Wednesday, February 08, 2012

I Hate You, Kelly Donahue

I read a funny book this morning called I Hate You, Kelly Donahue. It looked really dumb but the cover was so interesting that I had to flip through it to see what it was about. It's basically a grown man's journal that reads kind of like a middle school crush on a girl he meets at a new job. The journal is filled with cartoon characters and illustrations of his crush with captions about his thoughts and feelings of "disgust and hate" for her and includes emails from the woman. There are actual pictures of this woman in the book and since this guy hates her and calls her names, it's hard to see why she would participate, although maybe it's just for "art" or something. The book is cute, weird and rather odd if you like this sort of thing.

One thing that has always puzzled me are people who like someone but profess to hate them. This typically happens with teens or kids, but grown-ups seem to get off on hating someone they actually have a crush on.

I suppose it could just increase sexual tension but I have a hard time understanding the appeal.



Blogger TMink said...

Some people say there is a fine line between love and hate but that does not ring true in my experience either. I am pleasantly neutral or mildly positive toward most people till they give me reasons to shift otherwise, but love and loathing seem opposed.

Now I can see being attracted to someone I despise, as attraction is deep jungle voodoo magic. But love?

Somebody help me out here.


9:31 AM, February 08, 2012  
Blogger HMT said...

I'm with TMLink. I call BS on 'love'. Infatuation? Absolutely. I feel like I'm treading in your domain DrHelen, but here we go...

I think the infatuation/hate phenomenon happens when you have an introverted person who becomes intensely attracted to someone else. They have strong feelings that make them want to DO something but the nature of their personality makes this very difficult or painful. The target of the infatuation is the source of the pain so... hate.

10:28 AM, February 08, 2012  
Blogger Peregrine John said...

As far as the book goes, it could be that the author never really grew up. It is, after all, an elementary school-level phenomenon. But I suspect it's actually an elaborate joke.

11:15 AM, February 08, 2012  
Blogger Joe said...

TMink, HMT - I beg to differ.

One of the most painful experiences I know of is to be ignored. To walk down the street and feel invisible because everyone you pass is indifferent to your existence is crushing. We become numb to it precisely because it hurts.

To be indifferent to someone is akin to wiping them from existence, and we do it wilfully. It's worse than hating them because at least the person you hate actually matters to you.

[I'm using 'you' here in a generic, plural sense, not in a personal sense. So please don't take offense. I'm as guilty as anyone.]

Is it possible to go through life being indifferent to everyone? I doubt it. But if the list of people to whom you are indifferent is large, that seems akin to having a dead heart. No one gets a rise out of you.

Seems like an awful way to go through life.

12:30 PM, February 08, 2012  
Blogger Dr.Alistair said...

is it possible to go through life being indifferent to everyone?


i moved recently. my wife and i bought a house about 20km away from where we used to live in a suburb of toronto, to metropolitan hamilton.

the old starbucks i used to haunt was filled with people i knew over nearly 20 years of living there, and i can tell you familiarity does breed contempt.

especially if you go through a protracted divorce.

so since may i've been pretty much keeping to myself while in the starbucks near my new home, except that people who i know know people there, and slowly the connections begin and people greet you and talk a minute and you begin to relax about encouraging conversation....because as tmink says, i'm pleasantly neutral and mildly positive toward most people and my artwork hangs on a wall in the hairdressers across the street as i've known the man for 20 years....he still cuts my ex's hair...and his new girlfreind knows people i play soccer with....and the connections go on and on.

2:02 PM, February 08, 2012  
Blogger DADvocate said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

5:03 PM, February 08, 2012  
Blogger DADvocate said...

Hmmm. I know a lot of women who profess to hate me. I've always thought they actually loved me. This proves my point.

One of the most painful experiences I know of is to be ignored. To walk down the street and feel invisible because everyone you pass is indifferent to your existence is crushing.

I'm so tempted towards more sarcasm. The only time I don't ignore people as I walk down the street is when I cruelly and coldly push them out of the way. /sarc

I have trouble taking the premise of such a book seriously, good premise for comedy though. Never been on either end of that situation that I know of. I've never walked down the street feeling invisible because everyone I pass is indifferent to my existence either.

Of course, such an incredibly handsome individual as myself hardly ever gets ignored. /sarc

5:04 PM, February 08, 2012  
Blogger Cham said...

When did introverts become so self-important? If you walk down the street and nobody pays attention to you it might be because people are lost in their own thoughts about their own problems. If you want attention, yes, you are going to have to say hello and start a conversation. Introverts, for some reason, think they shouldn't have to start conversations. People should know they are introverts and start conversation with them.

I read what Amazon had to say about this book and the reviews, and I don't get it. There is a coworker, her presence in the office annoys the author. He schemes, ruminates and decides she needs to die. Did Kelly Donohue do something to him? No, not that we can tell. The author wants to kill her because she is pretty and outgoing and he is an introvert. I haven't read the book but from what I can tell the author needs to get help and get a life.

6:27 PM, February 08, 2012  
Blogger TMink said...

Joe, a fine point and well made. Hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is. Your post reminded me of that and makes more sense of the love/hate thing.

If you add a heaping helping of abandonment fears, it makes a lot more sense that some people would rather travel that axis than be alone and unseen.

I appreciate what you added to my understanding of that pal.


9:42 AM, February 09, 2012  
Blogger TMink said...

Cham,you may be conflating lonliness with introversion. As an introvert myself, I need alone time to recharge my batteries and need less people time than my more extroverted wife.

But that quiet time for me is not lonely time, it is breathing time. Extroverts and introverts can be lonely, or not.

I wonder if introverts are more or less likely to be bothered by lonliness or the correlation is a wash.


9:45 AM, February 09, 2012  
Blogger LPF said...

Most people think of love and hate as opposites. They aren't. Really, love and hate are two sides of the same coin - forged of passion. If you aren't allowed to love someone (as in a crush), then hate is the next best thing. By professing hate, you can feel a little less pathetic about the unrequited love.

Footnote: the true opposite of love is apathy (what a crush is generally met with).

11:08 AM, February 09, 2012  

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