Attitude Problem
Have you ever seen traits in yourself that come back to haunt you in your kid? Of course, most of us have. I attended a parent/teacher meeting yesterday for my daughter at her elementary school and the dreaded "attitude problem" reared its head. "Your child is very intelligent," said one teacher,"but she rolls her eyes at us like she thinks we are idiots." As I hear this, my own mind floats back over thirty years to first grade where I cursed a teacher for giving us too much homework--I kept this little tidbit to myself but thought about how much genetics plays a part in our dispositions. I used to think my rebelliousness was purely a response to my socialization as a kid, but now I see it is more than that. So my kid is just like me--now what?
I think the key here is "what do you do with characteristics that society says are undesirable at times, but that are part of your psychological make-up and integral to who you are?" I remember once my MMPI results showed that I had a high degree of hostility towards authority but no other "negative" traits. Is this hostility towards authority such a bad thing--especially if someone in authority is an idiot? I am not sure questioning some authority figures is so bad but there are more appropriate ways of dealing with this feeling than cursing at a teacher or rolling one's eyes when annoyed. I learned over the years to downplay my outright contempt for others as best I could and I turned my anger into a job working with others with the same "authority problems."
When kids or adults come into my office looking exasperated with "the system" whether that be school, work or society, they generally find a kindred spirit in me. The difference is that I teach them to sublimate their anger or hostility into something more positive or at least not dangerous. So the kid who threatens teachers, caregivers and others learns to channel their anger into working with computers and the adult who feels angry with the system learns to become a political advocate etc. There are always positive ways to channel the energy of anger, rebelliousness, or anti-authoritarianism that can help the individual live a better life and to benefit society.
Anyone else have what society would see as less than desirable traits in themselves that they see in their children and if so, how are you coping with it?
I think the key here is "what do you do with characteristics that society says are undesirable at times, but that are part of your psychological make-up and integral to who you are?" I remember once my MMPI results showed that I had a high degree of hostility towards authority but no other "negative" traits. Is this hostility towards authority such a bad thing--especially if someone in authority is an idiot? I am not sure questioning some authority figures is so bad but there are more appropriate ways of dealing with this feeling than cursing at a teacher or rolling one's eyes when annoyed. I learned over the years to downplay my outright contempt for others as best I could and I turned my anger into a job working with others with the same "authority problems."
When kids or adults come into my office looking exasperated with "the system" whether that be school, work or society, they generally find a kindred spirit in me. The difference is that I teach them to sublimate their anger or hostility into something more positive or at least not dangerous. So the kid who threatens teachers, caregivers and others learns to channel their anger into working with computers and the adult who feels angry with the system learns to become a political advocate etc. There are always positive ways to channel the energy of anger, rebelliousness, or anti-authoritarianism that can help the individual live a better life and to benefit society.
Anyone else have what society would see as less than desirable traits in themselves that they see in their children and if so, how are you coping with it?
posted by Helen at 6:55 AM
38 Comments:
I have a very quick wit and sarcastic tendency. My daughter began to exhibit same in middle school. I reminded her that biting remarks can be hurtful to others, but sometimes can seem irresistable. So when she had the sarcastic thought, she should give herself one point for thinking it but not saying it out loud.
That way she could (internally) enjoy her wisecracks and develop her self control but keep them unspoken and therefore not hurt others. It seemed to work, at least most of the time.
anonymous,
Good psychological trick--your daughter understands that it is okay to have the thoughts but that it is not always appropriate to share them with others.
Helen,
if only you had given in to the "downright contempt for others" and let it inform your politics you could have been the female Kos or Atrios!!!
Seriously, I think genetics play a big role here. I am adopted and many of my personality traits seemed to alienate my parents over the years. I've since gotten to know my biological parents and was shocked at how alike we were in terms of temperament and interests.
Anyway, I have the sarcastic gene and a quick wit as well. All of which got me in a lot trouble with teachers, principals, scout leaders, and bosses. It wasn't until I found myself in a position of leadership as a scout first and later in art and work projects that I learned to hold my tongue. Making snappy remarks to my boss, etc. was funny and cool; making similar remarks to people who looked up to me seemed cruel and awful. I saw the difference pretty quickly and turned to making jokes that would bond rather than cut.
So I learned how to harness the Force for good, not evil, and made my "wit" serve more social purposes. I'm still funny, but people generally like me for it, even my bosses. If only I had a parent with a similar dispostion to show me the way when I was younger...
Oh, does this ever ring a bell for me. I consistently seem to "rub people the wrong way," even when I do not intend to do so.
My oldest son, five, is quite a dinosaur lover. Some of the dinosaurs have changed names since I was a boy (I am an older father).
So my son showed me a plastic model of a dinosaur, and asked me its identity.
"That looks like a stegosaurus," I told him.
"No, Daddy," he replied with an impatient tone, "It's a kentrosaurus." The tone transmitted "...you idiot..." to the end of his sentence.
Sigh. The acorn does not fall far from the oak tree, as the saying goes.
So I work pretty hard with my boy to help moderate his attitude. It's not that I don't want my boys to make mistakes. I just want them to make different mistakes than I made.
I do not anger easily or frequently but when I do get upset about something, I get very mad and I stay mad for days. Generally, the things that make me mad are injustices (or perceived injustices) that occur to me or, more likely, my family and friends - so it's fairly easy to channel the anger into righting the wrong. However, as my children got older, I noticed that it was difficult for them to see me get mad and I decided to change my behavior. It was much easier to do this once I saw the same behavior in my oldest son. I didn't like it in him and, realizing it came from me, I didn't like it in me.
About that same time, I learned a technique from a wise boss and mentor that I've used in my personal life. He called it his 3-day rule. Any time you are angry, sad, irritated, disgusted, etc., over something that's happened to you, you must wait 3 days before you decide what to do about it. (Obviously, this doesn't apply to actionable things like crimes or dangerous situations that should be reported to the police or other authorities.)
During the 3 days, you can be angry, sad, hurt, and/or upset but you have to keep it to yourself. After 3 days, if you still feel the strong emotion about whatever happened, then you can and definitely should do something about it. After 3 days, however, the emotion has typically worn off and thus whatever action you decide to take will likely be more reasonable and appropriate.
I do want to mention that the 3-day rule should not be used to avoid dealing with problems or injustices. It is not a cooling off period so you have an excuse to avoid important issues. Instead, it is time you give yourself to develop an appropriate response to a problem or concern.
In the fourth grade my teacher (a nun) threw an eraser at me for rolling my eyes. Dealing with teachers, etc. is difficult. I do think some of them are idiots (and from what I read, some other commenters to the blog might also). I try to teach my children to cope with situations in a manner that doesn't make things worse on themselves.
I'm don't think I'm that hostile towards authority but I am quite cynical about supervisors, managers, etc. and have to fight to keep this from showing through.
When I took the MMPI, I was just happy to discover I was "normal".
Oh, my. Somewhat introverted, IQ in the three-four sigmas range, intense focus verging on absent-mindedness.
Dadvocate,
Yes, I was surprised on the MMPI to see that I was also normal except for the part where it said I should be an alcoholic (despite the fact that I do not even drink and never really have). I think the test was picking up on my sensation seeking behavior (I am easily bored) which I usually sublimated as a teen by flying airplanes or running etc. Psychological tests are not perfect but they are useful to get a snapshot of someone's personality.
Dr. Tony,
Blogging is a good idea or writing in a journal etc. But with blogging, I wonder how kids would take some of the insults and comments etc. I have seen some kids become quite vicious online so perhaps for a sensitive kid, writing or play therapy would be helpful.
Jeff,
I am selective in my contempt for others--I do not have contempt for people with good ideas who present them in a thoughtful way--I generally have respect for them. People like Kos and Atrios have neither good ideas nor respect for others, not even those of their own party.
Honestly, one of my concerns about having children is that they would be like me. I'm a fine human being and all, but I'm a loner -- the daughter of a loner who was the daughter of a loner. It's not always a happy life; though time spent by myself is contented, I can't shake the desire to be extended invitations that I would reject. (One of my friends finally discovered that the only way to get me to attend her parties was to invite me and add, "but I know you're not going to come, anyway.")
I've also wondered how I would cope with a child who was not like me. A lot of my self-worth comes from my intelligence; would I be able to accept a kid who was at or below average without pushing him unreasonably or showing disappointment? Not something to worry about at this point, of course, but something I've pondered.
Eden,
It is usually amazing to me what tolerance and love most parents have for their children. I have seen mothers and fathers who said they would never have kids or thought they would not even make good parents be terrific ones. I think our kids push us to be the best that we can and to learn to overcome some of what we perceive as limitations. I am the type who typically would not even notice my neighbors unless they needed help or something from me but with a kid, you tend to be nicer and more involved with those around you-even if you are a loner which is a club I certainly belong to. The bottom line is, you don't know how you will be until you are in the situation and then you pull out of yourself the best that you can be so that your child will have a good life--whether smart or average, good looking or not so much or whatever.
Eden,
I agree with Dr. Helen. Having kids made me a better person - more patient, less competitive, more outward-focused, and less sarcastic. (I learned how to be sarcastic from my parents, who were quite intelligent and very sarcastic. Sarcasm hurts and, while sarcastic comments can be quite witty, I don't think they are ever really funny except to the speaker.)
In addition, at the risk of sounding sexist, my observation is that the vast majority of women have infinite love for their children. It's ingrained - a nurturing and protective instinct that may not kick in at the moment of birth but develops at some point in the mother-child relationship. In our family, our youngest child is profoundly autistic and resists any attempt to communicate with or even touch him. It's very hard to bond with a child like that, but we love him more than I ever believed it was possible to love a child. Our other children (even our pets) feel the same way. We are protective and loving, even though it is not reciprocated. And for what it's worth, I was a very self-centered and satisfied only child.
I think that this is a useful thread. Can you all forgive a Pollyanna story?
I heard the following story about Abraham Lincoln. A woman wrote to him, asking him how he dealth with all the vicious and unkind things others said about him (because they did).
Lincoln replied that he wrote a detailed letter to each of those people, going into detail about how they were wrong, and in fact that they were the ones that deserved the contempt showered on him
The woman was astounded and asked if he REALLY sent such letters?
Lincoln reported smiled and said that he never sent letters. But it did feel good to write them.
I second the comments about parenthood. I wasn't worth a darned in my 20s. Selfish, difficult, and not generally thoughtful. Sure, I was thin and pretty and had all my hair, but I don't believe I had a very "parenting" personality.
I didn't have children until my 40s. I have changed physically a good deal (sadly), but I think that my age and experience make me a better father. Sure, my back hurts more than it should when I pick up my boys. But I am more patient, thoughtful, and a better listener to them.
My wife agrees, and says that I am a better partner for her, as well.
Alas, youth is wasted on the young! But age might be a good thing for parenting.
Not always. Your mileage may vary.
Love this topic. So much of temperament is genetic, which becomes obvious when you have kids. The whole "they're all a blank slate waiting for socialization" idea is bunk. Of course, my degrees are in microbiology and biochemistry/genetics, so I may be a bit biased. I actually have a daughter who is the psychological twin of my mother-in-law...meaning she lives with the absolute conviction that she is always right! The stories we've heard from my husband's grandmother about his mother growing up are hilarious, and way too familiar. The good news is that my MIL is an accomplished and lovely woman now. We will just keep our heads down and plug on, and pray our daughter also turns out well.
anonymous,
Isn't it interesting how some traits seem to skip or move sideways in families. For example, my neice is very much like me and my daughter very much like my sister at times in terms of temperament. I love it when family members talk about traits they have a hard time with in others but they don't realize they are exactly the same way.
I am the salmon swimming upstream. It allowed me to walk away from the beaten path (WASPishness) and horrify everyone by becoming catholic and having five children (tacky!). It allows me to evangelise (reasonably) I think without being constrained by human respect.
Now the offspring take that independence and reject so much of pop culture (fine) but also the faith, and what I consider normal behaviours, reveling in being outsiders, criticisers, non-joiners, etc. They're not self-destructive or dark, just happy salmon in their own way, but they will drive me crazy (I know) as they meander their way to the faith in their own way or (maybe?)not at all.
This, sadly, is so right. My teenage, college freshman son is so much like me in his attitude toward school that it is spooky. My fear is, that like me, he will find himself on what I euphemistically call the "creative options curriculum". Which means, uhm, that after 6 years of college he will have a bazillion hours and virtually no hope of getting a degree, practical or otherwise. I know whereof I speak. He's smart and very very good at the things he enjoys.
I wish he was more like his Mom in this area. (sigh.) Four years in and out, then straight into a good, stimulating, career. Is that too much to ask?
Of course, I did learn to play guitar...and I married well as a result of attending college, so I guess there are worse things.
*nods* I've got one of those, Zeb. Then again, I married one too. My husband felt like his changes of major (I think 4 or 5 in all) were because of his mother's excessive involvement in trying to plan his life. So we took the opposite tact with our son. Poor kid may have needed more direction. He's happy enough, though. I think some just need to live more and longer in the real world to discover what they really do like and are good at. I figure if we can keep them off drugs and out of jail until they get there, we've done good. Expensive though.
"Your child is very intelligent," said one teacher,"but she rolls her eyes at us like she thinks we are idiots."
Did you ask them if she was right? And your comment about the MMPI test was interesting - I have taken it twice for job iterviews, but I thought it was viewed by the psych community as being of dubious validity.
Serenity now...
I do agree with Eden that intelligence is a great source of pride and confidence, but it can also be a curse. I have told my my 8 year old daughter's therapist that I would gladly give up my child's high IQ if she could be well adjusted and happy in return.
She is a lot like her father was as a child. She is high stress. Good grades are easy for her, but social relationships exasperate her. She never cared for the company of others. She didn't like to be held as a baby. When she gets mad she yells and hides under desks. Her dad hid under desks as well. Very irrational when angry, or tired, or hungry. (My husband channeled his hostility into working with computers :). My daughter makes a habit out of making adults angry. She made a Montessori teacher slam her fist on the table in a rage. And a Sunday school teacher counseled me that "she must be destined for great things, because the devil meddles the most with God's special people". (Of course, she DID spit on her, and throw herself on the floor.) I could tell this teacher was enraged under her calm exterior. We don't go to church much anymore, my child deplores insincerity and can detect it a mile away. She has a real hard time in church. I do believe my daughter's hostility is born of deep insight, and a need to be around people with whom she feels safe. She can sense anger behind a calm exterior. That can be a very positive thing for her as she gets older. I don't think she will be the kind that gives in easily to peer pressure. She has difficulty with disappointment. I help her by acknowloging her feelings. For example, I might say: "I can tell something happened that you didn't expect", to which she will say "oh, yeah" and she begins to reflect and calm down. If I were to tell her "Get a grip!" she would just yell right back at me. It's more beneficial for me to help give her a names for her emotions, then I think she will better be able to understand them and they won't consume her.
My son is like me. Good kid who always wants to please. He's gifted intellectually, but that doesn't really drive his personality. He's easily disorganized, dreamy, and clumsy. Authority was everything to me. He seems to be the same way. He hates to disappoint adults. He may be more susceptible to peers than his sister, but I worry a lot less about him.
I hope my children do channel some of their "negative" traits in "positive" directions as they get older. I do believe that so much of the "problems" in their temperments wouldn't show up in a less institutionalized society. Square peg, round hole and all that.
The MMPI is misused, but in its place is very good. It is designed to identify pathology, but people overinterpret it. There are threshold scores: if you are above the threshhold, there is a statistically good chance that pathology applies to you; if you are below that threshhold, you aren't. People overinterpret by taking scores that are high in an area but below the threshhold and drawing conclusions from that.
For three generations, the Wyman Second Grade Teacher's Conference has gone like this: X is an excellent reader and very polite, but he daydreams too much and talks to his neighbor. And I think he could use some extra penmanship practice.
We have tried to imbue our sons with the better qualities of both parents (easier said than done, eh?). To plan in advance, be organized, and start early; but to also be able to pull rabbits out of a hat at the last minute. So far, so good. It is somewhat different, but not entirely so, with our adopted sons. They have unfamiliar faults, but also virtues we saw little of in our first two sons.
Maybe the teachers ARE idiots. Don't tell me you haven't thought of that yet. :)
Honestly, there's no better reason to be upset than to be subjected by law to a stranger against your will, to listen to them and do what they say, when you are many times smarter than you are.
Take intelligence out of the equation and there's still plenty of room for legitimate concern. Forced labor is wrong.
As a psychologist, I would hope that you help your patients to do something about the problem that affects them, not channel the concern away into something else. No matter how positive that something else may be, it ignores solving the problem in favor of coping with it.
I hope this does not come across as accusatory, but this ends up making both you and your patient complicit in the problem, doesn't it?
Schooling and "the system" present a huge problem, granted, but that increases the profundity of letting it exist.
I've noticed that I am very understanding and indulgent with my children when they act like me, but only if the behavior is something I think is one of my good traits - even if they do something that is not that great. For instance, they many do something very stubborn, but I think there is a fine line between being stubborn and showing determination so I'm not alarmed by that behavior. However, I am far more demanding than my spouse when our children act like me if it's a trait that I consider one of my clearly negative traits.
My reaction is different when my children do things that remind me of my spouse. I am far more understanding of both positive and negative qualities. I think it's because I like my spouse and I find that even the "negative" qualities are endearing.
Anyone else feel this way?
Mickey wrote:
"I would hope that you help your patients to do something about the problem that affects them, not channel the concern away into something else. No matter how positive that something else may be, it ignores solving the problem in favor of coping with it.
and
"Schooling and "the system" present a huge problem, granted, but that increases the profundity of letting it exist".
with which I agree entirely. I would say that the trick that is often perpetuated in these sort of situations is that the people who are perceived to have a problem with authority have, by erroneous implication, a difficulty with an accurate representation of reality, whereas it is in fact the case that the reality is indeed the problem.
School, for example, is forced labour and children are right to sense this. It is also a thoroughly suboptimal system for helping people to learn to live responsible, autonomous lives.
Autonomous Home Education, at least as it is perceived here in the UK, (and as described at www.takingchildrenseriously.com)
can be the much better way to go for many of those who would otherwise be wrongly perceived to have problems with authority.
Carlotta, it's so good to know that this is an international sentiment. :)
[I made a typo - instead of, "when you are many times smarter than you are," I meant, "when you are many times smarter than they are." Yes, it's a typo of incorrect grammar. That hasn't escaped me!]
Mickey,
Yes, I do understand that the teachers could be idiots--my daughter and myself already feel this way and it shows. The problem is, my daughter must get through school in some way so I have to teach her to adapt to the problem. The world is made up of people we think are idiots--but we have to learn to live with that and adapt or change the system. In addition, some of the people I thought were idiots in my life turned out to have something to teach me.
In addition, my patients understand the problems they face and understand that their reality about it may be correct--e.g. a patient feels that the system is against him or her in some way. I might say, "yes it is but what can we do about it?" And he or she becomes a political activist or starts a grassroots organization against the system that is giving them a problem. I hardly think I am some naive psychologist who smiles and redirects others away from their problems. However, adapting to problems can sometimes be the answer--it depends on what the problem is.
My older son and I are hopeless at reading normal social cues, and we have a tendency to impulsively say things that intimidate, hurt, or enrage others. At 44 I have trained myself to stifle offensive comments most of the time, but it is painful to see my son struggling with this at age 25. I try to give him helpful advice about not giving immediate voice to angry feelings, etc., but I believe that this may be a skill that has to be learned over time, and as a result of hard experience and maturity. Perhaps it is even more difficult for him because he is a normal, testosterone-fueled young man (speaking as a mother).
I have benefited greatly from my husband, and a couple of close friends who were not afraid to tell me how my unfortunate choice of words and/or tone made them feel.
As far as dealing with "idiots" is concerned, anyone with above-average intelligence needs to learn to be tactful, at an early age. It's not always easy but you have to get along in the real world, where most people are average, and many are below average. Try to teach your children to respond to the quality of character in others, rather than their intelligence or level of achievement in life. While it is wonderful to be stimulated and challenged by others who are equal or superior to you intellectually, some of the finest people I have known are woefully ignorant and uneducated. However, their innate kindness and unselfish natures make them worthy of respect and admiration - and my friendship.
My wife and I have four children ages 3 to 8 (2 boys and 2 girls) and it has been a wonder watching their personalities and characteristics, both good and bad, begin to show. As each child demonstrates some characteristic, we are amazed as we comment on how much this one acts like you or that one must get that from me. I am sure there is a certain amount of genetic influence within the growing personality structure, but there is also the ongoing and changing social influence as well as the child’s own behavioral interpretations to events and interactions that help shape who she or he is.
One trait that really has stood out for my kids is STUBBORNESS, and being STRONG-WILLED. Is this a problem that I worry about with the kids in school? No, not really. Our two older kids are in first and second grade and our younger two are in half-day pre-school. All their teachers have commented on this trait, some viewing it as a problem while others view it as a positive trait. Having strong-willed kids has often been a challenge at home, but this is a characteristic that will serve them well in the future if we teach them how to channel it appropriately.
One important characteristic we constantly try to teach and instill in our children is respect for others as well as kindness, proper manners, and the most important trait of all: being empathic and sensitive to other’s feelings. This has not always been easy, but the ongoing results of this effort are readily apparent to people who interact with our children.
As our children grow and deal others, I can only hope time we have spent hammering away at their behaviors will be a real asset for them. Especially when they have to deal with the idiots out there….
I was so happy to see this post. I've never had any regard for authority either. Professionally I've been able to deal with this by not working for other people or only working for people who share this trait.
My spouse and I will be starting a family soon, and I am very worried that our children will be arrogant and lazy. My spouse and I both did fine socially and were very high IQ, but we never had to work hard at anything so that by the time we were adults, we were shiftless and undisciplined. We've had to learn the value of hard work and self-discipline as adults. I hope that our children are different.
My mother kept telling me growing up... "I hope one day you have a child just like you." When I was younger, I was naive enough to think this was a compliment. Of course, now I know the truth... maybe thats why I don't have kids yet.
This is the parental equivalent to the old Chinese curse: "May you live in interesting times."
"Your child is very intelligent," said one teacher,"but she rolls her eyes at us like she thinks we are idiots."
My first thought was to ask, "All the time or just when you say something stupid. Because context is important."
Our daughter is four, I think her teachers will hate us.
Helen,
Definitely, it does depend on the problem. Having most of one's freedom taken away for years at a time, however, is not a problem anyone should adapt to.
It is not so much that the world is filled with idiots, but that they have a professional position of authority over your daughter without consent.
All of us grow up in a system that, from the moment we are cognizant, excises our freedom and doesn't give it back for more than a decade and a half -- but if we have a problem with that, we're compelled to think that not being able to cope with it is a problem with the self.
Well, everyone should have a problem with that. One would be hard-pressed to find someone who does not have a significant problem with the schooling system. I would very much like to meet someone who does not.
If indeed everyone did, it would make a recipe for a psychological epidemic of emotional disorders, manifested from years of a nonconsensual string of oppressive relationships. And that's just what we have.
Yeah, the world is filled with idiots and we have to adapt to that. Or do we? Maybe if our schools, the institutions given the mission of increasing our intelligence, were not the generators of so much emotional disorder, more people would the chance to be smarter.
By the way, I'm new to your site, Helen, and so far it's been very interesting. I'm glad that you are not a "naive psychologist." Thank you for responding. :)
Anonymous,
"I was so happy to see this post. I've never had any regard for authority either. Professionally I've been able to deal with this by not working for other people or only working for people who share this trait.
My spouse and I will be starting a family soon, and I am very worried that our children will be arrogant and lazy. My spouse and I both did fine socially and were very high IQ, but we never had to work hard at anything so that by the time we were adults, we were shiftless and undisciplined. We've had to learn the value of hard work and self-discipline as adults. I hope that our children are different."
Well I hope that they're not different. I hope that the schools they grow up in are different. If you never had to work hard at anything when you were young, is that your problem? Hardly. You were in an extremely unnatural intellectual and professional environment. In a natural one, everyone has to work hard. Everyone, even if they’re having fun.
Please start looking for schools that allow your children the freedom to develop their skills and talents. I went to a Montessori preschool and kindergarten and I recommend it highly, especially considering that your children might turn out like you (smart and disliking authority, i.e. "healthy and normal").
Infinite love for their children...
Well, shoot, if it was infinite, why can't it just go to every human being, animal, plant, and mineral on the Earth?
That would fulfill the entirely non-sexist "Mother Earth" mythos quite nicely.
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I have hostility to authority. But I'm not obnoxious to them like you are. You really don't have any right to make others feel stupid or inferior. Plus, just because others are less intelligent than you doesn't mean you can't learn something valuable from them.
Any psychologist knows you can learn to control your anger and you can learn to control your rudeness.
希望大家都會非常非常幸福~
「朵朵小語‧優美的眷戀在這個世界上，最重要的一件事，就是好好愛自己。好好愛自己，你的眼睛才能看見天空的美麗，耳朵才能聽見山水的清音。好好愛自己，你才能體會所有美好的東西，所有的文字與音符才能像清泉一樣注入你的心靈。好好愛自己，你才有愛人的能力，也才有讓別人愛上你的魅力。而愛自己的第一步，就是切斷讓自己覺得黏膩的過去，以無沾無滯的輕快心情，大步走向前去。愛自己的第二步，則是隨時保持孩子般的好奇，願意接受未知的指引；也隨時可以拋卻不再需要的行囊，一路雲淡風輕。親愛的，你是天地之間獨一無二的旅人，在陽光與月光的交替之中瀟灑獨行.................
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