Ask Dr. Helen: Holiday Fun or Holiday Hell?
My PJM column is up:
So, go read the column and let me know here or there if you get into heated political discussions with family and friends at the holidays and if so, how you handle it. It might just keep the rest of us out of jail this holiday season!
Not everyone looks forward to sitting around the Thanksgiving table with their extended family, notes PJM advice columnist Dr. Helen Smith - particularly those whose politics differ from members of the clan. She offers a food-fight prevention survival guide.
So, go read the column and let me know here or there if you get into heated political discussions with family and friends at the holidays and if so, how you handle it. It might just keep the rest of us out of jail this holiday season!
Labels: PJM column
posted by Helen at 6:19 PM
17 Comments:
Normally I make an excuse to get out of attending any sort of holiday meal with my family. This year I very reluctantly agreed after my mother begged me for months to attend, but I am well prepared. Here are my list of dos and don't to survive this type of calamity.
1)Tell your host that you are willing only to stay for a set period of time, as in 3 hours. This avoid fireworks at your exit. Remember to wear a watch.
2)Make sure you have a ready excuse as to why you have to leave. You have to see a friend, feed a pet, climb a mountain.
3)Say nothing, do nothing. The less you say the less they have to pick apart.
4)Lay off the booze. Your family may booze themselves up, but it is best to keep your wits about you.
5)Most importantly, make sure your therapist is willing to work on Friday and get that early appointment.
Normally I make an excuse to get out of attending any sort of holiday meal with my family. This year I very reluctantly agreed after my mother begged me for months to attend, but I am well prepared. Here are my list of dos and don't to survive this type of calamity.
1)Tell your host that you are willing only to stay for a set period of time, as in 3 hours. This avoid fireworks at your exit. Remember to wear a watch.
2)Make sure you have a ready excuse as to why you have to leave. You have to see a friend, feed a pet, climb a mountain.
3)Say nothing, do nothing. The less you say the less they have to pick apart.
4)Lay off the booze. Your family may booze themselves up, but it is best to keep your wits about you.
5)Most importantly, make sure your therapist is willing to work on Friday and get that early appointment.
Political disagreements, points of theological differences, and so on are not particularly likely in my extended family, but may occur with sundry guests. One of the two patriarchs in my family is an attorney and rather enjoys debate, and though he is good-natured in his forceful ways it does not help a party or its gastronomy. I have therefore become much more adept at heading topics off at the pass, as it were.
I like Cham's advice. For the liberals in my family, which includes my three sisters and my mother - I have a conservative brother, everything is considered an opportunity to get in the little digs and commentary.
Last night I was talking with my 82 year old mother on the phone. She is an Lady Vol booster and avid fan. In describing the decreased seating in Thompson Bowling Arena, she said it was due to the new luxury booths for the rich people.
My middle sister and her husband are avid "progressive" bloggers. Your advice to PRIM about blog debates and the "disinhibition effect" is priceless. My brother-in-law once referred to people opposed to abortion and gay marriage as "Nazi fascists." (or was it "fascist Nazis?" When you have in-laws who are Catholic and conservative Protestants, this doesn't help family harmony whether or not they fully agree with the precepts of their religion. As he is normally a gracious, civil person, I was floored when I read that and some of his other disinhibited tirades.
I'll be visiting for several days at Christmas time. I'll keep my distance from the ones I can't tolerate but I don't think I need a pistol.
Since I live 250 miles away from my closest family member and have lots of kid related activities, it is easy to have an legitimate excuse to avoid the family gathering.
My family are mostly of the same mind on politics and social issues. And most of our recent in-laws are too. My sister and brother-in-law belong to the Bush Has Caused Everything That's Wrong in the World school of thought. But they also believe in alien UFOs and a wide variety of conspiracy theories. We just avoid the topics that set them off. Instead, we talk about books, movies, music, and mostly, the good old days.
My husband's family also doesn't talk about politics much. My husband is a Democrat, and his brother is a libertarian. He once told me that one of his parents is a Republican and one is a Democrat, but I still haven't figured out which is which. I don't think any of us disagree to any great extent on social or political issues. We just have different ideas of how to fix what's broken.
Makes me realize how lucky I am. If I had to listen at home to some of the nonsense I have to listen to at work .... That's what I really need advice on--how to deal with co-workers who have to drag politics into every discussion or meeting.
I enjoy going to activities with my extended family. Our family is generally civil to eachother and I think most of them aren't real passionate about politics so it's not much of a concern.
AK, I guess I'm lucky. Most of my family doesn't even talk about politics and my co-workers are mostly conservative.
I second Cham's comments; the best thing I did when I left for college was...leave. Since then I've lived no closer than 500 miles to my family, and I confine holiday visits to small doses.
Absence doesn't make the heart grow fonder, but it makes presence a bit more tolerable. ;)
Cham's comments are darn good. I'd substitute sending $$$ to a worthy cause for the last recommendation.
Just don't go.
It sounds a little heartless, but just today I saw the receipt for our plane tickets again, and felt sick to my stomach. Over $1,000 just for the damn flight. Never mind the hotel, the meals, etc. etc. We're not poor, but we live on one income and we don't have a grand to blow on plane tickets.
And for what? To sit with my unbearable mother - a 61 year old woman who thinks she's 91 and has given up on life entirely. She is a toxic person who does nothing but wear people out.
But I felt some sense of guilt and obligation, so I bought the stupid tickets. And taking the $1,000 out of our not-huge savings account felt terrible, and only now that it's too late do I really realize that I made a mistake. I should have set better boundaries.
Stand up for yourself. If the family is unbearable, don't bear them.
Cry me a river, people.
My family used to mix it up royal at the holidays.
Crown Royal it up, too.
My younger brother passed away from AIDS in 92, my youngest sister was killed in a car crash three years ago. Since their deaths my mother is a mere shadow of her former self. (I can't even begin to tell you what it's done to their kids.)
We're kind of a sad bunch at the holidays now.
I don't mean to buzzkill all your family angst (that would take the whole challenge out of the family gathering) but I would like you to take a minute to think about what losing those family members you love to hate might mean. Not only around the holiday table, but for the rest of your life.
Suck it up. It's one day/three days/a long weekend, whatever.
You might just surprise yourself and be thankful you have them.
Wishing you all the best this Thanksgiving season. We really do have so much to be thankful for.
One way to avoid these conflicts with relatives is to outlive them.
Humor. We are becoming "the bubble people".
I have no real desire to visit with siblings. Both parents are long gone.
The occasional e-mail (most of my siblings don't have computers) and telephone call. Saves a fortune in fuel and airline tickets. Much less the clean up afterwards.
As my own children have grown, one daughter is on the west coast in school, the other with her other half's family this year, it is just my son and one brother for Thanksgiving. Hell, we might just go out to eat. I'm not about to do a feast for three only - all guys at that.
There is nothing wrong with society in America. The family isn't disintegrating. What ever gave anyone that idea?
I do not advise carrying an Officer's Compact Colt .45 in a pancake holster to a family function. You need to be more considerate of the other members of the family who are present.
A Springfield XD .45 with optional laser aiming device will ensure that you hit the person/persons you are trying to kill.
Helen
Funny to see a comment I left so long ago suddenly appear on Pajamas Media. Glad it was of some use.
Jake
Jake,
Thanks for giving me such interesting stuff to discuss!
視訊做愛視訊美女無碼A片情色影劇kyo成人動漫tt1069同志交友網ut同志交友網微風成人論壇6k聊天室日本 avdvd 介紹免費觀賞UT視訊美女交友..........................
080苗栗人聊天室性愛自拍UT視訊交友視訊辣妹av性感辣妹 sex女優彩虹頻道免費影片bbs論壇 限制級視訊交友網性愛免費色倩短片試看卡通a片18成人免費影片sex免費成人影片辣妹影片直播慣性背叛無限動漫色色網女同志聊天室ut 聊天室環球辣妹聊天室 90691同志色教館日本免費視訊線上aa片免費看18成人圖片區
Post a Comment
<< Home