Help for Isolated Dads
Are stay-at-home dads so isolated that they need a convention to find other like minded souls? Apparently so, according to this recent column at Pajama's Media:
You can read more here.
Fathers raising children full-time may seem like a rare breed, but there are enough of them to fill a convention hall. Brian Reid explains why an annual At-Home Dads Convention may sound absurd, but in fact, makes perfect sense.
You can read more here.
posted by Helen at 11:26 AM
9 Comments:
A relatively young (maybe 30-ish) recently divorced lady with two kids lives near me in the townhouse complex. She has a brand new live-in boyfriend. They have not known each other that long, and I can' believe either of them think this is a good idea. She has a son who is perhaps five, a daughter no more then two. She leaves the kids with him as she goes off to school at night.
I prefer isolation as a single dad, to something I see as foolish as this situation is. Hopefully, I'm way wrong.
I can see how SAHDs would want/need a convention. Men and women are different, and if they only SAHs that they talk to are mothers, they are likely to get a lot of advice that doesn't suit their styles.
Though I'd have liked to have had a SAHD in the play-groups when my son was little. Guys usually are bigger and stronger than women, and could have handle the roughousing of the boys better. Plus knowing a guy was there would have made me less nervous about some of the other denizens of the parks.
There used to be meetings and conventions for dads with custody. Then most people got used to them and the need wasn't so great. The snubs remain and will for a fair while, but the gross discrimination is mostly gone.
It's the same with the SAHF's. There's the snubs, of course and they will be around for a fair while. Until women can see a man as a fellow parent.
More importantly than the snubs is the style of parenting. Dads mostly do things differently, in many ways the dads are much more like grandmothers.
In parenting, the men allow a lot more rough play and investigation. Just a different style, neither better nor worse. But, books and magazines are written for mothers, not fathers and that leaves the guys with no common place to share information.
Here's an example that shows some of the style difference: Last year I phoned CFRB (Canada's largest talk radio station) to chat on-air with Carrol Mott and her guest, an expert on parenting babies and toddlers. I told Carrol how I must have been one of her very first callers when I phoned, many years ago, to ask about my youngest who just plain couldn't handle milk.
I had put him on table food run through the blender. Carrol FREAKED! Older women phoned in and told Carrol to calm down, they'd seen babies put on table food and it works OK. At last year's call in the expert also freaked.
You can see how much the Joe Average-Dad is much more like the grandmother than the mother, much more laid back. The difference is extremely common.
I dunno. I've heard of far more absurd-sounding convention ideas that turned out to be very useful indeed. There are also amazing numbers of totally redundant conventions that are very popular.
Moms and dads may, as generalized groups, have different parenting styles, but in our home, we're the opposite.
Mom roughhouses more than dad, and she also reacts less to falls and boo-boos.
But then, mom also does all the yard work and house repairs while dad does the cooking, so I guess it's not surprising...
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Looks as if we single, isolated fathers, as a group, don't have much to say on the subject. I would have thought there would be more response here. I'd like to speak with some single fathers, actually. I only know one besides myself I speak with from time to time (in real, not virtual, life).
Or perhaps with my big mouth, I say more than enough for everyone.
Gee, maybe I'll go to marketers choice and take the success test.
Yeah...that's it. I'll just jump right over there now and see.
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