Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Isn't this Outrageous?

In a prior post, commenter titurator veritatis mentioned this Daily Mail article on "Erin Pizzey, founder of the battered wives' refuge, on how militant feminists - with the collusion of Labour's leading women - hijacked her cause and used it to try to demonise all men."

Men can be accused of violence towards their partners and sexual abuse without evidence. Courts discriminate against fathers and refuse to allow them access to their children on the whims of vicious partners.

Of course, there are dangerous men who manipulate the court systems and social services to persecute their partners and children. But by blaming all men, we have diluted the focus on this minority of men and pushed aside the many men who would be willing to work with women towards solutions.

I believe that the feminist movement envisaged a new Utopia that depended upon destroying family life. In the new century, so their credo ran, the family unit will consist of only women and their children. Fathers are dispensable. And all that was yoked - unforgivably - to the debate about domestic violence.

To my mind, it has never been a gender issue - those exposed to violence in early childhood often grow up to repeat what they have learned, regardless of whether they are girls or boys.

I look back with sadness to my young self and my vision that there could be places where people - men, women and children who have suffered physical and sexual abuse - could find help, and if they were violent could be given a second chance to learn to live peacefully.

I believe that vision was hijacked by vengeful women who have ghetto-ised the refuge movement and used it to persecute men. Surely the time has come to challenge this evil ideology and insist that men take their rightful place in the refuge movement.

We need an inclusive movement that offers support to everyone that needs it. As for me - I will always continue to work with anyone who needs my help or can help others - and yes, that includes men.

I was just at the gym watching Fox News discuss a case where a woman in Brooklyn is angry because a judge allowed her husband to build a wall in their home since they both wanted to live there. The couple have four children and the mother was on talking about how "the three older children agree with her that their father should be put out and the youngest has been brainwashed by the father." "Okay," I thought, "it's a possibility, but why air your dirty laundry on television which can cause more psychological harm to the kids and why is it the majority of the time women who are pouring their hearts out on these shows and always bad mouthing the fathers of their kids?" Or take a look at a recent story on Heather Mills, who initially set up a website attacking Paul McCartney for being an uncaring husband and father but then retracted it at the advice of her lawyers.

Isn't it time we took Erin Pizzy's advice and stopped allowing vengeful women and the courts who support them to get away with demonizing men? Families suffer when men are treated as second class citizens, not to mention the men themselves. Men are now involved with their families more than ever before, they deserve support for that, not constant abuse.


Blogger Gerald Hibbs said...

Howdy Helen, I'm glad you decided to highlight this article. After reading it I thought,"Wow, this column is going to be the talk of the 'shere." then was shocked upon searching Google to see that less than a dozen blogs had covered it.

This woman is the originator of the battered person shelter concept. If anyone has credibility to address the issues surrounding feminism surely it is she who has been in the trenches for 30 years. I think it is clear that the history books will focus on women like her and the type of women who gave her death threats will be but a cautionary tale.

12:03 PM, January 24, 2007  
Blogger Helen said...

Gerald Hibbs,

I thought this was an important article also but it seems that anything supportive of men rarely goes mainstream and anytime women have as much as a broken hangnail, the press goes crazy. For example, the little article at the NYT's about women not wanting to marry was big news and the top story of the day although I found the article too dull to blog about--sounded like a rehash of all the other articles I've read on the subject.

I admire women like Pizzy who are concerned about equality but it takes more than women like her or Cathy Young etc. Men themselves have to care about the difficulties other men have in the court systems and in the domestic violence arena--until then, the women and the men who wish to have sex with them--I mean support them--who believe that theirs is the only voice that matters will continue to erode the justice system and the rights of men within the family.

12:47 PM, January 24, 2007  
Blogger Peregrine John said...

It would be very helpful if men were not part of the problem. Not the criminal part (which goes without saying), but the part that cannot identify the difference between "be a man" and "be a doormat."

2:08 PM, January 24, 2007  
Blogger DRJ said...

Dr. Helen,

I agree with Gerald Hibbs that this subject is important, and I thank you for highlighting it.

It's ironic that the same people who are so willing to demonize men would cry foul if they ran into an organization that demonized blacks solely because of their skin color or Muslims because of their religion. They would complain, rightfully, that people should be judged for who they are and what they do, not because they are members of a particular group. Yet they willingly prejudge men based on their gender.

Are they hypocrites? Yes, of course, but worse yet is the pathetically sad fact that they have no clue how narrow-minded they are.

4:31 PM, January 24, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I could type for about an hour on this subject.

Long and short, my accuser was eventually diagnosed with mental illness, and is currently, well, not altogether important now. I was not guilty of the accusations, was not even in the same state at the times I was accused of what I was accused of. Friends, family, and neighbors who could back me up, were ignored.

NO ONE, absolutely NO ONE checked up on the accuser's stories, they just came after me. I lost my home, life savings, children, 25 year career, reputation. My credit is still non existant, and I am in the hole six figures, with no way clear at this time.

My incredible anger lies with my own lawyer and my accuser's lawyer (both of whom I was paying, and found eating lunch together) who walked away as soon as I was broke. (my lawyer would not even return my calls) The police, the medical professionals (ha!!) and the female judge presiding over the "case".

One by one, within days, my kids phoned me in tears "daddy, can I please come home?" I was puking blood before things got better. All my kids eventually were able to come back home, where they have (happily) been for years.

My accuser is mentally ill. What the hell is everyone else's excuse?

I am, by no means, the lone ranger. There are millions of men around the U.S. in the same boat. There are web sites devoted to father's rights. People I have told this to, do not believe things like this can truly happen. Only in the movies.

God, I'm shaking like all this was just yesterday. I would rather not have seen this post.

5:04 PM, January 24, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

First, sorry br549, that sounds awful. God bless and keep you.

Now I wonder how long before the first post accusing Helen of being a woman hater.


5:28 PM, January 24, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was asked to pay £3 and ten shillings as a joining fee, told to call other women "sisters" and that our meetings were to be called "collectives".
The rest, is herstory.
The expression "dupes" comes to mind

6:14 PM, January 24, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh poop,wrong format.

Please consider previous "hyper-link" a "quote".

6:19 PM, January 24, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


There is something you can do. You can look for other men to help. It will help oyu.

So often it is left up to the women in men's lives to protect them from other women. When are men going to take up thie share of the task?

What needs to be done? Laws that make perjury a major and crippling felony. Elimination of bigoted judges - there are disciplinary mechanisms. Exposure and elimination of weak, incompetent or unethical family lawyers - the internet is the prefect way to get their clientele to dry right up. You will certainly think of more.

For all the women who just don't get it, don't get how priveleged they are, wiht the expectation of cradle to grave financial support, all civil rights with no attendant liablity for military service, etc; and who choose to deride rather than understand why men are so fed up, there are millions more who are keenly aware of thes imbalances, because they see the men they love suffering under them.

10:55 PM, January 24, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dr Helen, you are awesome.

10:56 PM, January 24, 2007  
Blogger DADvocate said...

I've been a big Erin Pizzey fan for about 10 years. It's revitalizing for a man to read the works of this woman who can be a feminist and still be fair and like men at the same time. I found special meaning in her writings on emotional terrorists.

11:06 PM, January 24, 2007  
Blogger Meade said...

That section on The Emotional Terrorist should be required study in every high school Health and Sex Ed class.

12:11 AM, January 25, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


If your lawyer colluded with your false accuser's lawyer that is a special type of fraud - it's called "extrinsic fraud" or "fraud upon the court". Regardless of whether your lawyer colluded or not, it sounds like you may have a case for legal malpractice if this occurred fairly recently. (Or you discovered it fairly recently. Hiding fraud, malpractice, and other torts often tolls or delays the statute of limitations.)

Could you post some of the websites that are about cases similar to yours?

2:58 AM, January 25, 2007  
Blogger Mercurior said...

but its so hard, we have been told for 40 odd years we are scum, we are all rapists, etc.. the poor younger men 16 and under dont know the difference in the world how it was, and how it is.

a lot of mens rights activists are of a certain age, late 20's early 30's there are exceptions.

its unusual to find a young man or young woman, who has been taught to think beyond the obvious, they dont know the difference.

thats the biggest problem, they have been taught all men are rapists, or defective women, and if you say thats wrong, you get pilloried by them.

women who actually speak out against male abuse, like dr H, and erin get bullied by other women, and some men. its not fair, its not equal.

what can these men and women do, we can use the internet, where we can meet others, we can talk, discuss, and make a difference if in a small way, we want a big change right now but we will be content with a little change, which will lead to another and so on.

5:02 AM, January 25, 2007  
Blogger Helen said...


I think there are some changes going on. For example, when the Duke rape case broke, my heart sank, thinking that the male students would end up being jailed and when Nifong won the election, it seemed there was no jutice in the world. But look what happened. The case has basically collasped and Nifong will suffer some consequences for putting politics over fairness. That is some progress--there will be more if we all stay involved--and do not give up in disgust.

6:38 AM, January 25, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have learned, as the ex-president of Intel once said, "Only the paranoid survive."

anonymysto 2:58 A.M. - Google for the info. Start with fathers rights, follow the various links (until you are blue in the face). Place a pillow beneath the area on your desk where your jaw will land every time it drops. There will be many.

My personal experience has taught me to fear the system. All of it. I have become as invisible as possible. But one must press on. Again, long and short, (I'm sure all have read between the lines) I was married to my accuser for 20 years. I can't convey my initial shock and disbelief. The only person who has apologized - 10 years later.

I do not have the energy, damned sure don't have the money, to pick this back up. I'm in the corporate office of the company I now work for. There are no women in that office. Yeah, I know. Sad. I had nothing to do with it, but that's how it is.

jim 10:55 P.M. - Thanks for the info. It is my opinion, though, you are in the audience, and have not been on the stage. Forgive me if I am wrong, or have offended you. Hopefully, you do not own the t-shirt. Over 10 years have passed since this all began. Perhaps things have indeed changed. But the first sentence in the above paragraph lays out my view. I'm out, done. Because of my experience, everyone seems a Monday morning quarterback. Everyone has an answer, nobody has a plan. Here's what you need to do, now get in there and do it, man.

Regardless, I've three kids who need food, clothing, a roof over the head, and the need to know they are unconditionally loved. My needs are way in the back of the bus. And so far, forfeit.

A changed man? Bet your sweet bippy. Healthy outlook? Nope. Were I able to pursue my convictions, I'd be a hermit in a cave.

Last things... women are wonderful and wonderous humans. The ex is ill. Not her fault. It's the system, and those who allow it to be as it is, and made it as it is.

I gotta be done here. Sorry.

8:23 AM, January 25, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


I can understand how you may decide to let things go.

On the other hand if you're in the US you might be able to get an attorney to take the case on retainer.

For me when certain lines are crossed I will never let it go.

11:28 AM, January 25, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


You haven't said anything at all to offend me. For one thing, you are right, I am in the audience. But I have a son and I don't want him to have to live under this kind of legal regime, so I don't just let this stuff go.

I sure do understand how you would say you will fight no more forever. It's just that your set of facts amounts to such an effective weapon to rectify some of these conditions, that I thought I might say soemthing. But there's o shame in just trying to make the best life you can for yourself.

You have identified the real problem, not your poor ill ex-wife, bless her, but the system that so misread the situation in such a bigoted way.

11:47 AM, January 25, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oops, should be "contingency" rather than "retainer" above.

12:07 PM, January 25, 2007  
Blogger Mercurior said...

i may not be much good in standing in demonstrations, but i am good at talking, i talk and talk and talk, and then talk some more. just tiny little things will develop into a avalanche..

so i keep on talking and typing, i do my small tiny bit, if every man and woman who has suffered each talk to one person and get them to say hmmm thats interesting.. then it would all be much better a truer equal world..

3:45 PM, January 25, 2007  
Blogger Purple Avenger said...

One of my best friends was accused by his now ex-wife of abusing the child.

It was just a mechanism for her to avoid having to provide visitation rights which interfered with her various affairs with several other men going on right in front of the child.

He was told by lawyers this sort of thing happens all the time, and it is almost impossible to beat without spending vast sums of money, which he didn't have. The courts always favor the mother.

Against all legal advice to the contrary, he decided to pursue his case going it alone: pro-se. Nobody in the history of NT state had ever won an abuse/custody/visitation case like this representing themselves pro-se.

He was not a fool, he had a degree in theater (which proved very useful in a courtroom!), is very well spoken, did his homework, and followed all the right procedures.

He won his case, beat the bogus abuse rap, and got visitation rights to see his child. It was kind of inspirational to watch him go through all this and prevail in the end.

4:02 AM, January 26, 2007  
Blogger Mercurior said...

see it only takes one person like that friend of your purple, to make a change, then the next time it will be better and so on, men and men supporters just have to keep going on.. eventually things will change, but it can get a bit disheartening at times..

4:50 AM, January 26, 2007  
Blogger freelance radical said...

How much you want to bet that this husband watched the Toby Keith video in which he builds a brick wall between himself and his lady?

10:01 AM, January 30, 2007  
Blogger Unknown said...

Why the puzzlement over the lack of interest in this article?

Have you noticed the latest headline news regarding Iraq? "JUST PULL OUT" They're going to have demonstration.

Think of all the meanness, hostility, etc. is implied by that message to a great number of audiences; each one an intented target. Go watch the Lifetime channel.

It's a mantra now for society.
That article you quoted is 180 degrees off course.

10:58 AM, January 30, 2007  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with one comment. Fox News puts this kind of drivel up for their usual reason: they want to rile the extremes on both sides of their so-called "issue" and generate more viewers (as some websites do just to generate more traffic). There are kooks and crooks of both sex. So what else is new?

12:03 PM, January 31, 2007  
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