Score one for couples counseling

Blogger Stuart Schneiderman has a post entitled, "Does couples counseling work?" He mentions an article in Cosmo describing the advice given to split couple Madonna and Guy Ritchie:

Thanks to their counselor Madonna and Guy posted "a list of relationship guidelines" on the walls of their New York apartment. Of course, if you have children who can read or friends coming in and out, this is not a great idea.

Guy was instructed to "enrich his wife's spiritual and emotional well-being," and to study the Kabbalah with her. And both parties were told: "not to use sex as a stick to beat one another."

For my part I cannot even venture to guess whose stick was being used to beat on whom.

Be that as it may, the tenor of the advice tells me one thing: that Madonna was paying for it. I hate to attribute even unconscious venal motives to anyone, no less a professional, but the counselor's advice is clearly one-sided....

The counselor told Ritchie to serve his wife, to attend to her spiritual and emotional needs, and to worship with her at the same altar.

Perhaps that was just what he needed to see clearly what he had gotten involved in. Couples counseling helped Guy Ritchie to see the writing on the wall, and he decided to cut his losses. Score one for couples counseling.

Marriage therapy isn't always about staying together, sometimes it can help a lucky person like Guy realize that he is better off apart.

Some good news from the Madoff scandal (via Newsalert).

The Carnival of Homeschooling is up at the Why HomeSchool blog. My post on the double standard at school between boys and girls after sex in the stairwell is there in the section "Why people homeschool."

Should you throw a tantrum because you have to go to work?

Okay, this article (via Drudge) has to be the silliest things I've read this year (the year has just begun, I wonder what other nonsense is awaiting us). Anyway, the article says that if you feel stressed today about going back to work after the holidays, just throw a tantrum:

The end of the holidays, cold weather and economic gloom will make today one of the most stressful days of the year for returning to work.

But experts have come up with an unlikely remedy - throwing a tantrum.

'Releasing tension through shouting and screaming is a really beneficial way to expel the negative energies caused by stress,' said body language expert Judi James, the Big Brother psychologist.

I love the causes of work stress that a poll in the article found:

The advice comes as a survey reveals that people are most likely to be irritated by colleagues eating noisily (28 per cent), sniffing (26 per cent), talking too loudly on the phone (21 per cent) and even singing (5 per cent).

So, in response to these petty annoyances, one is to get angry and shout (luckily, the article does report doing so in a quiet place)? I hardly think this is sound psychological advice. Some of the commenters appear much more psychologically astute than the so-called expert Big Brother psychologist who (I think) incorrectly advocates a tantrum:

Oh how misunderstood this is. If anyone knew about human behaviour they would know that trying to vent stress or anger through shouting, screaming, throwing a tantrum or even using a punch bag will only result in you becoming more stressed and angry. If this was the case, Buddhists would be constantly shouting and punching walls. No, they relax and take deep breaths.

These so called experts need to get a grip on reality. Throwing tantrums & behaving badly is so 2008, get out & get some control over your life.

Screaming & shouting & behaving badly might de-stress you but it would not help those around you.

As for a tantrum they are for toddlers, which most of the adult population seem to behave like sometimes.

What is called for if one is upset at work might be assertiveness, not necessarily aggression. How about talking to the loud person on the phone and asking them to be a little less loud. Taking calm, deep breaths is relaxing and helpful--so is counting to ten. Taking a walk or clearing your mind is also good.

I don't understand encouraging people to engage in tantrums, it sounds like a recipe for increasing one's anger and frustration. It teaches nothing about self-control or problem solving and does not seem at all helpful. Or try reading a self-help book like Albert Ellis's How To Control Your Anger Before It Controls You before going into work, it just might have some better suggestions than the Big Brother psychologist noted in the article.

What do you do if stressed at work?

Library use booming

It seems that because of the economy, library use is booming (via Newsalert):

In the fast-paced, instant message, Internet era, public libraries have often struggled for attention from patrons. But with the economy sputtering, unemployment rising, and no relief in sight, Massachusetts libraries, long the victim of budget cuts, are busier than ever before, said Robert Maier, director of the state Board of Library Commissioners.

Attendance is surging. Check-out rates are soaring. At some libraries, circulation - the number of items checked out in a given month - is up as much as 33 percent since last summer. And for the unemployed, libraries have become something like an office, with computers, Internet access, and even classes that teach how to write a r??sum?? and peddle it online. In a tough time, it seems, people are returning to a place where whispering trumps shouting and no credit card is necessary. At the library, just about everything is free.....

And without the library, Kathleen Foster, a mother of two, would still be spending a lot of money on books.

"In the past, I would take the girls to Borders, or Barnes & Noble, and let them pick out a book," said Foster one day last week, walking the aisles of the Thomas Crane Public Library in Quincy with her daughters, Abigail, 8, and Clare, 6. "I just don't do that now. We come here instead."

So, I wonder if book sales are down at Borders or Barnes & Noble as a result? I read recently that Amazon sales are up, but then, they sell much more than books.

77% of Americans blame the media for making the economic situation worse

It appears I'm not the only one who thinks the media is feeding the economic problems in this country; 77% of my fellow Americans feel this way according to a new poll conducted by Opinion Research Corporation :

Seventy-seven percent of Americans believe that the U.S. media is making the economic situation worse by projecting fear into people's minds [emphasis mine].

The majority of those surveyed feel that the financial press, by focusing on and embellishing negative news, is damaging consumer confidence and damping investment, making a difficult situation much worse. The poll was conducted via telephone, December 4 - 7.

The US survey of 1000 adults was conducted by Opinion Research Corporation and is statistically representative of the total U.S. population. The survey question: "Do you think the financial press is making the economic crisis worse by projecting fear into people's minds?" While the overall response indicated that 77% of Americans answered YES, here are highlights of note: Household Incomes: $25k - $35k -- 79% answered YES $35k - $50k -- 88% answered YES $50k - $75k -- 76% answered YES $75k - more -- 78% answered YES Demographics: 85% of young adults (18-24 yrs old) answered YES 77% of males and females alike answered YES 65% of blacks answered YES

I wonder what the economic situation would look like without the media hype?

Political intolerance at the New School

I was dismayed to read about a protest at my Alma mater, The New School for Social Research. It seems that Bob Kerrey, the president, is not sufficiently lefty enough for the school:

Mr. Kerrey has clashed with some professors since the day of his appointment as the New School’s president, with complaints that he lacks a Ph.D. and that his politics —particularly his early support for the Iraq war — were too moderate for the unabashedly liberal campus.

It seems that the intolerant students have joined their professors in protest-- but rather than settle things peacefully, they chase, taunt and throw things at a crippled man:

A little after 11:30 p.m., Mr. Kerrey emerged from a university building on Fifth Avenue south of 14th Street to a sea of a few hundred protesters chanting for his resignation. As Mr. Kerrey walked down Fifth Avenue toward 12th Street, about 30 protesters began following him, some of them shouting insults.

As the crowd’s pace quickened, so did Mr. Kerrey’s. Then, Mr. Kerrey, who lost a part of his leg in Vietnam and wears a prosthesis, broke into a run. The protesters gave chase. Mr. Kerrey turned left on a cross street and ducked into a brownstone.

At some point in the confrontation, a protester threw a tomato at Mr. Kerrey.

I must say that I was not impressed with the political tolerance at the time I went to graduate school there and now, I am less so. I hope these cowardly students rot in hell.

Here is video of the students insulting Kerrey--honestly, they look and sound more laughable and silly then anything else:

Are economic woes as much perception as reality?

On CNBC and other stations I have watched lately, the news is typically that the economy in 2009 will begin to improve. This, after months prior to the election of harping on the horrible economic situation. Now, most Americans under 70 apparently think that 2008 was the worst year they have ever seen economically.

Yet, whenever I talk to people, they always tell me that they, themselves are doing fine. I realize this is anecdotal but it left me wondering if at least a portion of the economic doom and gloom is caused by perception, not reality. For example, in a "Wealth survey" conducted by CNBC on why people were spending less at the holidays--many of the reasons struck me as perception as opposed to current reality. Here are the findings:

Very few consumers cite lack of access to credit as a reason for why they plan to spend less this holiday season:

Will spend less due to inflation: 26%

Will spend less to save more: 20%

Will spend less due all the talk about the economy: 19%

Will spend less due to uncertainty about the future: 17%

Will spend less due to loss / risk of loss of jobs: 16%

Will spend less due to having trouble paying current bills: 15%

Will spend less due to lack of access to credit: 1%

Okay, the inflation argument doesn't hold up too well currently-- lots of prices have fallen, not risen, such as gas and home prices. The Consumer Price Index fell in November by 1.7% so that would mean that deflation may be the problem, not inflation. Yes, prices were up in the summer but they seem to have come down and deflation is the issue for the moment. In addition, a full 19% of people are spending less due to talk about the economy, no doubt coming from the media and 17% are spending less due to uncertainty about the future, again driven most likely by the negative media talk prior to, and after the election.

Note that only 15% are spending less because they are having trouble paying bills and only 1% due to lack of credit so the credit crisis doesn't seem to have much to do with it--despite all the talk about it.

Has the media produced a self-fulfilling prophecy by going so negative? I think that partly, yes. I see news shows now trying to talk up the turnaround in 2009 (maybe because the election is over?) but they have scared people to the point that they don't want to spend, even if things are looking up. Will this change? Maybe, but sometimes, fear and panic can cause the very situation the government is now trying to prevent. I hope people figure this out.

Happy New Year! I had a great 2008 and am hoping 2009 is even better. Despite all the panic in the media, it's important to remember how much we actually do have.