and is a renowned expert in emotions research and nonverbal communication. I have his book and have used it in my work often, it is terrific if you are a layperson or professional and want to learn more about the clues to deceit. However, I have to ask: do people really lie three times per ten minute conversation? That really seems extreme. I suppose it depends if you call an exaggeration a lie. People probably exaggerate all the time but flat out lies this often? What do you think? Do you lie in almost every conversation that you have? I don't think I do but perhaps I am just naive about what constitutes a lie.
Three times in ten minutes only seems possible if little white lies are being considered. And, like Miss Manners, I consider these types of lies crucial to civilization. If a friend looks like hell but you tell her that her dress is lovely, you might help turn her lousy day into a good one.
ReplyDeletedo people really lie three times per ten minute conversation?
ReplyDeleteOnly if the truth ain't working.
I've always meant to tell you that I love your name, Joan!
ReplyDeleteIt has to be including white lies and exaggeration, no one can lie that often.
I'm with Kimberly on this one.
ReplyDelete"New car? I like it. Nice looking. Wish I had one."
Three lies right there. The car's OK but I don't "like" it. Actually I think the styling is stodgy. Don't wish I had one. I really want a 4-door quad cab pick-up truck.
"...do people really lie three times per ten minute conversation?"
ReplyDeleteThe average person, probably not.
The average politician, certainly.
Remind me of the absurd claim that men think about sex something ridiculous, like 70 times a minute. In either case, how can anyone count this stuff?
ReplyDeleteWT hit the nail in the head. Politicians skew the numbers to far to one end that the average appears high.
ReplyDeleteWhen faced with a question like this, do a Bill Clinton: "Define 'lie'."
ReplyDeletePeople project all sorts of faces and mild deceptions in the pursuit of their interests as well as social harmony. We all advocate our own goals ideals.
ReplyDeleteRead more on this here: http://alphadominance.com/?p=390
OK, fine. I admit it. br549 is not my real name.
ReplyDeleteI can't really wrap my head around this. Perhaps if someone played back (or handed me a transcription) of my conversations I'd be enlightened, but I don't think so.
ReplyDeleteDADvocate: "New car? Congratulations! How does it handle? I've been thinking about getting a new one myself. Which ones didn't make the cut?"
There's the same conversation in zero ;-)
I rarely lie. Some is due to my ethics, but the rest is because I'm really bad at it. (I can't count the times I've gotten in deep trouble at various jobs because of this. I've learned to tell my hiring managers in the job interview that if they ask me a question, I'll tell them what I believe to be the truth. If they don't want to hear that, don't ask. Yet, by some compulsion managers will still ask, I'll answer and they'll get upset.)
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's necessary to lie at all. People should try offering accurate information diplomatically and arguing their points effectively. That's what they get from me and what I expect to get from them.
ReplyDeletewhen i heard this that was what i immediately thought: "what are they calling a lie?" if its an exaggeration or even a joke or sarcasm than i could believe it. but otherwise it seems a bit outrageous.
ReplyDeleteMostly they are referring to social white lies.
ReplyDeleteHow are you doing today? "Great!"
What do you think of my purse? "Lovely!"
Is my ass fat in these pants? "No way baby!"
What are you thinking? "Nothing..."
Egregious lies are far more rare, but if we went through life telling people they are full of shit, look like crap, are interested in things we find banal, or have dog breath, the world would be a far less functional place.
Blessings to you as you read this, I thought I’d weigh in on the discussion and share my ten cents worth. Yes I do believe it is possible to lie 3 times per ten minutes. The reason people find it difficult to believe Ekman’s statistic is due to the way lies are defined. In my experience/observation I have found that there is a hierarchy for lies, yes a hierarchy.
ReplyDeleteThere are …..The lies by omission, Story telling Lies, The well intentioned lies, the excuse lies (affords people a strategy out), the employee lies (playing hooky), the running late lies, the stalling lies and the anxiety lies. All of which to some extent are considered relatively harmless and runs in the everyday conscious and unconscious stream of thinking so much so that often many have justification for telling the whoppers. This rationalization such as ‘I wanted to spare his/her feelings’, ‘what’s the harm in making him/her feel good’, ‘what he/she doesn’t know won’t hurt him/her, has become so interwoven into our everyday lives that they have become normalized and for the most part considered benign.
On the other hand when the lies take on a deviant path into the willfully manipulative, psychological and pathological with serious consequences leading to loss of fortune, bodily harm and death then heads is raised, moral judgments are cast and retribution is expected.
The point is unless people are willing to be consciously mindful of what comes out of their mouths and hold themselves accountable then statistic such as these will seem surprising and absolutely ridiculous.
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