators
No one feels very good about having a serious disease--be it heart disease, cancer, or a multiple of other scary diagnoses. However, there is a lighter side to having medical problems that I have just discovered anew this week. I am not sure what is going on at my local mall, but apparently, the metal detectors that screen for shoplifters have been reset to be more sensitive. Since getting my cardioverter implantable defibrillator last year, I can count on one hand how many metal detectors I have set off because of the metal in my device.
However, while shopping at the mall this week, I set off every detector I went near or by. At first, I was annoyed and with my pissed-off look, no clerks dared to stop me or ask me about the detector going off. I know that these things are set off frequently by other items but the rate they were going off the day I was shopping got to be comical. At one point, two teenage girls were behind me as the metal detector went off. I turned to see the store manager stopping the girls to ask them about the contents of their large purses. Me, I just saundered over to a bench, sat back and watched the show. Dark humor, yeah, I know, but give me a break--sometimes, being a medical freakshow has its sick twisted side.
My defibrillator has also gotten me some funny stories this week. I went in to see my electrophysiologist to check out my device. He and his staff looked rather disgusted and put out. As a psychologist, I couldn't help but ask them what the problem was. The physician's assistant just shook his head and said, "well, the patients we have here just don't listen. We just got a late call for an emergency from one of our patients this week who is about 70 years old. He has a defibrillator and heart problems and he is out drinking and partying with two hookers and his brother. He gets dehydrated from all of the alcohol, then has sex with the hookers and gets his heart rate over the recommended limit, then gets in a fight with his brother, his defibrillator goes off, shocks both of them, they fall down and end up in the emergency room. Then it's our problem." Somehow, the image of this guy and his brother being shocked in a drunken stupor seems more comical than anything. I realize it is serious but I have to admire the tenacity of these guys to party like this and live life with such gusto. Me--I'm sitting home drinking water and doing yoga. Who is having more fun?
Okay, maybe the hookers and high levels of booze are out for me--but the zest for life and lack of fear is frankly, more uplifting than scanning the internet about my condition and being convinced that each heartbeat is my last. After hearing another story about a patient of my doc's who has survived 66 shocks with his defibrillator, I would rather err towards throwing caution to the wind and enjoy life while I can then dwell on fear and doom. That, in the end, no matter how long each of us live, would be the biggest misfortune of all.
Update: Well, apparently Dick Cheney is not having as much fun as the guys I wrote about above (you know, the sex, hookers and all) as his defibrillator has not gone off yet. I guess running the country means means you have to take life a little more seriously.
However, while shopping at the mall this week, I set off every detector I went near or by. At first, I was annoyed and with my pissed-off look, no clerks dared to stop me or ask me about the detector going off. I know that these things are set off frequently by other items but the rate they were going off the day I was shopping got to be comical. At one point, two teenage girls were behind me as the metal detector went off. I turned to see the store manager stopping the girls to ask them about the contents of their large purses. Me, I just saundered over to a bench, sat back and watched the show. Dark humor, yeah, I know, but give me a break--sometimes, being a medical freakshow has its sick twisted side.
My defibrillator has also gotten me some funny stories this week. I went in to see my electrophysiologist to check out my device. He and his staff looked rather disgusted and put out. As a psychologist, I couldn't help but ask them what the problem was. The physician's assistant just shook his head and said, "well, the patients we have here just don't listen. We just got a late call for an emergency from one of our patients this week who is about 70 years old. He has a defibrillator and heart problems and he is out drinking and partying with two hookers and his brother. He gets dehydrated from all of the alcohol, then has sex with the hookers and gets his heart rate over the recommended limit, then gets in a fight with his brother, his defibrillator goes off, shocks both of them, they fall down and end up in the emergency room. Then it's our problem." Somehow, the image of this guy and his brother being shocked in a drunken stupor seems more comical than anything. I realize it is serious but I have to admire the tenacity of these guys to party like this and live life with such gusto. Me--I'm sitting home drinking water and doing yoga. Who is having more fun?
Okay, maybe the hookers and high levels of booze are out for me--but the zest for life and lack of fear is frankly, more uplifting than scanning the internet about my condition and being convinced that each heartbeat is my last. After hearing another story about a patient of my doc's who has survived 66 shocks with his defibrillator, I would rather err towards throwing caution to the wind and enjoy life while I can then dwell on fear and doom. That, in the end, no matter how long each of us live, would be the biggest misfortune of all.
Update: Well, apparently Dick Cheney is not having as much fun as the guys I wrote about above (you know, the sex, hookers and all) as his defibrillator has not gone off yet. I guess running the country means means you have to take life a little more seriously.
posted by Helen at 11:10 AM
28 Comments:
With all the detectors going off over every little thing I wonder if we will get into a boy who cried wolf situation; if we haven't already. I noticed at the library the other day that the detectors went off for every other person, and the people behind the desk just called out "that's ok go on through."
Thought one: Are they really metal detectors at your mall? I always thought those were looking for RFID tags or whatever they used before that. Maybe you just got one stuck to the bottom of your shoe or something.
Thought two: Profiling! Those poor teenagers.
Thought three: I really hope you don't think of yourself as a medical freakshow.
Whew, three thoughts in one day! Time for a nap!
Doug Wade,
I thought they were just looking for the tags also, but my doctor said the metal in my device could set them off but it does not affect my device. I had not thought about having one of those tags stuck to my shoe--it's a possibility but I have been setting off the store detectors on other days also--not sure why. I am joking about the medical freakshow part--I realize what I have is not that unusual--now I do think of myself sometimes as a mental freak show---again, kidding. As far as the teens, yes, it was unfair--many shoplifters are in the older age groups. I made sure they were okay before I left.
There is a fine line between living life to the fullest (the present) and living a long life (the future). It seems you have successfully balanced your present and your future.
How interesting - thanks for the additional information about the detectors!
And while I'm at it - thanks for the podcasts. I've been spending a lot of time recently developing and toning photographic prints and it basically involves sloshing fluid over paper for hours at a time, making sure there are no bubbles. I've started listening to podcasts while doing this and it sure has made the process easier to take!
Some research on enjoying life...
http://www.collisiondetection.net/mt/archives/2006/06/study_in_the_lo.html
:-) I think they're right.
Dr. Helen:
Wow !
Danger of getting shocked while having a fight with a inplantanted defib. patient.
Well I guess that lucky guy Glen is being extra polite, NOW. http://www.cineclub.de/images/2003/terminator_3_1.jpg
He must be one of those outdated T-101 models.
On the other hand, it seems to be "field tested" that 70 year olds don't get "the shock" when having sex with hookers. Maybe they weren't that good ?
Or is the implantable defib. designed to accept this common human activity ?
I went around setting off store alarms recently. Later that week, while turning the skirt I'd been wearing inside out in order to launder it, I discovered a fabric encased antitheft tag sewn into the side seam. What's strange is that I wear that skirt often, and have laundered it numerous times. No clue why it suddenly decided to start working, unless I just hadn't happened to be wearing it at the mall before.
Anyway, if it hasn't happened before or since, check the seams of the clothing you were wearing that day.
Dave:
"So...a store can profile people but airport screeners can't?"
Read the story again. Teenagers are oppressed and don't have any rights.
Just ask one.
i set off alarms, with myself.. and metal detectors, and.. i suffer from static, which makes walking in some shops.. fun.. every 3 steps an electric shock.
cant even tune the radio right, we get it perfect we move out of the way and its out of tune. so we have to tune them wrong..
all electrical items, create a tiny radio frequency, if you put a AM radio near a computer you will hear the computer working on the inside.. so its would be quite common that the rfid tags would have a similar effect as the defibrillator.
its not so much how long you live, its how you live thats the important bit. you could live to 100 and be a virtual vegetable, or 70 and live life.. extending life for the sake of extending life, is a bad idea, its all about the quality of that life, whether its 20 years or 90..
Scott,
The defibrillator is set to go off at different heart rates for different patients. For example, the guy involved with the hookers was set at 160 BPM and the doctor turned it up to 180 BPM, I guess to account for the extra activity. Add to this that I bet these guys use Viagra and who knows what heart rate you can get from that! I wonder if the shock just adds to the excitement---I sure hope so.
The "metal detectors" used in stores are really not metal detectors at all. If they were, then stainless steel or titanium handguns would set them off. Not that I would know of course ;-)
The detection is done by causing a special piece of metallic glass to ring at a certain frequency. Energy is dumped into space bewteen the detectors then halted. The detector portion then listens for this ringing. If it hears it, it sets off the alarm.
Details here:
http://electronics.howstuffworks.com/anti-shoplifting-device5.htm
My guess is that your cardioverter is suddenly radiating electromagnetic energy in the range that the detector is watching. You're probably seeing a subharmonic from the microprocessor's clock or an I/O pin.
If this is a new issue for you, I wonder if you have had the unit tweaked by the doctor recently. If it was reprogrammed or adjusted it's possible that the EM radiating from it has changed.
Doctor H-E-L-E-N !
" Add to this that I bet these guys use Viagra and who knows what heart rate you can get from that! I wonder if the shock just adds to the excitement---I sure hope so. "
I'm Shocked ! Shocked I tell you !
Well since you're married to an outdated T-101 model it's going to be pretty "HARD" for him to keep up with you now that you're a T-1000, SHOCK or not.
I don't think Phizer did any control group studies on the effects of viagra with defib. implants, but since you seem to be a "Unique Case" they may be interested in giving you and "the BIG guy" a five year supply if you promise to keep detailed reports and publish in professional journals.
You might write them to offer. Really, is there a downside here ?
I always liked the Jimmy Buffett philosophy -
I'd rather die while I'm living, than live while I'm dead.
The Taste of Chicago is going on right now if you really feel like throwing caution to the winds. :)
Atticus... sometimes one just has to be human enough to enjoy someone elses schadenfreude
Cheney has a good time, the "Lawyer Incident"? There was more going on there, only he pays spin doctors so the booze and hookers are simply implied.
Long-time lurker here. There is a little (or a lot) of black humor in all of us. :)
Atticus wrote: "Funniest part of your post: "As a psychologist, I couldn't help but ask them what the problem was." As a psychologist? Gee, where I come from, we don't have to be a psychologist to be empathetic or to pick up on the moods of others or to show concern."
I am a psychologist too, and the job has made me nosey and shameless. Not shameless like steal money from my Church, but shameless as in I will talk to anyone about anything, especially when I am curious.
Typically, there are three classic motivations for being in the mental health field. 1. You want to help. 2. You want to know, you are curious. 3. You want to be around people that have some chance of being more fucked up than you are.
I was, and still am a type 1, but reason 2 has grown in me over the years. Maybe Helen is just getting in touch with reason 2, or has been a 2 all along.
Trey
Have you considered using your powers for good?
First you'll need a costume. Then start drinking heavily. When you see a crime get your heart rate up and zap the criminal.
Youi could call yourself Stungun.
I think the hookers are optional.
I wonder if some ultra high frequency device can interfere with the defibrillators and if the Secret Service is monitoring them in case one gets close to Cheney. His is probably set to the lowest setting of "don't care" or "don't give a damn" as evidenced by his reaction to the shooting incident a few months back.
Anyway, I once had a badge for a high security facility and it always triggers detectors in stores so I have to remember and leave it in the car. But then, I can't afford to lose or misplace it as it will jeopardize my job clearance. At the same time, my cheap radar detector beeps a lot and detects almost any convenience store within a 50-ft. radius that it is annoying. I also had a garage door opener that could open practically every other garage in the neigborhood. Sometimes I'd do it for fun just to see my neighbors scratching their heads as I open and close their garage doors from a distance. I make sure mine is bolted when I go away.
One time I asked one of my patients if his defibrillator ever went off...
He said he had been out cutting wood when it went off and he almost dropped his chain saw...
Well, he wasn't supposed to be cutting logs with his severe ASCVD...but at least he didn't end up in the ER with his foot cut off...
Are you sure its not just your pants? :) I was wearing a new pair of jeans through the mall the other day and set off about every other sensor on the way around. Not even always at the same store. I set off more going out than coming in! Being totally unable to figure it out at home that evening I found the electronic tag sown inside the pants! With a little label on it that said "remove before wearing" But I carried them out of the store I got them from and all around that day without any problems...
Since I'm an engineer who works in the design of implantable defibs I linked over from Instapundit's "FUN WITH defibrillators". I've enjoyed your blog occasionally, I never new you had an implanted defib. I don't know much about the store security equipment, but all defibs are capable of emitting RF since that is how they communicate with the doctor's monitor/programming device. As for you funny story, the devices continuously monitor and record cardiac data and we often receive a download where we were wondering just what the patient was doing at the time.
I have a friend with a neurostimulator (for pain management) plus a lot of titanium reinforcements. Don't know if it is the neurostimulator or the titanium, but the friend sets off a lot of anti-theft devices too. Unfortunately, they on occasion have set off the neurostimulator (but as with implantable defibs, it is adjusted with RF, so that may be what is happening).
I've had a defibrillator for two years and have never set off "inventory sensors" at the mall. I have to ask for pat-downs at airports, however, as the metal in my device is quite sufficient to set off the detectors.
As for the shock adding to the enjoyment of sex, my device was triggered inappropriately shortly after being implanted, and it felt exactly like someone had snuck up behind me and hit me on the head with a board.
Now maybe some of you are masochists, but I don't enjoy being clobbered with lumber.
I worked at a bookstore when a gentleman walked in and set the alarm off. At the time he was wearing shorts and a T-shirt. When I suggested that something in his pockets might be causing the problem, he was amazed that I'd try to diagnose the thing. It turned out to be a relatively new wallet he'd purchased, with a tag inside... and he'd been setting off alarms ever since.
I was the first person to even suggest we could stop it. (When you catch them on the way in, they know you don't think they're a thief.)
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