Monday, November 14, 2005

Turning the Tables

Every once in a while, I make a crack about women--I might call a particular woman a jerk or a bully or some other name. I often do it for effect as much as anything else. Why, you may ask, would she say something negative about someone of her own gender?

Because I believe that women can take it. Men, for the longest time, have been the subject of jokes, putdowns and just downright rude expletives, mainly by women, but also by men. This behavior, our society thinks, is somehow acceptable. Men are in power and therefore, the oppressors--of women, minorities or anyone else who dares get in the way of their perceived status. But wait, is this really true, or have the tables turned? There are many areas now where women are in power, yet the male bashing continues. Now, in many circumstances, women are in power, yet they are acting just like the men they complained about.

If you want to see grumbling about men--just head down to an elementary school at the end of a day, like I did once. I went to visit a male teacher and asked a group of female teachers where he was. "He is not here," one of them stated, "he always leaves early." "Yes, just like a man," said another, "always out the door while the rest of us work." This male teacher was in the middle of getting married and lived far away from the school. He was not asked to come back the following year and the male principal as well as the male substitutes left the school also with little explanation. A female principal came in and brought her staff of "good old girls" with her. In this particular elementary school, there is not a single man--they have all been run out.

Men are now the new sex objects. Women feel totally free to comment on men's dress, they straighten ties on men they do not know and touch men in ways that would land a man in diversity training if they did the same to a woman. One man told me recently that a female administrator put her hand inside his shirt, squeezed his pec, and said, "you're looking good, have you been working out?" Try doing that to a woman--put your hand on her boob and say, "hey, these look good, are they real?" Good luck holding on to your job.

Joking about people and making crass comments is seen as the weapon of the minority against the majority. You can do it if you are the right gender or race. The psychological reason that society lets women and certain minorities get away with it is that they are seen as the underdog--they are viewed as weak and not able to tolerate a joke or a negative comment for fear they will crumble. But I think women and minorities are stronger than that. I do not see women as people who are weak--but rather who are strong and autonomous--those types of people do not need the government to intervene on their behalf everytime a negative word is said. In a free society, we should have the right to make offensive remarks and jokes without fear of punishment--even of so-called minorities.

13 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Helen --

I completely agree. Victimization culture promotes a mindset in which it is totally acceptable to scrutinize everything a [WhiteMaleOppressor] does.

-Did you look at me "the wrong way"?
-Did you insult me?
-Did you do some harm to me?

Basically, if you're a [WhiteMaleOppressor] your evilness is presumed in bad faith. The motives of every action you take are presumed in bad faith to be vile. You're always on trial, and if you make a wrong move you're dead, gone, fired.

If it's in any way possible for the [VictimClass] member to have thought that he was [affected] for being a [VictimClass], you're a [bigot].

One of the really nasty things to have emerged from [VictimClass] Theory Academia is the idea that, if a particular [system] doesn't put the feelings of your [VictimClass] first, then it's hostile. The problem is that a [system] has to balance competing ideals, and putting one, especially one of [VictimClass]'s feelings, in a position of automatic primacy is never good. It's a pretty good example of the perfect being an enemy of the good.

This type of thing, with all the bad faith, is a really effective way of poisoning the well of civil society.

It's sad, because [WhiteMaleOppressors] are the only ones ever held accountable, when it's the [VictimClasses] primarily poisoning the well. But if a [WhiteMaleOppressor] tries to drop some baking soda in there to cancel out the acid, he's dead.

What I'd like to see some statistics on are how many [VictimClass] professors/professionals have ever been fired for making [bigoted] comments about [WhiteMaleOppressors].

7:41 PM, November 14, 2005  
Blogger Helen said...

To Anonymous,

Yes, I would like to see those statistics too--my guess is there aren't any. I suppose people could point to the injustices from the past with minorities but all this does is hold people accountable--mainly men--who never did anything wrong.

6:36 AM, November 15, 2005  
Blogger Helen said...

evilpundit,

Glad your faith in humanity has been restored--I am also amazed by many on the web who hold views of justice and fairness--its amazing how the blosgosphere is so much more open minded than the academic world where free speech is a joke.

7:03 PM, November 15, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My husband and I switched duties 12 years ago, so he could go to school. He stayed home with our three-under-five children, planning to get his masters and PhD.

Within a year, our youngest was diagnosed with autism, my husband got the masters but gave up the PhD to spend 30 hours a week in therapy trying to teach him to talk. It took him a solid year to toilet train him.

I had not planned on being the breadwinner forever, but after my husband interrupted his work history and DIDN'T get the PhD, we discovered that he was essentially unable to get a (meaningful) job. He has spent the last eight or so years part time in call centers (that's what a masters in history will get you) and I have become the permanent full time breadwinner.

My conversion away from man-disdaining came about three weeks into this experiment, when I realized that although I had worked for many years, I had always had a "take this job and shove it" attitude, that if I didn't like what I was doing I could just quit.

Well, maybe when it was just me, but when there were four other people depending on my income suddenly I discovered it was not so simple.

I have tremendous sympathy for the strain that men are routinely under, that they are raised to take on and that most of them do accept.

I don't know how to communicate this to other women very effectively, because I think that most women think that they "have" to work. But "have" to work because you want the nice vacation and the extra luxuries in life is totally, fundamentally different than "have" to work because otherwise your babies will have no home.

12:27 AM, November 16, 2005  
Blogger Helen said...

Hi Teri,

Yes, I agree that working to support the family is much different than working for extra income. Men shoulder this burden without complaining for the most part and it is quite hard. But so is caring for children--especially when you are faced with a problem such as autism or other medical problem with a child. Good luck to you and your husband.

8:43 AM, November 16, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What I forgot to mention is that, despite the difficulty, I think I got the better end of the bargain. My husband has the patience of a saint. I do not think I would have done as well as he has, staying home with the kids, especially the autistic one.

6:20 PM, November 16, 2005  
Blogger Grim said...

I must respectfully take up disagreement with you again, doctor.

http://grimbeorn.blogspot.com/2005_11_13_grimbeorn_archive.html#113216323464780081

When you've a moment.

By the way, I only today put together from your photograph with the "DEATH" shirt that you are also the InstaWife. I myself have also been dead, more than once as it happens; indeed, I was born that way, but brought back by a wise and able doctor. They didn't give out t-shirts in those days, but I certainly think you've got the right attitude towards it.

6:29 PM, November 16, 2005  
Blogger Ben said...

After reading the post he linked to, I have to agree with grimbeorn; often a more effective discouragement of bad behavior is to overcome evil with good.

A true gentleman need not respond in kind to a rude comment from a rude woman, and vice versa. A kind yet honest rebuke could go a long way to "heaping burning coals on the head" of the offending party. It can be a difficult thing to do well, but sometimes turning the other cheek is a more effective way of turning the tables.

10:26 PM, November 21, 2005  
Blogger Serket said...

I do not understand why women are considered minorities when there are close to the same number of men and women. I think more boys are born, but men die younger. After a certain age there are more women than men.

5:31 PM, December 28, 2006  
Blogger Sadie said...

Hello-
Came across your site through google while working on a male-bashing project for grad school.

My husband is in elem and middle school education and is almost always the only man in the building (sometimes there's a male P.E. teacher or custodian). The things that are said to and about him amaze me. Men in a workplace would never dream of saying things like that to or about a woman for fear of sexual harassment lawsuits. It's ridiculous.

12:06 PM, February 22, 2007  
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