Weird Date
John Hawkins at Right Wing News has more on conservative and libertarian women and dating. I thought Megan McArdle's response to the question, "What is the weirdest date you have gone on or been asked to go on?" was pretty funny:
Hmmm, I can't top that from my previous dating days, can you? If so, share it with us in the comment section.
The weirdest date I ever went on was when I was in college. I was taken, I swear to God I am not making this up, by a guy from my Spanish class to go to the dump and shoot rats with his friends....
Hmmm, I can't top that from my previous dating days, can you? If so, share it with us in the comment section.
posted by Helen at 10:42 AM
59 Comments:
I didn't even know people still dated. At least not in the traditional sense.
The woman found the date so weird because he did what he wanted to do. Instead of following behind her with his wallet - paying for everything - as she did what she wanted to do.
The guy didn't realize that dating is the "tryouts" for being married. You have to show the woman how willing you are to pay for her and how much you will pay for her.
If you get lucky, you get picked. Then you get to transfer money to her for the rest of your life.
This guy better wake up. No vagina for him.
1. Didn't she ask where the date was going to be before agreeing to go on it?
2. If he told her where they were going and she went anyway, there is twice the weird.
I agree gary. Why would one go on a date where they didn't know what the plans are, who is paying for what, what is expected, etc.? A 10 minute phone discussion prior to a date would probably avert many, um, dating challenges.
Cham: "Those pesky women simply won't behave right to make men happy."
Personally, I've always found that making other people happy is one of the greatest, most wonderful and uplifting joys in life that a person could ever experience.
Apparently, though, in the Chamiverse, that isn't the case -- at least, when the people to be made happy are male, and the person to be experiencing that greatest and most wonderful and uplifting of joys is female, that is.
Tell us, Cham: why do you want to deny so deeply rewarding and pleasureable an experience to not only yourself, but other women as well, as it appears you do?
The oddest near date i ever had, was i was asked to go see a art exhibition, by the artist.
Not so unusual, but she used meat, in her art, meat statures etc. Uncooked. Now THAT was weird.
What red-blooded American female doesn't enjoy shooting rats?
I sense a LOT of bitterness about the dating/marriage subject. Here's question - if I go out on a first date should I offer to pay or keep quiet about it? After all, women's lib and all...
Alex,
I don't have a clue, I never really "dated" in the traditional sense when I was younger. I mostly just hung out with people who happened to be guys. I always just figured it depended on who asked who to do something. If I asked a guy to go somewhere with me, I generally paid the first time we went out and if he asked me, he often paid (although it wasn't necessary). Maybe some other commenters who are in the midst of the dating world will have more current advice.
Here's mine. I've had a few pips since then, but nothing has ever come close to topping that one.
omnibus driver,
Your date was arrested for practicing medicine without a license? That makes the rat shooting sound like a swell time.
Thank you Dr. Helen. I feel *honored* that you responded to my post! You're such a celebrity!
/fawning mode off
I'd like to know whether she ever went out with the guy again? Maybe he knows something the rest of us don't. My only other question is, did he take them home and ask her to cook them for him?
(guys who eat 'possums and 'coons, might eat other critters too. It could be an "acquired" taste.)
I noticed the thing that stuck out in Omnibus Driver's initial description of the guy: Not anything in the uneventful phone conversation, but the fact that he lived in the same building as Oprah and he must have some bucks.
All he had to be was "normal" with the money. I hope you got at least a little money out of him.
American women. Gotta love 'em. Or not.
My really, really odd date:
This only happened to me once. I was knocked over with surprise:
The woman didn't ask me within the shortest possible time after small talk, "what I do".
jg, regarding your earlier comments - remember that she said this was her weirdest date, not her worst one.
Then again, a date like that probably wouldn't even be on the radar for weirdest date in some areas around where I live. More likely that they would go hunting actual game animals, though.
A woman I met through a personals' column insisted that I come to meet her rather than postpone our date, despite a hurricane that had shut down virtually the whole of Long Island. Somehow, I got there (40 mile drive in total darkness, with trees and power lines downed across all the roads), and somehow we found a restaurant that 1) had power, 2) wasn't jammed to the rafters, and 3) still had food to serve. She spent the next ninety minutes gorging herself on shrimp-stuffed lobster tails, washing it down with Manhattans, and berating me about my "lack of commitment."
Yes, I picked up the check. No, we didn't go on a second date. She wanted to, though.
jg --
It was not so much that he had money, but that it would be a "safe" building with good security. Having been out of the dating game for so long, it never occurred to me that it was the TENANT I'd have to be worried about... not the neighborhood.
"It was not so much that he had money, but that it would be a "safe" building with good security."
---
Check. Got it. Now I fully understand.
None of that Cabrini Green stuff.
The woman didn't ask me within the shortest possible time after small talk, "what I do".
Why is that question offensive to you? "What do you do?" is a useful question when getting to know someone. It can add to the conversational possibilities: "I'm a teacher... I pump out septic tanks... I'm a lobbyist for a gun-control organization." As a shy person who finds conversation with new people difficult, I like having something to ask questions about. Even people who are not dating ask this question when they meet someone.
And, sure, it can help a person decide if he or she wants to continue to pursue a relationship, even just a friendship. For example, I'd be unlikely to have much in common with a person in the last profession I listed and would probably not pursue a dating relationship with him.
Have to agree with marbel. That is probably one of the very first questions guys ask each other. Why is it offensive if a gal asks? I sure's hell ask them.
Along that note: When my ex was asked by her preacher and wife parents just what her new guy did, she answered "He's an axe murderer."
Loooooooong pause on the other end before she told them about my stunt group.
To shed some light on the what do you do question. Although it's an understandable question to ask on a blind date as something to talk about and a way to get to know a person, I was a little shocked at the number of times that question was asked of me as I traveled in the Western US last summer. I some geographical areas, as in the area I live, very rarely do I get asked, "What do you do for a living?".
I thought I'd been on some pretty bad dates, but...
"Oh that sucks because my car is outside and I was hoping we could get a quickie before you leave."
"...a life-long Scientologist, a guy who was romantically in love with his biological sister..."
"go to the dump and shoot rats with his friends...."
"Well then, how are you planning to pay for dinner?"
Damn.
I got nothin'.
My roommates and I lived on an Avocado ranch in Carpinteria, CA.
We just shot the rats from the hot tub on the deck. That was back in the days when clothing was optional at most college parties, at least in Santa Barbara. Times are different now.
Most of the girls were into it, but a few got disgusted and left.
Years and years ago, I was in a bar and all of a sudden was involved in a deep conversation with a woman who seemed very interested.
Either she suddenly started bugging me, or I had too much to drink, but when the inevitable question came as to "what I do", I told her that I was unemployed. I wasn't unemployed at all. There was a complete 180-degree flip. She made small talk on something else and tried to keep a normal expression (she didn't even ask what line of business I was unemployed in), then excused herself to go to the bathroom and just disappeared.
I suspect the same thing would happen if you name a very low-status job. That doesn't really happen the other way around, man/woman, obviously.
Second point: I realize that it's the American thing to nose right in there and ask people what they do for a living, but that really is frowned upon a bit (when done so quickly or done in the way that it's done) in some other cultures. Really.
And despite the people above who seem to think it's just a harmless getting-to-know-you tactic, I doubt that because of the way the question is usually asked. It's done for assessment and evaluation in many cases (especially when asked of men by women).
I realize it doesn't happen too often, but I can remember a clear first date in which the woman was almost trying to X-ray me in terms of finances. Her questions weren't even subtle, and it was one question right after the other later on in the evening.
Jg:
Last week I was busy working on a volunteer project. While I was standing in a pile of mud with a wet railroad tie on my shoulder a man who had just moved to the area asked me what I did for a living. Maybe he thought he had a right to be so nosy, I have no idea for what he was fishing. I said what you said, "I'm unemployed". I really wanted to tell him it was none of his business but I wasn't in the position at that moment to get snarky. He'll learn soon enough not to ask.
So.
What do you do for a living is out.
What are your hobbies?
What do you do in your spare time?
What's your favorite music?
What's your religion?
Got any siblings?
All of these are points of interest that illuminate the other individual.
Maybe we should restrict ourselves to "You're about 5'6", right?"
What's with the obsessive personal secrecy?
Me? I let those who want to hide themselves do so. Not being willing to say who and what you are guarantees no further interest. And no, I have no interest in wading through four hours of chit chat. Basking in someone's sunny personality only? Uh, no.
Let's put some meat on the table. Both sides. If that off-puts some gal, great. Exactly the kind of response I want. Gimme a woman who has firm opinions and the guts to state them. If she don't like mine, again great. We both can move on.
"I really wanted to tell him it was none of his business but I wasn't in the position at that moment to get snarky."
---
It's really not their business if they don't even know you.
I also suspect that there are large groups of people who wouldn't be up-front with the answer anyway, like porno producers, bank robbers, IRS, CIA and police undercover agents, Mafia members, serial killers and unemployed people. To name a few.
"Not being willing to say who and what you are guarantees no further interest."
--
That's just a risk I'll have to run with you, Bunky.
So what do you do for a living, Oligonicella?
Olig:
It's not about being obsessive with personal secrets. First of all, I don't wish to discuss what I do for a living because it does take about 10 minutes of question and answers to get anyone an idea of what it is that I do. Second, if I am in a social situation I want it to remain a social situation, not a work discussion. Third, in that discussion about what I do, I do not want to give anyone any idea how much money I earn, it's none of their business. Forth, I am not interested in being defined by my employment. Enough of an explanation?
You missed the key question which everyone asks in my neck of the woods and is completely appropriate and will lead to hours of good discussion, "Which area do you live?"
JG,
I think on the question "what do you do," it often depends on the circles find yourself and what part of the country you are living or visiting as Cham pointed out. When I lived in NYC I attended parties that were a bit pretentious (usually the friend hosting them was fine) and the first question asked of me was always "what do you do?" It didn't matter if you were male or female, you were supposed to have some "cultured" answer. I would puff myself up, smile and state enthusiastically that I was studying for my GED and hoping to pass the math portion next time. People quickly ran away from me but at least I got a good laugh. Here in Knoxville, if someone asks me what I do, I answer politely, mainly because they are just curious or trying to make conversation. I think context is important in deciding whether the "what do you do" question is appropriate or not.
Sometimes, as Marbel suggested, it is just a way to get to know someone and strike up a conversation. Other times, it is a way to determine if someone is "worth" talking to. The former is fine with me, the latter is unacceptable.
Back to the original question:
We went to a former strip mining place, shot an HK91 and threw a grenade, and I shot a coke bottle from about 20 yards away with a snub nosed 38. He fell in love with me then I think.
I married him.
Now when I smell honeysuckle and gunpowder I get all misty.
You missed the key question which everyone asks in my neck of the woods and is completely appropriate and will lead to hours of good discussion, "Which area do you live?"
So, rather that write off someone who asks what you think is an impertinent question (but otherwise seems like someone you'd like to talk to), come up with a simple, vague answer and say "But who wants to talk about work? What area do you live in?"
But you know, he may find that an intrusive question. What if you turn out to be a stalker and try to find his house? Or maybe he feels that reveals too much about his income.
Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?
No wonder people just stay home.
None of my dates ever involved firearms - I feel cheated.
My weirdest date wasn't so weird in comparison. A guy took me to a dive bar (that in itself is not weird; I have a fondness for dive bars) but it turned out his purpose was to have me meet his dead wife's brother. He wanted his approval. I think I got the thumbs-up because I was willing to drink cheap beer out of the bottle.
At the end of the night I had a surreal moment standing by his truck while he, his dog (who had been sleeping in the truck) and the brother-in-law had a companionable outdoor peeing experience. Then he informed me that he was too drunk to take me home and we'd better go to his place. Funny thing: I lived about 4 miles away on easy, straight roads; he lived in a town an hour away, accessible by windy mountain roads. I offered to drive, and got home without incident.
Re: the complaint that some women expect men to pay on dates. This problem can go both ways. Back in my single days, I asked a man out and he got very upset when I tried to pay. He seemed to think my insistence on paying was an assault on his manhood. I, in turn, felt insulted by his attitude, which felt like an assault on my autonomy. Obviously we didn't go out again!
I believe that I wound up paying, but I still feel maybe I should have just graciously submitted. He made me feel as though I had harmed him in some way by taking him out for a nice meal. On the other hand, maybe he should have realized that is what is going to happen when you accept a date proposed by a woman. Sheesh.
-- Margaret the Feminist
jg --
That's just a risk I'll have to run with you, Bunky.
The context is dating. I don't want to date you regardless of how many times you ask.
So what do you do for a living, Oligonicella?
First, allow me to say thanks for using my full moniker. Some folks try to get cute with it. Thanks.
Thirty-five plus years as a telecommunications analyst.
I also write. Not only personal for publish, but also informational articles for testing firms. My work is in the next FCAT, for instance.
I also organized and ran a youth centered stunt group for twelve years.
All of which I've posted here before, but I thought I'd repeat.
How about you?
Cham: Perhaps we are more honest in the West.
JG: Do you think it is admirable for a guy to be unemployed?
I last went on a date during the Kaiser's reign, so anything I say will be hopelessly outdated [sic].
Actually, in all seriousness, I've never been on a weird date, ever.
I don't know what that might mean.
Helen? You're the pro...
Serket:
People are more nosy in the west, if anything.
People are more nosy in the west, if anything.
Or, perhaps, friendlier and not eager to be offended, depending on one's perspective.
Cham: I don't wish to discuss what I do for a living because it does take about 10 minutes of question and answers to get anyone an idea of what it is that I do.
I was going to ask if you are ashamed of your job, but I wouldn't want you to write an essay about it.
Oligonicella: First, allow me to say thanks for using my full moniker. Some folks try to get cute with it. Thanks.
Is it okay if we call you "Praying Mantis?"
JG:
The fact that she didn't even follow up on why you were unemployed speaks volumes. You rooted out a golddigger instantly!
Kim Du Toit,
"Actually, in all seriousness, I've never been on a weird date, ever.
I don't know what that might mean.
Helen? You're the pro..."
You're a good judge of character?
This comment has been removed by the author.
I was thinking about it, and I'm not sure that I've *been* on a date. Certainly not since high school. And I'm married.
A lot of people around my age or a little younger end up hanging out with groups of friends, then non-dating by hanging out with one person. Can't say as I'm against the idea, since it got me my Evil Rob.
Marbel said: "[People in the West] are perhaps, friendlier and not [as] eager to be offended, depending on one's perspective."
I agree. People in the West/Midwest are friendlier. I grew up in UT - people say hi to each other on the street, smile at each other between their rolled up windows at stop lights, and are in general less suspicious of everyone else.
I say this with such certainty because I went to school in MD. I could not get over how unfriendly/reserved everyone was. I would smile, they would flatly stare. I'd say "excuse me" with an apologetic smile, they would glare. I would say thank you for your help, and they would either 1) act like I wasn't being sincere or 2) be shocked.
As for weird dating stories, I don't have one in particular, but this guy I've been talking to (and will soon be cutting contact with) just asked me how I like my showers. "It saves the environment to shower with friends!"
*sigh*
dvntwriter: Thanks for sharing your perspective, because I live in Utah and Cham lives in Maryland. I do not have much experience in other states. I was reading your profile and I think it is interesting that you combine liberal politics with orthodox Christian beliefs.
serket --
Cute on the funny side of cute. Olig is fine. I chose that because of my love of the critters. Studied them all my life.
"You're a good judge of character?"
I wish. But even blind dates always turned out well for me.
Now I feel left out -- especially as my dating days are more over than Obama's presidential hopes.
Weirdest date: I met a woman, asked her out to a local dance club, and we agreed to meet there.
She brought a date.
I had my share. One gal decided in the middle of a make-out session that it was time for her to convince me of the benefits of joining the John Birch Society. Another one, a product liability lawyer that I was set up on a blind date with, spent all of dinner bragging to me about the billion-dollar class action suit that she was filing against my employer. (I didn't tell her that I worked for the company she was suing -- I wanted to see how deep she could dig the hole. Pretty darn deep, as it turned out. In fact, as far as I'm concerned, she's still in it.)
I liked her dark eyes, so invited a woman to an outdoor concert. She said she would bring the food. Then she said she would bring a friend. When I picked them up, the friend turned out to be a female minister. At the concert, the two ladies unfolded a blanket, waited till I sat down, and then both huddled at the orthogonal corner, tucking their legs beneath them. My date said, "I suppose you have to have some meat." They retained their vegetarian delights over there, at their side of the blanket. The two of them shoved the carton with meat in it all the way across the blanket. It was the sort of meat that is prepared by the lowest-status, newest, most committed employee at a vegetarian deli where they know they have to sell it, but the thought of it is morally unbearable. Meat that was prepared by somebody who sprinkled it with tears while thinking of dead baby squirrels and dead baby deer.
I attempted some conversation, across the full width of the blanket. People all around us rightly hissed me for oversounding the noise of distant chamber music, so I gave that up, succumbed to boredom, and slept.
When the concert was done, one of them gingerly prodded at me to awaken me. We all went back to her house. The ministress then discovered a certain rude sense of humor. She twinkled, simpered, beamed significantly, and said to my date, "Well, I'll leave you now. So you can ... say good night ... to him. I know when I'm not wanted!" Arched eyebrows. She tooled off in a car whose vanity plate was named something like "RevLady."
As soon as she left, my date said, "Well. I suppose you expect a hug. Like all the others." She closed her eyes, averted her face, extended her arms, and leaned slightly forward from the waist. I said, hastily, trying to tiptoe backward, "Oh, no. NO! Not at all, not at all. No. That'll be quite all right. No hug necessary. Uh, I better be going now." Later she and revlady called. I assume they called separately rather than as part of some elaborately concerted plan to entangle a somnolent carnivore. But, somehow, nothing could be worked out.
A lot of the wierd dates are intransitive. The 'other' is doing something quite normal to him or her, and completely bizarre to you. I think this one was bilaterally wierd, and would not be at all surprised if Ms X and Revlady have posted their version on a website somewhere.
mark --
Yes, humor is great. But there's no reason to presume poor conversational skills because someone is interested in finding out what someone does for a living if one is starting to date them. That is the context. Even if they're just interested in chatting, which isn't the context.
Making a living is a big part of someone's life and there's every reason to be interested. And, like it or not, even your avocational interests are part of the winnowing process when someone is interested in finding a significant other.
I had women who couldn't understand or take that I ran a live steel show. Like idiots, they presumed that meant I was violently inclined and bolted. They winnowed. They also winnowed for me, because it was a large part of my life at that time and I had no interest in someone that shallow.
I always led with that one for that very reason. I didn't try to keep my profession secret, however. Why should I? It too was a large part of me and what I am.
I once had a female acquantance ask me out to a movie. I made it clear in advance that it wasn't a date, and that it was OK for each of us to bring friends. (We got along well but I wasn't interested, and at the time I didn't think she was, either.)
She brought another female friend, whose opinion on me she wanted. I brought a date. (It was 'Metropolis', and there was this really cute girl I knew who was into old movies, was always into meeting other people who were into old movies, etc)
The girl who originally asked me was rather upset with me, I found out later. "Not a date" didn't *mean* "not a date".
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